bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №115740
 06.07.2015
Nishka: OtherY: in the sims4 you can open a store and sell there everything in general. So I caught up with a Jew who lived in a park, gathering all kinds of shit and pushing it away.
OtherY: Nishka: I’ve seen something called art, and it’s sold in galleries.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №115739
 06.07.2015
by Kaatula:
The idea of a “smart home” for Russia was formulated.
Necessary functionality, in models existing on the market, not implemented at all.
This "smart home" should be able to either via the Internet or, preferably, by a railway signal from the owner's car approaching the house, to turn the configuration under the pot with water.
So that by the arrival of the owner in the house already had hot water and it was possible to wash.
The functionality is up to two or three weeks a year, but it will be extremely, extremely in demand.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №115738
 06.07.2015
The Witnesses of Jehovah? It’s not fashionable and not shit at all. I present to you a new wave - the sect of GMO witnesses.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №115737
 06.07.2015
About Siberia and the gloves hanging on the fence:
Siberians are a good people in their main mass. Indeed, you can see a lot of shells, gloves, and sometimes hats hanging in the most noticeable places so that the owner can find his thing and warm up.
He himself repeatedly picked up child gloves and hanged them on the branches of trees at an altitude at which the child could easily remove them. A couple of times he found things and his son, who patiently waited hanging off the road for a couple or three days.
But one day I hanged for a few seconds. And it was until I realized that I was passing through the windows of a house where people hang out clothes. Men and women were lying in front of me.
Everyone is happy and your kids don’t get cold.

[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №115736
 06.07.2015
After viewing the new "Jurassic Park":
-This is interesting why in the film directly stated that thanks are the coolest and most reliable cars, and to inform the company of the shoe manufacturer on the heels of the main heroine did not bother. They stood with titanium supinators, other than to explain the fact that the protagonist ran on these cables for two days in the jungles and woods, and the cables survived...

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №115735
 06.07.2015
There are no things that cannot be repaired, there are things that need to be thrown away.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №115734
 06.07.2015
There was a lecture on venereal diseases at the school. The doctor was forty-five years old. At the beginning of the lecture he asked
Which Venereal Disease is the Most Dangerous?
The last part: Pregnancy.
The doctor was not confused.
A: Fuck it right! The second in danger?? to
Class 10 minutes could not calm down.

[ + 38 - ] Comment quote №115733
 06.07.2015
He left the big one under his window. I live on the third floor. In an hour I went out to smoke, and please. Some pepper had already finished cutting the steel wire with a gas cutter that prevented my bicycle from making it. What a area. I had seconds at my disposal. They could be used differently. For example, turn to the pepper, calling with good words to his conscience. Or scream the guard! Enjoying the neighbors. I chose another, the watermelon lying on the window. He targeted quickly, but carefully. He got into the bowl, a juicy crumble broke out. I ran down, cold at once from two terrifying guesses—that the watermelon was either too hard or too soft. The second seemed to bother me more, because I jumped down the stairs not just so, but armed the first one that got under my hand. A hammer for breaking meat. On one side a hammer, on the other a hammer.

Arduino was right. When I ran out of the entrance, like the hell out of the tobacco, the guy was still alive. Morgal from under oatmeal flour, relentlessly relying on the asphalt. His eyes were Tom. But he needed to see my cooking tools - where it came from. The world record of sprint and vocals from the appearance of a miserable, crushed creation. I ran after him for a couple of quarters, waving with a towel and willing to share thoughts. Particularly succeeded my joke about the gas cutter and its eggs. Then he went away to a distant distance. Here I realized that doing all I had time to promise to this fool is not mine. He was upset and did not come back in a hurry. There were sirenes around. As it turned out later, there were a lot of calls that a crazy man with a tail is chasing a bloody victim :)

Here is something else. Does anyone know how to use a trophy gas cutter in the farm?

[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №115732
 06.07.2015
The year 2043. Skynet sends the Terminator into the past to kill the authors of the third and subsequent parts of Terminator.

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №115731
 06.07.2015
But I will take responsibility and say not only for myself:
We heterosexuals, let’s go. But the pedestrians see jealousy that gay men can get married, and they do not.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №115730
 06.07.2015
Examples of obsessive marketing:

XX: Hello to you! We are not acquainted!) My name is X. Do you know where to celebrate your birthday?
Hi :) I think I’ll smell on my birthday. Work full, deadline on the nose.
XX: I have a good offer!) Next Saturday we will open a new Tuscany Veranda on the roof at Pushkin!! There will be a great program of many performances and surprises!)) Let us celebrate I will make you a birthday table cheaper))
Wow, thank you very much! I won’t go to Moscow :)
A day later
XX: I have a good offer!) Next Saturday we will open a new Tuscany Veranda on the roof at Pushkin!! There will be a great program of many performances and surprises!)) Let us celebrate I will make you a birthday table cheaper))
UU: XX, I write in Russian: I will not go to Moscow))
XX: Hello to you!!) Will you be at the opening today? :)
Chukcha is not a reader, Chukcha is a writer? and :(

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №115729
 06.07.2015
xxx: and give up sex because I consider myself a crazy pot.
XXX: The Bad Witch
Yyy: Almost started to google who is Dyrna Krodinoz

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №115728
 06.07.2015
An advertisement from Google: the book "SolidWorks - design of project documentation". With the tag "18+". It seems to me that even contextual advertising professionals are beginning to guess the essence of the work on the ECSD.

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №115727
 06.07.2015
She: What are you doing?
It is a cabbage tofu.
For the first time in my life, Ferguson
Are you cooking cabbage? What is complicated there?
They are not pigeons.
He: When you fuck for the first time, it doesn’t seem to be difficult either.
He: But it is somewhat exciting!

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №115726
 06.07.2015
The ideal ruler in the idea of our contemporary is a hybrid of Lincoln and Hitler, who would have iron hand and mass shootings for human rights and personal freedoms.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №115725
 06.07.2015
Yesterday I took Viagra and everything got to its place.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №115724
 06.07.2015
The case was in winter. The man came to pay for a macau, opened the window and there to him from the roof splashed sougrob, right into the car. While waiting for the manager (well, it is not known what to do to the employee in such a situation), another fell, all the same in the open window. The manager came and asked the only question: "Will you pay?"

[ + 19 - ] Comment quote №115723
 06.07.2015
China City Report:
What happened in China and the West?
= = = is = is = is = is = is
There were 13 people (waiting until 7 p.m.), the lady was more, sat on a pool in the park and then went to worsen in the bar. There are 2 pairs)
-------------------------------------
She arrived at 18:30, walked around both stations and found no one. I think "there and back" characterizes me not exactly as I imagined)

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №115722
 06.07.2015
All the wisdom of the world is in the Internet.
In addition to making a search request.

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №115721
 06.07.2015
Do you know which Bluetooth headset is really convenient?
The one you go to shower with. = = (

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