bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 47 - ] Comment quote №80025
 10.04.2013
Q: Who are you studying for?
Tag: for lawyer
Q: What are you going to do when you finish?
I will fight for justice!
HHH: With what?? to
WOW : Oh! For fairness, I agreed.
I don’t know, I don’t know, I don’t think you’ve spoken, but you’ve spoken.

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №80024
 10.04.2013
Vizza: Someone has a rich inner world, and I have a rich inner war.

[ + 37 - ] Comment quote №80023
 10.04.2013
The hardest thing is to justify the innocent.

[ + 59 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №80022
 10.04.2013
Achilles's Fifth

It all started with a modest announcement:

“Dear tenants, we urge you not to leave cars at the entrance between 9:00 and 18:00.”

At that time, the residents of the house did not know that this was a declaration of a great and bloody war.
The first floor of the house was occupied by a law firm with its lawyers, murdered guards and even a notary.
The company pressed tenants on all fronts, and it wasn’t even in the announcement. Well, you think, won the house a dozen parking spaces, not a bar, get stuck in the neighboring yard, the trouble is that the eternal line at the entrance to the office, from nine in the morning to six in the evening, clearly covered a narrow crossroads and in a "stone bag" were all fifty cars of the whole house.
In the morning, people tried to go to work, but the way was blocked every time, some pair of cars, with a crazy monsoon from the open doors, and in front of the cars, on the bunkers, the battalion fighters were sitting waiting for their turn to the notary. They had no place to hurry, and they were sitting on the road all day long. Whether organized cracks, or just brushes in the hands, I don’t know...
Scandalizing and fighting with them was pointless, and not because the spirit was lacking, just they, although they were all on one face and even with the same monsoon, but nevertheless, every day they were new fighters, who knew nothing about the history of yesterday's battles.
A toilet in the law firm was available, but only for staff, visitors actively used a vertically moving bio-toilet.
It came to the fact that even mothers with wheelchairs preferred to walk the stairs on foot, so as not to ride in the bio-toilet.
And the war was expanding, gaining momentum, but the enemies were lawyers, which on the paper side could not be digged into them. Rental and activities are legal, and conflicts with parking and toilet in the elevator are private affairs of visitors, for which the company cannot be held responsible. After all, this is a legal office - "Garant", and not a kindergarten - "Rodnik".
The besieged inhabitants called the district officer for negotiations at the highest level, but when they saw how carefully he wiped out his legs before knocking on the enemy’s headquarters, it became clear to everyone that this dispatched Cossack was not their assistant either.
Finally, the tenants reached the extreme - psychotic, gathered around the house and undertook a frontal attack on the office, but two balanced tanks in black costumes came out to meet them, they first silently pointed their finger to numerous surveillance cameras, and then to their cobbers - this somewhat cooled the dust of the attackers, the attack stung and went into a whistle.

The war would have ended in the final victory of the legal monster over the poor inhabitants of the house, but any, even the most brutal and powerful monster, has its Achilles's heel, only a hero is needed who can find it.
Fortunately, there lived such a hero in this unfortunate house. His name was Igor and he studied in the tenth grade.
Igor passed through all the apartments, collected a hundred rubles for the guerrilla war, advised everyone to stick and prepare for some inevitable military deprivations.
And people were ready for anything, they grabbed the hero's hand, baptized and kissed in the forehead, blessing for a combat feat. Everything for the front, everything for the victory.
Only a month later, the firm suffered a devastating defeat from Igor and one beautiful morning threw a white flag.
The enemy office withdrew and turned to an organized escape in an unknown direction, apparently in the search for enemies is easier.

Thus ended this great battle of the home hero – Igor, with the all-powerful Goliath.

P.S

And now I will demonstrate my telepathic abilities and try to predict your silent question, moreover, I will immediately answer it:
Having gathered from all the apartments for a hundred rubles, Igor sat in the subway and went to the Mitinsky market, there he, a little dealing, and acquired a terrible weapon of retaliation - a small black box with horns.

Returning home, our hero began to rub his horned box, every day, strictly - from the 9th to the 18th and from this all cell phones in the radius of 30 meters peacefully fell asleep until the evening and the house plunged into the nineteenth century.
But most importantly, the enemy headquarters remained completely unconnected.
What is a headquarters without contact?
So, a miserable bunch of potential prisoners of war in chromium boots...

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №80021
 10.04.2013
No one has died of knowledge. Although the skeleton in the biology office is alarming.

