bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 45 - ] Comment quote №74114
 10.12.2012
In one of the South Park series, Stan began to think that modern music is like a curtain.
xxx: At first it seemed funny to me, and then I listened to the dubstep

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №74113
 10.12.2012
xxx: I just talked to a colleague from Omsk, there is now -36
xxx: was there a year ago and there the frost is much easier to feel
Yyy: It’s because you’re constantly running away from the hook.

[ + 43 - ] [3 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №74112
 10.12.2012
I hate washing dishes, especially old dishes. Fuck, when I pulled out a plate of two-week flour at the bottom, I thought it was sick now. Greetings to all who did not welcome.
YYY: I am sick from fresh. And a bowl with pork fat four days old wash? What about potatoes with mayonnaise a week ago?
zzz: Flood all the ferries, open the crane, leave for 10 minutes. You close the crane and leave it until next Monday.
BBB: Next Monday you throw it out and buy a new one.
zzz: Preferably a kitchen.

[ + 48 - ] Comment quote №74111
 10.12.2012
from ZH
Dr. Piliulkin: My younger, five-year-old son asks his mother to heat the soup in the microwave.
Did you cook the soup in the microwave?
No, my mother answered. When I was a kid, there were no microwaves.
The son cries, thinks and cautiously clarifies:
Was there a fire then?

[ + 26 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №74110
 10.12.2012
Dyus: I went yesterday to remove money from the ATM near the philologist’s corps. In front of me is a guy who came out of this corps. If he is in his turn, he chooses some amount and a message appears such as:"Sorry, but the note is less than 200 grams. not", he did not think a lot with the words:"a, okay - persuaded" gains!100gr.After another similar message, he expressed his face:"What a fucking thing!!" nervously pulls out the card makes a step to the side and stops, a little thought (he probably obscured), again approaches the ATM and with glowing eyes slowly gains 200. you would see how he was delighted when a banknote appeared from the ATM))

[ + 2 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №74109
 10.12.2012
What a man should know...
1) Make money
2) Give to another man
3) Destroy the woman
4) Find friends to repeat the first three points

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №74108
 10.12.2012
Usually, the life of empty light bulbs ends at the washing, and only the lucky ones - in the laboratory of the clinic.

[ + 32 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №74107
 10.12.2012
Can you tell me what year the Spartacus uprising took place?
I am not interested in football.
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah

[ + 38 - ] Comment quote №74106
 10.12.2012
From the flash game:

Something, and weapons shooting with radioactive saucers, I did not expect.

[ + 17 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №74105
 10.12.2012
At 12 a.m., the neighbors decided that it was time to put off the perforator, eat it and start roaring: "White Roses" under a damaged phonogram.

[ + 38 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №74104
 10.12.2012
How can you explain to a cat that the washing machine is not his house, and that we will ever wash it?

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №74103
 10.12.2012
I now hear a student running out of the men’s dressing room with a joyful cry "I saw him! See also"
In the course of the day the girl succeeded.

[ + 33 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №74102
 10.12.2012
Arsenic (01:22:57)
Are you teaching everything?

I love you (01:23:19)
Yes Yes

Arsenic (01:23:30)
The poor...

I love you (01:27:36)
Oh well okay. I think it’s time to say about it. First of all, I am not a poor man, I have all the sbs. Secondly. and Senya! Oh my own! The poor woman! What test word do you constantly get? The word Nash?

[ + 33 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №74101
 10.12.2012
In the news: the Ministry of Internal Affairs is creating a database of corruptors. I thought things should be started, not recorded.

[ + 45 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №74100
 10.12.2012
On one well-known website news "In Moscow began to celebrate Hanuka". The best match (+5): "no shoj, with a holiday, the first toast for the Holocaust! The second is for continuation!"

And (+9) "In the Odessa port there is a steam boat, on board the inscription: "To Israel". The Jews go to him a day, second. On the third day, an elderly Jew approached and asked the sailor:
Do you have it, is it immeasurable?
No, it’s not going to be bad."

[ + 37 - ] Comment quote №74099
 10.12.2012
Q: Do you want to go through your ass or what normal people?
I have some people, I have my own.

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №74098
 10.12.2012

XXX: The length of my hook was 14 cm. But then I started singing a puddle of puddle every day! And the length of my tail became 21 cm!
And, yes, I almost forgot, I was still in the coffin!
YYY: And who has stretched your tail there?

[ + 9 - ] [3 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №74097
 10.12.2012
Again about duties. I’m scratching now, but I can’t read that stuff anymore.
Treat each other as full people. Guys, don’t treat a girl as a brainless apparatus for fucking, household services and sometimes knocking down on the ‘fucking’ brain option, treat her as a person. Girls, don’t treat a guy like a wallet with ears and a brain of a 9-year-old, treat him like a human being. Everyone wants to be loved, appreciated and have the right to choose.

(It is true, my boyfriend believes that you need to be absolutely indifferent, unemotional, not in need of anyone and not upset even in the case of the death of a spouse or child, but this is a private case.)

[ + -13 - ] [3 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №74096
 10.12.2012
I went to an old friend out of town. It was in summer. My girlfriend was married at the time, and my husband was not at home. I come, so we sat down, wiped and decided to go swim in the river. The place was crowded, and I had no swimsuit. I had to swim in trousers. I took a bath, put my pants on my naked body, and put my wet trousers in a plastic bag. We went home, sat a few more hours, and I left for myself. I forgot her wet trousers. A friend calls me in a couple of weeks and says, “Dima, I’m terrified here.

I am her: what is it?

She: My husband, your cowards found. I took them out of the bag when we returned from the river, put them in the washing machine, and then took them out and dried them with other things. And, of course, machinefully put her husband in a box, to his cowards. He took care of the clean, put on yours, and said to me, These are not my cowards, Whose cowards are they? At first I tried to convince him that they were his cowards, but when he began to hysterize, I admitted that they were your cowards. That you left them. I was swimming in them and they were wet... But, do you know what is most important?

What is? I ask, I have already started to roast at this moment.

“He doesn’t believe me,” a friend replied. She cries herself.

This is such a story. My girlfriend and my husband divorced very soon, and I once said, “Pechkin, shit, you destroyed my marriage by your carelessness. In my own philosophical manner, I answered that it is impossible to destroy what was not the whole. He laughed badly.

[ + 6 - ] Comment quote №74095
 10.12.2012
History of ZH:



I went to work one morning, standing at the tram stop, waiting. A guy approaches me and starts talking to me as if we’ve known each other for a hundred years. I ignored it for a while, and then my tram came. Here the most interesting thing begins! I’m on the train, but the guy doesn’t let me go. He grabbed his sleeve and said, “Ira! I can’t get rid of it!” Well, first of all, I’m not an Ira ever, and in general... the first time I see this type. In fact, I turned away from him. Only 40 minutes later they managed to get to the subway (with him together), another 40 minutes went in the subway. I’ve started out a little bit, and everybody is riding around – like “sweet defending...” Well, in the subway he was with me, of course, all the way about our unfortunate love story, which I (i.e. Ira) destroyed with my dull outputs. I (which is not IRA) has already fallen out of reality at that moment.) In the end, he left me for a stop before the one I needed, announcing to the whole car that I was fucking with everybody, a-t-ta! The passengers stared at me, and this was the end of this wonderful journey.

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