They come to me for my birthday with a friend. They smile mysteriously. I expect.

Son: (confidently begins, holding the envelope in his hands) - Father, congratulations! You have 47, so we decided to give you 47 cents of money.

I: (with false humility) - Yeah, you are what! Why so much?

Son: (with noticeable relief) - But we have not completed 40 so we only give 7 pieces!

It was at the end of the 80s. During the Soviet Union, schools were required to strictly comply with rules, such as the compulsory wearing of a school uniform, a pioneering tie. If a girl has long hair, then they must be assembled in a tail or wrapped up in cracks, or if you are already in high school, then don’t give god you came up with makeup.

The story happened when Yulia was in primary school. Their teacher was such a woman of communist hardness. Well, as usual, she had favorites, and there were students she did not like. Julia was somehow in the last, despite the fact that she did not learn badly. It wasn’t good, but it was also a trio. The teacher did not miss the opportunity to showcase the students of this group in front of the whole class on any occasion.

There was some control. Yulkin's mother left in the evening to the neighboring city for a session - she studied off-site at some institute. Yucca went out by herself in the morning. She gathered her hair in the tail and slapped the brick with a fist. When he sat down to write the checklist, the unskillfully blown blade constantly slipped out of the blade and fell on his eyes. Yulke had to constantly repair her, and she scratched again. After a while, the teacher noticed it and said, “Julia, go here.” Jolly has arrived. Does the hair bother? Let me help you.”

Here, this creature takes such large scissors from the table and just before the whole class, it cracks Yulke’s tail.

The tail. with knives. In front of the whole class.

Don’t ask why the tail and not the brick, nobody knows.

“The hair should be put in order at home, Julia, not at school.”

Julia turns into tears and she slowly returns to her place.

Yulka quietly cried behind the party, but the worst thing was ahead - in the evening she had to come back, and Yulka was afraid that she would fall heavily for this incident. Therefore, coming home, Yulka didn’t come up with anything better than changing clothes, but not taking off the winter hat. When my mother returned in the evening, she naturally asked why Yulka was in a hat, but she replied that something was cold, ears and head frozen, so she is still in a hat. Well, my mom didn’t really bother, but it was time to go to bed and the hat had to be removed. Mother naturally wept and asked what was going on. She cried and told me how it was.

My mother did not argue. Mom just called Yulkin’s grandfather and told him about the situation.

The next morning, Julia went to school with her grandfather in the hand. Yulkin’s grandfather was a kind man, but at the same time he was very demanding and strict, as he worked as a boss in some factory. When they arrived, the lesson had not yet begun, but there was already a teacher and 2-3 children in the class. The grandfather went into the classroom, introduced himself to the teacher, said there was a conversation and asked the students to wait in the hallway.

She heated her ears at the door. She was interested in listening to what they were talking about, but through the door it was unclear. I heard the bass grandfather say something to the teacher, and then her whispering voice responds to him. The conversation was heated, they spoke louder and louder, and then at some point Yulka heard the sound of a delicious straw. This is rain! And it all silenced. Then the door opens, the grandfather comes out, behind him a teacher with such a crassy cheek and a purple ear.

“Sorry to me, Julia.”

Her apologies were not needed, but her purple ear clearly smoothed offensive.

And Yulka and her mother then went to the barber, and she made a careful equal punishment.

In school years he grew up as a fairly intelligent child, and therefore in high school was defined by teachers as an Olympian for all occasions of life. There were four in our class, if there is a contest, then we go. If we need to “defend” the honor of the school, then we go.

Here is another Olympics, but there, according to the rules, it was necessary to send 5 people. The fifth wheel was chosen by a girl who for the first time in her life won 5 in mathematics (they thought the Olympiad would be mathematical). In the end, it turned out that we competed with a class from another school a year older than us.

The Olympics went well, we won, but our fifth wheel took no part, even a couple of times arranged hysteria about the fact that it does not understand what to do. The award took place at the school. Participants receive a certificate and a office set. Oh, how I wanted such a set for myself, because at home I had an ordinary box under my fingers, glued with Hubba-Bubba stickers. I stood and waited for him to be handed over to me. Everyone was rewarded, even the fifth wheel, and I didn’t. I quietly approached my teacher and asked why they didn’t give me anything.

The answer was this:

-You know, we only bought 4 sets, so we decided not to give you literacy too, so you don't get upset.

I always go to competitions. Why did they give it to her and not to me?

She is a girl.

The only satisfaction was that these office kits broke in their first week, and my parents on the day of awarding bought me one that still serves 8 years later.

World Championship in Football. I am standing in the store, choosing water, in the south we are very hot in the summer. A man stands next to him, turning a bottle of Baltic beer in his hand with our footballers on the labels. Baltica, as you know, was the sponsor of our national team, TV advertising was rotated in the type: "Maybe if we want."The man crushes the bench and says: that beer is shit, that the team. I put the bottle back and left. As they say, neither to give nor to take.

My driver told me this story. He served in the Soviet times in the army in Moldova. The military unit was located near a large village, so it was quite boring to go to the dismissal.

But this is not the point.

My friend and I went to the shop in the morning. There are two men who come to us and ask:

Soldiers, buy us wine! The locals don’t sell us here, they’ll sell you. Here you have a three-liter bank and money - and three rubles. “Won,” they say, “can be purchased in that house!

My friend and I go into the yard.

Lord, we say, will you not sell us the wine?

Show the bank with money. The man said something to his wife, she carries cups of wine and three cups of healthy. The man ordered this bank to hide, he poured wine into our cups, he drank with us and did not take the money. We go out with an empty bank.