[ + 28 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №80020
 10.04.2013
xxx: About the size of the leg, nose, etc. - a friend - a venereologist. Always tells the case, at the 10th year of her work activity came a musician, roasted 160, surprisingly elegant, nose small, lips like two strips, fingers narrow, legs - women's shoes will fit, but how out! She said she hadn’t seen anything like that in black porn.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №80019
 10.04.2013
X: Yes, she’s fat like a fuck!
Y: The pizzade is more complete.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №80018
 10.04.2013
Yesterday I went for a walk with Anka in the park.
Meeting Mikhan, Gendos, Dyman and Olka
Let’s take a short walk together.
And shortly I fell into the pit with my whole body.
Tagged: ha loшара
xxx: Anka and Olka rushed to help and guys rjut
Q: Do you know what conclusion I made?
Are your friends goats?
XHH: No
Okay what
BFF has no sense of humor.

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №80017
 10.04.2013
Today’s weather is in the city...
YYY: What is it?
XXX is the city!

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №80016
 10.04.2013
xxx: I watch the battle without R2 rules.... the commentator’s brilliant phrase: take, take on the pain!!! The neck is broken!! No, my hand is on that side.

[ + 19 - ] Comment quote №80015
 10.04.2013
From Habr:
xxx: However, the unicorn word “perd” is written through 'yo'.
Yyy: Is there a word “lost”? I thought it might be naïve that there is only “purged” and “perdanýl”
zzz: The verification word is “to curl.” Although yes, “D” cuts the hearing.
ttt: This is a cool topic for talking on the IT resource)

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №80014
 10.04.2013
Today I was sitting in a bar, at a bar stand, and a man fell from the second floor next to me. He got up, shrugged, and ordered "more beer.
It was very epic.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №80013
 10.04.2013
The servers are lying, and there are photographers around.

[ + 26 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №80012
 10.04.2013
1:" and you have at work that you come and do not do nicotine
1: “On the Internet you crawl and suffer.
2: “Yes, I’ve been working this way for the last 6 years.

[ + 41 - ] Comment quote №80011
 10.04.2013
From the correspondence:

Masha: We only have integrals, and then there will be rows) and diffuses in the after semester)

Pavel: We have the rows now)

Masha: Well, you’re going to be more fun.

Pavel: together fun to walk on the matana, on the matana, on the matana

Masha: I can’t even come up with a rhythm =( 4 minutes I thought!

Pavel: I will not help with the rhythm of the mache, I will not, I will not
Pavel: once the neighborhood, two neighborhoods, there will be epsilon
Pavel: once a camper, two camper, it will be fun
Pavel: once breaker, two breaker - and depression
Pavel: once exam, two exams, soon session

[ + 49 - ] Comment quote №80010
 10.04.2013
My niece is smart. She’s not 13 yet, but she looks much older.
Last Friday goes out of school, 2 guys aged 18-20 seeing a cute girl start a dialogue:
Do you want to have a good time with two young people?
I want to, but for you it is criminally punishable!
The boys fell into a crash and couldn’t find anything to answer.
Pavly

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №80009
 10.04.2013
Dialogue in the Hague
by imater:
On popular women’s forums, in such surveys, all ages older than 29 remain without clicks. No is?

The Lightman:
What do you do on popular women’s forums?

by imater:
I close them... when I take my iPad after my wife. A bunch of jumping yellow emojis, flowers and lines with the age of their little ones make my gaze a little delay before pressing a cross.
PS: By the way, this line will look funny when Mom has forgotten about this forum for a few years:
Our sun has been 46 years 8 months 3 days.

by Kyrie:
...and a hat in the forum:
We are 50! PHPBB – build for centuries.
— — — — 2010 — 2061 — — — — —

[ + 31 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №80008
 10.04.2013
Breasts in human women are the most stupid decision of Mother Nature!!! Women themselves are terribly disturbed. sleeping uncomfortable, something constantly sinking on them (don’t give God!) It drops, and sometimes they hurt, and you have to wear this torture tool!
M: They are given to you to continue the human race.
D: They are given to us to feed the continuation of the human race, cats and dogs also feed, but then everything is cleaned up from them, and since you, men, they are so necessary, raise them for yourself and on yourself!

[ + 25 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №80007
 10.04.2013
Morphine: Today, on the way to the universe, on the pedestrian crossing, I had to see this situation.
Morphine: two Tajiks approached a passenger, intelligent in sight, grandfather, ask them how to get to the Red Gate station.
Morphine: he listened carefully, showed the direction and spoke.
Morphine: here on the other side is Kazan Station, go there, buy a ticket to Dushanbe and fuck away from here!

[ + 37 - ] Comment quote №80006
 10.04.2013
I am not a coward, but still, spent a dofig of courage to get to know the girl, to write the first time "hello", then you still need to dare to call for a walk, then the courage is needed to kiss the first time, all this has passed...
I am not ready to meet her mother.

The best quotes and jokes from the bezdna