What to eat for lunch today, dear?
Meat of lamb in spicy sauce.
Oh! oh! oh!! to
This is written on the dog conserve.

I worked for some time at a receptionist in a fitness club near the university. And one guy attracted my attention, looking like a student. And he was attracted by the fact that sometimes came in a suit (ordinary, not sports), without a bag with a shape, went to the dressing room, was there for a while and left the club. We have cabinets in the locks, but there are few cameras in the dressing room. I was lost in guessing for a long time, until I once witnessed his conversation with another of our visitors, apparently his friend. As literally as possible. G - the hero of the story, D - his friend



Q: Have you been doing this for a long time?

G: What am I doing?

D: Well you go to the toilet here.

G: For a long time - the toilets at the university are dirty, you will not sit down, and there is clean and paper.

D is understandable.



This is what I understand the guy uses all the advantages of the subscription)



P.s to the toilet door leads from the dressing room

My husband and I bought a house and started doing repairs. The mother-in-law is pleased, she loves repairs. Although her help was not requested. In the morning I come from work, and in our house the mother-in-law has already carried out boiling activity, the solution was mixed, some of the old wallpapers were brought for some reason, she stood with her hands on the sides and said - "Here you will have a washing machine, but here under the children's room we will rework, I agreed with Masha to take some there, she bought new ones, the old ones will give you!" Continue in the same spirit. I was, gently speaking, very unpleasantly surprised by her self-government, but she couldn’t say anything. Let’s say, not today. I am sick tomorrow, thank you. And then I say to my husband - you explain to my mother how - somewhat more gently, that this is our house, we will decide ourselves where the child will be, where the washing machine. We choose the walls ourselves. I just say, find words, you know your mother better, and if I start speaking, you will get hurt. My husband is okay, I will talk. And the next day I come home, I sit my dear, sad one. I said my mother was driven out of the house. Why did he expel it? "Yes, I told her - do the repairs you want, and do not go to us, and Olga (that is, I) does not like that you command here." In general, the mother-in-law was upset, saying that her legs would not be in our house, and that we would never go to her again. She left, knocking the door. Oh, I say, you are a diplomat, dear, at least now in the MFA. And the mother-in-law brought us milk from the village for tomorrow, as in nothing. Since then, it has not been in our business at all. My husband is a diplomat.

First day of vacation in Batumi. I go to the store and buy wine for the evening. The seller (with a characteristic accent): “KartOschka?” A strange proposition, I think, but, maybe, this is accepted: “No, thank you.” I get the money, I count. The seller said: “Aa, cash.”

The secret of longevity: food for the stomach should be simple, and for the brain - complex.

Instructions for the electrophone. announced by Dmitry.
In the rubbish!
Passport for the magnetophone.
In the outlet!

In every house there is a box for documents. An old shoe box where old certificates are buried, passports for stolen clocks twenty years ago and crusts of non-existent organizations.
Periodically, space for new unnecessary papers in the "box" ceases to suffice. Then the owners arrange the “cleaning.”

From the yellow instructions flew out a white with purple paper.
"The receipt for the repair of shoes," Dmitry read.
You remember Tankin’s shoes. When I lived in the village. The old man works there, his name is Ashot.
- Ah, she then turned her heels on the stairs of ZAGS. Revealed, said the note is bad. Then I ran and forgot.
And then moving to the city. Are the shoes still in the shop? Five years have passed!
Let us argue!
For a Cognac?
It is going!
Get the car!

*** by

Shapohnik Ashot was considered the local celebrity of the village. There were legends about the old man. According to the first version, his grandfather sang in a choir with Mussolini. It was the ancestor of Ashot who almost destroyed the future dictator. On the other - just the grandfather saved Benito from the fists of classmates of the victim. Later, he struck the dictator's trust and almost personally disrupted the attempt at the "Great Three" in Tehran.

