As our boss says, "She said, he said, does not cane"

He approaches me and says:

Why didn’t you report to the SRM?

You did not set a task!

I have to set you tasks, so don’t you understand?

- You have introduced the regulations yourself, so that everything is not on words, to put tasks to managers!

– Olga, let him go, I’m tired of fighting with him!

The accountant, calmly said, "Well, put a task for me in the SRM, indicate the date of dismissal, the reason, and I will make the order!"

She came after a decree to be arranged as a cashier in a military clothing store. Stage 15 years. I'm given a questionnaire on 5 sheets, more than 100 questions, but, he says, first tell us the time of your birth. The date I am? No, the time. With us, the director is dealing with numerology, he will look at the numbers and decide if you are suitable for us. I said I would call my mom and find out. She went out, threw the questionnaire into the trash and left.

A dispute between a pilot and a technician is more difficult. The technician asks the pilot:

Have you seen a bear on a motorcycle?

The pilot replies:

Well I saw!

Did you see the bears repair these motorcycles? ...

In my courtyard, the alkashi, (judging by their screams and words, serving the term in the zone), occupied the roof of the neighboring house, sat and bowed from evening hours to two in the night, on the staircase of the staircase into the basement. Or, screams, clashes, prison jargon. Bottles, garbage... Appeals to the police gave nothing.

I invented. He went to work in the morning, and with a balloon of car paint (specially purchased) wrote on the wall of the house: "Blue Cock Bar".

The first three days after that, I came home from work, put a chair on the balcony, and it))))

It has been two years, my inscription has long been painted, but nobody still sits there and drinks.

There was a colleague at work, all his free time travelling around Russia and looking for adventures, which only did not happen to him.



Once, he joked about whether it was an affair or something else risky. What another colleague reacted.



K: Andryuk, you suggest that, have you not been in the forest in the trunk for a long time?

A * for a second thinks, remembers, then answers, without changing in the face, and in full seriousness *: well years 1.5-2 probably.

It was in the distant 2002. I worked as a programmer in a state office. The boss asks me, “Do you know programming?“”

I answered, “Depends on which language. I know Pascal, C, visual basic, a little Delphi and assembler.”

The boss more strictly: “Do you know programming?“”

I: “So I speak some languages, but not all.”

“Do you know how to use a computer?”“”

I: "I know MS-DOS, Windows 95-XP, Lexcon, Word, Excel, Autocad, a bit of Photoshop and Corel, worked with red hat Linux."

The boss: “Go to the office like that and talk to our computer workers.”

The guys were more appropriate and we talked normally. And I was taken. The boss, as it turned out, did not use a computer at all, he was just standing with him for solidity.

Although the law is harsh, but if you tickle it with a thick pack of money, the law will not stand and smile.

The BDSM community. Survey for girls: "What do you like the most about the Theme?“”
Here are answers of type:
Only in chains I feel truly free.
I like to feel like a toy in the hands of a strong man.
Only when I am weak and helpless can I realize my true strength.
But in the end, most of the likes got the answer:
When I am bound, I have a complete excuse for why I am lying on the bed and doing nothing. I can rest in this way!

People who persuaded Germany 10 years ago to abandon nuclear energy in favor of green energy will be presented to high state awards of the Russian Federation

The teacher decided to inspire the children in the kindergarten to science, and brought her brother, who is a doctor of science, something there is connected with space, with physics and other smart things.

She spread them half a circle around him, and after an inspired speech about his merits says:

Now you can ask him any question.

After a long break, a girl

Why are you so fat?

The fool does not catch up with time, the wise man keeps up with time, the wise man is ahead of time, and only the genius exists outside of time.

The Cat with a Pride

Katie lacked the way, and she stood shy at the stop, moving from foot to foot, and didn’t know how to start a conversation with the adults.

People entered the public transport that stopped at the stop and came out of it, not paying any attention to the girl.

Ekaterina sat on the bench under the veil and loaded up. with her

This happened for the first time. The music school, where she studied for the third year, was five stops from home. Going far and scary. Asking for a trip is embarrassing.

“Mom was right when I said that you always need to take not only the passenger, but also the little thing: where to calculate where to go on a commercial transport, where to buy a pie.”

Katie seemed to have a stomach. She was listening. She wanted it, but it didn’t hurl at her.

The girl looked: she was alone at the stop. Katie turned around, and no one. Then I looked under the bench. In a distant corner, a cat was sitting there. A young cat. Dirty, with a glue on his back. He was sitting, wrapped up with his gorgeous hairy tail and squeezing his eyes.

Do you have it in your stomach? Katie laughed and put it in her bag.

