Today in the women's collective discussed who feeds the husbands.

One of the employees proudly said, “Well, what we eat, we also give him!”

I had a friend who I would call the light. The light in general, a person is very complex, like a Rubik's cube on 200 sides. However, there were puzzle lovers) Here is one such lover, after six months of relationship, gave her the phrase: I will love you no matter what. Light perceived this as a call to action, after a couple of days decided not to return to their common apartment for the night, stayed with her mother (it is by the way a fact). Returning the next evening, she entered the apartment with a happy face, and when asked where Light was walking, the girl replies: I was with another guy. Well, this amateur, quietly gathers her pieces (living in the apartment he removes), takes the lady and carries her with things to go out. This beautiful woman, let’s cry and pray that this was just a test of whether he really loved her as he said, and in fact she was with her mom. But he was no longer interested in where she was and what tests were.

If a person is too warmly thankful for a service, it means that he will now ask for another service.

Services of Trucks
The customer asked to throw the old sofa to the garbage. Long standing for the price. He thought that 400 rubles was very much for me to carry the couch in parts.
I have a third floor, a landfill nearby. Make a discount!
Half a drop. Because of the fact that it was possible to get to his address on his two quickly, rather than going to the other end of the city.
I stored a broken couch at the entrance to then take it to the garbage.
When I pulled out the last remains, the employer hired me money. I couldn’t count them as the door of the apartment clogged.
He had 200 rubles in his hands. He did not respond and threatened to call the police. Neighbors joined him who, not knowing the whole story, could have done the same. I came out of the entrance. The first thought is to leave the couch.
Uncomfortable somehow. People will walk, they will stumble. I just decided to move him aside.
A book fell out of the couch. I took her in hand. Dostoevsky, “The Idiot”
Well, who else am I, once I accepted this order. Opened the book. And right on the first pages found a five thousand note.
and smiled. Well, in principle, you can bring the couch to the landfill for such money.

Introverts are like slow websites. They may be the coolest site in the world, but usually people don’t wait so long for them to open up.
Extroverts are like pop-up windows that fuck you close.

xxx: I was at the interview and at the end the interviewer asked, ‘Fast, what is my name?’ I answered. Then I said, “Fast, what is my name?” He did not know and was angry. I laughed. Then he was very angry.

I have long fingers on my feet. And I’ve always thought, is Nafta for me? Until then, he was lying in a hospital bed with bars in his back. I always fall asleep a long time, struggling a long time. And then the legs themselves grabbed the stucco with a dead grip and... I quickly and sweetly fell asleep!

Thank you, grandfather Darwin, for explaining a lot about human nature. Now I’m sure I won’t fall from a tree and can sleep peacefully.

My grandmother was from, softly to say, not a very well-to-do family. Her parents and 4 children lived in a room where there were 5 families. All in 15 square meters. I can hardly imagine this, but according to the stories, we slept there in turn, and the lessons went to the district library. Food - pasta on vegetable oil, potatoes - on it. On the feast - white bread and cooked egg.

And here she got married...She is a beautiful student of MGU, he is a beautiful geologist. One day she moved to her husband’s parents. And there is a housewife, coffee in the morning, all the work.

The mother-in-law, in order to show the reception of the bride, arranged a "happy dinner". Chicken, fish, forshake... I cooked it all myself.

And my grandmother, who saw the fried chicken for the first time in her life, said, “Thank you, but I don’t like the chicken!”

For the next 20 years, at all family celebrations, the mother-in-law said, "Oh, love the chicken don't put... she doesn't love! “”

And here, when the grandmother finally decided to admit - that she loves the chicken, only embarrassed then, the mother-in-law issued a brilliant phrase: "Oh... stupid you are! She would say to me, "Mommy, let me help you bring the salad," I would tell you all in the kitchen quietly! You think I knew it all when the Harkov housewife suddenly became the wife of the ambassador! “”

The lesson. I now, if I don’t know something, or I don’t understand, I say it right away – because a man can’t know everything 😉

A long time ago I flew from Petropavlovsk-Kamchatsky to Moscow (at that time, the cannons were still flying there). Next to me, a girl was flying to school. They began to spread food, I took chicken with rice, and my companion refused to eat. They flew for a long time, then landed at a gas station in Kemerovo, where they stayed longer than necessary. Then, after taking off, they started feeding again, I picked up the fish, and the girl again refused. He doesn’t want and doesn’t want, it’s his business. And I eat and side-sightedly notice that the girl is looking at my food with hungry eyes. I talked to her at the end of the flight. I ask her, the flight is long, are you on a diet? And she, getting red, admitted that she had no extra money for lunch. You would see her eyes full of pain and disappointment when I told her that food was included in the ticket price.

