bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 52 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №50689
 23.07.2011
Now the knife fell on the foot with a sharp end, so there were no scratches on the foot. Another would go to the church to pray, and I would go to the store to buy a new knife, or it would get dull.

[ + 42 - ] Comment quote №50688
 23.07.2011
On an English-language website:
What's your job? What work would you like to do?

Answer to:
I am a pitcher of shit. One day I walked around the city and drank a bunch of whales. Later I found a $100 note on the floor, and I realized that they were being paid for that work. Since then, I have been working as a pine worker.

[ + 77 - ] Comment quote №50687
 23.07.2011
I go out in the morning, and at night there was a strong wind, before entering as always a lot of cars, a bunch of different foreign cars and in the middle of Kalina and on the roof a huge tree which fell at night so that the bottom of the car on the asphalt, and the wheels in different directions.
The owner of the car stands next to him and loudly says: “Even God against the domestic automotive industry!”
None of the cars parked nearby were injured.

[ + 72 - ] Comment quote №50686
 23.07.2011
I am the Head of Design at an advertising agency.
Ordinary Monday night. Nothing predicts a slowly but relentlessly emerging idiotism.
Making the machete crazy. Here the gentleman stands up from behind the table and lies with a note on the carpet. Strange, well okay though. Within 5 minutes, a colleague turns on Irish music and is gone! All the offices, including the client who came to the agreement on the project, danced Jiga. I love my job!

Z is. Wait for news from the fields. For stupidity is endless.

[ + 45 - ] Comment quote №50685
 23.07.2011
from ZH:
I roll out, I mean, in the corner, in the square, where there is usually no one in the morning, I get the headphones... And suddenly I realize that half the man is running out of the bottom of the house. Half naked and beautiful. From the effect of a slight surprise I publish AAAAAAAAAA!
The man also publishes AAAAAAAAAAAA, because he did not see me and disappears. In the basement window, it appeared. Then again appears his half, who supports his head with his hand and asks, "Girl, what are you eating?"
Centaurus, I guess, is a man above, and a house below! Chase charms and seduces, you need to pick up your garbage bag and take your feet away!")
What... What are you doing?
You are the first to start!
And I can think, every day I have men out of the house! You may have been... cut off!
She picked up a bag of garbage and left. With the head raised, of course.

[ + 113 - ] Comment quote №50684
 23.07.2011
"Listen, your boy came to me, everything was repaired and everything was done, and how do you know him?"? to
M is? Why to you?
-Well, how to say, when my mom at home bushes that I drop under the evening, small arranges some understandable only to her sabantuy, and I can not even go in the shower... and here he, coming to my mom from the threshold gives ice cream, small psp swung up, sat behind the computer. there is a shaman, I quickly in the shower, and when I got out there is not... and he smooked my T-shirt I prepared for the exit. Give me his phone number!!! to
You both, he and he, he argued with me that you will ask for his phone number first, and I know you and your talent to advance.... challenged him three cleaning genes in his apartment(((( you have his phone, and I'll tell him what I'll say!and (

Diaiim, you’re named Dima, I remember :) Come again = )

[ + 65 - ] Comment quote №50683
 23.07.2011
I sit with my grandmother drinking tea.
What is the name of tea?
And she immediately starts reading from the label: Lip-ton.
I: It is Haley! How can you read "Lipton"?! to
B: How, how... Without glasses!!

[ + 59 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №50682
 23.07.2011
I work in the accounting department. The institutions.
We have a wonderful proga called "Astral report" abbreviated Astral.
We sit and work, the head of the bow approaches and says, "" and let's go into the astral."
I hear it once every 100th and still every time to tears.

[ + 37 - ] Comment quote №50681
 23.07.2011
Wisdom is the ability to live with something that cannot be thrown out the window.

[ + 64 - ] Comment quote №50680
 23.07.2011
For a month as my home phone number got into the phone base of some building organization. At first I tried to protest and proved that it was a mistake – useless. Now I have reconciled and successfully participated in the technological process. Here is the call today:
What to do with cement?
Load out...

[ + 50 - ] Comment quote №50679
 23.07.2011
Chapaeva was elected president in 2012 and Petka was made prime minister.

