bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 25 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №134201
 30.09.2016
To recall, here is a fairly long history on the topic of "service staff":

A very respected man married his only,
My beloved daughter.
Superstar Purchaser decided to shake a little - to demonstrate, so to speak,
his exceptional starliness and stated to the director of the action that on the stage he
It won’t happen because it doesn’t please him, that’s this and that’s that! “Good,” he said
The director: “Now we’ll do it all” – and went away. In a minute he came back.
accompanied by the "assistant director" - a two-meter child in a expensive smoking.
"Pomrezh" gently laid his hand on the shoulder of Arcadia (which is why he is tangible).
The other one brought to his eyes a note with minutes of action.
“You see,” the child said, “Here it is written: 18.10 – the output of the osetre; 18.12 – the output of the osetre.
The buyer. After the fish, you are. Well, let’s go, with God, Petruha...”

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №134200
 30.09.2016
XXX: pretending to be “adequate believers” in order to break the pattern? Something lenient.
ZZZ is accepted. In my opinion, it is laziness, a much more respectable reason than religion.

[ + 20 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №134199
 30.09.2016
About trust...

She asked her husband for a flash. He gives, and says, there is a folder there, it is called "do not touch", so that it does not go there. My husband searched for that file for about an hour.

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №134198
 30.09.2016
We have a thin partition in the bathroom with the neighbors, and usually everyone can hear well what is happening there with them, well and vice versa. For a long time, I was cracked when someone behind the wall turned on the fan, because in that noise I began to hear some terrible silenced twists, which immediately stopped when the fan stalled. I tried for a long time to explain to myself the nature of these sounds, came already to the theory of white noise, only in my case about fan noise, and it is shameful in general to tell what I only came up with, until one day the fan didn't shut down, and the twists remained. It turned out that the neighbor was singing while drying her hair, and stuck when she cut off her dryer. Probably embarrassed.

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №134197
 30.09.2016
The news today:
Indian troops entered Kashmir
Stephen Hawking Urges Humanity to Leave Earth

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №134196
 30.09.2016
We conduct a ritual in the woods under the conditions of rolling, simple - put a candle, say a few words. There were ordinary tourists. Suddenly, during the ritual, we clearly hear the words of one of them: "Even when we were young pagans, we gave up a little!"

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №134195
 30.09.2016
I had a group. Communicated exclusively for study. And we had a common friend Yuzernaym. I sit at home and fix the ficus. It calls.

Blah blah, what, was Uzerneyma taken into the army?

did not take. He went himself.

Where does it serve?

Here in the city.

Let’s go, let’s go?

Go to.

The tail broke. Even the girls think of username, and I will still be a barley and take four hundred hamsters by the age of fifty! Oh well okay.

They gathered. have passed. Go to the metro. She is:

This is the case, my father brought two boxes of beer from the Czech Republic, and I don’t drink it. Can you tickle?

I can.

A. Now we are fine. Waiting for the second.

[ + 25 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №134194
 30.09.2016
In the winter, the grandmother from the village was taken to live with her in a city apartment. For the new year in the USSR there was a tradition to show on television appeals to Soviet citizens of "friends" from different corners of the world. I go into the room and see my grandmother sitting in front of the TV and crying bitterly bitterly. “What happened? Per someone hurt? “I ask her.

“Nobody hurt me,” the grandmother replied, “just now this man told me on television about his unfortunate fate. As his wife died and left him for the upbringing of children small, as he with all his strength broke - to feed them tried, on three jobs worked. And recently, his youngest daughter, the bloodthirsty mother, became ill, as the candle goes out, and he can't help with anything, he asks for money for medicine, blackened all of sorrow!

What do you understand in Nigerian? “I was surprised when I watched the Nigerian ambassador finish his New Year’s address on television.

What to understand. Everything is clear, just listen with your heart.