The shoe workshop village survived the fall of the Berlin Wall, the collapse of the Union and the devastating nineties.

At first Ashot walked into the room of a local household. Later, the household house was displaced, the hairdresser moved to the building of an empty store, the watchmaker occupied the room of the closed tires. The old Ashot chose as a workshop a brick barbed and abandoned by all in the courtyard of a household house.

The building of the household house went from hand to hand for a long time until the police took a look. The old man noticed that people with tired eyes and cloudy faces are increasingly wearing shoes to him. Sometimes in shape.
Mark was holding the shoe. Railway assessed and responded with reciprocity.

But not the proximity of the "organs" guarded Ashot. And the reputation.
Once in the shoe workshop were wrapped three brithogels. Probably with bad intentions. Stunned by such boldness, the officer jumped out of the office. Just the day before he gave his wife’s boots for repair. Injure the shoes - in the evening there will be a scandal at home, before which all the bandit settlements of the area will be darkened. His hand shrugged around the cobra, but it froze.

Ashot carefully removed the senseless bodies from the workshop.
- Sandro-jan, dear, call an ambulance, the guys are sick.

Domesticated racketers were later interrogated in the hospital. They refused to give details of what happened. There is a new legend in the village. It is said that Ashot in his youth studied with a Greek master of martial arts. He was invited to Armenia to train KGB personnel.

*** by

Staff and Staff! What has stunned?
The cat looked thoughtfully at the point on the floor. Silence suffered over the cherry bone. Ashot pulled out of his jacket pocket once a snow-white ping pong ball and threw it. Pulling off the old toy, the kitten pushed the new to the neighboring room.
The old man looked around the room. Compound with brushed pens. The abajur, red, bushy, sinking poor light on the plate, on which the cups and dishes are strategically arranged, so as to hide the unfresh spots. At the wall there was a bucket with a Chinese teaspoon permanently included in the socket. A closet across the wall, with numerous shelves. And a little shoes.
At the opposite wall is Ashot’s workplace. Right next to the window on the town street. On the window - a smoking tube - a gift of friends.

The entrance door broke. They argue behind the wall:
Nothing will work out!
You are afraid!
I am? Never ever!

The shoe came out.
Oh, Dima-jan, hello to you dear! Long time not entering. He said he moved to the city. As a wife, as a child?
Thank you Ashot. Everything is OK. All are healthy. I am behind the shoes.
Holding his breath, Dmitry extended the receipt. No muscle trembled on the shoemaker’s dull face when he saw the date.
Well, my dear, I will see. Ashot went into the neighboring room.

As a diligent master, Ashot never discarded the work he had done. An unwanted pair of shoes fell into a box for a year. The number was written on the side. The box went to the regiment. In the second year, he went higher. Five and more years - anthrax.
A box of shoes was found in an anthrax.
The white shoes. These shoes are usually purchased for the wedding. The flying hood. The work took half a day. A very modern style. Wipe out, bring it to normal form - and at least now under the crown. Not so valuable to come out of town in five years.
Recalling the dispute he heard, Ashot smiled in his luxurious beard. swallowing on the shoulders. Some men remain boys even after a hundred years.

I am sorry Dima-jan. Totally earned. I didn’t have time to repair. Come on tomorrow. Tomorrow will be ready.

I come, I mean, to the ZAGS to get married, and they say to me, "The bridegroom must be with you."
Please explain again, why do I pay taxes?! to

When you see the faces of the members of the government, it becomes extremely clear: Not all vegetables are equally beneficial.