When the salary allowed (I worked in the RSC), I decided somehow to transfer to Birthdays all pleasant people (friends, friends, relatives) 1000 rubles. This is a relentless financial, and for a person a pleasant addition to congratulations. I’ve been congratulating everyone for two and a half years.

One day I ran and didn’t have time to “happy” Andrew. He didn’t let go, called me and asked where his “stitch” was, because he was counting on it. And yes, if I wonder, then none of them has ever answered the same (although that was not the goal).

“Well, Sir, have you not seen me for a long time, where do you work?

I serve in the FSB.

Tell me something interesting!

About you or about yourself?

I was a hardcore botan with autistic traits in the first three classes: I didn’t communicate with anyone, I knew everything, I went out on any occasion, I was afraid of what wasn’t scary, and so on. I was not liked by my classmates for this, but they did not decide to bully because of the fact that my mother was constantly turning in school, engaged in public activities.

We had work lessons, all kinds of stuff was glued out of plasticine and bars. Well, I decided to stand out and pick up a piece of pollen from the street, on which for two lessons I fixed some composition. I got a fifth, the teacher praised, I threw this pollen into the bag of change and forgot about it. I forgot it because I brought it back to school the next day.

I go to school, take off my jacket, start changing clothes. One of the hooligans runs, pulls off the shoes, and runs away. I am in Aachen. I put on a swing, he returns and begins to irritate, say I threw your shoes into the female sort, botan - go, get it. And it’s worth playing, like, go, beat me, what you’re going to do to me, shit. How wrong he was...

I automatically remove the sack with the sludge, from all my third-class child, and land it precisely in the head of the hooligan. He cried like a sliced pig, fell, bleeding on the floor... And since the elders were pushing here, it was not clear who was kidding him, no one saw it and everything there. I quickly grabbed the straw and ran into the sortry, because I thought I had killed him naked. The pollen is buried in the garbage, this is a healthy tank with mint paper for the most part. Behind the garbage he found his shoes hidden by the hooligans.

He calmed down and came to class without delay. The lesson begins, there is no hooligan, but the portfolio lies - the teacher asks where this duo is worn. Here the door opens, the nurse enters, the hooligan begins: he is all in the blood, the head is cluttered, shakes, roars. Student in the wild: “Where were you? What has He created?” "It's not me, it's the ooooon" and thinks at me, sitting on the first batch, with a finger. "You don't hold me stupid, he is a distinguished and quiet man, he will not hurt the flies. Let’s go, let’s go, with whom I fought,” He again points to me. And I fell into a stupor with fear and sat down with a poker face. “He’s changing laughter.” The puppet takes away from me, there are light blowing boots that weigh nihuya, and very soft... In short, he never believed that I was fucking him.

None of the fucking ones did bother me anymore.

I went to the first class, and my mother gave me 10 cops for my pocket expenses. In front of the school was a cottage, where the dust from the heat sold cakes with cakes. The first time I approached and asked how much it costs, the answer was 5 cops. I made a clever face, put on the shelf 10 cops: “Give me 3 cakes!” The man immediately put the hot cakes in a paper bag and gave it to me, smiling. Time passed, and one day I came and put 10 cops. I asked for two cakes. The seller: “I finally learned to count, good!”

History never ends, it just repeats itself.

I remember doing a physics lab at Physfak, where the result was the definition of e/m electron. I did, put in the formula with the coefficient on the method - there is a mistake on many orders. I come to the underschool (to say, it was Demidovich the younger, the son of the author of the famous textbook on Matan), showing: here, measured, set, there is a fig, and without any options, since the scale of the device is, the extreme values are understandable, and their range from the desired size is still in many orders. Demidovich looked at the device, the formula, the result, said, "Please wait" and left. He returned 15 minutes later joyfully: "I found a journal, according to which the method was prepared - there for calculation the constants took values in different systems, part in SI, part in SGSE." Therefore, he remained silent and added: "In fact, this magazine was already going to be thrown out, methodically not the first decade, and it is curious that until today all students have given this work with plausible figures."

When I have free time, I lie down and rest, and when I don’t have it, I just lie down, but with anxiety.

Working together and resting alone.

As soon as the slot machines with five rubles appeared, my mom sat on them. Father, assessing the scale of the disaster, found and bought such a home. Mom played a few more months and played. The machine was sold for the same price. The family budget is saved.

Jehovah’s Witnesses, when they knocked on the murderer’s door, could only say, “We are witnesses...”

If life has become unbearable, try to endure the rubbish to begin.