I tell my son (3 years 10 months) about the name change:

You have one name and your future wife will have another. But when you get married, she changes her, and you bring her to us with our last name.

The Lord, not listening, was outraged:

We just missed our wife! There are very few beds at home.

Oh, I dream of speaking this phrase at his wedding.

The laws say that the mountains are bypassed by the wise.

Grandma on the market is a salesman level god. Or as I bought an existential slive.
So, is the crucifix all over?
Of course, the season is over, take the slime, you still have time.
It seems to be for a long time.
- Sliveto yes, but here we and you how much longer - I don't know...

Putin: If the salaries of officials are drastically reduced, they will run away.
And if they start to shoot them sharply, they will not have time to run away.

This was in my first year as a doctor, but for some reason I remember well.



The patient’s mother came to the hospital. A sharp department. We talk.



I know this is hereditary. Not on my line!

Did your father have mental illnesses?

How is it! This cowboy didn’t leave me at all!

In terms of psychological...

A woman jumps from her seat, bends over my table, looking at something in the window. His whole posture is cautious. I turned my head, sat down.

... the tribes? Someone was registered, lying in a psychiatric hospital, cases of suicide, drug addiction, alcoholism?

What is? No is no! I say you’re gone, Cobb! It is clear that it is not on my line!

I decided to translate the topic. Did you have anything like this in your family?

A colleague quietly writing diaries at the next table can’t stand and raises his eyes to watch this fun.

It was not of course! It’s all on the father’s line. A woman is angry. He turns around, sees the confused look of a colleague, and, bowing to me, whispering asks: - And she is writing everything behind us?

I am doomed to answer. So, it’s not on your line, let’s finish with that.

Monday is the day of complaints in our fitness club. The director gave me three letters:

-So, for the past two weeks, three complaints on you, now we will see... well, I didn't let go in dirty shoes, oh, I understand, I didn't let go with a chewing machine... oh... well, about the pregnant woman you will have to write an explanatory, very emotional complaint, you can see immediately, the woman will not calm down.



1) The pregnant woman.

I don’t understand why many women, a couple of months after learning they’re pregnant, definitely come to the gym, though NEVER have ever done fitness before. And not for some kind of activity such as "Aqua-mama" or "Hold the stomach together with your husband", but for full-fledged strength training, which in the usual state, not everyone can afford for health. And I do not let them. I do not go to yoga or pilates. Because even standing on one leg for a while is a load on the press muscles, which is prohibited during pregnancy. And yes, I myself was riding the big and stood on my head until birth, but we are talking about newcomers.



2) Toughened Gum

I don’t understand how you can’t understand that one awkward twist of chewing gum in your mouth when you breathe during exercise and you’re dead? You came here to practice, not to die.



3) The shoes

Of course, I didn’t get into the hall without changing shoes, but this time the situation was much more interesting.

A year and a half ago, after taking a shower after training, I didn’t find my shoes. These were old, well-deserved but extremely convenient Pumovsky crosses brought from abroad. At first I thought they were taken by mistake, then it became clear that most likely not, there was a slight confusion, who might need shoes after two years of active operation, and then I forgot about them, although sometimes by habit looked around the feet of those coming into the hall.

Last week I saw them. They were on the legs of a young woman about 50. Of course I approached her and said:

These are my shoes, no matter how strange it sounds.

– and? What? The woman’s face is confused, no, it’s mine.

and yes? Let’s take the right and there under the sticker on the side is written my name.

The woman silently takes off her shoes and leaves. He writes a complaint. That I didn’t let her in her shoes, she said they didn’t fit for the room.

Of course, they don’t fit you, fucking, these are my shoes.

I was stolen swimming shorts in the gym. Yes not new. Isn’t it ugly to wear them?

YYY: What is the ugly? I did it all, things. P.S Excellent shorts

Zzz: Somehow I had the ropes pulled out of my shoes. Hopefully they washed them too, and then hanged them to the whales.

After many unsuccessful attempts to move the start of the day, the country’s leadership switched to games with the start of retirement and the end of the working week.

Leader and Boss

Now it is fashionable to conduct all kinds of training and training on how to be a boss and lead subordinates. Here’s the story that happened before my eyes, about where the difference is between a leader and a boss.

