You have the right to remain silent...Everything you say can be used against you in court.
Why do you read the words of American police officers?
"This is not a police phrase, it is a new user agreement for registration in Russian social networks.

The party is merely a form of organization of people on the principle of "your-strangers."

I talked to a funny couple in a neighboring bed. Misha is a healthy, slightly overpumped and overfed guy under a meter ninety. Masha is a thin, cute cock weighing twice as much. Both were shy and shy. They told me that they met a few days ago right here, at the resort. After the trial, they are determined to get married.

Michele remembered the first day of their encounter. They swam it all and swam it. The girl struck him with her fear. She swam well, but did not dare to go further than twenty meters from the shore. She climbed the rocks cleverly, but higher than a few meters up she was scared. I got married, but I kissed Misha. She packed things when moving from the beach to the beach with such care as if they were on a long space trip. She was constantly spraying the cream, afraid of burning.

Finally, Misha began to get it in order.
That’s why she is lonely! He thought, sadly, that she was a good girl.

In despair, he cleverly tried to drink her. The same smoothie came out - she replied that she loves Mohito, but refused to drink it categorically. I took a sad breath at that. Her eyes were filled with sad memories.

Why - Michele would soon be convinced on his own skin. The sun had already bowed to sunset when it broke Masha. She quickly drank a large glass of Mohito and was transformed. With a disturbing wide gesture, the hair adhered to the whiskers and turned into a beautiful witch with a hairstyle "enemies ruined the crown nest." The devil was clear in her eyes. She whispered laconically and whispered: I clutch to those stones! He threw his hand somewhere in the sea, and it was. Within seconds, her thin figure was already waving in the waves.

Misha could hardly see the stones coming out of the water in this Masha direction. The distance was a little frightening for him. But he was delighted with the opportunity to show her all his power and ability to swim. He left traces. He ferociously struck with all his limbs, his biceps and his triceps, trying to push this wickedness. did not succeed. It resembled a wheeled steam boat race for a torpedo boat. So much foam, so little.

Misha had already reached the middle of the strait and had been exhausted when Misha welcomed him with these stones. She was bored there quickly. He swam and went back to the beach. Moving past Misha, she joyfully asked: take me off on that rock until the sun settles!

Looking at the object of the film, Misha trembled. The rock really looked great, sprinkling out into the sea from the beach. It had only one disadvantage – verticality.
Masha is standing! He walked after her - don't think about going to her! You will be killed!

In response, there were bumping bubbles of her laughter. Misha was still bragging in the waves, when at the hellish light of the burning sunset he saw her figure cheerfully climbing up. With the cleverness of the broken cat, she grabbed for invisible performances.

Remove the slugs! He desperately blasted Misha. The rock consisted of smooth plates of the strongest mesozoic limestone, drowned by dinosaurs. Misha himself on such plates slid in wet shells and in a flat place.

But Masha hurried to climb the top before sunset. She succeeded. Without taking slides. When Misha finally ran to this rock, Masha had long and thoughtfully posed in the hills. The entire beach was delighted to photograph her silhouette at the same time as the sunset.

Take me off! Weakly brought to Misha.
Sit in silence! Do not move! I go behind the camera! He responded to Misha.
Take me off the rock! I am scared!! to

Mochi seemed to have been out of it by that time. Changed the sexy pose with the knee up to the emphasis of lying. He threw his head over the pit and was terrified.

The sorrow of Fedor was on her face.
Don’t take me off, Misha. Masha said bitterly – or you’ll kill yourself! I cry while it is light. Take it when I crash.

I thought about the absurdity.

Could you call a fire car? Let me be photographed.

"Then the barge must be called," Misha replied, "the drying technique will not come here. Let’s try it ourselves first. Sit where you sit, don’t move.

And began to rise. He could climb the rocks much better than swim. He reached the top faster than Masha. Three meters below it, I realized that further - only a ticket to one end. He got stuck with a dead grip for a couple of concessions in a position that allowed him to take the falling Masha on his head.

He carefully examined all possible taps for her descent. I asked her where to put her hands and feet. In shock, I did not immediately realize that Masha began to descend too in the slats!

Throw them down to the fucking grandmother! He was grumbling.

