Smog is the secret weapon of the Ministry of Health in the fight against smoking.

Everyone, as many as military servants, had to undergo military re-training or avoid it.
My military specialty is an aviation technician, so all fees were held in one of the training air regiments.
Aviation has always been an elite in the troops and the conditions of military charges were incomparable with the conditions in other generations of troops.
"Service" was so "dangerous and difficult" that in order to get to the fees, it was necessary to bring the chief of the department to the military committee in advance. I usually did not craving and brought a cognac.
Cognac guaranteed forty-five days of leave with the preservation of the average salary at work, plus a partial officer salary at the place of service.
But one day, when I gave the agenda to work at the end of the working day, I made an unforgivable mistake – I rushed. The head of the SMU, where I was then working, immediately sat in the car and walked into the military commissariat. I was told to wait at work. He returned brightly and hugged me by the shoulders, saying
“Happy” news that he managed to “remove” me from the service. For this, our SMU had to do the repair of two premises of the military committee.
Well, of course, once I was freed from taxes, I had to organize this repair by the forces of my workers. This is in addition to the work from which I wanted to rest. It’s all about your own cognac.
The next year, I no longer gave up my agenda. She was attributed to my wife when the bus had already taken me to the place of the supposed service.

We will rename the militia into police, Lubyanka into the Gestapo, the governors into gaulyatters, and the national leader into the Führer of the nation.

My wife says she’s not drunk.
My friend and I (P)

Q: I am not drunk.
I : Yes? Eight of nine?
P: Sixteen Three
I: seventy two
It’s not because I’m drunk, it’s because I don’t know the Mendeleev table.

and :)

Olga (15:41:24 9/08/2010)
Did you go to the garden?

Lawyer (15:41:35 9/08/2010)
Almost not.
excluded

Lawyer (15:41:44 9/08/2010)
for drunkenness and abuse.

Laugh (15:41:58 9/08/2010)
Well, in poker the director won a lot.

Publisher "Children's Literature" urgently released a corrected version
A famous poem, now it is called "Uncle Stepa - a policeman"
Styles

XXX: I thought old age was shameless!
Pritch: you are given money, you pay for VOV and you play
And with the grandmothers, the question goes away by itself.
One bad thing: death is near.
XHH: Imagine the raid: all the evil, the wreck "where the tank, the mother".
The tank died of a heart attack two minutes ago.

XHH: What are you doing?
WOW: I got a salary. I put it in a calculator. Translated into binary code. I sit a dream.

From Led Zeppelin:
How can you call this a classic? True classical music is Rahmaninov, Chopin, Mozart, and so on, and it's just an indelible noise and a set of sounds!
YYY: Sorry, it seems you have a monocle.

correspondence with a friend. He was in a bad mood, and then he was called by the wrong number:

xxxxxxxxxxx:
I was also called and asked if I could order girls. I said that there was a shortage of girls in the country, there were only shelters left, and I advised to start shaking and not to fuck. He dropped the phone.

I teach programming courses. Well, the kids were stunned by the fact that in the 11th grade they do not know how to calculate the volume of parallelepid.
He decided to check" a friend, humanitarian, said, if he knows.
xxx: how to calculate the volume of the parallelepid if three sides are given a, b, c?
YYY: What is fucking?
XXX is a test.
YYY: Multiply something there to something
YYY: then divide
I found somebody to ask.
You may have been confused by the word parallelpiped? Think of. Here you have a swimming pool, you need to know how much water to order.
I don’t know how to swim.

Imagine you’re a butcher from Bay Harbor. How would you get rid of the bodies so that they would not be found?
Millions of options. Bolot, alligators, pig farms, sulfuric acid, hamsters, garbage burners, hell, and even shaurma.

XXX (13:50): Go to the store
yyy (13:51): Okay, I’m going to go
15:07 What are you doing?
yyy:(15:07): I am in the room, the eyes paint I will go to the store
yyy:(16:31): all, I went

@->-- A$yA: Dima, you don't know how to get into Linux in bios????? to
@>-- A$yA: urgently need to
KP0HTM: You have to buy champagne and flowers and tap the floppy disk three times.
KP0HTM: then he will open himself

I sit with a girl in the park.
She tells me I smoke.
Everything is around, people walk, children jump,
Near the larok, there sell different water, the wind blows.
I look at the dearest family.
husband with wife, wife with wheelchair, all so cute,
The balls there, the balls there.
And the child in the wheelchair in his hands is a toy benzool!

anton_zaitsev: They say that somewhere in Moscow there is a huge smoke-car that is smoking smoke before the U2 concert.

It is easier to build a new than to repair the old.
The great plan to burn Russia begins to come true

MOUSE007: Buy for chocolate, mouse carpet with delivery
BRAND777: Mouse007, there is no place to sleep?

Kirito: I realized what happened to the world, high temperatures, tsunamis, hurricanes, fires and other climatic phenomena that have captured the planet.
This is a peer move Blizzard before the arrival of WoW:Cataclysm on the shelves (money close enough for everything!)

SMS from a friend:
Sorry, the fermented cabbage, as you asked, was not, I bought a shampoo instead.