Case from life: it was necessary to move the phalloimiter from point A to point B (don't ask why), well, I put it in the simplest black bag, trusted its blackness, I carry it, I stood on the light, here I catch the look of the guy nearby, he turns red, smiles. I turn my eyes down, onto my bag, and his sun in the back is so picturesque, and naturally there the cock can be seen. And I stand so proud of the fox on this light, and I know that if I start to confuse and hide, I will only attract even more attention. It was an unforgettable feeling, I felt at least a Lady Gaga of a local scale at the level of epatage.

We have an exceptional mess with order, and the mess is usually order!

In the United States, a firefighter refused to extinguish the house of his ex-wife.

The burning Helen was out of anger when the firefighters arrived suddenly stopped in a short distance from the burning house instead of rescuing it from the burning fire.

It turned out that the chief of the fire brigade was her ex-husband Jim. Their family life lasted for 15 years, after which everything collapsed because of the fact that another man appeared in her life. The divorce process lasted more than a year with scandals, and in the end she managed to judge the house.

And after some time in their former common house and a fire, which arrived former husband Helen at the head of his brigade. But half a kilometer from the scene, he gave the driver a command to stop, and ordered the members of the brigade to refrain from extinguishing fire.

According to a divorce court ruling Jim, his family and relatives were prohibited from approaching Helen closer than 500 meters. The angry hostess had to call another fire brigade, but as they arrived at the scene, only ashes remained from the wooden house.

Helen again had to file a lawsuit now on her ex-husband and his colleagues to obtain material compensation. But this time she lost.

The defendant submitted to his defense the ruling of a previous court case that neither he nor his relatives have the right to approach his ex-wife. And his colleagues, with whom he has worked for many years, are the closest people to him.

So he could not break the law that justified him.

“I didn’t think about green energy,” thought Greta Thunberg, heating a rat on the fire.

I was brought to the village as a child (5-6 years old). We lived with my aunt. Well, I was playing there, doing every kind of childhood stuff. My aunt asked me to help:

“I’ll burn the old boards, and you, little boy, put them in the fire (so they called the prisoner).”

And I am happy to help. But there was one, but my father burned on the street. Well, my aunt’s boards are old pills, I catch them and bring them to my father in the fire. The aunt sprinkled everything, walked past the pollen and asked:

Where are the boards?and¿

I answered proudly:

How is it? In the fire!! to

And I bring it to the fire, and there its plates burn...

I have a friend, he bought a service from a cell phone company so that his number was not identified by anyone. He was very angry when I walked out of his way. —Hi, Matthew! Well, what if his only number is not determined when calling the incoming))

Never underestimate the stupidity of people.

I watched here in the league of gestures a video of how a man was crushed by a bus that fell from the dome and reminded me.

I recently went by car with a driver (flight 30 person) on a business trip to another city. Turn the rear wheel.

The driver lifts the car on the dome, removes the wheel and I see that he is going to roll it to the trunk. I say :

Put the wheel under the car.

And why?

Will it fall out of the housing?

It will not fall...

and put. You see, the wind is strong, the car moves!

The driver reluctantly clamps the broken wheel under the car and goes to dig in the luggage compartment to get the reserve... and the car flies from the steering wheel falling on the underlying wheel. I ask him:

You see for what?

He is silent, his eyes knock.

Again he lifts the car, gets the reserve from the trunk, rolls to the place of replacement and leanes to the car. Here he begins to stretch behind a broken wheel to get him. I ask him:

Why do you get him?

I want to put it in the luggage.

It could just have fallen!

No, I’m going to reserve now.

Do not touch it, as you turn it, and put it in the trunk.

With the dissatisfied expression of the face silently begins to curl with the reserve... and the car again flies off the hood.



And then my family members ask me why I sometimes, when I forget, talk to them like downs, beginning to explain obvious things. I answer, sorry for the deformation.

In January, I played the grid with friends and had to go to the kitchen for a snack.

When he returned to the game and the enthusiastic conversation on the discord, without tearing his eyes from the screen, he made a spoon of tea and immediately splashed tea because of the fact that he felt incomprehensible pieces in his mouth.

It turned out that the cat decided to try or smell the tea and it broke into a bowl.

Strange pieces were wool and cat food.

In large families, where they bring things to each other, Fashion is even afraid to whisper.

My friend met his future wife on a beach in Sochi 400 km from his hometown. They lived in the same city and studied at the same school. When they got married, they looked at photos from their wife’s family album. Suddenly, my friend recognizes himself on a school photo. At the last call, he carries a first-class girl with a bell. First class is his wife. There is a similar photo in his family album.

Have you noticed that when you are addressed with the phrase "We need to talk", you don't need it at all?

I go to a cafe almost every day. There is a barista working there, who throws my glances over and all in that spirit, but he did not dare to get acquainted. Today I came, and he was not there. Probably not in his replacement. I was so sad that he wasn’t there. It became so strikingly lonely. But you will do nothing. He sat down at his favorite table. The waitress put out the menu and quickly went away with the phone. I tried to call her for ten minutes. And she passed by to the other tables: "I'm sorry for waiting, I'll come now." I was about to leave with a wildly bad mood, as this barista enters the cafe, smiled at me and went to the stand. Only then came the waitress to me. It turned out that this girl, when she saw me, called the guy. And he stumbled on his weekend to make me coffee. It’s the sweetest thing I’ve seen. And yes, tomorrow we go on a date.

Plastic surgeons see more inadequate babies than psychiatrists.

In 1926, an exhausted to dystrophy patient came to a famous psychiatrist, judging by ways, "from the former", complaining of unreasonable grief and apathy, because of which he can not eat and sleep at all. After examining him, the doctor prescribed... to read humorous stories: "Best of all, batenka, take Tomik Zoshchenko. It may seem simple, so proletarian. It is funny! This man is a great fun man.” "Doctor, I am Zoshchenko, I am Zoshchenko."

Remember, the main problem of mankind was the ozone hole over the Arctic? Terrible to remember. Such a fucking...

When I was 5 years old, I went to the cemetery with my parents. Summer, the weather is great, while the parents put in order, painted the fence, I went to the cemetery to walk, to look at the monuments. I see a monument, large, granite, on it a photo of a young woman, the date of birth and death, around the tomb a forged fence, a bench and a table. A woman is sitting at the table, I pass by, I looked at the monument, she apparently heard that someone was going and also turned, here I opened a brick factory, behind the table and on the monument was the same woman. I flee to my parents, there, I say, a dead aunt came to her grave. My dad snorted first, then, I don’t know how, understood what I was talking about, and explained to me that it was her twin sister, she died in an accident. I then even got upset a little, thought the zombie natural, and there was a sister.

During the period when my mother was not well with her health, one evening, when she was either thirsty or feeling very bad, my mother decided to look for favourable offerings for funeral services, as well as to write out the numbers, "so that the children would not worry about it." Almost like in a movie. In general, she opened the newspaper, saw the advertisement "free body withdrawal", called, learned everything, then, at the end of the conversation, she was asked, "will you order the body withdrawal?What my mom says, “No, I’m not dead yet.”

Strong power always rests on the weak people.

The 57-year-old driver, who was driving at a speed of almost 200 km per hour and was stopped, refused to pay a fine for excess. He referred to the fact that everything in life is used to doing quickly. This is the characteristic of the organism. He eats fast, sleeps fast, rides fast, has short reading and even moves very fast on foot.

He was summoned to court and told the same thing. The judge said to him, “Let’s see how quickly you’ll sit in jail for six months.”

A team of Russian schoolchildren won the Olympics in physics. The next generation of American scientists is growing.