bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №101561
 08.08.2014
AlVich: AppleTM© introduces the innovative iGuitarTM©
White Deca with AppleTM
Design without Skeomorphism – a tree doesn’t look like a tree. Widespread use of plastic and luminous.
The wheels are rotated by a sensory wheel.
The menus and calibers of strings are deliberately different from the standards, so that ordinary ernibols, dadarives or elixirs could not be put. Only iStringsTM© from reStoreTM©
Mediators for 9.95. Cappuccino cannot be placed. The wheel is vibrated only in the S series, which is 99.95 more expensive.
Synchronization with iTunesTM®© If you play music that is not purchased from iStoreTM®©, a team of lawyers rushes and tries.

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №101560
 08.08.2014
I do not like illiteracy.

Mariet: Alexander, illiteracy is written separately.

[ + 19 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №101559
 08.08.2014
X: Cat is a great way to open a combination of keys you didn’t know about.
Y: It's a pity that you can't talk - you fucking understand where you pressed.

[ + 45 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №101558
 08.08.2014
This is:

I join. Children’s lives are overestimated. Even in the household - "in the elevator the first adults go"...
__________________

This is not about re-evaluating childhood life.
Small children are not recommended to use the elevator alone, because the weight of the child may be too small. The loading sensor will not feel that there is already a passenger in the cabin, and if someone from the other floor presses the call button, the elevator may suddenly close and go there. He is not intelligent, but only automatic, and may not understand that, for example, the child is already standing in the cabin and at the same time holds the hand of the mother, who has not yet had time to enter the elevator.
A similar story with a child's wheelchair, which should be taken into the elevator only after an adult has already entered there, and be taken out first.
And don’t forget that all the sections of the safety instructions are written with blood... yet strange.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №101557
 08.08.2014
I go with my wife in the car. She has been saying something for a long time. Mechanically stretch to the magnetol panel to reduce the noise. Template break: the panel is turned off and noise does not decrease! We laughed together a long time.

[ + -4 - ] Comment quote №101556
 08.08.2014
We have a guy from Ukraine painting for the floors. Oksana and I criticized "the font is unreadable, the buttons are non-contrastable" and it disappeared.
They changed. The freelancers.
He then comes out for contact and says, "Sorry, say, we've cut off the light again for the whole day. A man from Donetsk. There are tank battles on the outskirts, and he corrects the contrast.
They know how to justify their freelance trials.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №101555
 08.08.2014
The battles of space fleets look extremely plausible (they are made from the words of a man who actually saw it happening in real life).

where?! to
--------
There are such mushrooms, thanks to which you will not see that.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №101554
 08.08.2014
Q: Can the Israeli Redis remain? It is important!
The Israeli Defense Ministry has banned the sale of drones to Russia. However, the Russian Defense Ministry stated that it did not plan to buy them. I am also worried about the red.
Vocabre: will only sell piloted redis.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №101553
 08.08.2014
That was a conspiracy!

...Because everything is not fine with me and I heard the TV’s sound (the “Light Horizon”). There is no whisper, though. She doesn’t hear him...
----------
I had the same fist. He ate, and no one believed me. I did not go to the psychiatrist.
___________________________________
And the sound was ugly, but I didn’t tell anyone, I didn’t burn.)))

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №101552
 08.08.2014
The workers will be full and healthy - neither the children nor the elderly will disappear, but the workers will bend - all the cranes.
--------
We have already gone away from this border of survival, which constantly threatens all to die of hunger. We can give the best pieces to our weak ones and not lose from hunger the ability to draw a few more pieces tomorrow. This is probably the best that civilization has given us.

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №101551
 08.08.2014
If you feel discomfort and it is unclear what causes it, don't rush to get treatment: maybe you just haven't had time to lose consciousness.

