bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 36 - ] Comment quote №158054
 20.05.2022
Pfff, I’ve been in a woman’s body once in nine months. Well, I’m going to be around for five or ten minutes, really.



I hope they are different women.

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №158053
 19.05.2022
Women and men go to the gym with one goal – they want to have a beautiful, slim, elastic, female body.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №158052
 19.05.2022
Oh remembered now how in the UK agreed with an unknown boy to pursue in red dead online. They began to play, and he is not heard, he talks in a quiet whisper. I ask, can it be louder, or is it worth negotiating? And here I hear a story worthy of Hemingway - next to the wife sleeps with two children, and in the other room not to leave because the one-room, and before they go to sleep, the wife does not allow to play. At that point I realized that the institution of offspring was postponed indefinitely.

[ + 20 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №158051
 19.05.2022
Time has shown that the dictatorship of the proletariat does not need the proletariat at all.

[ + 46 - ] Comment quote №158050
 19.05.2022
At the beginning of the zero, when I had a lot of time, little money and internet on cards, I played a downloaded game called King of Zamunda. The game was assembled on the knee, had three and a half buttons with images of resources from the third Heroes, but with the task of killing time managed. The essence of the game was this: you play for the king of a small state, you trade resources in the form of grain, oil and gold, periodically rushing enemies, from which you have to defend with the help of soldiers. You feed the workers with grain, you pay the soldiers with gold. You have to last a hundred years, to make a hundred moves. If the kingdom begins to roll in the shadow, you will be overthrown.
That is all. No, they were not playing in those years.

Honestly, soon I will explain what I am all about.

Initially, the game process is quite simple. You buy grain, leave it for food, sow the rest. Oil and gold buy cheaper, sell more expensive. When the war is coming, you buy soldiers exactly just to get enough to repel the attack. The population is growing, popularity too - in general, a fairly simple simulator. The butt is stolen suddenly when the people begin to grow in geometric progression, ahead of the growth of the grain. Buying grain will not be enough money, and you will not have time to grow dumb. The hunger begins, the people begin to revolt and overthrow you after a few moves.

After a dozen or two years of prosperity and satiety, suddenly all the grain in the country is sold to the dogs. Surprised people will catch up with packs. If at this time someone else decides to attack – great, no soldier goes to war.

Part of the people are killed, part are taken into slavery - the population is decreasing even more. And then, when the rating of the king is already close to zero - grain is purchased on an industrial scale, everyone is pirated, the rating rises to heaven.

When the country is slightly dried up, the cycle is repeated first.

Leaving behind all the parallels with real events, I will say one thing - in the future, this game helped me understand the way politicians think. We are all units in their game, and the purpose of the grain is not primarily our food.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №158049
 19.05.2022
When will everything get to its place?
But when you learn to divide the homeland, the country, the state and the company that manages them.

[ + 36 - ] Comment quote №158048
 19.05.2022
Little 9 years. He walks into the room with the question:

Why can children take part in horror films and children can’t watch such movies?🤷🏼‍♂️

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №158047
 19.05.2022
My 6-year-old nephew Egor came to my grandmother in the warm countries for the summer. Making a check-in by the grandmother’s house after the arrival, a small hooligan stumbled upon a collection of toys.

You have so many toys!! The child cried enthusiastically.

B: I’ll give you them all if you behave well.

Do you need to behave well for a long time?

B: All the time you’re here.

E: I can’t stand it for so long, the boy replied disappointedly and went to master the horn.

[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №158046
 19.05.2022
I go by bicycle. Bicycle tracks as required. In front of me, a seven-year-old stranger on a bicycle makes finties. And so Zack goes out. Tired of this turmoil in front of my eyes, I decided to overtake and move quietly on. has fallen. I hear someone chasing behind. The boy again. And although I was driving fast, he was determined to overtake. has fallen. It turns out. A smile on the whole face:

Hello to you!

I’ve come up with this kind of courage, courage and courage :)

Hello to you.

Well, let us get acquainted. My name is Vicky.

Now I have a friend of Vitka, seven years old.

