Those who want to turn mountains most often start with their neck.

in calculation

I went to a friend for a birthday in a country house and one of the guests told the story of how the world, with the help of constraints and counterbalances, rules absolute harmony and symmetry, although not always we notice it.
Well, for example: did not enter the institute, it would seem - a tragedy, but look at the positive side of the situation: did not enter, but you will be taken to the army, and you will be able to rest from the roy, chasing you annoying fans (other pluses I have never invented...) We sit, push toasts, drink - all like people. Of those present, not only I and the man who came on the gray Bentley drank.
If everything was clear with me (my deceased grandmother decided that I was still small for alcohol), then the man was all encouraged and told:
- Vitya, we are all here behind the wheel, well, vinca, then drink with us for the name, until
The evening is still far away, it will fade out.
by VITIA:
- Yes, then yes, only after one incident I don't drink before driving.
What kind of cut. This is an Indian taboo, don’t be offended.
What happened in a drunken accident?
Something kind of that.
Tell me.
It was a long time. I just bought a BMW 7 and lost it.
The Peace.
I insured, kept only on a paid parking lot, but still at night I dreamed of alarms, awakened in horror and stared from the balcony into the binoculars - how there is behind the fence... It is not paranoid, just such a car was worth then as an apartment. It could have been for a guard to stumble.
And then I was advised to all my rumbling alarms, to put a mentov monitoring system. In short, if I am suddenly thrown out at a crossroads and left, then the system will give an alarm and at the most interesting moment for hijackers - the engine will shut down, a sirene and a quick response group will wave, say to the guys, "Good evening... "
The stuff is expensive and the subscription fee is inexpensive, but I had to put it - excess health will not hurt.
One day I was at a meeting, drank 150 grams, sat behind the wheel and slowly went home. Food, the flow is dense, even attached to every chance, as if it should jump through, and the slightest shakes - the right to be deprived of reluctance.
I slowly pass the post of gaia in front of the MKAD, and the "gaeets", as he felt, looked at me and lazyly mashed with a rod.
by Faq!! to
I turn to the side and with horror remember that money with me, only for a kidney surprise for the child...
Suddenly, the whole world is filled with an unbearable war of siren, the car shakes and dies in the middle of the road. Here it only comes to me that I, sitting behind the wheel, completely forgot about the main thing - to press a magical secret button to turn off the anti-theft system. I didn’t have time to get in the air to say, “Mommy,” as the forged boots had already run on my coat, and in a moment, right into my nose, a concise blow of dirty autumn asphalt came. In fact, I was trampled probably not for more than five seconds, but in the sensations, three hours and without an interruption.
The nose, kidneys, ribs, thighs and as the mints write in the protocols: "Hidden damage is possible..."
Raised from the ground already in their bracelets, they tick in the ear the trunk of the machine and are lively interested in weapons, parts, drugs, tools and other spicy details of this kind.
I waited for a pause and peacefully that this car was mine, documents in my pocket.
They pulled out, read and were so upset that even the handcuffs were pulled off.
I’m angry, full of dirt and blood from my nose, and even the broken kidneys make me bend with the letter “G.” I see — all the fighters modestly dispersed on their cars and before me was only one slippery sports captain. He gave me an honor and, turning his eyes away, spotted something confused, about the excessive hatred of his guys to the criminal world, the imperfection of the alarm system and false operations in wet weather...
I did not shrink:
What is the alarm, Captain? You almost killed me!! I am
I will not leave that, the prosecutor’s office will find out, your heads will fly!
Suddenly the captain crumbled like me, he grabbed his heart, his face was distorted by grimases of pain, I was confused, asking:
What is? You are bad!? to
The captain shrugged his eyes and whispered with hardship:
Bad, not that word. Nothing worse. I just felt that you
Now you are in a drunk state, and I will not only let you go home and right not.
I’ll pick up and even send a car escort with you. And from that I am very
It is just unbearable...
The captain suddenly stood up, extended a huge stream to me and smiled and said:
In the calculation...?

Alcoholic Sidorov, in ten years, worked only three days as a courtier, and the rest of the time was drunk. And yet, he brought more benefit to society than all the regional officials combined.

from ZH:

Someone from the French administration came to us today. Fucking from the mountain.
What is the fucking mountain? Is he French?
Well, not the shit from the mountain, but the artichoke from Mont Blanc. So is better?

Aghdam: I gave myself a pledge that if I annoy you once again, I will cut off a centimeter of the shit every time.
You’ve just got to do me.

Today at work, a coworker was awakened with the phrase: "Get up! The tax came... They say Linux was paid."

<.freOn!> In the new macos, new plugs for convenience, beauty, etc. Everyone is discussed.
<.freOn!> In the new Windows 8 blue screen of death now with a sad smile.. Overall competitors improve the strengths of their axes =)

T: I thought so.
It’s crazy to have a female cat in a wife.
I just got quarreled.
XXX: She is in the shoe.

“AutoVAZ” will make 100,000 Lada Granta
It sounds like a threat!

Yesterday was robbed the museum of the capital-show "Field of Miracles", there are those who have eaten.

Presentation at YaC 2011.

Question: How many people are on average employed on such a project?
The average is less than one person.
It is... promising.

xxx: Disputing with the KMS on boxing can only the KMS on shooting.
YYYY: Fuck, the second youth at the run will also fit!

I put my nose. I don’t know which socks are clean.

Are you busy with nonsense again?
YYY: Why is it? I may disprove the theory of progress.
xxxx for your existence.? to

The thinking of boys and girls is different.
A beautiful picture of a pregnant woman.
Comments of the girls:
The beauty.
What a miracle.
A wonderful photo.
What a joy.
...
Comments of the guys:
She had eaten the strawberry.
and Ok.

AAA: It is only in us the sausage is made by TU, and toilet paper by GOST.

The AutoCAD!
When Kalina was launched at AutoVAZ, an engineer came to the subject of a new washing of finished products. He walks through the brigade with a tablet and measures: heels to socks, socks to heels! We ask: was it hard for us to ask for a roulette? He replied, “We are so used to it! And when they were gathered to do a new box... The team of IngiInir came, pulled out of the pocket of the rope, attached to it a broken support - and began to mark the place on the tablets for new power heads with this device! Looking forward to a Ferrari!
Comrade Stalin said rightly: the personnel decide everything. He spoke and signed the shooting lists.

In the morning, my mother called:
M: Are you sleeping?
I : Yes
Q: How did you go to the concert yesterday?

The inscription on the rear glass of the SUV: "Do not follow me, you will not pass there!"

xxx: How I missed my dear users this week on a business trip! =) is
xxx: Aunt calls now and says: "I’m opening the base. And I have the sandweights first, and then the finger again and nothing happens..."
XXX: They will destroy my brain!! to