bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №131731
 06.08.2016
And my male colleagues are paid less because they are not alpha and are offended at all.
Several friends earn times more than me and periodically receive new offers from competitors - maybe it's not all so bad and you can take your ass off the chair, get out of the internet (regardless of the floor) and go to earn?

I am not complaining about my earnings. But I see a little beyond my own nose – in order to get the same money, a aunt has to prove that she is better than most men. What is available to the brother by default, the sister must obtain, yes.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №131730
 06.08.2016
The day I saw. There are 300 employees on the site.
Bigbagperm: Is this Sparta?
Stanislav: Announcement of collection in the Fermopolis Gorge
hrofti_hroft: This is how a corporate will be.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №131729
 06.08.2016
I want to fish somewhere on the river.
I’ll get up early tomorrow and go out.
I love the evening :)
My nights ended badly. I come in the morning, drunk in shit and with a bark.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №131728
 06.08.2016
As a child, I believed that only underdeveloped, old and sick people believe in God and engage in all this pre-religious formal shell, well, as a type of papua (what to take from them). And we are a developed country: we launch man into space, we study space. We make breakthroughs.
Then I realized it wasn’t so, though...

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №131727
 06.08.2016
to this:

Aim@Me: we come home with the guys in the evening after the morning exam... suddenly all of this was very sleepy... rushed to the nearby park.. stood in front of one tree and calmly do our dark business... and here the light of the lamp and the MENTS... kind of WHAT YOU DO HERE (time the beginning of the first)... we are... EEE... "HUYAMI MEET"
Ments were crying

A long time ago (a year so in 2008) my friend and I decided to rest after a working week. I took 0.5 vodka, 2 sausages and a baton. We decided to spend this time in the fresh air, so we sat in the yard at the table. About an hour later we had 100 grams of vodka and 2/3 of the bottle. It was already 10 o’clock in the evening. And at some point, the roots notice people approaching us in shape. Well, without thinking for a long time, he throws the bottle into the bushes (the men themselves saw it), and when they approached and asked what we are doing here, the friend found nothing more appropriate to say than:
We are here to eat bread!!and "
They cried and me, and me.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №131726
 06.08.2016
E-V-S: our director approached the ATM and took his salary, now the ATM says that he has finished banknotes

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №131725
 06.08.2016
xxx> throw it down... I read something on the proletarian web that spoke long about the 90s..
xxx> and then it turned out that he just went to school in the year 99.)))
yyy> the norm
Zzz> What do you know about the 90s? From 1992 to 1997 I had a classmate of Svetka Sokolova. A real fucking neighbor.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №131724
 06.08.2016
I’ve lost 7 pounds in all the time I’ve been here, 7 pounds, you know?! to
mmm, seven kg
M: It is not easy to lose, it is not difficult to find and it is impossible to forget)))
Yes Yes Yes! Do not knock me here!

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №131723
 06.08.2016
max_andriyahov: marketers must be beaten with suckles and sent to uranium mines.

Domkratov: And we’ll finally learn about the healing properties of uranium, we’ll be able to buy plutonium bracelets, and we’ll learn how to add radionuclides to the weight loss meal.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №131722
 06.08.2016
"I don't even know how to describe it, it's very similar to bombing the earth with thermonuclear bombs from the moon. You seem far away and don’t realize that the consequences will affect you too. As soon as it started, the launched missiles can no longer be stopped. You don’t expect any shrinkage and that a whole rain of fragments will fly before you.
You have a bad bathroom, you are scratching.

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №131721
 06.08.2016
A couple of years ago, I rested at the sea as a savage with a tent.

On a nudist beach, which is important.

Even more importantly, I did not run naked, but 99% of the time I was in a swimsuit, and I did not wear civilian human clothes.

The community of vacationers is small and quite tightly communicating, so new acquaintances cannot be avoided. Unfortunately, the unpleasant too.

So, rested in the neighborhood with us an extremely foolish man, let’s call him M.

Gondon was the one, in his head, some infernal blend of religion with Patshanic principles, putting his opinion into any conversation, without asking how appropriate it is at all.

In addition, it was a little bit rotting.

M looked like it. Excess weight in hell quantity, eternally dirty, well, and just frankly steep guy.

In general, the rare case when the exterior and the inner world are in perfect harmony.

This is a general prehistory. History is so.

I was working at the time in the IT department of a large bank, and on that sunny day I stood in a smoking room with my colleagues, who, unfortunately, were very many. The boss, the friends, the boyfriends from the neighboring department, the man I liked at the time – a complete combo.

And suddenly I see, Baa, a couple of meters from me passes M, hasn’t changed at all!

