<alg> by the way, you can be proud of the earth girls, they win every competition "Miss Universe"

4 Aug at 23:09 Alexander Today is the best day of my life!
13 Aug at 8:17 Alexander Today is the best day of my life! and :)
17 August at 22:41 Alexander Today is the best day of my life!)
19 Aug at 21:08 Alexander Today is the best day of my life! and :)
23 Aug at 21:49 Alexander Today is the best day of my life! and :)
24 Aug at 15:02 Alexander Today is the best day of my life!
29 Aug at 17:07 Alexander Today is the best day of my life!!! to
2 Jan at 19:00 Alexander Today is the best day of my life!
6 Jan at 11:15 Alexander Today is the shitest day of my life! I am a stupid pitcher!
6 June at 12:30 Alexander Today is the best day of my life!) Thank you guys, broke up - have fun)))

The more I ride in public transport, the more I sympathize with Raskolnikov

What did I suddenly want you to do?
to onanism.
by Nana

The real march of disagreements is when the secretary, mistress and wife refuse you in one day.

A suspicious person.
The first day of my military life. We, the newcomers, were only fed, washed in the bathroom and changed clothes. After all, we, 40 people, found ourselves in Lenin’s room. We sit, quietly looking at the dude with the pursuit of the major, who hurries with the eyes of each of us in turn. Five minutes later, he started:
– I congratulate you, comrades, on your arrival in our glorious bla, bla,
Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah
and bla.
Now to the case. You will have a bath once a week. After the bath, the soldier is given a choice - either a bottle of beer - 500 ml, or chocolate - 100 grams. Selection of military personnel.
The audiences were noticeably revived.
Stop the conversations! Stand up humbly! Sit up freely. So I will continue.
Here is before me the vendetta of your third company, to the satisfaction of beer and
The chocolate. Sergeant Vatrushkin
A sergeant entered the room.
Bring a pleasure from the capsicum.
A minute later, the sergeant drinks a box of beer with a cardboard box of chocolate "Alenka". We all shouted with one eye.
So I’ll call your name, you say “I” and you call that you’re.
You want to get on the day of the bath: beer or chocolate.
While the turn went to my surname, I thought - what to choose: On the one hand, I have never drunk alcohol in my life, neither before nor after, so I did not need beer, but on the other hand, I can from the bar shoulder, give my bottle to comrades, for the same chocolate from the tea room.
On the third side, today they buy me chocolate, and tomorrow they won’t have time, I won’t crack and still give them my beer, but I’ll stay without “Alenka”. But from the fourth...
Major named my name.
and I! I choose chocolate.
There was silence in the room, as if I had said something unworthy.
Comrade of soldiers, if you choose chocolate, you won’t get beer.
Is it clear?
So exactly.
At the end of the list, the major approached me closely, looked closely, walked away and cried out: You are all cattle, lazy and, as it turned out, alcoholics! I’ll get rid of that nonsense! They wanted beer! Can you take your baby after the bathroom!!! Everyone stand up, go out to build! Sergeant
Vatrushkin, command on the agenda.
And you, Stirlic, I’ll ask you to stay. and sit down. (I sat down) The Major looked at me with emphasis.
I am the head of a special department.
(In the future, I have learned to identify individuals without mistake, by a fish’s eye) In the three years of my service in this training section, I showed this box of beer bottles and chocolate from the tea room, already tens of thousands of soldiers. But none of them chose chocolate. You are a mystery for me, but I have a job to solve mystery.
Here is a paper, write an autobiography. Very detailed, in ten pages.
He asked for a long time about parents, foreigners, did not friends serve in our part? I was scared of prison and so on. (The devil knows why he’s having these beer tricks, probably he’s just a sadist.) Our company started the training process, and only I had no admission and instead of classes in a secret class, I sat quietly in the barracks and wrote letters to my mother. For two whole months, while major secret requests about me were flying to secret addresses, I cried, and the service went.
A sober lifestyle is sometimes not so bad.

The wife broke the freezer to refuse meat, chicken, some cocktails and left for two weeks.
At the end of the day, the peelings are nowhere to store! I want to eat, I die.

There was a children’s shopping center.
My mom (m) and my son (p) are 5 years old.

Mom, let’s not go to the store!
M: No, my son, I have to go.
Fuck you, you’re going to spend all the money!

The boy’s father was not injured after that.

(>Zero<): Can you share it with me?
You cannot divide by zero!

Andrei
You have swallowed

Andrei
Who do you take me as a fool?

sc_muska
You answered your question in your own question.

A friend tells me about passing the exam:

Jake: Well, I painted him a schedule of functioning.
BMX: Is it possible to decline? Or did she disappear too quickly?

Advertising on the radio:
AIDS and Drug Addiction: Make the Right Choice!

"Incapsulation, inheritance, polymorphism"... A good slogan, almost like "Freedom, Equality, Brotherhood".

Mother, take the farm! Everything is drawn from her :)
I don’t want a farm :) I have a pork farm :)

Now in Russia, as in an old joke:
- Be kind, oatmeal with elephant ears.
Sorry, but we don’t have greyhounds.

From comments to photos.

XXX: I will not know you again.

Yyy: My job is like that))) Change) and while I’m ripping)

xxx: and in the shower still blonde) so caps lock off and did not learn))

YYY: You are about what

The night. Sitting behind the compass. I went to smoke on the balcony. Through the sidewalk, three clearly sober comrades of a punk-looking appearance are dragging across the road. and a song. But what and how!
Apples and pears flourished.
The fog floated over the river. Hey to!! to
I went to the shore of Katyusha.
On a high shore. Hey to!! to

The cigarette flew down from his mouth.

Forum of 1C programmers

MikeFromAtol: I was told, in Thailand such radio-controlled models are in general. At the end of the year I will take a helicopter from there.

Mr. PJ: all normal people from there tripper drive - helicopter programmers!

I read one article about the man who dropped an elephant out of the bow.
What about Legolas?

Spam in ASKA:
"Bike without a saddle - a new generation of prostate massage machines on pedal traction"

How terrible it is to live... >_<