bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 57 - ] Comment quote №126438
 06.04.2016
The red clown

My son was in the midst of the lazy hustlers and the gray coach – Valery Evgenievich, gave them hustles and forced them to jump 758,000 times or something like that.
The boxing hall was filled with the loud sounds of the fabric factory, the offended, red-looking fighters sweated, but jumped.
The coach sat down at my desk:

They love to jump and love to jump. They think – if I turned away, then you can not invest in strikes, hit the bag, barely, like armless pregnant old women. But I can hear with my back – who, how, and even with what hand.
When I was the same, even smaller, I loved to praise. Why do I have all these boring exercises if I was the fastest and strongest in the room? Even he never covered his head, he managed to inflict a counterwar on the enemy as soon as he ripped his hand from the "beard". I was given everything easily and in six months, I was already chasing my entire weight category, even those who were borrowed for four years.
My first coach, Viktor Semenovich, told his father that “your boy is naturally very gifted, but he loves to curl out of routine, and if he overcomes his laziness, he will get in the sport everything he wants, and if he does not overcome, then I will drive him out.” By the way, only thanks to the coach, I became a master of international sport.
But then I was a puppy, I felt like Muhammad Ali.
One day, a mother came to us and brought the baby. Ordinary such a red boy, hemp, with a big head.
The coach looked at him, forced a couple of times to hit the bag, pull on the turbine, do something else, and took it.
A week passed. Red with us runs, jumps, tries, and then the sparrings began. The coach put us in a pair with him and said to me:

- Valera, you look, don't kill him, make a discount, you've been doing it for six months, and he's only a week.

We started boxing.
And this red suddenly, “breath,” “breath,” I didn’t even understand at first “what was it”? The stars in the eyes.
I gathered, concentrated, what a “discount” was there.
The whole room is silent, watching.
I hit the moment and charged my "corona" - the left side in the "beard", so this red, even to avoid - just threw me in front of the straight in the head. It was my first nightclub in my life.
I, of course, got up and started fighting again, but after my third fall, the coach stopped us.
At that moment, the crown came from me. How is it? Without a year of working for a week, he stunned me like a little boy. I realized that I am not a hero and not special and that you need to smell, smell and smell. I smelled the most of them.
And the red boy with his parents moved to another area and I never saw him again in my life.
Two years have passed, I was already a loader, showed good results and one day the coach took me to the side and said:

Valerie, I need your help. Do you like films about spies?
Well yes, and what?
- Then you have a spy task: here, not far from here, a couple stops on the subway, there is a boxing section, they are trained by my old friend, so he has a good newbie, talented and promising, only very lazy. So you sign up there and go a little. The coach will tell you. Only for a week, maximum for two. You need a little bit of a star.
Do you remember the red clown that once handled you?
Of course I remember.
Well, here, I, by the way, borrowed it for you there, and the debt, as they say...
Now it’s your turn to be a red clown.

[ + 82 - ] Comment quote №126437
 06.04.2016
At the lesson, one student correctly answered all the questions of the teacher, which provoked a classmate to a contemptible comment: "Botanic!"
The teacher made her notice that it would not hinder a more respectful treatment of, possibly, the future employer.
The man added, “It’s unlikely. I don’t plan on becoming a snooker.”

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №126436
 06.04.2016
Chapter 1: Drawing in the Easter
1: he found 150+ harmful nose files
The Blue Screen
1 pk restarted
1: and the fucking boom

You can show the blue screen of death.
Chapter 2: The Fucking Boom

1: I cannot

2: describe "boom fucking" in more detail
Boom fucking – black smoke?? to
2: or the boom fucking pic-piyaik hole-throw whip?

[ + 16 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №126435
 06.04.2016
xxxx on Linkedin. Now I have seen everything.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №126434
 06.04.2016
>>>Well, for more than a decade to do the way you like, despite the valuable advice of hardly acquainted and the promise to "catch and shave naked", and then hit on everything and still shave - infantilism is one-significant.

I was once told about a car mechanic in a deaf province who, in protest against the concepts, not only wore long hair, but also wrapped it in a cloth. The brother-in-law had been on him for many years, but was patient: the mechanic was highly qualified, required constantly.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №126433
 06.04.2016
If you judge by the demands that are made to applicants on all kinds of hedhants there, it is not surprising why you have a total shortage of programmers. The number of programmers you need is one in a million.

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №126432
 06.04.2016
Internal postal correspondence:

Manager 1: What if we simply add to what is: "..."?
Manager 2: Agreed this phrase with the tenant. Can I write and write today?
Director: In regard to the first verb for all to answer not taking because purely individually, in regard to the second - ok.

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №126431
 06.04.2016
This is if we do not notice the absurdity of the situation when the Chelyabinsk buffalo advises the Belgians how to arrange their lives. Show them Chelyabinsk, show them how the White Man should live.

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №126430
 06.04.2016
The mail is burning. The message arrives: Come to the mail urgently! This is exactly the way: no dates, no reasons, the proper name was written without mistakes. I come.
Q: We want you back the money for the subscription, it is our fault that we made the subscription with an error and it did not pass.
I: Do you really want it back? Have you checked well?
Q: All right, we owe you, here are the documents, write up.
I: Well okay!