At the beginning of the 2000s, our enterprise, like many others, was in a deplorable condition, the Soviet lines still stood, engineers fled, the premises were rented, but there was an investor who was interested in bankruptcy and invested a certain amount of funds in restoration and modernization. By 2010, the workshop worked again, but there was a problem of backwardness of sovdepovsky equipment, not able to produce the product in accordance with the requirements of the standards. Then, with one piece of pen, new German miracle stations were ordered and installed, with hardware-modular control, where the main server was an ordinary computer. At the same time, the line consisted of several different devices, each of which did its specific work. The CPU (central control post) with the operator had the ability to move along a strictly defined line - rail, between the hardware units, so that the operator could see the correctness of the process through the glass.
Everything would be fine, but who to teach them to manage? The head of the workshop is a young man, the computer is afraid like fire. The chief engineer decided to attract young engineers. We selected a couple of young engineers who recently graduated from the political science in the regional center and who came to us by distribution and know a few words in English, sent them to Germany to learn, but whether they taught badly or did not study, but they came not very prepared. At least, no one could go through the simulation from and to without stopping the program for some reason or operator error. A big bird from the leadership arrives from Moscow, flying straight from Guyana, where he has just signed another million contract. It comes to clarify the question why we installed the equipment six months ago, the Germans and we signed the tax receipt papers, and the train is still there.
The leadership in panic, from the chief engineer for the first time smelled not vodka, but validol, in his own way, with difficulty combining cultural words with his usual speech, sets the task of the young engineer Marin to urgently prepare for passing the simulation (that is, to pass the entire process from beginning to end, on the hardware computer, monitoring the simulation parameters).
On the day X, such a man for 50, in a strict costume and a stylish shirt, at a price probably more than the total cost of all the clothes present, apologized for the delay (the plane from Guyana was delayed) and asked to immediately move on to the case, who abandoned the traditional table, which shocked all our management, who had the idea of joining it before the check.
Marina received another portion of blasphemy and curse from the immediate boss, launched the program. But the young girl was upset, and could not pass the key sections without alarms and stops. It was visible how she was anxious, trembling in her hands, biting her lips, tears in her eyes, about to collapse. Natecha found nothing smarter than threatening to dismiss her to the devil’s mother, unless she stopped doing hernias and passed the simulation without mistakes. He spotted and went out to smoke. He was followed by the chief engineer, who could nevertheless help, as he was not especially interested in what was going on, hoping to retire before he was fired. The man looked at the whole thing and said gently, calmly, but somehow very confidently:
Don’t worry, Marina, it’s all right. Do you have children?
Marina raised her tearful eyes, hid her shaking hands behind her back and said:
Two of them are twins. Son and daughter.
Great, so you have to cook well. Tell me, do your kids love cakes?
Marina, who doesn’t understand what’s going on, said yes, they adore it, they also demand it to be hotter.
- And how do you make them, roast in a pot or roast in a bowl? I asked Moscow.
- Well, I dough first, and then I just roast for the crust.
The man smiled and continued:
And what do you do so that the farce is not liquid?
Marina felt that the conversation was on a familiar topic, came to herself a little and talked:
- If the broth is liquid, then I add bread, but exactly as much as I need and put it in the refrigerator so that the bread absorbs the excess water, then shape and cook.
The man continued:
Well, look, you have already answered yourself the question why after plasma cutting the sheet does not move on to the molding. It needs to be released so that at the next stage with flexibility it does not go through cracks in the cutting places or so that the steel does not crack during subsequent welding. The program tells the alarm that the sheet should lie down with a gradual drop in temperature, and you are trying to let it go ahead of time. Don’t rush, imagine you’re cooking cakes for your kids who will refuse to eat them if they don’t get as usual.
Marina suddenly transformed, raised the wet eyes on the man, a smile with cute bushes appeared on the face, the hands stopped trembling. She said clearly and clearly:
Thank you very much. I understand it all, thank you very much for it.
She returned to the controller, overloaded the program and passed the entire 40-minute simulation from the first time and received a given shape at the output of excellent quality. Those who came in and out did not even understand what was happening.

But the man could fail, dismiss everyone, and so on. He was the leader, not the boss.

Soviet people lived in cottages and worked in coworking, ate organic foods in crafter eco-packaging, did fitness in free gyms, as work-urbanists used public transport, were body-positive and wore body-friendly clothes made of natural fiber.

Xxx: Worked somehow while studying at the institute (or rather worked) in an office, a courier. He worked informally, and his salary was hourly.   They were engaged in the construction/decoration of industrial buildings, and I carried the documents to and from the primary accounting. I go to the office and I have the same topic. And to say that the address was wrong is not an option, there was no one else. A small building, part of the square is office, and the rest are empty. To me immediately a guy goes, curls in the face, like let's tell you who you are, who you work, etc. I was confused first, then I say:

- Yes, I don't work here, I wanted to do it, but I don't want to go on the way anymore)

The employee whispered suspiciously, then called my, so to speak, “collega,” Andrew.   Here I, that normal guy, smoked often together. He asks him, Kiev to me:

Does this work for you?

Andrew looked at me, then at the employee, and said:

No, it does not work. Then he asks me:

Are you who you are at all?

