I have a collection of small bottles of alcohol all over the kitchen that my friends will often find. Dialogue on my birthday celebration (everyone is scattered around the kitchen and considering them):

How many you already have.
I, turning to the dishwasher (back to everyone) and washing out the glass: 452 pieces.
Friend: And now what?

In the dark winter,
Not to hide, not to flee.
And if all that you are,
Route from work to bed.
Remember that you have cats.
Take them and be hungry.

It is beneficial for the heart of cats.
in the mouth of the neck,
in the district of Makushka, in the area of the sides,
Also in the ears.
Your cat is set, your cat is ready.
Treat him quickly.

It is very useful to kiss cats.
and swallow their stomachs.
When you fell into bed,
You don’t want to call an ambulance.
I was willing to die -
Cats come to you.
They lie on their neck and are very hungry.
escaping from darkness.
by alonso_kexano

I just had an unusual story. We went on snowboarding with the crowd. I with my husband. Since he wasn’t riding, he was working purely as my driver, he took the iPad and sat down while I was riding.
We’re going to leave, I’m stuck my barrel in the car, my husband helps me and puts my iPad on the roof... I might think I won’t continue. We went, and somewhere in half an hour we realized that we left it on the roof. We stop – he is not there. We return, inspect the entire parking lot, start driving at a speed of 10 km / h, inspecting each bush. When we lost hope, after driving 8 km, we saw the iPad on the road! It was just something! I have accepted that we will not find him. He was, of course, with broken glass, but he worked. Just a miracle!
But most of all I was delighted by my boss, to whom I told about this when he said "no;you are real Russians, and you lost him and broke it".))))

You have to agree with him in everything and do not override him in anything.
yyy: Probably the shortest instructions for working with the installer's))

Let me one day be the person my dog thinks I am.
Yyy: And don’t let God be what my cat thinks of me.

A colleague calls a phone number, mistakes and does not wait for a response: "Allo, Igor Nikolaevich?"
From there, a sad old-fashioned woman’s voice said: “No... This is an old grandmother... And she put the phone on.”

What is the fundamental difference between GPS and GLONASS?
The number of satellites underwater.

It was a spectacle! I was called by a security guard to talk to some "workers". Two men are looking for the breakdown of a 6kV cable, which turns out to pass underground from the end of the office, carefully under the accessory leading to the basement. But how do they "seek"!!! They have a wooden rod about 1.6m long, they put it on the asphalt, and the other end lean to the ear and listen. I even wondered at first what shamans were. High voltage discharges are supplied to the cable from the substation and micro-explosions are obtained at the site of the rupture. Here are the sounds of these micro-explosions and listen to... the stick... the 21st century...

The men are definitely nice, uniquely, the accuracy of determining the breakout of 20-30 cm, but I still sit in the space...

Xxx: Current girls catch on the puddles cleaner than before boys on the puddle with lesbians
Yyy: Could they think it’s cute?
Xxx: ah, fuck in the ass - it's so mimic

AAA: When I was a child, aged six to seven, I learned the word, but I didn’t know it was maternal, so I walked around and called everyone foolish until I was told that it wasn’t good to do it. When I grew up, I realized I was doing the right thing.

...I follow the lighting and signs, I walk around the pit, I think ahead of the other participants of the movement, I predict pedestrian manoeuvres, and here in front of me, without a turntable, a black BMW unexpectedly crashes, and here I remember that on the roads, in addition to other shit and obstacles, there are still a lot of fools whose bread don't pin, let me measure with pips, crack and generally show who is the main cock.

Today is my birthday with an old friend (he’s a motorcyclist, that matters), this morning I write to him:
"Happy birthday to you! A long, smooth and happy life path) and a postcard with a bike and a road going into a beautiful distance I throw.

He is "Thank you! I don’t want a peaceful and peaceful life. Is it possible to turn and turn?"
I: "Okay, you want to do it))"

The evening
He: "Ironia of fate (instead of a festive cake received from fate a broken bowl in the toilet)..."
I: "he-he, asked for the stitches, get it;))"

Yes!! A woman in her dressing room!! The swimming pool. P. F St. Petersburg and St. Petersburg, ul. Thirty and Thirty Years!! She sits right in the middle - the place is chosen so that all the closets are in her sight!!! Accordingly, all around (between the cabinets and the grandmother) all the men mock with pipes, and the grandmother pretends not to look 8-) If objectively, the nihirate is not funny. I do not suffer from gerontophilia. I think most of the visitors to the pool too, but the cultural one, bleat, capital, bleat!!! The state, the university!! The second largest city in the world!!! The 21st century!! to

xxx: No-yes, a better use of Russian in a foreign game than in Splinter Cell: Conviction, I have not seen yet. Well, to the enemies who insult "Yobanni karas'!", we are still accustomed, but imagine. We steal with a comrade to the Russian embassy, the mission is tough, we restart again. And here, when we are almost in place, one of the enemies suffocates: "What's the matter, asshole? Did you get hurt or just get upset?" We had to pause and run out, otherwise the mission would have failed.

A strong wind. The work.
Why do we do nothing?
No internet, no problems on the line.
And the mail?
The pigeon, the fool, is swallowing!

My husband asks me about my ex-husband:
He was tall, probably he had a big penis.
Without thinking, I answered:
- No, not very much, about like yours... would be big, if I had betrayed him!

And here comes to me what I said.)

Afternoon: On the street in places became noticeable 18+

XXX is
My friend told me a story that made me very happy.
XXX is
He says one day, when it was tight with money, the girl wanted to bring him to the movie and drink beer at her own expense.
XXX is
In other words, the opposite of the usual.
XXX is
In general, they extinguished it, and he said to her: "Well... Once this is the case, now I have to give you!" =)))))
XXX is
And then I put it down and went crazy.

I can’t sit in the toilet and not read.
YYY: Remember the composition of the air refresher?
XX: In what language do you speak?

I am developing under Android. For testing installed on a stationary computer tablet emulator. A few minutes later, a warning was issued that the battery was low!! to
Android is so cool that it was able to plant the city's electric grid.