bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №116560
 27.07.2015
with geektimes, discussing network audiofile cable for $10,000:
xxx: The section should be sufficient and copper, not guano. I think everything else is evil until they prove the opposite.
For example, JREF has announced that it is ready to pay a million dollars to anyone who can distinguish an expensive cable from the usual. Something so far desired has not been found even among those who state that they unambiguously hear the difference, more air in the scene, outlined articulation, and so on.
YYY: Yeah, so why didn’t the desired ones be found? What’s there if you can’t guess?
zzz: Loss of the reputation of a specialist on virgin sores in electrolytes)

[ + 18 - ] Comment quote №116559
 27.07.2015
I decided to make a little blend. At the table with his wife and aunt.
Q: How many more hidden talents do you have?
I: Let go, just a couple of eggs.
An uncomfortable pause.

[ + 38 - ] Comment quote №116558
 27.07.2015
My son is crying. My husband is going to work. He comes out, dressed in yellow pants, a gray shirt, a black vest and a yellow collar with pandas. He looks at his son and says:
Son, what are you so serious about?

[ + 46 - ] Comment quote №116557
 27.07.2015
And then... oxygen. On the submarine, the submarines inhale the same air that they exhale, only the carbon dioxide is removed from it and, by the oxygen distributors, oxygen is added. 19 percent is strict. Not twenty-one, as in the atmosphere, but nineteen. Have you ever breathed nineteen percent oxygen? And the month? And two? And three? Imagine a body that has breathed twenty-five years of its life with twenty-one percent oxygen, and then Bach – and you are nineteen. In the air you breathe out, by the way, it is seventeen. Oh, well you think, two percent, all, some of you will say so. But when after a month of underwater position, you get up and breathe the air, then in the same second you become naturally drunk. Not in the sense that in shit, but as if a gram of two hundred vodka was terrified. You are standing, your feet are shaking, your fingers are trembling, and you smile like a fool and look around, and there are a hundred other fools around you who are smiling like you and looking at you like a fool. You say love.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №116556
 27.07.2015
It is...


How then do I have a bathroom and a toilet in the different ends of the apartment in Khrushchev?
= = = = = = = = =
You do not have a chestnut.

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №116555
 27.07.2015
How is our project?
The programmer: Drowned in the stream of new super-super-extra-mega-sock-term tasks that rush every day like the "balls" of a goat from under the tail.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №116554
 27.07.2015
Normal people can always find a reason to drink, for example: just so.

[ + 27 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №116553
 27.07.2015
Still, a long life together contributes to some mutual understanding.
Did you see where this thing is?
and there!
Oh thank you.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №116552
 27.07.2015
The heat-sweetening smell in the cabin of the aircraft has captivated me since I was a child. Growing up and learning. The cockpit does not smell like that. It was the smell of blueberry. The intrigue is broken, what to do?

[ + 25 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №116551
 27.07.2015
Shortly before the release of the film, Pixels began to fancy old-school games — not so much in terms of the process of the game, as in terms of the history of the video game industry in general. Finally, I went to a movie that went very well. Looking at the bulging cubes and the volume figures composed of them, the whole film whispered: "This is not pixels, it is voxels!... Normal people have not heard of such a thing at all, but I am sitting and I understand that the idea itself was distorted by this. After all, a pixel is a square, an element of a two-dimensional object, and a cube is an element of a three-dimensional object, it is a voxel! And the whole film all objects are voluminous, no one went into a two-dimensional world!

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №116550
 27.07.2015
A politician who divides a country into two camps must be in a camp.

