bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №86363
 31.08.2013
"He’s still closing himself?and "
------------

After the defense of the diploma in the auditorium-laboratory, зав.каф. Students who defended themselves... The door to the office is locked. Suddenly a bell rings at the door.
by Зав. Caff., who studied and worked here for about 30 years: "There is a bell here?! O_o"
) )

[ + 6 - ] [3 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №86362
 31.08.2013
In Moscow, people are angry, aggressive.
You admire the posts of dirty provincialists, and it is immediately clear where such evil aggressive people in Moscow come from.

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №86361
 31.08.2013
He was on a business trip to the city of Mykun (Republic of Komi) recorded in the phone "Mikun Code". The girl looked at the phone and said, “Strange you named your cat.”
A cat through "T", not through "D"
Zzz: And nothing that the cat has a number...

[ + 27 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №86360
 31.08.2013

"Natural flavourings of vanilla and strawberries, for example, are obtained from the glands located on the buttocks of the beaver."

- Now the phrase "All Bobra!" acquires a slightly different meaning ))

[ + 27 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №86359
 31.08.2013
Straighten your left hand, remove your back from your face, feed the internet and pay for a cat.

[ + 26 - ] [4 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №86358
 31.08.2013
to this:
Wikipedia article on the film Mikhalkov-Citadel:

A German sniper, armed with ALIEN weapons, targets Kotov, but, due to negligence, is killed by a Soviet sniper. The fall of the body of a German soldier accidentally causes a fire in the citadel, as a result of which it explodes.
O_O

A good attempt by Nikita Sergeevich. We won’t watch it anyway!!! to

[ + 34 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №86357
 31.08.2013
We sit down and talk to my brother. He turns my umbrella in his hands, which dried after the rain, I sing to him about what a clay umbrella is, that he has been with me for more than 5 years and just an irreplaceable friend. At the moment when my brother presses the button, I get a surprised voice: "He is still closing himself?!!!!". Everybody still tells me what a horse I am (((

[ + 25 - ] [3 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №86356
 31.08.2013
Brew, virgins... excite - do not excite... members in the Maybach measure... try to fuck out of love! Totally different feelings.

[ + 40 - ] Comment quote №86355
 31.08.2013
Pavel B. Novikov: Guys, does anyone know about birds?
My father works in a poultry factory.
RinMour: I can distinguish a noise from a broker
Pavel B. Novikov: No
Pavel B. Novikov: We found the bird
Pavel B. Novikov: right in front of us on the shore of the lake in the storm failed to land
Pavel B. Novikov: Now we are trying to understand what a bird is
RinMur: Well, either a nest or a broiler or another bird.
Pavel B. Novikov: (facepalm)

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №86354
 31.08.2013
XXX: I go out on the street. I see a man kicking me out of the window. I responded to him. And he washes the windows there (

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №86353
 31.08.2013
About Peter
Yesterday I went out to ride a bicycle at 22:00.
The cock knows where and came, imagine, in the harbor!
Masha: It is so beautiful.
That’s why I like this city!
If you go fucking know where, you will come where it is beautiful.

[ + 38 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №86352
 31.08.2013
For the 25th anniversary of the wedding, the husband gave his wife a new car and diamond earrings. The wife gave her husband a box of foam for shaving and a hundred pairs of socks.

[ + 32 - ] [9 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №86351
 31.08.2013
to this:
I hate the mosquitoes :)
I work in a company, the head office of which is naturally in the capital, I often communicate with them both by phone and in person, have been on a business trip. Often they are communicative, confident people, but! They cannot overcome the scornful expression of the face and the indulgence or, on the contrary, the bullshit tone that appears on any occasion associated with non-Moscow (oh these travelers with their "fi" on any occasion). And I am always surprised at the moment that any Moscow office plankton, for what reason, believes that it has the right to call a non-capital leader of any level and give orders in a command tone, and they are offended and expired when the secretary does not connect directly. And how the facial expression of the Maaskov servants changes, when they don’t hear the usual akaña when ordered - that’s something. And prices for food and clothing (and also for travel abroad and services) in our city are higher, only housing is cheaper.

Dear man, these are not Moscovites, but those who settled here a couple or three years ago "appeared".

[ + 41 - ] Comment quote №86350
 31.08.2013
xxx: There is a very simple way to scan the hardware listening on the phone:
Enter *33* and then the five. If you get five, everything is fine, if you don’t, you’re in control.

Let me tell you, who are the five?

YYY: I picked up as you said, I received the following text message:
If you do not want to be listened to, call the short number 8916 and follow the instructions.
Received
Followed Instructions
Write all the money.
No one is listening to me now.

[ + 23 - ] [3 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №86349
 31.08.2013
News: Mayor of Vladivostok proposed to move the capital to the Ural
Are the ashes filled in the old capital?

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №86348
 31.08.2013
You just don’t get married to your first favorite this time.
Tagged: Dada
YYY: the lesson learned crazy

[ + 15 - ] Comment quote №86347
 31.08.2013
Most of us dream of peace.

[ + 54 - ] Comment quote №86346
 31.08.2013
Children are honest.

We went somehow into the woods with my little daughter, Stasey, to smash the cherry.
And in those days, she was reading books at night about the leech and other intelligentsia living around us.

Here we walk through the woods, I choose the shepherds, and Staska is trying to find the worst, but he is not. We found a young martyr, I am dealing with the business, and the daughter in the large hole of the lamb is whispering and spells all sorts of whispers. Here, suddenly, a crack is spread and to us, right where the daughter witchcrafted, from the bushes and bushel slowly comes out a man. All dark, grown, bearded and with a tail. I see, and this is one of my acquaintances, Leonidich, his dacha nearby. The daughter looks at him with curiosity and calmly asks, "You are a liar, right?" The neighbor hangs, and I make signs from her back, say, yes, agree. “Well, yes,” says Leonidich, “we’re lying, I’m following the order in the forest.”

My daughter is just happy. She hosted the lion with lambs, and he told her all kinds of forest secrets.
The child is enthusiastic. He asks, “Ley, where is your kimmorah?” Leonidich on a full machine replies, saying at home she, Kikhimora, in the garden everything is digging.
They talked and separated.

And after a week we walked and passed by his dacha. Leonidich saw us and called for a cup of drink. We walk through the area. In the garden of Leonidich's wife. She saw us, bloomed and began, “Oh, what a cute girl! What is your name, sweetheart? How old are we?” But Stasi did not rush to answer. She stared quietly and very carefully at the aunt from all sides. Then she turned to Leonidich and, with her head at his wife, asked loudly, "So what, is this your kimmorah?“”

I still don’t know what to do in such situations.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №86345
 31.08.2013
– Svetlana Petrovna, you dreamed of me tonight!
And what?
What you did not create! I would be ashamed, Blue.

[ + 16 - ] Comment quote №86344
 31.08.2013
From the phone discussion:

by Fujo! The phone is smaller than the hand.! to

The best quotes and jokes from the bezdna