Not sold here! We are talking.

Come into this house! You can buy there. Men are shaking from the Bodong. We enter the second house. There is a woman of forty years, washing in the yard. She saw us with the bank and cried:

Oh guys, my son is also in the army, so what are you standing, let’s get to the table! He gave us food and drinks for free. We get out of there... The red mouths are already in both...

We do not sell wine here. We are talking. The men changed their faces.

You are drunk! They scream – we see!

Well, so fill - it fills! Selling is not selling! They gave them a bank and three rubles and went on...This is the story.

Yesterday I met a friend with two cute girls (as it turned out, 10 years younger than us). We were lucky to drive them around the city by car. They turned on the music and opened the windows.



And then a friend in a serious voice said to me quietly:

They may be sick, and I am afraid to get my back cold. How different are our thoughts!

My friend’s cat is called Felix Allergene Mc'Schrödinger. When asked whether it is wise to call a cat, she answers:
His grandmother called him Felix because he was allergic to me, Mac because he was a Scottish whisker, and Schrödinger because he was a cat, and because I was allergic to him, it was not clear how long he would stay with us. Well... Or I..."

In life, it is not important to sail in the current or against the current, the main thing is to have a yacht.

A friend (let’s call her Natasha) complains: “I sit in a cafe, I drink cleansing smoothies with beets and I hate myself – because the taste is rare shit. Next to the dumb babency passes the eggs of Benedict. And cuddling, the shit. The hand, you won’t believe, pulled herself behind the fork (to knock her in the bowl!) Here somehow I became thirsty – I am here sitting all of such an offgenny in a stretching DKNY shirt, a pot like a nuts, hair on the belt, burned and... alone. And she puts the mayonnaise sauce in cholesterol and smiles. I’ll call the waitress to order an omelette with double bacon, a piece of Napoleon, and... End it. For whom do I keep the shape? Why Squats and Diets? Who wants my ass? The Despair! The Disappointment! Thinly!
But here I notice a guy taking pictures of me on an iPhone. Drunk with this taste. and smiles! Such a cute one! On the table is the Maxim magazine. Well I think, Ave Maria! Madonna heard my prayers. I sharply grab the smoothie and take a straw in my mouth. I invite you to dialogue. I pose in the best traditions of the Via Gra. I photograph, but it doesn’t fit. Well, I think it’s definitely a pervert! Jack is sweat.:) I can't stand shorter, scratch the patterns and fit myself. I say, “Hi, you’re probably photographing for Maxim?” He lifts up his beautiful eyes, almost tearing from enthusiasm. We silently experience the pre-orgasmic Zen of the first acquaintance. I lower my eyes to his iPhone to see myself with his eyes... And there... There, the fox, the Pokémon. No, do you understand? He fucking caught the Pokemon!!”
© Evgeny Chereshnev

Barrymore, what kind of wave is this in the swamps?
You never took your grandmother to the sea, sir.

The Cidels were talking here with the Google Capsule, and we were born with ideas for the future Capsule:

Prove that you are not a robot, create a smart life.
Prove that you are not a robot, hurt a human being or allow him to be hurt by your inaction.
Prove that you are not a robot, leave the Matrix

Do you really believe in the existence of such stupid women?

I am a girl. I know those individuals. Breaking a hand because of a quarrel is easy, swallowing pills because of insults is easy, marrying a sadist - with pleasure. God told them to get pregnant. And here is the famous thing: you give him birth, and he will stop chasing on the grandmothers.

The more children scare, the better would Valuev made the head coach of the Russian national team of football.

XXX: Darwin’s Terry briefly: to the weak – P$YES!

Yyy: it is the strong, the weak - the right hand!

XXX: Now I have seen the most epic picture of my life. I go into the room – the windows are open, the rear curtains dance, fighting music from a computer game plays, and in the middle of all this sits a rough brother and seeks leather boots for rolling. A feeling of immersion!
yyy: in the image entered))

Listened at the beach: Daddy tells me that I am a golden kid, not a drop of shit in me - I am sixteen years old, and I can't teach you to swim.

> men’s shavers are taxed as a first necessity. Women’s pads and tampons are taxed as luxury.

Wait, this is not so clear. I’m not trying to justify the legislators, I’m trying to understand their logic... I’m trying to understand, but I can’t.

Russia is sending two Be-200 aircraft to Portugal to help fight forest fires. Apparently the fire has reached the villas of our oligarchs already... why are they not being built in Siberia and in the Far East? It would have been all over there for a long time...

I live in a rental apartment with neighbors in other rooms. And one of them, the guy, never opens the door with his key. Always calling the phone. If his wife or child is at home - they open the door, he enters and forgets to close the door in 90% of cases. If they are not - after a few minutes of calls, I hear a sound in the lock well. The last case got me:

I lie in bed, watch a movie, time 22: 00. A bell at the door. One, the second and the third. I listen to it, and no matter what happened, I watch the movie further. The phone starts ringing (it’s ringing). I don’t take the phone, but I start to boil my mind. Again a bell at the door. Five minutes later, he opened and entered. I go to the kitchen in half an hour.

C: Oh, where were you?

I: In the room.

Q: What if the door was opened?

What do you do to get the keys out of your pocket?

(C): Yes, I had heavy bags, I wasn’t lazy.



Is it easier to get the phone and call?

I have had sex for more than 15 years, the pregnancy was one, planned. No any surprises. And close friends (with whom such topics are discussed in general) do not have an abortion.
And here you will read, direct sex = flight. Can you read about contraception?