I got a story in my eyes today. As a passing man saw a car standing on the side with a raised cap and two girls next to him. Pure gentlemanly slowed down to find out if it helped anything. The girls told me that the car did not start. Well, the man was also not a specialist, so he reasonably offered them to pull the car to the nearest service. They attached the wire, the man touched, but fortunately immediately slowed down, for some reason there, I may have forgotten what to ask. After a moment, he felt a blow in the back of his car. Without realizing anything, he came out of the salon, indeed, the girl's car collided with him. Not hard, but unpleasant. When he approached their car, all in the same confusion, he looked into the salon and saw that behind the wheel was empty, but on the rear seat they were both sitting with interest looking at some magazine.
Comments under history was enough, both with the protection of the ladies of drivers, and with their complete reproach. But most of them thought it was still fiction and fiction. You can’t be so blonde. Maybe I haven’t seen it myself, but I’ve seen much better.

It all started with the fact that to the tractor attracted Toyota Corona, a five-door, diesel, with the offer to buy spare parts. I did not have such modifications of the car, so there were no spare parts needed. Without negotiating, the former horse thieves asked to leave the car, said, something had struck. The machine was clearly stolen.
- Leave it, drive it out there closer to the spots and let it stand. I am not responsible for the throne, but I will not be responsible for the security, I agreed.
The car stood for four months if not more. No one came after her and she slowly grew into the grass. But autumn came, late autumn and the tractor had mints. Four in a service car, too, by the way, that “Japanese.”
"You hear, we caught the hijacker here, so he explained to us that one of the cars was abandoned somewhere here.
Is it a Toyota Diesel? I hardly remembered her existence, so out there.
The mints hit the dried grass and took care of the rope, in the sense of what to drag. had to help. While they were forging there, it was dark and cold and I went into the tractor. After some time I saw in the window that the service car drove Toyota quite sharply to the track. One trouble, the trail from the tractor adjacent to the track in the form of a T-shaped crossroads. This is where they slowed down. The blow was heard in the tractor. I was interested to see what happened there. The first thing I saw was the dirty back of the servant and the same mouth of Toyote. Then there are four mentions.
What happened? I did not understand.
Nothing happened, we were all four in that car. - and showed to the office, explained the most thoughtful.
In this who? I still did not understand.
No one, again explained the thoughtful.
But why, how is it? I was looking for the truth.
Because it doesn’t work and it’s cold. - explained to me apparently the elderly, - and everyone in the heat wanted to go. In the darkness you will find out who is going where.

It is funny that when Sberbank celebrates its anniversary, it has its history since 1841, and when it is asked about the 1991 deposits, it turns out that it is a completely different bank.

My girlfriend married an Australian and went to live with him. They live in their house. I visited them once. Near the green groves. The first night I wake up from someone’s terrible complaints. The first thought that someone is bad (the stones of passion do not seem at all). I wake my friend, I say, say, and so on. He raised his head and, without opening his eyes, asked:

Will they stand?

They stand.

and loud?

and loud.

They are fucking cowboys! He falls on his pillow and falls asleep.

They were really coals.

A few years ago I had a job failure. There was a lack of money, there was no halter in the specialty, but here they advised work in the night service of employees of cafes and restaurants. The essence is the same, give the address of the institution, take people, drive around the houses, the most optimal route that the operator gives. Pay per kilometre. The last order is tried to pick up as close to home as possible. In general, you work from 00:00 to 3.00 a couple of days a week, you can more / less, enough foods. Driving mainly young people, naturally all sober, otherwise attacked by the bosses, so a pleasant company is provided:

1st I arrived at the address, a small cafe near the road, on the edge of a square square in the bedroom area. No one tree, an open ground, only grass, a whole square of 500 meters from edge to edge. I wait, there is no one. I recruited. The female voice

Go straight to the black course!

I’m 5 meters away, okay, I’ve gone.

And even closer! Is there nobody around?

There is no one here! Go out boldly!

is exactly?

and yes!

Well, in general, many girls are afraid to walk at night, passengers told me cases when from the car to the house 100 meters like, no, lie down with a shake in the resuscitation. But here is the end of caution.

I am right at the entrance, sit down.

Two nymphs roll out... Such a burning horse at the race will stop with a glance.

We are in that house, through the square!