Masha humbly and alternately shrugged her legs. Both unwittingly looked down, realizing that they could hit someone in the bowl with these shoes. From the beach, the rescue operation was monitored by crowds. The slopes did not reach the spectators. They alternately collapsed on a slope and... exploded! Flown into many bright colored fragments. Thro the crowd went a crowd of astonishing admiration from the cycle "I don't believe my eyes!" The resting people caught the pieces that fell on them and looked stupidly at them. Misha almost fell out of surprise.
Masha, what was it? Did you hide explosives? Why Why?
The mosaic has flown! Masha answered sadly.

It turned out that its shells, modest from the outside, from the inside were a strange idea of the designer. The plastic pad had a high border on the edge, inside which numerous multi-colored pieces of elastic material were placed under pressure. They fled when they hit the shovel.

When this couple finally came down, it was awaited by a whole deputies with selected pieces of shellfish. The children walked into the hillside in search of the lost pieces. Masha began to restore the mosaic on one of the tapes, Misha tried to help her by collecting the second. But I had trouble. It was a real puzzle.
“Don’t,” said Masha gently, “there’s a pattern to remember. I will collect faster.

I looked at the fragments carefully.
“Children, there is still a small orange piece in the shape of a cupcake!

Detvora was delighted to spread around the surroundings and in a couple of minutes found the tea. And Masha, meanwhile, laid out the pattern, sometimes thinking.

Meanwhile, Misha began to comment:
We need to develop shoes! Increase the intelligence. Self-liquidate when the IQ of the owner or the owner itself falls. They recover if she has the courage to gather them back.

Masha laughed and continued to squeeze the colored pieces.

A resident of Barnaul was sentenced to five years for publishing Rorschach’s spots on the Internet. The court identified on the picture: demonstration of Nazi symbolism, insulting the feelings of believers, justification of terrorism and pornographic image of the mother of one of the investigators.

A monarch acting in the interests of the people is better than a parliament acting in the interests of the party.

In Novosibirsk, they removed stickers with the inscription "For Russia without scammers and thieves".
In the act of inspection it is written that the violation is an agitation against "United Russia".

President of the State Duma Volodin said that there is a hole in the budget, so Russians will have to do without state pensions. Or is it better for us to do without the State Duma and its president?

In the weakened kingdom, there are far more eaten than satiated.

In my family 4 children.
I am the oldest.
My mother and I had this conversation:
When did you decide you want children?
That moment in my life has not yet come.
...
Mother of the Year

I don’t understand why iPhone owners don’t like those with Android. What do people without loans do to you?

There was an interesting young man in our class, a second-year-old - Eldar. He made a hole inside the pocket of the pants, pushed his reproductive organ there from the inside and offered the girls to smell something interesting in the pocket. The whistleblower quickly flew through the school. Ella Albertovna, a tough woman, soon arrived at the scene of the accident and, without words, put her hand in Eldar's pocket, but did not pull back. Ladies with many years of pedagogical experience strongly compressed the subject. She dragged him to the end to the head of the educational department. In the mid-1990s, the second-year-old dissolved in time, but there were no relapses.

I make mistakes so well that I only learn from them. Other mistakes are of very low quality.

“And I know what you’re looking for,” said the taxi driver on the way to Vnukovo. “I’ve been driving people to the airport for five years, I recognize that look right away. You are looking for a passport. Turn off the alarm and look into the front pocket.
Oh, here is he! But how do you know...
and five. The flight.

Pete, do you know what a prospect is?
Vasily Ivanovich is good. I have enough explanation for the nuance.

I had three aunts, two dads sisters and one mom. We didn’t love her very much – she was cold, ulcerative, often rude. The fathers were kind, constantly chatting with us, three nephews, constantly saying that they love. But one day, my dad died, and my mom went crazy of sorrow – for a few months she could not recover. Daddy's sisters were constantly coming, talking about something with her, grabbing us sympathetically on the head. My mom’s sister came less often, but she brought us food, cleaned the house, bathed my mom, scratched her.

One day good aunts came and locked up with their mother, as suddenly came a bad aunt, and almost kicked them out of the house. We wanted to rush to their defense, but suddenly our beloved aunts began to curse us, cry out and wish death to our mother. We hated my aunt, but she lived with us for a few months. She never gentled with us, but the house was always clean, there was a hot lunch, my mom took her medications on time. When there were problems in school, my aunt went and got it all right; when I broke my arm, my aunt on her arms ran with me to the injury point.

