bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 33 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №121393
 04.12.2015
I had a very strange dream. I go with some old baggage to get a visa to some old-fashioned house with a falling door. I take the line for the priest and someone else there. I wait, and then it turns out that I have almost no necessary papers. I am wrapped. Only when I woke up, I realized that I was going to get a visa there... to that light. I did not give!! Beware of the bureaucracy!!! to

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №121392
 04.12.2015
Today, thanks to the printing in the google translator, it became clear that ideology is an ideology, and edeology is a doctrine about the genitals. I tried to make a reverse translation, i.e. to translate "the doctrine of the genital organs" from Russian into English. Usually this allows to identify misunderstood semantic nuances by the translator. In this case, the conformity is complete. But it was worth removing the emphasis from the word “organs,” as the translation changed to something like “the doctrine of the genitals.” In general, once again I was convinced that the main thing in ideology is to place the accents correctly. A little wrong and a good idea comes out of some x@na.

[ + 21 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №121391
 04.12.2015
In the competition for the best concept of development of domestic tourism of Russia, the Ministry of Defense of the Russian Federation won the competition.

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №121390
 03.12.2015
Just a colleague returns after an hour’s absence and to the lawful question “where did you go?” he answers: “Great Shai Khulud, let the world be purified by his actions, was ruthlessly thrown down into the infinite white glare of marble eternity and taken away by smelly streams into the unknownness of the universe.”
I stumbled for five or ten minutes, and then, as soon as I arrived, I rattled like an idiot. So nobody has spoken of a banal trip to the sortir yet.)

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №121389
 03.12.2015
Sunny, I love you very much, but let me not get out of bed.
XX: When did I survive you?? to
Every night, generally speaking. and ;)
I can’t survive you!!! to
Why do I fall asleep in the middle of the bed and wake up on the edge?
H: That’s what I’ll tell you now. First you fall asleep... then you get lonely and you crawl me under the side... then you get hot and you swipe off... then again lonely... then again hot... and then you twist at the very edge and don’t let me swipe on my half!! to
Sorry dear, I didn’t know. I will draw conclusions.
Xh: and include in your conclusions cake, I want a delicious!!! ^ ^ ^ ^ ^

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №121388
 03.12.2015
From a letter to a colleague:

She told me yesterday that I had a stinking look.
And that I look like a woman who knows the value of herself and appreciates others.
What I have in all

I was silent. by POH

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №121387
 03.12.2015
I have one acquaintance - a dumb tourist, for whom the dirty and dirty weekend / vacation, the better. She recently started dating almost the same guy, and now I consider them both lost to a normal world. Seriously, they had a recent dialogue:
She: Here, the weekend route is something like that. Evening is not very clear. Tell me the main three words.
He (see map): Let us spend the night in the swamp
It is these (^_^)

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №121386
 03.12.2015
I have heard of the Sochi who have not been at sea for years, but I thought they were bicycles.

I will tell you about the rights of the soccer. I live about a kilometer from the sea, I see it out the window every day, but I approach it once or twice a year.

[ + 21 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №121385
 03.12.2015
The double misconception is when you went with a guy into the forest for mushrooms, and he, and not the mushrooms gathered, and the forest does not know.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №121384
 03.12.2015
When everything around is bad, a person begins to believe in miracles. If you do not notice the negative, it is no longer possible - the human thought grabs the savior, giving him courage, wisdom, intelligence and courage. It does not matter who people believe in, in a god or a king, the main thing for them is to dream of salvation, drawing the image of that savior himself.
If you begin to argue that the cruel reality will not disappear, and the savior exists only in their sins, by reading the laws you bring back the interlocutors from heaven to earth - you become the main enemy. You are virtually killing their happy future, because for them their own fantasy is their world, their reality.
Here the savior stole a hundred rubles in front of his admirer. Running, he did not rise, but fell into the shit, all see it, are silent, think that he needs a hundred rubles to treat his grandmother, and the shit is healing. And here you show: a hundred was out of the pocket of the housekeeper, you give shit to smell, proving - real! From now on, the savior is not a thief and a fool, but you are the bastard who has taken away a happy future.

Written by Vasiley Halaza yesterday at 14.39

[ + 20 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №121383
 03.12.2015
The head of the central bank sees no prerequisites for the collapse of the ruble.
Ruby to prepare.

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №121382
 03.12.2015
In the last week I learned what a woman on top, anal sex, mines and more. Now here I sit, I think, and where this B. learned all this...

Fuck, do you have to learn that? Where did you learn that, gentle man?

They were completely shaken with their courses of orals. What did the poor women do? Probably failed.

[ + 17 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №121381
 03.12.2015
I called a taxi. There was a woman who asked me not to sit in the front seat. It turns out that people with debts really exist. I am in shock, but not. I will be shocked when I meet a guy with dollars.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №121380
 03.12.2015
Timlid: Your boyfriend will go with us on a strike.
QA: No he can’t.
Timmy: Who is he?
QA: a plus (C++ programmer)
Timlid: It’s clear then why he can’t – he’ll shoot himself in the foot.

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №121379
 03.12.2015
He first presses off half of my bed. She slips under my blanket because she is cold. He drops my blanket because it’s hot. It turns into my figure under my mouse - now everything is fine. I can’t sleep without a blanket.
Normal behavior for a cat.
For a cat, yes, but it is a human being. Or pretending to? Even the song is “whether it was a cat, or a bird, or a woman.”
A funny song. The window sorting.
o o o o o o
It will not fly, it will not fly ;)

[ + 40 - ] Comment quote №121378
 03.12.2015
XXX: In the summer
So the father gave his brother the task: to dig a hole under the sardine!! to
I go out to smoke and watch the next picture.
The Devil Driver - Digging up the corpses and this imbitil still sings
xxxh: and here comes out grandmother (in the past the translator knows the languages of 5 English naturally too) well I think everything is enough for grandmother.
HH: It wasn’t there! She narrated her brother, listening to the text, and issued: "It's not the grandson of the lover's grandfather from here, the grandfather has already digged and buried behind the forest, you're trying in vain!"
I almost didn’t smoke a cigarette.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №121377
 03.12.2015
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
xxx: And it seems that it is not always somehow evil, but he really does not know how to explain and clearly formulate tasks, in addition, he is often confused about where he is and in the company.
That is, if he had taught the child to eat on his own, then such a child by the age of 10 would finally understand that the spoon can be held by the hand and not necessarily steep his own leg on his knee in the ass, but by that moment the beak is already gray, and the leg is turned straight, and the ass is not in order.

[ + 38 - ] Comment quote №121376
 03.12.2015
He fell into the elevator mine.
Optimist Sergey
Hooked up
Scream of Egeia

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №121375
 03.12.2015
The greatest sinners will not only be cooked in separate boilers, but will also have to buy them in mortgage.

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №121374
 03.12.2015
A friend told a story. His sister has a small child. And so it happened that they and their husband needed to go somewhere, asked to sit with grandmother granddaughter's grandson. In the evening they come back - grandmother feeds granddaughter. The little one folds on both cheeks. My sister is in shock. It is very difficult to feed him, especially the cabbage, which he did not eat. They start asking what a snack, a recipe. And the grandmother only laughs and turns to her grandson: "Andryushchenko, will you have a snack?" and the little one is curled and turns his nose. "- And the potato?", the little affirmatively shakes his head and wraps another tablespoon of cabbage)))

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