I wanted to go to work, I saw the advertisement.

There are no vacancies, sorry.

I went away in general.

The young man, Andrew.

Zzzz:... and I could say that this is a headbuckle.

Go with Melissa. Unlike me, he is a fine blonde with gray-blue eyes.

Meeting my grandmother. It stops in front of the small, slopes. It rises and:

What a beautiful girl you have, my grandmother.

And her name is “beautiful” – Rodion – I am grandmother.

Grandma is really stunning!

Why did you call her a male name? ! to

A friend told me:

He graduated from high school in a deaf province at the age of 16. Then there was such an accelerated course for gifted children. He entered the prestigious capital university, on a budget, and also provided a place in the community. I was proud of myself!

And my mother wiped away her tears all August and told me:

“Son, it’s the first time you’re going so far from home. You will live alone. People in the dormitory are different. There are women. Not good ones! They will take you to their room, and they will offer you vodka, and they will put you in bed. Be more careful! Be more careful! Child, take care of yourself!

And I jumped, “When then! Or rather!”

I signed the calendar, days before leaving, waiting!

I have waited! He sat down and went nervously walking through the corridors. Where are they? Where are these dangerous and beautiful women, ready to take to their room, and drink, and lay down?

I walked for three days until I realized – Mom! What a deception! Worse than "we buy a dog if you finish the year for five", and instead of a dog - a younger brother.

Oh my mother!

Yesterday morning, walking around the city on his important affairs met a girl, such a cute girl about 25 years of the family. I came, met, offered to meet in the evening for a walk, she agreed and we exchanged numbers. In the evening, they called and agreed to meet in the center of the city, she said that she was in the car and didn't need to go after her. We met, went for a walk, drank coffee, I joked a lot, she laughed and was in a great mood. After a walk, we returned to our parked cars and decided to say goodbye to myself in my car. We sit and communicate and laugh, I begin to play a little while I talk, she doesn't mind and responds to my play by starting to tick me. How long did I play shortly I pulled her to my knees and we started kissing, here the Land Cruiser 200 passes by and stops abruptly behind, the girl swings and we have such a dialogue (d-girl)

Oh, this is my car.

Do I mean “our”?

D. Meaning of husband

I am you married?

D - Yes

I – why didn’t you say it?

You didn’t ask me, I ran.



After these words she ran out of the car and jumped into her Opel Corsa and gave the gas dropped in the sunset, following her dropped the Land Cruiser, and I stayed in the car to smoke and think about eternity.

I was at the oculist for a week. I sit and wait for my turn. Old people and young people in line. Everyone is watching the next. Then came the grandfather in the cowboy hat. The young girl calmly says to him, “Daddy, your turn.” And so twice. My grandfather reads the newspaper, zero attention. And then the girl can’t stand it and say, “Oh cowboy!” Grandpa got up and went into the office.

I do not elect deputies, I choose a life without deputies guaranteed by the Constitution.

Home in the village.I am in the barracks, where I always do something.The neighbor gives a tail for a while. I remove from the wall a hammer-zobbeny, with a cracked pen.In general, not a hammer-drunk! Next to you are six clever, clean, decent, and you are my rubbish!
I answer-This tail is common.I keep it specifically for those who come and ask.It was initially the same as everything hanging around! The rest I work myself.
The pensioner.

In the government's transition project, the concept has changed. Working days decided to leave five, and the salary to pay as for four.

A friend of mine once told me. She found somehow a cat, you can see that it is home, red like that, dirty, cared for. They were looking for owners. A lot of people called, she asked everyone to describe the cat, but nobody managed. And the sad cat walks, sits on the window and looks so sad. The cat misses the master, the universal longing for the cat's mouth is straight. And then the man called, the look of the cat described accurately and was invited to visit to make sure that the cat is really him and pick up if so. He came, therefore, entered the room, and the cat is sitting in the window looking tirelessly. The man said so quietly, “Vasilius.” And the cat just in two jumps crosses the apartment and finds himself on the chest of the man. He pressed, hugged his legs and murmured. My aunt was squeezed, she said.

Yyy: My wool pitcher’t even turn around, he’d even chew it up :)

When I took my cat to the country for the first time, she fainted of happiness. She was wearing on the beds, climbing under the villas, and when she was screaming - collect clothes, we go home, blasted into the fence and hid in the neighboring area.

And of course I stayed overnight.

The next day after work, I went to get her. I only shuddered with the keys of the carpet, as she flew out unknown from where, grabbed in my leg, fixed on her deadly, pressed her mouth and clogged her eyes.

Since then, I’ve never seen anything like “Master, I don’t hear you.” Once we go home, it means home.