0 is serious? To get there faster than to go around.

Give the Rules! We are afraid for our lady’s honor.

Well, I would like to look at the brave man who will look at her...

We pass one side of the square, the second, remains the third.

Brakes are here!

They have not arrived yet.

We want to walk, we want to walk!

So from here as much from home as from the cafe!! to

It is not your business!

I left at night, and I asked the operator to never give me that address again.

_________________________________________

2nd I am a waitress, 20 years old. They talked. First about the music, it turned out to love the punkuhu like me, then the new season of Rick and Morty, about the universe... I usually dressed just for work, shaggy jeans, a T-shirt, ceds. Plus, I look a little younger. He pulled something out of his music, he said:

Damn, we’re going to be fun today, you’re a normal guy! Not as yesterday!

What about yesterday?

"Yes, my grandfather and I had one ride, he is thirsty, his chancellor roasted and is silent, the pearl is old!

How old is it?

- Fuck, old man, you know, such as men with age become disgusting, well... 35 years, or even 40 not less!

I mean, I am 34...

– Yes... 0 0 0

They came quietly... consciously.

_________________________________________

Three The boys moved, a guy and a girl remained, and the guy lived from me on the neighboring street, and the girl in the neighboring area, which previously only had to get with a large circle, and now opened the road on the lines literally a couple of days ago, through the forest strip, but not everyone knows about it. The boy went out, we talked with the girl. Raskaala, who came from Rostov, to conquer Peter, was in the city for only a few days, while he is poorly oriented and yet knows the route from the restaurant to the house, just the long one. Then it is cut off, time later, and I decide to cut down a new road, hunting home too. I go down the slope and suddenly I see in the rear-view mirror just two huge shaggy eyes! I understand what about thoughts are now going through her head - I told him that it was not a local, he planted everyone, and I was in the wool! I’m talking quickly until I’ve gotten a balloon or something else:

Everything is OK! This is just a new road! I know because I live nearby, so faster! Your houses will now appear.

And yes!!! I didn’t worry and I understood it all!! to

We arrived quickly, but the eyes continued to occupy the whole mirror until the end of the way.)

_________________________________________

4 is Usually I barely communicate with other drivers, the flow is wild, it is difficult to get to know. I sit there, waiting for people. Nearby brakes the kinds of nexus, a clear guy comes out and confidently walks to me:

Good luck brother!

Well hello!

Carrying too?

Well yes...

I am that. First day, tell me what? How do you work with grandmothers?

Usually on Friday, Saturday, 3 o’clock. Well, in principle, I am not very coupled, and the car is unfortunate. Well, where is it from 12 to 15 on hand, depending on how you work.

The Poor! It suits me! I will only work for two days! Count half a month, or even 60 quietly!

What kind of Pollos? 15 is a month, if only two days to work

What on? Do I have to go here for this spy and carry all kinds of stitches on the stitches?!!! to

Did you really want to work 6 hours a week, even at night, sitting on your ass in a car and earning 60?

“Karoch, mys go out, say shob naher go, I’ve resigned!

He sat in his ashes and left, apparently forward, to success.

_________________________________________

5 is The route of the trip is built by girls-operators, and it needs to be strictly observed. But they are sometimes dumb and mono to change it a little if the passengers agree.

Give the address, take two people to the pl. Alexander Nevsky. A hip-hop guy and a girl are sitting. The girl's house is across the bridge, on Novocherkasskaya, the guy lives on Vasilyevsky, at the very end, and from there to me is not far. But Vasilyevsky stands first, and it is through half the city to shave, and then back, and then again, when home. The operator did not follow the route. No, it is right. Well then I take the initiative on myself, yet the adults. I turn to the guy:

– Listen, friend, here’s what the cover came out, I understand that your address is first. but to the girl to go for 5-10 minutes, let her throw, and then I walk you on the shore with the wind, I don't live far away.

No is! My first address.