In the school dining room they gave sausages in the pasta for lunch, and Katya took the bakery with her.

To eat at the music school, but there was no time at all, and the snack was left in the bag.

The cat pretended it wasn’t about him. Catherine unfolded the package, removed the sausage from the test and, putting it on a towel, pushed it to the cat.

and eat.

The cat pretended that he was not interested in food, while his stomach again made a sound.

Kiss Kiss, called Katya.

The cat rounded his eyes, looked up and, without taking his eyes away from the sausage, approached. He smelled for a long time, and then ate food so quickly that he seemed not even to chew. He turned around and went to the previous place under the bench.

A few more buses arrived and went on flight. No one went in or out at the stop.

Katya was breathing. I looked at the cat and said:

I will probably live here with you. I can’t go home, I can’t buy a ticket.

The cat on the word "ticket" stumbled, as if he had heard a familiar word.

Is that your name for a ticket? The girl asked, and the cat whispered. I am Katya.

If anyone came, Katya looked up. and none. The lunch break has already passed, and until the end of the working day there are another hour or two. I don’t have money for a ticket, I’ve spent somewhere.

The cat, listening attentively to the girl, suddenly left the stop.

Well here. Now you have gone too.

The cat came back quickly. He had a bill in his teeth. He put it on a towel where the sausage had recently been laid.

Five hundred rubles! Catherine cried out. The girl picked up the paper.

“The real.”

In the meantime, the route stopped.

Thanks for the ticket! Katya shouted goodbye and left.

*** by

The story with the cat did not come out of the girl's head. She did not see him at the stop anymore. I asked a woman if she knew where the cat was going.

He shrugged his shoulders:

It is a pity cat. I often sat here at the stop. Someone goes out, throws a ticket, and he runs after the paper, thinking that it is his food being thrown.

Katya now understood where the cat had the money, apparently someone robbed, and he picked up. It is attractive.

The winter came unnoticed. It was cold. The snow has fallen and has not melted anymore.

Katya was back from music school again, she was sitting at her stop and waiting for the bus.

Meu, he stood next to me.

Katya jumped up and began to look.

The ticket! She cried out. The cat, seeing that the girl noticed him, squeezed, sometimes stopping and mocking, and turned somewhere to stop. Katya followed him.

A little further in the bushes stood two boxes, which apparently served the cat’s home.

The cat stopped at one of the boxes and waited for Katya to look into it.

What is there that you want to show me?

Katie opened it. There were collected various papers, tickets, bags, and small banknotes.

There was something in the second box.

Katya opened the second box.

The cat! You are like a cat, right? Katie looked up. The cats were not seen anywhere.

The ticket sat next to him and looked with complaining eyes.

Katie stood still.

The cat went into the box and lay down with the cat next to warm it up.

and clearly. You are alone, Katya breathed. - Mom, of course, will not be very pleased with such a cat and also with an addict, but what to do, not to leave you here.

Katya took the cat, wrapped it in her shirt and went to the road. The cat called her, reminding her of the money.

Katya laughed, collected almost two hundred rubles and went to the stop.

The ticket remained in the same place.

- Ticket, - Katya turned and called him, - kiss-kis, go with us, whoever raises the cat will, I have a school.

The cat ran after.

The ticket and the cat stayed at Katie's home.

The end.

Author: © Sisoykina Natalia

A motorcyclist who identifies himself as a cyclist has set a new world record in cycling.

There is a friend who worked as an ordinary sales manager and at some time at some exhibition devoted to the achievements of the oil and gas industry was distributing booklets near the island of their company. Those who have been to this type of exhibitions know that customers often go and exchange business cards. So by the end of the day she had gathered a decent bunch of these most visitor cards. Then covet, remove, shorten, all like everywhere these days. Here she remembers these useless squares and begins to send her resume to email addresses from these business cards. Two days later she was called and called for an interview on a related profession, i.e. The buyer. She said that the company is large by the standards of our region with the ZP is 2 times higher than similar companies. But the interview went somehow too formal, without any particular tension. Purely asked where she worked, with which suppliers she worked and basically everything. After six months of work, she went to the accounting office to sign some documents on a foreign trip, and the chief accounting officer said to her, "You are lucky that you have such a roof, you go abroad." My friend was surprised, saying what a roof. And she replied, “Well, you were taken because your resume was sent to HR by the technical director. They thought you were relatives.”

xxx: A huge interview in 5 stages (naturally, Mr. Office, of course, on a poor salary - why did you go? At 22 after the universe and the purchase of fishing hooks wanted a large company in the resume).