[ + 43 - ] Comment quote №116549
 27.07.2015
We take an EKG. The device feeds in the rhythm of the heartbeat. Suddenly the whisper stops - the battery seats.
I am :
All is dead.
I had to see the patient’s face.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №116548
 27.07.2015
Girls in note...
How to get married quickly:
1st Put the sofa next to the TV and the socket.
2nd Put a beer next door.
Three Drain the food.
4 is Open the door to the apartment.
5 is to wait.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №116547
 27.07.2015
Tell them what they expect to write on dating sites and other resources instead of the standard "Hi, how do you do?"? What do you need to write to indicate that you are ready to communicate?! to
= is
"Hello, how do things?" the phrase is normal (if there are no errors). However, some girls want to get a lot of vicious compliments. Such can be easily identified by the number and content of the photo (chicken butt mushrooms, etc.).) is
If you’ve answered your "Hello", don’t ask "Can you get acquainted?". You will already get to know. You put yourself in the brake. If in the questionnaires the name of both is indicated, it is not worth writing "Hello, I am xxx, but what is your name?"
carefully look at the photos, ask where it was she rested, or on what occasion such a chic bouquet was presented, or did she grow such a beautiful bloom herself. It turns out that you are interested not only in the girl itself, but also in her world.
Do not call for a meeting and do not try to find out the phone in the first messages. may decide that on the first date you will pull into bed and generally maniac some.
Advice: your photo with a cat or dog is a reason to write to you. Start dating, not roaring the crown.
All of Love!
Let’s all hope we finally find a half.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №116546
 27.07.2015
<Zayats> There are a lot of companies in Kuban for breeding strawberries, but something is not visible on the shelves, but it is also an ecologically clean beast. Their eggs are sold with delicacies, and meat has not been seen at all.
<Angelofnet> Zayats: The straws can’t just catch up to hit meat. No need to catch the eggs.

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №116545
 27.07.2015
I see, wandering dogs are very gastronomically attracted to all kinds of fools. Per they have more delicious meat than ordinary people, who do not constantly go to all kinds of landfills, and if they have to visit such a place, then they do not go there alone?
This is one of the most important aspects of the world.
by Tula.
Tulachermet, lower passages In 2002-2005, someone regularly hid from a bunch of kind and harmless dogs in the ATM chamber. I don’t know, I resigned.
It is energy. 2011 to 2012. At the exit from the territory of the prombase, the workers regularly flattered from 3 good and harmless by all kinds of means. With the guard feeding the dogs, several times they barely got to fight.
The Combination Factory. A few months ago. At the parking lot in front of the passengers a few kind and harmless rushed to each car and entering-out of them. And yes, usually these tails are quietly lying in front of the passers... What a bit of money in their dog brains that day came in – I hz... But I barely had time to remove my foot in the car – the teeth were almost knocking on the shoe.

And I think a lot of people working in the industry can give such examples. You, the office residents of business centers, this is not known, apparently...

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №116544
 27.07.2015
I like to go English.
Sasha: Woow, “Oh, nihuya to myself, my bus!” is not in English

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №116543
 27.07.2015
Discussions of the menu of the network "Teramics":
XXX: see, food for айтишников - "iBlin with condensed milk" and "Email with mushrooms in cream".
yyy: iBlin is the sound that a chicken makes when a yoblock falls on the asphalt.
zzz: I am more stressed "Iliya Muromets with a buzz under the fuck"

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №116542
 27.07.2015
I lived with my future husband in the town. On the day of filing the application to the ZGS decided to note this case, invited a neighbor (a guy of our approximately years, a single) for a tea drink.

The communal kitchen. My husband goes with a cooking cup, I go into the oven to get the ready cake, I burn on the wall and blaspheme: "Now!" Man (with an innocent look, instantly):

Did you call me?! to

The neighbor then said he probably won’t get married, and he has been keeping his promise for five years.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №116541
 27.07.2015
We lose weight, try to stick to healthy food.
They went with him to the shopping center on the sidewalk, holding hands. A group of young boys and girls in red, waving flags, among them a huge chicken doll. I immediately guessed - in the shopping center opened KFC, it is their advertising campaign wandering through the streets. They get closer, and my programmer-husband algorithmically pulls me into the bushes, from the procession path.
The promoters shout after us:
Do not run! Wait to!
I am running:
You will make us fat again!! Let us run faster!! to

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