- Well you understand, outside her house is visible, well it's nonsense for us to ride there with her, well she's a girl after all...

It is not!!! I am staying!! I want to spat! I’m not going to give in to any woman, just because she’s a grandmother!!! I am going to complain!! What is their name?!! The car number!! to

I’ll give you a number...

Please take it away, I will endure it.

The girl looked with a tired look, I realized that she was put with this representative of the stronger sex in a couple not the first time...

_________________________________________

6 is There are a Russian man and a Hindu man. The operator gives the address, the Hindu first. In the course of the trip, it turns out that the Hindu does not speak Russian or English at all, only smiles and sneezes. In the restaurant works his brother, who brought him here a few days ago. I arrived at the address showing the Hindu to the house:

here here?

Okay okay! 😉

Okay so go out. They arrived.

The Hindu looks at us with a man, shaking his head. The man also connects:

by Ali. and rain! What do you bite? Go out, I want to go home too!

Okay Okay Okay! (He continues to shake his head)

What is OK? Go out of your house! To my brother, Go Go! Punishment is fucking! I’ll pick up my brother... and the hell, not the subscriber.

So it lasts 5 minutes, we ask – your home? He is okay and does not leave. Her brother calls:

You are bad for your brother! We brought him home, to the address, he says that everything is okay and does not leave! What? Bl... I understand! What!

Well what?

“Yes, p...c, our when the address was given the number of the house confused, and he lives on the next crossroads, at the store Okay, it’s the only thing he remembered, here’s what’s OK!

Once we went to Slovenia, and from there decided to go to Venice for a day. One day. All would be nothing, but in the first three hours of tourism, we were robbed. Everything was taken out of the bag: credit cards, cash and passports. Passports with VISA, and worst of all, an English visa, for which I had to fly to London in three days to sing a performance. Coronation of Popeya Monteverdi. One of the main roles. Replacement of the fearsome singer economical English did not dare to get.

I had a nervous breakdown. We immediately called the consulate (the nearest was in Milan), but summer, summer, summer! The consul is on vacation. by LOL.

We were attached to the International Police in San Marco. This is the international police in Italy. There they do not speak English. I did not speak Italian at the time. What to do? My boiling from the heat and adrenaline moss gives an original decision: to try to explain with carabiners phrases from the opera (good I always literally translated the texts of the parties).

I started with a mixture of the Coronation of Popea and the Glukovsky Orpheus:

I am despised and consoled! Io manco, io moro (I am all denied and reluctant! I am losing consciousness, I am dying.

The police officers would be happy to blow up in my face, but seeing my scratched body and my general hysterical state, they sat down and gave me water. Then we had to describe the essence of the problem. I decided to continue on Orpheus and Eurydice, especially since in my view the words "Eurydice" and "passport" were interchangeable.

What would I do without my passport? Dove andro without my passport? What will I do without a passport? Where can I go without a passport?



It has worked. The police activated. They began to show me pictures of various thieves and thieves until I saw a lady in a hijab who hit me from all over the bridge.

This is the damned woman. Vorrei smembrarla! This is the damned woman! I want to split it!)



After recovering from the shock, the policemen gave us a certificate, according to which we were to be transported free of charge to our place of departure (Trieste), gave us water and a dry paddle, and promised to keep us informed. All the way to the station, I prayed to the spirit of Monsieur Monteverdi, whose opera was supposed to be left without primacy.



Already at the station a call - an agitated police officer asked to return to the station. When we got there, all the policemen stood up at the entrance with happy hands, shocking our passports – it turns out, the thief threw them out along with the credit cards in a male toilet in San Marco, where they were found by a boy from Bangladesh who brought them to the police.



dying of the happiness that suddenly fell upon us, I shouted:

Lord the Cavalier! Vi benedico per la vostra bella e gentilezza! (Sir Knight, I bless you for your kindness and kindness!)