12 people commission and the frog and frog - gathered all who did not hide; in front of everyone's eyes of business letters in English, I start to translate loudly. I take a pen and in a minute I find about 10 quite gross mistakes - voila, passed? As if not so: it was made up by the director of the department of VED, who sat at the head of the commission. And this real letter went somewhere in the morning to the overseas Chamber of Commerce and Industry with the signature of the Minister. and BAM...



yyy: A brilliant move, somebody trolled the director of the ZED with your hands :)

Humans have already made such mess on the planet. They are hoping that someone will clean them up.

A man posted a video on making drunk quas on YouTube. And here are the comments of people who have tried his recipe. I read and I cried.

1st A wonderful quinoa! I drank one bottle and drank three. This is where matter comes from – from the quas!

2nd I cooked the quas according to the author's recipe, tried, minutes after 15 felt burning in the stomach by running to the toilet, managed..., only sat cotton broke, thought the ass broke, the head turned apparently lost consciousness minutes for 2-3 came to myself on the push I sit feeling warm and tight, realized that I forgot to take off the pants, the result of things in the washing and I can't go off with a white horse at 2 hours, such a feeling that I hit important organs, and so quas tasty thanks to the author.

Three I have prepared Quas according to your recipe. During the weekend he was home alone. Speaking lying on the couch, putting a laptop on my knees, I sit - rest, pulling the yeast. He wanted to crack here. He says he is home alone. Shame on someone. Shortly broke out of his soul and turned upset. There was no such thing in the kindergarten. Thank you very much for the warm memories of childhood. Quase a fire! I recommend.

4 is I write this comment three days after I was expelled from the seventh apartment. I cooked your recipe quas and it really met all the expectations for taste. Everything was fine and the hammer had time to get into the head, but the terrible thing happened: I sneezed! He sneezed and at the same time made a salve from his ass, and not empty. I got a stool that has tormented me with constipation for the second week. I would even be pleased with such a development of events, but behind the traffic junk of my pocket used a devil, he is a fecaloid, he is a Golgotha. My stomach turned convulsive, I was really pressed out like in a washing machine, and also with special effects in the form of a cracking veil and sprinkle with a fountain of diarrhea. He made the kitchen, the corridor, the walls. I slipped to the toilet, and I had to slipple to the bathroom, I could not go, I gave birth to feces. Apparently the blood spilled from my brain moving to the center of the feces and as a result I lost consciousness. I woke up from the female scream and the sounds of vomiting, it came the owner of the apartment with whom I was planned a romantic. It is worth saying that she was not impressed by my performance in her new apartment.

5 is Men observe the proportions, held 3 days, then took the sample somewhere a liter, an hour later the management company came and the methane counter was put on the ass, they said to the quarter pay will be attributed, for suffocating neighbors.

6 is From all of our team of watchmen, I want to send a special thanks to the author of the recipe. After your cabbage, more precisely after its consequences, our bush wild animals try to bypass the side. Bears and wolves went to the distant border, the wolves threw their horns two months earlier, and the whites began to bring knots to us, apparently trying to redeem, so that this wild smell ceased. Quas is good, yes. We are waiting for the second washing machine with the next helicopter, or we can't handle it anymore.

7 is I wanted to make a quinoa. I read comments. We don’t need quats anymore. Positive for a month is enough. Tears from the eyes. thanks author

8 is Thank you as a king! The neighbors thought I moved the furniture until morning.

9 is I drove on the road to the country, before leaving, I drank quasa. He caught his stomach in the middle of the road and the driver stopped. For the second time, I realized that this wasn’t the last stop and got out of the bag. I was already angry at everything, even though the bomb fell nearby. That shit would stop every 10 minutes. As a result, the remaining 8 kilometers were about 8 hours. I no longer needed anything. Taste is delicious, I approve.

10 is When after using this ferment you go to the toilet, and you go there quite quickly, then sit face to face to the tank and hold, or from the pressure up throws.

11 is I decided to get on the train, so that it would not be boring, to take quas. Ordinary, it was somehow uninteresting, wanted to do his own. I looked at your recipe. There was a vacuum toilet in the train, and liquid diarrhea, say, broke it. It broke so much that the diarrhea used back. The whole floor was in a liquid, and the smell was not very good. The whole car was wiped out of the spirit of your quas and eventually disinfection was carried out. When the guilty was sought, I was quickly calculated by brown shorts (initially they were white).

When you remove your teeth from the dentist, take them with you.
Or dentists put these teeth under their pillow and the Dental Fairy brings them money.
That’s why dentists are so rich.

XXX: It’s still annoying that people who said “I can’t live without you” have never rested.

To argue with an engineer is like fighting a pig in the dirt. Within a few hours you will see that the pig likes it.