bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №95612
 20.03.2014
Comments on the video "Dragon in the Verkhovna Rada":
PS1X is O! Rada worked in the regular mode!

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №95611
 20.03.2014
are confused.

The label on the bank (conserves).
"Calmar with the taste of crab". Who ate whom?

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №95610
 20.03.2014
In the office of the chief of the shop stand on the closet three cushpo of different sizes: in the large a lush green plant, on average a few small grooves with leaves, and in the smallest, located in the middle, only the soil. Each cash is signed "Names" - Tychon, Tychon and... Tychošnik.

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №95609
 20.03.2014
I remember a daughter in the first grade decides: “My grandfather and grandmother had 5 goats. They ate one. How many goats are left, first is the reef. Hussey is sorry. Then he starts adding all-grandfather, grandmother and goose. I say – what are you doing? Why do you add Grandpa and Grandpa? She thinks for a long time, and then shouts joyfully – I understand... They need to be taken from the goats! And then the goats will be whole!

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №95608
 20.03.2014
Last year’s story took a new turn:
It was under the new year.
Deep evening, closer to night. Under the windows they smoke, and in the whole voice a bunch of students-puddles. Mom can't stand it and decides to punish this codle: takes the camera with the flash and clicks "in the emptiness" several times from the window to scare. Students on the street instantly silence, after a few seconds the most courageous shouts:
"What are you doing here?" What are you doing here?"
"Yes", - answers mom, - "You violate the rules of residence, and so - you will be expelled and places will be released!
Within a minute, the whole bunch of smokers evaporated.
and our days.
The incident is gradually forgotten. Evening is closer to night. Beyond the windows, they smoke again and whistle with an unpleasant whispering female voice. The mom takes the camera and makes a couple of “targeting” clicks (must have a flash to notice) from the window. There was a long and thoughtful silence behind the windows. The question is "Why are you there – do you photograph us"? Nifiga like this - a thoughtful voice from the crowd (very similar to the previous one) broadcasts:
I know, she will show these pictures to the commander, and he will put them on us afterwards. I have to go out and")))))
Public Saratoga Radio directly in action

[ + 27 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №95607
 20.03.2014
and the most hanging shirts, sweaters, jackets, jackets with sleeves to the knees, and sewn clearly on office worms with a biceps cover as at the foot of the chair. I’m not an athlete, but my hands are stuck in these cocktail tubes.
— — —
Women are the same, bro. I am size xxs, while in some jackets and jackets you can only walk with straight hands, because it is no longer bend, and in the waist is very free. I understand so that instead of a mannequin they have a snowmen - a swallowed shoulder with hands from sticks.)))

[ + 36 - ] Comment quote №95606
 20.03.2014
From the Fire:
“Aeroflot” on the transatlantic now shows “our movies” with English subtitles:
I am taken to the army. (I am drafted)
Who is? WHO?
Grandfather of Pistoia! and Santa Claus!

Lyuudk, hey Lyuudk!

[ + 23 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №95605
 20.03.2014
I’m not quarrelling, I’m talking like that. I explain to people in a language they understand what they have to do.
Yuri: Everyone is happy
Michael : I understand. The client programming language. Tagged with++)

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №95604
 20.03.2014
briefly about football: Dortmund-Zenit, 59 minutes, German commentator "Jose Rondon replaces Alexander Kerzhakov... well as replaces... say so, the Russians have an attacker" O_O kerzhakoved is not forgotten and his business lives

[ + 36 - ] Comment quote №95603
 20.03.2014
The difference in social life was reflected by the Ukrainian whore who works in Russia:
In Russia you are eut and for this you get money, and in Ukraine you are eut and you still remain must!

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №95602
 20.03.2014
I live in Crimea, I feel like we are now Russia,
The invitation to the referendum came two days after the referendum :)
P. S. is probably part of the truth in the jokes about the Russian post

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №95601
 20.03.2014
Dialogue with the manager:

Q. Why is my phone not working?

- <connect to the network in settings>

and oh. How did you do it?

I used force.

The power of what?

It is midiclorian.

and Fu! The evil! Why do you say this to me?"

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №95600
 20.03.2014
At one of the Ubuntu forums, a newbie asked the question:
XXX:.. after entering this command sudo dd if=/dev/zero of=/dev/sda everything is gone
No need for viruses. Users are washing themselves.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №95599
 20.03.2014
xxx: I am translating for Volkswagen in English: "the driver’s workplace is equipped with braille letters...." it was terrible.)

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №95598
 20.03.2014
The acquaintance told and demonstrated: You open the refrigerator, carefully inspect the content for something to eat, and it begins to feed you annoyingly: "Cee-Lu-Lit, Ce-Lu-Lit".

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №95597
 20.03.2014
I returned late enough from work (7 March), I think: "Nafig, tomorrow we will go together - what the wife will choose, then we will buy." (moreover, the award was received)
But, still wrapped up in a large business - the house screwdriver is not even normal. And since the casseroles at home are all centuries old, then at the same time and a set of casseroles is good - it is also necessary. I came, my wife and daughter are sleeping, I dropped the bags in the hallway and went to sleep. I wake up in the morning from the kitchen.
In the words of his wife:
- I wake up in the morning, you'll still shake up, I think - and I'm still falling. On MTV survey: "What worst gift would be for you on March 8?" Blinked and let’s click on all channels. Again hit on MTV - there is already the leader of bad gifts - a bowl. I understand that I still have a lot to cook, I pull out of the blanket, I scream about myself: "and this was always a puddle, what to cook, I could guess at least one normal bowl to buy, I'm not just making eggs! " - and about the box, I'm stuck. The cheerful in the kitchen turned on the TV and from there (from the same MTV) immediately: "So this year your ladies will hate you for the bowl!"

I don’t know if I’m a macho (as the author of a recent quote) or not, but I think the level is not bad for me too.))

With the past! We love you!

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №95596
 20.03.2014
And a guy told me that the intelligence services developed a special program for a computer mouse - if you print anything unnecessary on the power, mouse you with a rope behind the neck - and well, squeeze, well squeeze!.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №95595
 20.03.2014
Don’t be so upset, now they do everything and everybody – and for the low (petite), and for the full (plus size), and for the lolit / ready / punk / hippie, for anyone.
-----------
and the most hanging shirts, sweaters, jackets, jackets with sleeves to the knees, and sewn clearly on office worms with a biceps cover as at the foot of the chair. I’m not an athlete, but my hands are stuck in these cocktail tubes.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №95594
 20.03.2014
On the topic of job search:

xxx: We are looking for an affiliate marketing assistant in Kiev office!!! to
yyy: Affiliate)) * wrote in a booklet and studied diligently on slogans*
zzz: Fuck, when will someone start looking for an old good accountant?))
Michael, how much did he take?

[ + 18 - ] [4 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №95593
 20.03.2014
1st We do not recognize Crimea as part of Russia. Crimea is Ukrainian, living there are Ukrainians!
2nd We stop paying pensions to Crimeans because Crimeans are now Russians.
And all why? Because it is lo-gi-ka!

The best quotes and jokes from the bezdna