The police officer said goodbye to me:

Your language is very elegant. You have a very elegant Italian.



c) Maria Ostrouhova

The popes instill power from God, but we see that power is poor.

How Eugene Leonov's son punished

Probably, everyone knows that Leonov was a great kind, simple and open man. Almost all of his characters had the same character. The actor loved his family. The son of Andrew Leonov danced as much as he could. And the son rose with a shell in one place...

They called Leonov to school somehow: Andrusha, in front of the whole class, scratched rows and broke the lesson. The teacher was in shock and performed the program to the maximum - not only complained about the scapegoat, but also the father literally struck him in the corner, explaining in detail to him which of him was the father and educator. Poor Leonov got such a nervous shock that, not thinking for a long time, he decided: at home, I will give such a crack to a wretch that he will never forget!

Leonov did not rush home - decided to walk to calm the nerves. On the way home, he met a woman, almost an illustration of the answers of Armenian Radio – who “in one hand a grid, in the other a light, a five-year plan in front, behind a drunken Ivan.” Only this Ivan was not behind - only a huge bag and a crying little girl in both hands. The girl immediately recognized Leonov and laughed - he kindly smiled in response. A confused mother greeted the actor and said to her daughter:
“You see, Winnie Pooh laughs with you.

Leonov returned home in a great mood, of course, and to think of forgetting the crack. Calling Andrew, he just said:
“Well, son, show me what kind of kids are you in school?
Andryusha in response made such a makeup that Eugene and Wanda whispered all night.

Andrei Leonov is a famous actor. Because he actually had a good upbringing and a wonderful father.

You’re doing a great job, it’s time to add...
Money for salary?
The amount of work.
With the increase of the load, the quality of work decreases.
We will take away the prize.

What a general, so is the Rosgard.

From the book of Miloš Forman (there is a film of the same name) "Goi's ghosts".

and Spain. End of the 18th century. The Inquisition is trying to raise its head for the last time. Dominican doctors inform the Holy Inquisition that the daughter of a wealthy merchant, celebrating her 18th anniversary in the company of friends in a tavern, refused pork. The Dominicans checked the archives and found that in the fifth knee of the girl's ancestors were Jews who converted to Christianity. Marranes (hidden Jews) were one of the main objectives of the Holy Inquisition. Inviting the girl, the Dominicans applied to her the investigation of the 1st level – dubu. After 15 seconds, the girl agreed to write under the dictatorship that she was a heretic and a Jew – the meaning of these words she did not know, but she was promised not to torture her again if she wrote so.

Since her father was not the last person in the city, he quickly found out who of the Dogs of God (Dominicans in Latin. Domini canes) stood behind his daughter’s arrest and invited him to dinner. Having proposed to the Inquisitor to resolve the matter, in response the merchant heard that it was not in his power. The girl confessed. “But under torture!” cried the girl’s father. The Inquisitor explained to him that this is not torture, but a first level investigation, and the Lord helps the innocent to easily endure everything and the pain they do not feel, but the guilty ones admit guilt. After this, the girl's father, with the help of two sons, turned out the Inquisitor's hands and hanged him on the lantern. A minute later, he wrote his own heartfelt acknowledgment that he was a clever, wicked African monkey who infiltrated the Holy Inquisition with evil intention.

And how did the shaman plan to expel the power from the Kremlin, if he could not expel the OMON from his tent?
“Omonovec just hit the drum first.

We sit with our friends and eat lunch.

Our freezer Kostya shares his experiences.

“I feel like a ghost this morning. I walked out of the entrance in the morning, greeting the courtyard. He doesn’t see me, but he always greets me. I ride a bike across the bridge. There are a couple, I can’t get around them. Ask them to move - zero attention. Again with Ingrid. Only when the bridge was finished was it possible to get around. I went to work and took the guard’s hand. He does not notice me.”



Finished to tell. There was a pause. I ask the manager, “Oll, did you see the bone today?”