[ + 31 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №134193
 30.09.2016
When I was in school (a few years after I graduated), we had one jamshut instead of a cleaner. So, one day, some idiot wrote "X*Y" on the wall with black paint. Jamsut was instructed to paint this unnecessity, since the wall was yellow, he mixed the yellow paint and painted it right above the black. The inscription remained, but instead of black color acquired dark orange. The director glanced and ordered to paint the whole wall with a different paint, now we have a green wall in the yellow corridor with again standing out "h*em", this time because of the number of layers of paint, clearly so the bugs pass, close to disassemble the eye is easy. The director got angry and said to cut it off.

“H” to “H”. The next day we had a green wall in the yellow corridor with the inscription “X*Y” carved to the bricks.



Since then, this wall has been named “Our Rasha.”

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №134192
 30.09.2016
In general, class 5-6 probably started slowly, engaging in everything that the little perverted are doing. And found the parents VHS cassettes with painfully interesting movies that should not be watched with parents. The cassette was a couple. And it was always possible to wrap up exactly the second where everything ended, and put everything back where it lay. My parents never smoked.



My younger brother grows up and goes to 5th grade. And this little pervert, even the history in the browser can not clean up.

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №134191
 30.09.2016
- Fuck, you still dig to the plants against zombies for the fact that there are fungi. They are not plants!
Yes, but I didn’t think about it.)
Wow, he didn’t think about it!Americans are stupid.

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №134190
 30.09.2016
During my school years I frequently walked lessons. Only his father knew that he had his mouth in the castle. As usual, the mother, despite all the oaths of the father, soon learned about the violation.
After a couple of such coincidences, I decided to check the father’s honesty. I went to school, and when he called me on the change, I said I stayed at home. In the evening, when the whole family was gathered, my mother asked me why I wasn’t in class. I made a surprise face and showed a diary with assessments.
That’s how I calculated my mom’s spy.

P.S I’m still flying because it’s not good to fool adults.
×D

[ + 27 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №134189
 30.09.2016
There is nothing offensive about being a service provider. Even a cleaner.

There’s only a difference – to work on people who sometimes say “thank you” or on people who regularly say “what shit you haven’t wiped out in my office, I’ve been shedding coffee for thirty seconds, my job is worth it, and you here the hell knows what you’re doing.”

So, those who use in everyday speech the circulation of "service personnel" usually fall into the second category.

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №134188
 30.09.2016
How to be as slim as a gazelle?
Live a little in the herd and eat the grass.

[ + 37 - ] Comment quote №134187
 30.09.2016
Probably relates to "medical bikes", although the story has taken place.

My friend has a mother-in-law, medical experience over 40, is now retired, but the medical grip is felt. She is very similar in spirit to that aunt from the movie - "Cut to the devil mother!"
They load very well, so we went to London this summer with the whole family.
A friend was there for his business, and his wife, mother and little son were taken by a trailer for an excursion.

In the evening, they sit in a restaurant, peacefully talk, mame gently, with the appearance of a secular lion, pulls a wing.
Suddenly at the next table, the girl first bleaked, then turned red and fell off the chair with a whisper.
People began to run around, noise, gamma, the name of the doctor.

Mother, not getting up from the table, says to her son:
- It looks like an anaphylactic shock - out, the girl hugged the calmar.
The Son:
And what next?
M: - Well now the ambulance will come, kick her adrenaline with antihistamines and everything will be hockey, if you have time, of course. Although ask her cavalier, allergists should have a syringe with an adrenaline mixture for such a case.

A friend translates to the cavalier, to which he, reminding himself that the mom has something to do with medicine, narrated that now there are no medications, but help the pluss!
He dragged the old lady to his girlfriend.

The ambulance has not yet appeared, and the girl has already begun to sneeze and cramps have gone.
Mom worried and turned her head in search of an ambulance that had not yet arrived.
Then with the scream:
Fuck it all failed! He pulls the fork from the table and squeezes it into the girl’s bowl.
The people were in shock, the maiden lifted up, sharply revived and nodded with her fists on the maim. Then he turned and cried:
He will live in his place.