[ + 24 - ] [4 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №158045
 18.05.2022
The beginning of zero. I meet a girl O. Beautiful, young, studying at the school. He lives in the neighboring area. In October or November, we celebrate her birthday in a cafe near her home. There were a couple of her friends. Then another couple, a guy with a girl sat down. Then the friends of this couple painted. Everyone ordered salads and drinks. And at some point I decided to ask her - And on whose account the banquet. She, already drunk, - I have a little, but in general, I thought you would pay!)) Mistake it, I think. The money is not very much, the more the gift I have already given and spent it decently. Well I think okay. I'll find out a little bit about the guests, how aboutët finance? Those in rejection, say, our friends brought us, there is no money, we did not sign anything, in short. They swim, I think. Here my O. got bad, I had to take her to the toilet, there to keep her hair over the toilet) The waitress, well, had time to say that no one else ordered anything and asked for the bill. The money went straight. It was empty, and the guests added some coins. More and more!) Home I walk about 15 km. He is not smiling at all. This body is drunk in front of her house and I say I go to her for the night. I have not known her parents yet. Her mother was a librarian and her father an engineer. Intelligence is meant. She, drunk and drunk, but tried to tell me to stay with her, said, uncomfortable, they have a two-bedroom apartment and I have no place to sleep. But I said that I could spend the night in the kitchen, but I would not walk home at night in the ugly cold weather. My mother opened the door. This is a typical library. With glasses and a dirty dress. I was stressed. I was even more stressed when I hit my nose with the odor of cat urine. (from O. sometimes also smelled a cat, but I tried not to pay attention to it) Okay, come in, the daughter she helped break-up, there they met. Daddy didn’t even get out of the bedroom. The mother was not surprised by the condition of the daughter or did not look, although I saw O. for the first time) went to the kitchen. There really is shit. And the turtles. Fuck, they were building there. everywhere. Mom offered to eat chicken and opened the cover from the bowl on the plate. A tiger came out of there. Yes, a cockroach came out of the bowl with the chicken and my mom didn’t bother. My O. looked at me with the appearance: I was trying to tell you away) I also refused the tea, saying that we were already fed and drunk after the coffee and I would just switch to them until 06.00, and there I am on the bus home and to work. I was ready to walk, at least all night. I was laid in bed in the room. Even fresh bed clothes. From which it still smelled like a cat's snack, somehow until the morning, he jumped up to the alarm clock and ran away without breakfast. I didn’t see O. anymore, although she and her friend had broken my phone for a couple of months. I couldn’t be with her after seeing her anymore. Don’t think of me as a dull and snob. The girl was already quite adult and, if desired, could attach a hand to bringing order and observance of basic sanitary norms. Especially as a teacher.

As far as I can remember, I’ll crack it out ?

[ + 16 - ] Comment quote №158044
 18.05.2022
In the pursuit of a long ruble, it is possible to play in a long box.

[ + 51 - ] Comment quote №158043
 18.05.2022
At one time, he also encountered arguments from neighbors: "To complain about drinking in the entrance / loud music / parking on the lawn? Are you a knocker?“”
I have to admit, at first it was out of the track. Then there was a counterdood: to knock - to surrender. Those who sit in the entrance, spoil the lawn so as not to go from the car extra meters, puts on the comfort of the neighbors (my included) I do not own.
The neighbors changed their rhetoric. The argument works in similar situations in networks.

[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №158042
 18.05.2022
A guy walks with a girl, talks, hugs. Suddenly Helic comes in and stops next to them. The door opens in the helicopter.
The girl quickly pulls off her hand from the guy and moves toward the car. A man asks a girl:
You are where?
Sorry, you’re good, but he’s rich.
He sits in the car and the guy in the car says:
Girl, I didn’t stop for you.
For whom then?
For this young man.
Why Why?
I am his personal driver.

[ + 45 - ] Comment quote №158041
 18.05.2022
Xxx: An average of 20-30 flights per year, half of which are eight-hour. I have nothing against the children, but in the air they most often go into the category of "sick kid kids." It only helps to cross away, but it is not always possible not to get into the affected zone) it would be cool if there were separate zones for passengers with children on long-distance flights. With good noise insulation and voluntary accommodation of childless passengers with incomplete loading



Yyy: I asked to stay away from the children, but I was rejected on the pretext that you cannot stay away from the children if you are their parent.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №158040
 18.05.2022
In school, in sixth or seventh grade, I was alone at home. My parents went to the village for two weeks. In the evening, at 23:00, I decided to wash in the shower. I get out of the bathroom and see in the room in the darkness somebody sitting on the corks. There is no light in the house because we are saving, but even so I see His silhouette! I look like a human, but my hands are long and thin, and the main thing is that it looks at me! Many people say a person from fear escapes or prepares to defend himself. But no, when something is like a person before you, but not a person, the fear is completely different. I stood without movement, my whole body was paralyzed, my hair started to rise. And he looked at me. in the emphasis. without moving. In the 20 to 40 seconds I probably stood like that. Then my eyes became accustomed to the darkness and I saw that it was a pale umbrella! The thin hand of the creature is his pen, and the eyes are the sluts on which the umbrella closes when it folds. It turned out that the parents arrived at night, brought some things, left an open umbrella in the room so that the man could worship, and went for other things that were left in the car. But damn, I remember those 20-40 seconds as if it was yesterday.