He was in some fucking T-shirt, the smell at such a distance was felt very clearly, in general, M made the full impression of a bomzh - alcoholavt.

My heart beat more often, the only thought was, “Lord, even if he passed by, even if he didn’t notice me.”

Oh yeah happy.

M turns and confidently moves towards our company. From colleagues already sound jokes about "what a mortgage does to people", I pray that he doesn't say any heroin.

Thou shalt go [2]

M approaches, looks straight at me and says:

Oooooh, Katyuuunja is here!

He looks at me from the top down and continues:

It’s so unusual to see you in clothes.



The faces of colleagues. The curtain.

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №131720
 06.08.2016
I thought that the "suchy wobler" was a great insult within the confit:

Wow, you are a cowboy!! and ?

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №131719
 05.08.2016
There is one nuance. Usually, after such men are holy confident in their infallibility and perfection. I have a few such examples in front of me. The wife hugs her husband, he loosens his tail, assures herself that he is unworthy, his wife is unworthy, and falls.

I support! In my personal experience I have encountered such a situation. I have always admired the invincibility of Jewish women. There is something in them that is not given to others. Take, for example, the insured and dragged Lily Brick, from which Mayakovsky "will like a puppy". They know how to praise a man so much that he seems to have believed in his agency, but at the same time believes that only she understands him. The High Pilot!

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №131718
 05.08.2016

This is a question of female logic. The fence, the seat, the roof and the barrel itself on the outside is also a jersey?(The distortions, of course, are different...) Or is it dirty for years?

The bowl is wrapping :)
And so it is obvious that the wife or mother beats the rest of the sanitary equipment. The boy whispers and thinks his mission is completed. I would also write "I wash myself, is that not enough? andquot;

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №131717
 05.08.2016
Crab 20:06
Windows itself started downloading and putting upgrades
Crab 20:06
The computer has already rebounded 10 times, how much does it weigh?
Crab 20:06
Y Y Y Y Y Y Y Y Y
Crab 20:20
What a pleasure.
Crab 20:21
it removed vmware, classic launch, restored default programs, dropped programs attached to the panel
by 20:22
He declared war on Bessarabia.

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №131716
 05.08.2016
I walk past the childhood. I hear the elderly (11 years old), something tells the younger (5 years old): "... and the main thing - how you start dating, don't ask for a shirt immediately, otherwise he..." o_0

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №131715
 05.08.2016
After the universe ended, he went to the military command to be removed from the record. My aunt is in the files for a long time. Then he thinks and says, “You’re looking for us. Here I was really overwhelmed. I thought the punishment was shaken. Article, betrayal of the homeland, 10 years of camps. And it turns out that the matter lies in a separate file with losses. As far as I can remember, the moustaches are taking.

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №131714
 05.08.2016
(HH - working in a coffee shop)

Fuck, washed the whole kitchen with soda and chlorine, tired, no strength, but clean and sterile everything.

Is it disinfection?

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah

The disinfection...

HHH: Well, yes, or they’ve been checking, they’re going to build the auditors, they’d also be poisoning them all!

It is disinspection!

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №131713
 05.08.2016
A husband plays a toy on a compass, asks (m - husband, I - I):
How is "Dick Wyce Hands" translated?
I: "dick with hands"? Are you sure?
m: yeah, "Dick Wyce Hands"
Herer with his hands.
I go to the monitor and look at it "dig with hands".
Dig – to dig

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №131712
 05.08.2016
When I look at you, I remember my father. When my mother gave birth to her sister, it was the first child he saw alive, not in the picture. he was in shock: she turns out to be commands as a puppy does not learn from birth. The joke is that I have never seen more perfect children before or after. She never cried, didn’t run where I put it there and took, ate what they said, no options in the form of “I want it!” I don’t want it" She was always pleased with everyone, sometimes she cried quietly. He even cried on that. However, the funniest thing started later. he decided that all the kids were like that (devil laughter behind the picture:)
When a boy was born, it was something. Not the genes, but the genes. but! This is a boy. He slips, runs like a bitten man and whispers unceasingly in order to express sadness, joy, indignation, and just shake his lungs. Everything gets enough, pulls, turns, jumps, slips, rides on the floor, knocks, crumbles, melts, falls, and again on a new. No bruises, scratches, dog bites, demands and warnings from adults stop him. Illustration to the song "in every little child"

And here the father began to wave the hysteria of a two-year-old sick boy. Because it is loud! He wants silence! And the order! Why didn’t they have time to clean? Why didn’t they cook? He sees that the child cannot be left for a second, that any order flies instantly, but the Indian sheriff's problems are not fooled. It is good if the house is not forced to build, and the mva does not subdue.

The best quotes and jokes from the bezdna