The ambulance arrived in a few minutes.
The sanitary, having made the necessary injections and treated the wound, began to find out where the hole came from? The maiden with the cavalier, evilly furious, pointed their fingers at the mommy.
The doctors demanded explanations.
M: You see, young people, while we were waiting for you, the patient could have already thrown off the copytes. Therefore, the t. There was no adrenaline, we improvised. From the pain, she released adrenaline from the adrenal glands, and the overall tonic effect was present.

Sanitarians from such an explanation a little stunned, but having gathered the data of the mammoth, they dropped, bore something like:
Russian medicine is barbaric.

When I heard the translation, I smiled and said:
But it is free, and with medications and a martyche can!

by Aibo

[ + 42 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №134186
 30.09.2016
You are just a sex giant!! We’re only two weeks away and I’m in the third month of pregnancy.

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №134185
 30.09.2016
When I was a kid, I thought I would be allowed to choose my horse at the barracks. I then thought that I would definitely ask for a two-meter-high black hole with a hot hole, like in a movie...



Should I say that I didn’t have to choose a sports club? I was first planted on a low nested merino with a sleepy character, with which I could not cope at all. He mocked me with his passivity. It made me tired and upset. Several times I even came to tears when nothing came out.



And when I grew up a little bit and sat on a horse for the first time, which was barely faster than him, I almost died of horror, thinking that it was incredible speeds, like racing! In fact, we barely surpassed the other horses that were riding.



Plus, the first horse I fell in love with was not a frog, but a light gray (white) goat. I am as always.



My second childhood dream was to fly without a saddle through the fields, to the sides of my hand, feeling the wind in my hair, overtaking time.



My first gallop in the fields was unexpected. I walked, stood behind from the change, did not warn anyone about it. Do you know why? My cabbage has a beard belt.



By the way, I would say that he has no such function to start worrying. You could get along with the change to the coach and not get rid of it.



I stopped the horse. It descended. He held his belt for business. We sat back... and we started to catch up. In the process of acceleration, the cockroach moved from the rise to the gallop. I have never done that before. She splashed her ass into the seat, grabbed her feet and hands into the cockroach and made such eyes.



I arrived at the coach in integrity and safety, but everyone was scared. And for the first time in my life I couldn’t stretch my fingers... literally! It shattered my joints from fear. I literally shrugged my fingers. Remembering is terrible.

Flying fucking through the fields with the wind.



After these and some other episodes of my life that hit my memory, I fell in love with romantic movies for girls, where a small town boy cuddles a wild frog and becomes his best friend. Well, just wildly far from reality such movies. Looking at them, I did a lot of nonsense, imitating my favorite heroes, full of dreams, and hardly suffered. And not only me.



A lot of children try to embrace horses for poops, thinking that the horse will not shake them out of love. There is no love between them. Only a child’s imagination. After all, if you feed a horse with tastes in the movie, it immediately becomes domestic.



Those kids were also upset. And they did worse nonsense, from which they earned both bites and fractures, and everything was. In general, I repeat: I hate fucking children’s horse films and cartoons.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №134184
 30.09.2016
News: Pornhub gave premium access to all Russians to bypass the blocking of Roskomnadzor

Command: Do the ugliness of Roskomnadzor, Destroy the death

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №134183
 30.09.2016
Discussion in the group:
Anyone know how to get to the rector or prorector?
Kill the Dean

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №134182
 30.09.2016
and ==
This is the "Wide Russian Soul". If you help, it is necessary to sit in some trousers and eat bits. An adequate golden middle simply does not exist in our country. To steal a million, to love the queen. No of compromises.
and ==
Oh those exaggerations. Kabbe help is voluntary, unexpected, isn’t it? And in the original quote, the uncle fucked up to those who spend money as they want, i.e. to the gym, not as he wants. to help the poor. He was naturally answered, let his spend as he wants: at least a little, at least all, at least the golden middle, side by side in general. And the rest are already their own adult uncles, and will spend their money as they want. Are there objections?

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