Winter and night. I ordered a taxi and sat down. A car, a driver with a partner. From the moment of landing and all along the way, they both looked at me. I look fine, and dark, I don’t know these people exactly. Finally, the driver asks, “Who are you going to?” I have a little stupor, I don't know what to answer such a question, then I answer "home". The driver and his wife looked around and said, “You ordered a taxi at our address.” I understood what it was and laughed. It was a new neighborhood with private houses, and our house on the map was not yet marked, so I ordered a taxi to the neighboring address. I lived there for a few months and didn’t know what my neighbors looked like.

Previously, a cat was first launched into the new apartment, and now an Internet provider is installed.

“Life is pain!” – philosophically said the doctor, thoughtfully considering an object very similar to a giant ripe straw. “Mirabel” or “Anna Spet”?

What do you think? Knowing the passion of the doctor for horticulture, I realized that it was most likely about the varieties of strawberries, but I could only answer him with an obscene silence. The violet object of attention was justified in a cute nickeled gauge. The size of the guest was unknown. The patient looked at us through the eyes of an adult kangaroo and chewed his lips.

Why did you turn this jewelry on a member, liar? Want to charm your wife? Did you get married by accident in a washing machine?

The patient was mysteriously silent.

And what? I pull the key and twist what you’ve twisted, you’re a robot! Member of the museum...Mudozvon, forgive the hospice!

When trying to touch the purple, the body turned over and issued a scream of such beauty and perfection that the famous tenor Pavorotti, hearing this, would instantly lose half his beard from jealousy. Get up early, young man. If the jewelry is not removed, the process of swelling, inflammation and necrosis can provide you with a career in the church choir. Here you will enjoy the hearing of the parishioners with an unseen falsehood. Come on, go on, carousel

I am totally for nature and its creation. I love everything and everything. Therefore, the desire to feed the white from the hand causes positive emotions and affection. But what kind of a white man is trying to chew on a puffy tail when he eats?!!! The Nuts!! On your own hand!! In fact, take a rodent for the most expensive! With a rough tail.

Not wise, he wrapped with a sterile bandage the first phalanx of the index finger dissolved on the ribbons. There was a cute bone from the farce. No one needed a manicure nail rolled under his feet. A young naturalist with a green face smelled a healthy cotton with nasatyre and remembered the maternal rhythms of the word "white".

I was treated for a cold for 5 years. I decided to make a soda inhalation. For the completion of the process, it was planted on a table before a pot with a boiling solution of soda. Covered, grind, blanket... and left unattended. How it happened there, I do not know. Only the pot the child turned on his feet. He lost consciousness instantly, without touching. And I lay in the boiling water for a while until one of the adults came in to ask about the process of therapy... I was at this address as one of the four “Surgeons”.

“Shocks” carried a child with third-degree burns of 40 percent of the body.

“Cardiologists” fought for a grandmother with cardiogenic shock.

The "psyches" reassured the father of the family, who, with a foam in his mouth, rushed to get his wife.

I drove my mom with gentle beating and suspicion of a severe shaking of the content of the skull.

Temperature... Temperature... High blood pressure... Radial bone fracture in a typical place... Temperature... Transportation... Food poisoning... Temperature...

At five in the morning.

Bad with the heart of an adult.

Sending according to the replacement algorithm. All the “specialists” were busy. 9th floor without elevator. Box with SMP laying, portable cardiograph, suitcase with "resuscitation". At the bell from the door of the old “... And who is Tam?

“I want to ask if this is Greenpeace and if my grandmother doesn’t have a handcut to save. But the sense of humor died somewhere between the fourth and fifth floors. And after entering, it is unclear whose, shit on the seventh - there was an attack of misanthropy.

The old grandmother. and clean. and modestly. Untouchable is.

What happened, grandmother?

So be comforted!!...

What, I’m sorry?

The comfort, I say.

What’s wrong with the oak?!...

"Dick, the daughter was in the afternoon, washed and cooled... and the puppy... the outbreak put on the servette... She is there! He may be burning down! And on the foot! Or in the cold!! Like chicken, with the heart you do bad things.

..................................................

I count to ten with my eyes closed. I realize that I am an Indian who sold Manhattan for a beard and a mirror. Must be silent. “No, silence is even worse – I can fall asleep.” I stand.

Okay grandmother. Let me clean the floor. It’s already cold, so it’s okay. Is there anything else bothering you? No is? I will go then...

A rare collection. meet at the entrance. The young man with maximum respect accompanies to the apartment and further. The sick lie across the bed in a decorative position and suffers. He answers questions with a painful delay due to the unbearable difficulty of being. “What a burning! The second day of the month. This is not your bride with Mac. And in general, all around males, goats and fools! “Life is calm, no exotic. The look is vulgar. There is no temperature. Pressure is normal. The shorts are appreciated. After the intramuscularly delivered Noshpa, Analgin and Dimedrol, miraculously healed and removed by the promising walk of the much-suffering body to the toilet. So I want to write the diagnosis of "menstrual dementia" on the map, until the teeth are reduced...