She took the money and left. The second time. For the same subscription, for which three months ago I already received the money.


[ + 18 - ] Comment quote №126429
 06.04.2016
If I hadn't had two children, I would have done some downshiping on myself for a long time.

[ + 29 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №126428
 06.04.2016
Why have you fainted? There is a lack of good programmers. But the curly-handed fast-coders with cloudy NCS - even the ass you eat.
Just like there is a lack of sellers. But it’s full of deceivers who can’t link two words in an interview, and generally are wildly surprised that a sales manager must suddenly sell. They thought that there were only expenses to be signed. And if the experienced - exactly bargain, not knowing how to sell, only to stitch learned.
HRs are at the weight of gold. On the other hand, on the hexahanter sea resume of brainless HeRock, who read the book about the interview, but to understand the written mind was not enough, so stick stupid inadequate questions, scaring out rare interesting candidates.
Unfortunately, workers are also lacking. But it is full of wrong-handed fools, who were not expelled from PTU at one time out of pity, and they now think of themselves as professionals. They have a diploma! And shame that in 10 years of work, I never went on vacation, because I did not stay anywhere for more than a couple of months.
The country is starving in the face of huge unemployment. This is an oxymoron. Workers are full, but no one works (

[ + 49 - ] Comment quote №126427
 06.04.2016
Is it real to live a month eating only bread and water? Is it harmful to the body and is the working capacity decreased?
Sytok: Survival – real, working capacity – decreases
If the supervisor is experienced, the working capacity will not decrease.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №126426
 06.04.2016
I am hysterical, I try not to appear. Just a little came to mind, how... "what is associated with the name Newton? concrete, binom,..., biathlon".... biathlon! Newton’s Biathlon!! to

Get used to it, it is no longer a fantasy, but a harsh reality. The situation at one time was already poured into the granite in this immortal cake:
Poetry by Alexander Block
Question of EEG
and Options
Twelve scales with a pencil

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №126425
 06.04.2016
This is:
But I wonder, where is the line of permissible hardness and devastation between the films 0+ and 4+? AQ

Most likely, the presence of bright flashes and unexpected loud sounds, somehow, is likely. Other explanation, unfortunately, I cannot find.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №126424
 06.04.2016
Our director went crazy. In some cabinets there are button code locks. As is known over time, the pressable buttons are wiped, so he ordered the cleaner several times a day to bypass all the locks and press unnecessary buttons so that they also wiped evenly.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №126423
 06.04.2016
YYY: Going to a new tooth
XXX is for free.
YYY :?? to
XXX: Dentistry on Guarantee
Where is the guarantee?
XXX: in the medical box
If you go to another city
XXX: I will take the card with me, they have branches everywhere.
YYY : mm
YYY: Did you pay too much?
YYY: for the tooth
Xxx: NNNNN rubles
ZZZ: and herase! At such prices the teeth will soon be purchased on the "second" advertisements
XXX is AHA. "I sell the tooth, b / u, on warranty, served with the dealer, service book is"

[ + 31 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №126422
 06.04.2016
Telephone conversation with the client:

Q: You understand the design should fully match the activities of our company!

I: What exactly are you doing, I have not yet understood?

The whole office is friendly (seemingly loud communication) – X-Y!

I: - We have the sex of the country doing this, can you be more specific?

Q: I'll send you a picture in the week, you just don't be afraid, in the beginning everyone is afraid...

I’m waiting, I’m interested. Intrigue, what are they doing?

[ + 36 - ] Comment quote №126421
 06.04.2016
Recently posted an advertisement on the aviator about the sale of a violin. Those wishing did not have to wait long. Today a man calls, clarifies the information about the product and says he is ready to buy it at least now, but he is currently in another city. I offered to transfer money to the card, and the goods will be taken by the courier. I drop the card number by SMS. The buyer calls back and says that the payment has been made, but he needs a confirmation code that came to my number.

I answer him that he is a scammer, such a scheme is widespread and no code I will tell him. The man was very upset, tried to talk to me, then shouted: very smart all bl@t became! He dropped the phone. The Emotional Uncle

Beware of the fraudsters.)

[ + 52 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №126420
 06.04.2016
The hospital phone is ringing.

“Good morning, I would like to take care of the sick Sidorov from the sixth chamber.

“A minute,” replies the nurse, “I’ll look at his card...I found it, the fracture grows well, after tomorrow we’ll remove the plaster, and on Friday we’ll remove the seams.

Is there a need for further postoperative monitoring?

Yes, it will take two or three weeks to look like ultrasound procedures.

When will he be released from the hospital?

In this Friday. Who are you, siblings?

“No, I am Sidov, but no one is telling me anything in this crazy hospital!

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №126419
 05.04.2016
count the number of unrepeatable combinations of numbers from 1 to 8))

I suggested a code-challenge for the interview of the juniors :)
...
One employee is a fool, the other, though the boss, is the same. Factorial as a code-challenge? To get to work? The programmer?? to
The last hope was that this was an April joke.

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