[ + 45 - ] Comment quote №101550
 08.08.2014
Meeting with the grandmother.
6 August, 8:59
“...and if hell exists, you can easily rest there. After the service of Pandora...”
by avatar
I recently went to a bank with my wife for some of her business. I get out of the car and I see a crawling figure. At the same time, the bank barely flies the grandfather. Suddenly I (110kg) is encompassed by a completely childish desire to hide from this grandfather for a wife. 5 of OKG. A non-trivial task
What an attack like that. I shake the shake, open the door to the old man, and the cause of the darkness becomes clear. Professor Trenogin, my lecturer in Matan and Methods of Mathematical Physics. Horror flying on the wings of the session. The armor and seat of the dean.
...
Trenogin was the most terrifying of all the teachings. Sending half-groups with bananas was for him to spit. I can’t say that as a predecessor he was super-whole not. His lectures were quite tumultuous, he often lost the topic, jumped from fifth to tenth, but demanded the first category.
At the same time, he was brutal and evil like an Iroquois.
When I showed his lectures to my father-academic, he recognized Vladimir Sanych as mentally ill.
He gives you things that you will not need in life. Very special things, and I don't understand how he promoted them into the program.
It turned out that he injected elements of his doctorate there. Why is this great mystery.
Vladimir Sanych liked to play with the mind. He took the Russian roulette exam with 13 tickets, where the task was reduced to an integral. Four courses fought over him and could do nothing. Without a solved task, you will not go to the oral, so 13 tickets are guaranteed two points, regardless of the number of heels in the forehead.
Before the exam, I just scratched it.
I come home and I wonder what granite we are grinding there. And with my mythical stuff. Did the bullshit teach? The aircraft painted? Oh my boy!
Oh yes! well on. Here is my ticket.
Taken in memory?
and UGU.
Well, what we have there.
It is pleasant to see. All the hurry as a hand removed. Without noticing me, he goes to the office and waits for twenty minutes.
Your mathematics examination would not bother. This is a well-known formula from graph theory describing the movement of a graph in the space of S-strings, more precisely half the path, but you don’t need it at all.
Can this be solved by our methods? A substitute, a replacement of variables?
I will try.
Within half an hour comes out with three thickly printed sheets.I am on 7 sky.
I learned only one ticket. At the exam called the 13th-Sanych is not even useful to check - because no one in a healthy mind will take it for himself.
I sit to write. Inspired, I annoyed the professor. People at 13 usually look out the window, meditate and prepare for execution, rather than write. Come and look from the back. Cover the list.
Patience, Patience, Patience is patience. I have not finished!
A compassionate stone passes through the group. All the fucking cat. Goodbye to the institute, goodbye to the strong working team.
It was given by Stanislavsky. Complete drama with elements of shamrock.I sit down, I start canoeing, can oral immediately?
and happy. Leave the task. Not decided? to Goodbye. Specifically goodbye.
The task? Let it go. I write the answer. The trainer shakes his eyes.
Hey, how did you do it?
Dick, Vladlen Sanych, this is the same well-known (aga-every dog knows) formula from the theory of the graphs (further in the text)
I risked, of course desperately. I did not know I learned. In maths, this does not work. One question and I end. If he asked me what they were for the counts, I would have only recalled something from heraldics in response.Well, maybe, Leo Nikolaevich would have moved in the space of the S-stripes.And they would have sent me into the space of the female reproductive organs immediately. Where He would be from now on and forever and forever.
But it procured. The professor was so demoralized that he followed the most predictable path.
In our methods, can you take this integral?
I have to think.
Think of.
While I depicted the torments of creativity, Vladelen Sanych did not take his eyes from me and did not pay attention to external stimuli (shpargals, textbooks, jokes). As a result, the whole group successfully passed the exam.
I was then carried on my hands.
I write out formulas, scratch what is written, write again, with a word, I put a shadow on the cloth. I am deliberately mistaken in the mark. I leave with doubt.
It seemed to be out, but where the sign was lost.
Two minutes later we find the lost one.
And here Sanych is expressed by speech. A minute for twenty. About how hard and heroic he did something in mathematics. I am afraid to move. It gradually makes sense.
Previously, the professor explained to us how stupid we are. Now I’m saying that he’s smart too.
Finally it quieted.
Can it be oral?
Do not need. Take the count.“Good” he wrote in the polish.
I did not go to his exams anymore. From time to time he called me to listen to a lecture, but it is so, "I said, I understand, you are busy with scientific work, but if you find time."
Still as busy. Do not raise your head as you are busy.
...
I approached him in the bank.For a quarter of a century I dreamed of spitting in this rose.
Welcome to Sanchez!
The day good. We are acquainted?
Ms. and MF1.
Aaaah hello to you.
I would like to thank you, Vladimir Sanych, your science has helped me a lot in my life.
Are you related to mathematics?
Not to any extent.
Why thank you then?
And for the fact that after your exams all the other tasks that life set me seemed to be nonsense.
And this yes. It is worth.
And do not say. Thank you again!
(I will remember you for centuries)
and Amen.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №101549
 08.08.2014
Because of the gigantic scale of corruption in Russia, sanctions simply do not reach the people.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №101548
 08.08.2014
To give way to a fool who does not stop before a pedestrian?
_______
So why not? Even if you are stupid, everyone is healthy.
_______

The fools are everywhere, the fools are everywhere. Then we wonder why the dumb and foolish succeed where the clever and polite fly.

[ + 21 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №101547
 08.08.2014
here here :
That was a conspiracy!

...Because everything is not fine with me and I heard the TV’s sound (the “Light Horizon”). There is no whisper, though. She doesn’t hear him...
----------
I had the same fist. He ate, and no one believed me. I did not go to the psychiatrist.
___________________________________
And the sound was ugly, but I didn’t tell anyone, I didn’t burn.)))
----------------
There is such a joke that children and adolescents hear high-frequency sounds that adults do not hear. There is even a collection. I went to the psychiatrist in vain.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №101546
 08.08.2014
I am afraid of causing a wave of indignation on the part of the grammar.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №101545
 08.08.2014
Corvin: Per a demon came to you and offered you a deal. You trade and trade.
Corvin: Or have you gone for a walk and at the same time refined the skill of invisible murder?
Corvin: Oh you are here!
Corvin: Are you here?
Sphinx: She lay down and fell asleep. – is* is
Sphinx: What Interested Assumptions.)
= = = is = is = is = is = is
She will not give you. Sometimes out of pity.

*** by
In one of the reflections it will definitely give!

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №101544
 08.08.2014
Comments from Habr:

FrozmatGames: The instinct of self-selfie. All the progress of humanity has been made to satisfy this subconscious attraction. The final stage of evolution is the invention of a flying drone, which will independently photograph the “master”, by indicators of care to determine the best frames, photoshop, analyze the content of the frame to add hashtags and tweet, tweet, tweet...

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №101543
 08.08.2014
I love, I love, I love, I miss, I love, I love, I miss. Don’t come today.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №101542
 08.08.2014
And why did she lead you to a psychiatrist, not a neurologist or neurologist? It would be much more logical, and such a specialist is in almost every clinic, psychiatrists are much less common.
It seems to me that you do not agree on something, and that is the hidden and hidden cause of your problems.
= = = = = = = = =
In 1984, I remember that very well. My mother drove me to a psychiatrist (what I learned about him at the school medical commission in the military department). Because everything is not fine with me and I heard the TV SICK (LAMP "HORIZON"). There is no whisper, though. She does not hear him. In the 94th, he moved to Sumy, and then to Kiev, until this moment he was a "psycho". So don’t ask about female logic.

The best quotes and jokes from the bezdna