When I was 7-9 years old, an elderly uncle regularly walked along my house with some mental disorder. From a distance, this could be taken for Tourette syndrome.



He was looking around and shouting some strange phrases mixed with the mat, cladding the bag at the entrances. Moreover, it was something absolutely disconnected from the context, related to the missile complexes, the history of book printing, spicy with the ugar mother.



The funny thing was that the maternal interdomains were always clearly addressed to the grandmothers, and the rest of the story to the invisible listeners behind his back.

Stories were new every time, and the heroes were placed on the same staff members of the plot committee.



One day, my friend and I decided to go after him.

To our wild surprise, the uncle calmed down immediately after our house was finished and he was no longer distinguished from ordinary people. We followed him for about 10 minutes before realizing that we were probably facing the most astute grandfather in the world who just hated the grandmother at our house.



He was a hero the city deserved, but he was not prepared for.

I remembered a pretty crazy story.

I met one day in a distant youth with a girl. Lovely, modest and very smiling.

First, we invited you to drink coffee together. Then we went to the cinema. For the third time, we just went for a walk in the park near her house, because the day before, she hinted that her parents were leaving for the country.

She walked through the park and invited me to visit. We bought wine, drank and talked. Moved to bed. Two of them had sex. After all, we lie next to you. by Boltaem. I am slowly falling into sleep. At some point, she licked me on the cheek and said, “You have such a beautiful face... Can I cut it off and keep it for myself? » I dreamed like my hand. Words can be taken for a joke. It is said with a smile on the lips. The frost swept through my skin. There was a lack of humor. He joked in response, saying, “I will still need it myself.”

Well, we went to sleep. Somewhere in half an hour I began to fall asleep. And suddenly I crumble. There is no one on the bed. Looking around, a girl stands in the corner of the room.

I slept with my cousin in the same room last summer. The case is usual. Carefully brought to bed, laid. I spent an hour thinking about everything. Then I finally slept normally.

I wake up suddenly again. It is already lighting out the window. No one in the bed again. No one in the room. Fuck I think okay. Lunarity again. went to search.

I turn to the kitchen. She stands. Eyes are open. Looking at the floor. A kitchen knife in hand. He screams, he turns his head, but does not respond. He took the knife and put it in a drawer. took him to bed. I waited until he closed his eyes and woke up. He began to ask, not remembering that he was awake at all.

In short, she dressed up, apologized and went home to sleep. Until the face was cut off.

And when you go into the bathroom, sit on the toilet, you hear with good acoustics of the room the growing bull of the swirling helicopter, it is absolutely impossible to get rid of the unpleasant feeling that in a couple of seconds, and sitting on a white friend, you suddenly take off under the ceiling.
** by
You will take off. The Sassy!

Criminal asked to replace her failed photo in a search announcement

The next time you feel dumb, just remember that in 2010, a Canadian Mexican, Roger Ramirez (33 years old) bet on weakness with a friend that he could play Russian roulette. But Roger, apparently, did not know exactly how it was made. And, in the absence of a revolver, he decided to use a gun. The result was quite predictable.

I’m standing with my friend today and talking. I’m telling her about my aunt from the subway who wanted to lose my weight with spiders. And she told me about what she filled up and wanted to lose weight for her daughter’s wedding. Good that I got poisoned. It was so bad that I lost a few pounds, now my clothes are talking to me, "says this beautiful (without fools, very cute and cute) woman. I am standing and riding. Because only a woman can enjoy poisoning. At the same time, I remember how I became seriously ill in the winter and lost 8 pounds in a week. And how, wandering, she slipped down the wall to the weights, to look proudly at the number that had decreased considerably.
Girls, we are invincible. Places are impenetrable.

Not telling not telling
There is no normal ending of the situation at all, except when the girlfriend does not find out that you knew about the adventures of her faithful. It is not always possible to keep it under control. You will tell - an insult, you will not tell, and she will then learn that everyone around her knew, except her - an even greater insult. It would be good for the fools not to engage foreign people in their betrayal, if they themselves do not know how to live honestly, but unfortunately.

The father brought out of the basement a three-litre bowl of “smorodine rubbed with sugar.” Judging by the sticker on the cover, the rye was wiped out 13 (thirteen!) years ago. The mother strictly forbade anyone to touch this bank. But the father tried the strawberry and said that the taste, like last year, only the color somewhat strange became... Now the father chases with a spoonful around the apartment for his younger brother (he is 12 years old) and says: “Have respect for the rice! She is older than you!"

The Vampires

>> Ladies and gentlemen, let me tell you. If the vampire does not reflect in the mirror and does not cast shadows, can it be seen on the sonar? and location.
thank you.

It is possible if the vampire is present in the material world as a solid body (the ability to float the fog is attributed to them). Sound waves are elastic mechanical oscillations, and the absence of reflections in the electromagnetic spectrum will not affect them.

Meanwhile, Jeff and I somehow filled them with a bunch of prejudices, and got the size of a false, it was fun. Let them dry up on the stairs. By morning, half was gone.
— — —
The main problem is not that they are blown up into a ball, but that without access to air the foam does not volcanize, simply - does not harden. And if you disconnect, of course, it increases, it will freeze with an inaccurate puddle.

Woke up at night. Sorry, I wanted to go to the toilet. I walk through the hallway - darkness, the eye of the car. I stretched out my hand forward so that in the darkness I would not encounter anything and not awaken the households with a thunderstorm. And suddenly the voice: "I will be your eyes"...
As I realized that this son was playing in his room, I thought I was out of horror.
No, it has not been described.

Only now realized that before walking on the street, you could often see film wrapped on trees and bushes from audio cassettes.

I am a psychologist. My husband goes through four psychological states in any situation. Absolutely in any situation. Recently, we received a penalty for excess.
You have exceeded the speed! (Trying to transfer responsibility to another person)
To make sure that he is driving:
I didn’t drive there at that time. (The stage of denial)
I remembered that I was going to work there and at this time:
I was there before, but there were no cameras. (the stage of accepting the situation, but at the same time trying to justify myself, I said, I was there, but not to blame)
And finally the culmination:
Go to Sberbank and pay. Until 20 days have passed, you can only pay half. (Full acceptance of the situation and search for solutions)

> played in the devil 1 from Fargus, there was a small flying mouse, somehow called the "friend". And only years later I realized it was Shadow – Fiend!

Boy, I have bad news for you. The second translators of Nae6@ you even more.

It’s annoying to buy food for two days and eat for one.

Lerych: Well what can I say about the speed of the Internet...
Lerych: The site for its measurement has not been able to load :(((

(Photo of a very ugly Afghan woman)
This is how many socks you can tie for the winter!
and seven.
ZZZ: Had she been a cat, she would have ripped ready.

From a review of the film Uwe Boll "Attack on Wall Street":

In the movie there is Edward Ferlong. Yes yes yes. John Connor from the second.

“The Terminator.” This is how people change.

yyy: You forgot to put the fifth after the word "change".

In the United States, there are competitions "who will eat more hamburgers", but this does not mean that it is normal to eat them in kilograms - any doctor will confirm.
Vauu: Dick there and "Rugby in the scavengers" are called football, and no, doctors do not protest. and :)

Rostov is not rubber! — warned the state figures of Ukraine Viktor Fyodorovich Yanukovych.