Reflectively and responsibly, the cat Bacilla spoke of the comments, watching the fight of two pretenders against her mind, honour and, a little, conscience. The applicants held a debut and duel in the garage of the station, so they provided themselves with spectators and fans. Bacilla was “local” and the brides were “travelled”. Every spring the battle was public and ended with a handful of kittens with funny medical names, which then traveled around the city.

Directly on the road came this composition - "Tango three". One could speak, the second successfully supplemented the speech with bright gestures and outcry, the third was a reliable support for the first two. They, without reducing speed, crossed the car-filled prospectus along the most difficult trajectory. To show this in the circus, the artists in the sweat of the face and... not the face... train for months. We sat in the RAFE with open eyes and waited for fresh customers. by Fig! Did not wait. We went further, to the hospital. In the salon was a sad patient, a doctor of science, a professor. A sober sheep. Complicated fracture of the ankle. He stumbled onto the door in two stairs.

They were taken from the clinic, who arrived there, almost on four, a poor man. There was something heavy in the garage. “He shot.” He was driving in the car on his knees, on a blanket, laying his head and relying on a chair. The driver entered and rode around all the cribs and cribs. He was taken out of the car at the reception room. The man was so exhausted that he cried out of pain when trying to move.

The end of the change is approaching. The end of this pornographic triathlon “You. to you. It’s you, life goes on. Life is beautiful, they say.

© Dmitry Fedorov, "Hello, the ambulance was called?"

How many times do you say that there is no word “sho” in Russian! There is no “no” in Russian.
So what now? No and no

This happened in the 90s. I was 6. My sister and I went to the theatre. The sister got the money, I got the theatrical binoculars, beautiful, white with a lacquered coating and gold inscriptions.

And then, the sister went for the cakes. Only in the theater they were inexpensive, and we, the children of budgeters, saw these same cookies either in the theater or in dreams.

I sit, I hold the binoculars, I wait for the cakes. The grandmother of God is well dressed. Borrow a sweet binoculars, I'm old - I can't see anything, then return. I was a shy boy 6 years old with upbringing and respect for the elderly, I could not send her, but honestly believing that my grandmother could not cheat, gave his treasure to an old cute grandmother. Thanks, she fled in an unknown direction. I am a 6-year-old loch until I realized that the grandmothers are different, including the rats. The annotation ended, the sister came, the cake before her ended, I mean I sit down and don't see a fig instead of the cake.

After the speech, the sister asks, where is the bell, the binoculars? I say so and so, I sit and wait for the grandmother to return the binoculars.

How she spoke to me then. Of course, I didn’t get him back. We were looking for that grandmother.

P.S. I hope this grandmother was unable to return the binoculars due to a heart attack.

P is SS. Teach your children that you cannot trust others from a young age.

My father taught me never to direct a gun on a person, even in a joke, even if checked, even if without a store.

My neighbor asked me for a gas key. I went out with him to the garage. I crawl into the toolbox and hear the neighbor picking up the pipe from behind. I turn around, and he has my old toy pistol in his hands, which was shooting with plastic bullets. “Hands up!” The neighbor smiles. I told him not to point a gun at a man. He directs to the ceiling and shoots, and nothing except dust comes out of the trunk: "You see, I have checked what you are afraid of." He nodded again and directed into his mouth and shot again. A dead beetle runs straight into his throat.

Here I am forty soon, and I still remember how I once lost memory as a teenager, for a short time. The Matrix failed.



I was less than fifteen years old. I run from the street home, hungry like a wolf. No one’s home. I, in order not to shudder for a long time, to heat food and all that (because at fifteen years and up to twenty-five, I metalled everything that was unshakable) decided to quickly blur the sandwich. He got a whole bowl of bread, cut off a piece, removed the rest of the bread. He got the sausage, cut off a piece, put it on the bread, removed the rest of the sausage. He swallowed the sandwich and didn’t even understand. I decided to make another one. I go to the bakery for bread and... it’s empty. I stood up a little bit, I understand that I probably didn’t put it there, but I don’t remember where. A full tremor began. I broke the whole kitchen, opened all the suspensions, trays, penals, cabinets, refrigerator and even the garbage can. I literally wandered and searched the whole kitchen, there was no bread. Not a piece! Fourteen minutes later, I was in despair. I forgot about hunger. I began to think that I had gotten the corn and there was no bread and no sandwich I ate. There was a failure of the system. And to the most annoying and frightening even, I am not a fool, right? I held the bread with my own hands and cut it, and then I ate. I opened the refrigerator for the fifth time and looked stupidly at the sausage and understood that my hands were doing it. I turned a dull glance at the knife on the table and I understand it in the sausage. In short, I was tired and very upset, cut off with a knife that was lying on the table, a piece of sausage from the refrigerator and without bread, chewing the sausage, broke into my room.