Later my mother recovered, life re-entered, and a long time later we learned that my sister’s daddy after his death tried to persuade my mother to sign papers to renounce all real estate and assets in their favor, thus leaving us poor without a roof over our heads. Aunt died at the age of 72, without changing her cold temper, but this did not prevent us from constantly saying that we love her and there is no person dearer to us.

Take my son to kindergarten. On the way I pick up a neighbor with a child （our children go to one group）, and another neighbor. Explanation: they are not husband and wife, just neighbors.

Let us communicate. She calls her neighbor “Uncle Cole” and “you” all the time, although they’ve known each other for more than a year. I asked her why she called him uncle.

－And how do I treat him？We have a big age difference. I am 28 years old, he is probably over forty. His daughter has almost finished school.

－43 －I will clarify.

－ Well you see, 15 years of difference.

－Why then don’t you call me “Uncle Vitya”？

－ Why Uncle Viti？

－Because I’m six months older than Uncle Cole.

did not believe. I had to show my passport.

Now I’m “Uncle Vichy,” really “you.”

A few years ago, in the kindergarten, where the son was going, decided to conduct the testing of children. I invited a psychologist, who decided that the drawing will tell everything.

In the evening, the wife calls, the voice shakes, says you need to talk seriously.

Karoche, his son, painted everyone, even the dog, with colored flommasters, and me, black, and also painted black.

Paper from a psychologist: I am a tyrant, my son is afraid of me, I keep in fear of everyone and everything.

I blame myself for my sins.

I sat in front of him and asked:

“Son, why did you paint all of them with colored flommasters and paint me black?”

The answer characterizes the work of fashion psychologists:

“Daddy, the color painting stopped, I said and they gave me black, I had to paint you black.



What is the point of history, you ask? The psychologist no longer works in the kindergarten, but has his practice, where parents take the children.

We sit in the universe in a pair. The teacher confusingly and incomprehensively explains the material, group

He is confused and does not understand.

Finally, the paddle is desperate and paints on the green board with a white mole (this is important!) The two targets.

Here is! He says. You will now understand the difference. Look at the right target. It is white on a green background. Now look to the left. It is black on a green background. Now you can see for yourself that they are completely different!

Everyone who has listened to the lesson so far has had a hanging of the brain’s operating system. There was a silence in the audience, in which, if you listen, you could distinguish how the hatchbacks whistle in our hemispheres.

Voice from the group:

How are they different if they are both white? ! to

And you imagine! It was his answer.

The rest of the couple went boring, and history would have been forgotten if the first-time student had not approached us at the end of the same day.

Was this your first couple with a name? He asks us.

Well yes, at us. What is it? I answer me.

What about triangles?

Which triangles? O. O

We just sat down on the sides, as he painted a triangle on the board and said it was black. We are like, “Well, black means black.” So he started screaming at us that we were stupid! And that the previous group was at least smarter: asked how this could be, if a white...

I have a acquaintance. He doesn’t drink and hates drunk driving. There have been several instances when he saw on the road "whipping" cars, dropped all his affairs, followed this driver (on the road reporting to the appropriate service), until he was caught.

I also told such a case. He came with his family to his brother. Brother gathered for something to the store in the middle of the night in the car (naturally, during the feast he drank). My friend insists, does not let his brother out of the apartment. My brother is on his own.

B: Well night in the courtyard, everything will be fine (bla-bla-bla).

When the excuses did not work, another conversation began:

B: And what will you do? Will you call the police?

Z is yes.

B: You won’t call me.

The acquaintance calls. His brother, still not believing what is happening, is listening to the conversation. The Deputy (D):

That is, I listen to it.

Q: I want to inform you that a drunk driver is going to leave from such an address right now.

D: How did you find out about it?

H: So I’m with him right now!

D: And what are you doing there?

Z: I am his brother, I came to visit him.

With a duty stomp. Within a few seconds, he reveals:

- And you called to report that your brother is going to drive drunk?

Z is yes. What is this? Will he strike on someone? I will not forgive myself for not stopping him.

D (after a few seconds of reflection): - And give your brother a phone.

After a few minutes of talking with the guard, the brother calmed down and did not go to the store.

After the story, I asked a friend:

What if my brother went?

Q: Well then, at least, let me prepare to scratch a penalty and soon walk.

Independence from public opinion is called peace of mind.