He fought – Vasily Ivanovich fought with corruption: and freedom is better than non-freedom – he said, and civil society – he created, and ments into ponts – he renamed, and Skolkovo – modernized, and nothing is done with him:(. They steal! Even more than before. Moreover, it is now virtually not necessary to sit on economic articles.
Chapaev was tired, disappointed and went to his friends Angel to complain about the Russian people, and left Petka for himself.
He returns in a month, and can not be delighted - officials are polite, do not take bribery, work quickly and carefully. The haishniks do not collect bubbles on the bushes, but on the crossroads with sticks - the traffic jams are pushed. The generals do not give the hands of the soldiers build, and on the fields run.
Soldiers are attacking. Doctors do the operation for free, and in the sight of puffy envelopes are hidden in the office and locked on the key. And the people, along with the OMON sheep, every Saturday go out for concerted demonstrations – wishing long years of power. The beauty!
Chapaev then summoned to himself Petka, hugged, kissed, a shirt from the presidential shoulder, brought from the Netherlands, gave and awarded the greatest order. Well, now, says the former Petka, how you have achieved in a month what I have not been able to in all the years! Give out, says Pete, your military secret!
- Yes, I have no military secret, Vasily Ivanovich, I am a man.
I know nothing about freedom and non-freedom, debt with credit.
I am confused, but here with the machine gun Maxim – I am managed in perfection! Therefore I
Just ordered in each institution to put two machine guns Maxim.
full of boxes of tape and almost where someone does not want to live honestly -
The next, the next!
The young pet! Continue on. Only one thing I didn’t understand –
Why two bullets?
- Yes, I tried to do one thing, Vasily Ivanovich, but not friendly - all
Time is overheating!

[ + 73 - ] Comment quote №50678
 23.07.2011
Wait, don’t be in a hurry, we don’t even meet you.
He: It can be corrected.
She: Do you suggest me to meet?
He: That kind of
She: OK, I agree
He was chased.

[ + 60 - ] [4 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №50677
 23.07.2011
Girls and boys! And let each one connect his life only with one person, but the best, not with a few, but so to himself.

[ + 58 - ] Comment quote №50676
 23.07.2011
Do you have a Twitter?
She: No, I am not your president.

[ + 53 - ] Comment quote №50675
 23.07.2011
A woman presented her passport to me. Her name is Blacherova. 40+ years of life with her. Poor children, poor teachers and teachers.

[ + 74 - ] Comment quote №50674
 23.07.2011
The forum. Talk about dogs sucking on motorcycle wheels:

You have to ride on your wheels, then the animal will understand that the machine is not his territory.
yyy: A good way. By the way, it is believed that before the trip you need to urinate on the wheel, then the trip will be successful. Even Gagarin is said to urinate on the wheel of the bus before flight
zzz: In India, a richer who I knew swallowed his left leg for happiness.

[ + 70 - ] Comment quote №50673
 23.07.2011
and Kira. Everyone in our childhood was afraid of something, the darkness, someone in the closet, the half-open bathroom, the closet, or something under the bed.
So here’s what I’m doing, kind of grown up, the fears have forgotten!Night, I wake up from the heat, I go to drink water in the darkness, after done I go back to the room, I go to the bed...and something clings to my foot from under it, that with such anxiety...I sat down for a fraction of a second...and only a few minutes later I remembered that I had a CAT...

[ + 62 - ] Comment quote №50672
 23.07.2011
Katya: One guy in the subway gave me a seat this morning. I think all day that something is wrong with me.
Per he thought you were pregnant?
Katya: Yes, or that my chest looks better from the top!)))

[ + 92 - ] Comment quote №50671
 23.07.2011
To the surprise of Avon, the most popular answer to the question "What soap are you using?" turned out to be "Gmail"

[ + 63 - ] Comment quote №50670
 23.07.2011
by 2220 Volt
I didn't buy the rights I handed over myself, and in Gay I didn't pay anything myself from the first times I handed over, but I still drive like shit. apparently the grandmothers are not allowed to drive normally

218 people liked it

by kirr75
by 2220volt
Your comment is recognized as the best.

Liked by 77 users

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