I turned on a movie on the view, I lie down watching a movie, I try to distract myself from the episode in the kitchen. I don’t know how long it has been, but it has cut me off. I jumped, almost running to the kitchen. Some gestal of my brain gave me information where I had not yet looked. From this signal not only the brain worked, but also revived hope in the heart. Hope I’m not a fucker yet.

And here I am, full of adrenaline (heart beats) and hopefully standing again in front of the refrigerator, carefully and slowly opening the door and then, even more carefully and slowly opening the small door of the freezer.



and bingo! The cock! It is frozen, frozen already. I was happy like a fool. I don’t know, don’t ask me what...I put it there. I still don’t know the name of this phenomenon. But the fact remains a fact. We call it a matrix failure.

Many people believe that birds are flying south.

I think the birds are flying north.

In 1987, a struggle broke out around one school. No, not one on one and not even a dozen on a dozen, but on both sides more than a thousand young boys. Approximately six hundred technicians and the same, and maybe more, from the city where this technician was located. In general, the passion boiled, the stucco broke...
How can we stop such a fight when there was neither Omona nor Sobra yet? If only by army units or gathered from all over the city. Everything was done by one man. Fitzgerald Technical College. A former military who passed hot spots. Go through the crowd with hysterical screams – Atas! The Mint! Ride the nails! The soldiers! His panic was caught and everything resolved by itself. People fled everywhere, in communities and in houses. The man in the army understood that not only the courage of the city takes, but also panic.

How to stop the riots in America?
It is possible to tell the white people.

The son went to high school and decided to ask him about a new learning experience with a lot of new teachers. I liked the story of the teacher:

Captain of the second rank, sniper, c. m. s. in sambo, veteran of Punic wars, owner of a purple belt in parachute jumps. Those who will behave well will teach the art of killing by pressing on secret points, the rest will become a guide for learning...The most conservative subject, it seems.

Beginning of the 90s. of Moscow. 8 am in the morning.

My husband and I went out to work for an American.

A: Where can I drink coffee?

We: Nothing, restaurants will open at 12 a.m.

A: If you open a coffee shop, you will become a millionaire.

We are: ha ha)))

If you are given a victory, it loses all meaning.

© Dmitry Sviridov

One day at a lecture, the cosmonaut Valentina Lebedev was asked:
What is Gagarin’s action?
The cosmonaut Lebedev breathed, looked gently at the listeners and replied:
Have you seen the 10th floor?
Everybody cried.
Imagine that it’s all fuel. You sit in a small ball. And down there they burn with the words: Jura, you will definitely come back, we counted everything.

You know, when I was 18, I wanted a girl to take care of her, kiss her, play something together, love me and let her love me in response.
After a couple of years of relationship, I realized I didn’t want a girlfriend, but a dog.

We are hiring a new driver. Every day I ride with him, show shopping points, get acquainted with employees, tell what to do.

He loves to talk, he tells something all the way.

I used to be a driver at the company. That was a firm.

I took as much gas as I wanted, no one controlled it.

The car was washed for free, almost every day.

The cold batteries they had were not taken into account, not what you have, the whole garage I have overwhelmed with them.

The boxes were also single-use.”

Why was he fired?

It is closed, the company is bankrupt.

Correctly in SMS from banks write - do not tell anyone this one-time password. I yesterday and lost some of my money. It was a woman, but it was unpleasant.

Director: Karina, work hard this month, you will get a good prize.

I: How good is it in rubles?

D: I will not hurt you!

I: – Ivan Ivanovich, do you consider yourself a businessman? The businessman?

D is yes.

I: - So you decided to order materials from a new company and ask them to send a price. And they say to you, “Do not be afraid, we will not destroy.”

The fish did not answer, the director laughed and left. He didn’t give me the prize, but I worked as usual, not hard. But since then he has called me “This Jewish Girl” and colleagues “Karina – Kui na***sh.”

Getting rid of insomnia is very easy.

First you need to get rid of the mess.

A new school year has begun. The rules of attendance and reading of lectures are regulated by the consumer supervision. The other geniuses. established the following. The lecturer sits in the same audience and reads a lecture on a webcam. Students in the breakdown sit in another neighboring audience and watch a lecture on the screen. A phone call rings, everyone goes out to the common hallway and discusses the material. And someone, of course, goes to the common toilet for everyone. To go to the audience after the break, observing the distance there. About how they then go together in buses and in the subway you can not even tell. How is this marriage called? It’s a pity when the rules of your life are set by idiots.