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №158039
 18.05.2022
He was small, 30+ years ago.. his parents went to the cinema, to a video salon in the early 90s. I stayed at home with my youngest (I am about 11 years old). I am bored to go for a walk. My parents came back late. And the sister fell asleep at home, about 9-10 in the evening, and did not open to me. I ring, knock on the door, stand next to the door, on the 3rd floor... And I understand that someone went into the entrance, and stood for a while, and began to climb up. Well, I think to the second or neighbors. Again, late time, but most importantly, it’s up quietly! And in the dark! There is no light anywhere. I jumped off the door and hid in the opposite, dark, corner. Some adult, tall body, got up and stopped on this floor, and then, Fuck, it doesn’t move! I stood in the dark for a long time, my eyes got accustomed, I saw his silhouette, against the background of general darkness. He clung to the wall and I could not even hear his breath. He saw, became accustomed to the darkness, and his hearing was sharpened - he, the shit, heard me in the darkness. He put his hands apart, sat down, and quietly, silently, moved from the wall, towards me! Fuck, at that moment, I even smelled myself, stumped! I took a few steps in front of him, lay on the floor, and all this silently.. He passed by, and did not touch me - I was lower.. I probably at that moment broke the record of shortness of breath.. When he passed me, I, just as silently, got up and went to the stairs and began to descend. The floor below, I began to breathe, at that time, my heart was beating, all over the entrance. He also quietly came out of the entrance, and ran, behind the cars, lay under the rear tamper, alone. I saw who came out of the entrance, after 20 minutes. he stood in a dark corner of min 5, and quickly dropped. I lay for another hour. Then, through the neighboring entrance, through the loft, came to the door. I was even eager to call her. The sister woke up and opened. I flew home, closed all the locks, and almost cut off my sister.

[ + 36 - ] Comment quote №158038
 17.05.2022
Why is Intel under AMD and AMD under AMD?



The collector is strong.

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №158037
 17.05.2022
I go to bed after lunch at 14:30.

The Wife:

How much are you going to sleep? Will you go back to six?

“Natasha, here at least to sleep at three. Children can get up at any moment.

I slept. The woman wakes up with the words:

I told you to sleep until six.

Is it already six? I say demand.

No, now there are four.

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №158036
 17.05.2022
A high-end joke is advantageously different from ordinary lovers to joke with blues of all shades.

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №158035
 17.05.2022
That was a long time ago, in Soviet times. I was then a student at the Military Flight School. At that time, all the students were in the military position at the school. In the rare dismissals to the city, I preferred to attend museums, theaters, concerts, because my father in my childhood struck me that a Soviet officer should be an intelligent and versatile developed person. At one of the dismissals in the city, I met Katie. I then came to a free lecture about the Bee Gees. The lecturer, when he saw me, squeezed a little, because he had not yet seen military students attend his lecture. I went in and sat down on a free spot with a beautiful girl I met. Listening to the lecture, I took her phone. He then invited her to a date at the local theatre. She has come. There were three more calls before the show. People came, dressed up and walked around the theater hall. I saw a piano in the hallway and invited Katya to take a walk with him. I came, opened the cover of the piano and played a couple of notes, the piano was set. I told Kat, if you want, I’ll play for you personally and now I’ll sing a song. Katya was upset and smiled guilty. I understood, she agreed. I sit down and start playing a song from the Beatles repertoire, Let it be. School lessons in the music school hands remembered. The bored people begin to approach and listen to the military student with interest, women begin to look at Katya with envy. Katie's face was dotted with dotted paint, she did not expect such attention to herself. I played and sang one song, then another. The public applauded. Then the third phone sounded and we went to see the show. But the further relationship we had with Katya did not work out, too she was stuck on her mother, and I needed an absolute free girl who could go with me on military service and through fire, water and copper tubes, which I eventually met.

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