In the 1980s, when current Microsoft owners were still actively practicing programming, Steve Ballmer noticed that if he drank a little alcohol, his productivity increased. At the same time, if you consume too much alcohol, the productivity drops to zero. This means that somewhere between “treated as a glass” and “drunk and cut off” there is a moment when the positive effect of alcohol is maximum. Balmer conducted a series of natural experiments, and found that the ideal level of alcohol in the blood for programming is (in his case) about 0.13-0.14%. Translated into normal language, this is 1.3 – 1.4 promile, or about 2.5 liters of beer, and then in the process to catch up with 0.5 liters of beer every hour. Given that programming eventually made Balmer one of the richest people in the world, with a fortune of about $40 billion - this is his discovery should not be forgotten.

And let’s take the example of the Americans, just don’t give visas to footballers of foreign teams, and the gold medals of the 2018 World Cup are ours!

will not succeed. In order for the championship to be formally held, you will have to give visas to at least one team, which means a maximum of silver.

The case was a few years ago. A girl comes from school and asks:

“Daddy, why should I not love people with a different skin color?

I even got a little confused.

Why did you decide not to love them?

The teacher at school told us.

And what did she tell you?

That there are many nationalities and nations and that they do not love each other. We are all the same and we need to live together.

Well yes. correctly said. The main thing is that a person is good, and what color he is, it does not matter.

So I learned that there was a tolerance lesson at school. Questions to submit material...

My laptop runs a project database that is used by several people in the office because they don’t have their own. I have a script that updates the database to the current version.

Over the past few months, they have occasionally asked me to update the base. I started the script and went on with my business. The guys were pleased with the result.

I noticed today that the script is unworking.

We lived in a small military garrison in the far north. We had a specific forest, the so-called forestundra. Mushrooms and berries were the sea. And often people from the regional center came to our area, because they had everything out there and gathered. Periodically they were lost.

The father came from the service and that all the surrounding units had been asked to help in the search for two women who were lost somewhere near our garrison. The commander of the unit gathered a staff not very busy in service (and in the 90s there were many such, because aircraft did not fly, tanks did not ride and the army in general is unclear what was doing) and led to chest the forest.

The women were found by our officers and the next morning a construction was appointed to celebrate the distinguished.

Two days of rescuing the forest. All the surroundings helped in the search. But the women were found by our officers Ivanov and Petrov.

And then in the coming silence someone spoke clearly and loudly enough.

Everything is understandable with these. These and in the tundra you will find a thorn!

Even the commander is roaring, because the distinguished men really had the fame of female lovers.

I am often asked in the comments: how to distinguish a conscientious lawyer from a "dust cleaner".

I answer: if the lawyer looks fresh, sleepy and restful, I would personally be warned.

If fans, at the matches of the Russian national football team, are allowed to carry weapons - the chances of winning a little increase, in running football players are harder to get!

I have a friend, a surgeon in traumatology. They say he is a doctor from God. I don’t think a dozen lives saved on the account. Driving a car, on the car identification signs that a doctor is driving. Baggage bag with medicines, bandages, tools, etc. There is even a stand for the dropper, disassembled. On the road, in case of an accident can provide help not on words...
I am what...
Today showed the protocol, broke... Where the essence of the violation of the phrase is written...
There is no established pharmacy.
Pepper, there are no words.

I finally understood everything.
When oil goes up, gasoline goes up after oil.
When oil is cheaper, gasoline is more expensive because the price of the ruble falls.

Today I sit in a line in the clinic, and next to me two old ladies are talking, involuntarily listening.

Yesterday I went out to the courtyard, I see the girls sitting at the entrance, and drink vodka, and I myself only 18 probably. I tell them, girls, what do you do, you still get married, give birth, you should not even smell vodka now! And they laugh in response and answer, grandmother, but we are not going to get married and have children yet.”

Then the grandmother holds a pause, and charges “Well, even if you don’t send it, the outcome is good.”

xxx: Here, you write “cassor in a paid sort” – fuo. And the "Administrator of the paid toilet" - straight proudly sounds



YYY: You can’t write a resume, guys.



Managing sanitary facilities. The obligations:

- organization of the passage mode (we watch the helicopter at the entrance),

- ensuring the established procedure for visiting the object (delivering tickets),

- control and cash service of the infrastructure of the facility (take the penny),

ensuring the accounting of the enterprise's material and technical base, ensuring the preservation of real estate objects and means of production (we hang paper in rolls, make sure that the sanitary facilities are not beaten);

- control over the observance on the territory of the enterprise of sanitary and hygienic norms in strict accordance with the current regulatory legal basis (we clean up twice a day)

identification and prosecution of offenders of the established mode of operation of the object (we expel the sleeping bombs from the cabins).

Our neighbor held a small farm. As a child, I was very quick to run past her possessions, because the cockroaches there were completely abducted, there was no need for guard dogs. They chased us, the little ones, from the fence and until lunch. But once my grandmother sent me to bring her an apple for the rabbits. I knocked on the gate, and from there, waving my wings on me, a healthy cock flew out, and hugged my knee very painfully (I could not walk for a week, and the scarring still remained). The grandmother returned to her with complaints, but the neighbor said that it was my fault, irritating her highly cultured and kind cock. A clear pen, a rare adult will believe a child. But this story has an instructive end.

A few days later, the neighbor’s husband found her unconscious in the garden. When she laid the beds, that same cock eb@nulled her in the bottom. I don’t know, maybe his ass has irritated him, maybe he has understood who is collecting eggs, maybe he has seen how she has rabbits hammered between her eyes.

Miraculously, it all happened, in the evening, my grandmother and I were given a borst from a crazy bird. Better late than never. And yes, the borscht was very delicious.

My drunk husband called me at 1.30 a.m. from a party for the employees of their company and asked me if he could fuck that fat woman from the accounting office because he was so sorry for her. On my outrageous rejection, he accused me of lack of empathy and that I had a heart of ice, threw the phone and didn’t take the phone anymore.

The laboratory manager asked me if I understood the laboratory task.

I replied that yes. He breathed up with relief and said, “In this case, without a doubt, the others also understood everything.

After two months of meeting my girlfriend, I realized I was happier than ever, and decided to confess to her in love. After the confession, she confessed to me that she also loves me and dreams of a big family – wanting at least five children. Seeing my shaken face, she reassuringly added that “not everything should be from you.”

At the previous place of work was purchased painting robot Fanuck. With optical vision, everything is right.

At the first launch, he ignored the objects hanging in front of him and painted his outlet. We shouted at the adjustable and forced him to wash off the same drawer.

A week later, the bourgeois machine painted the outlet twice in one day. It became clear that the robot preferred red shades.

Pepper was called from technical support. An adult man came, grabbed in the program and said that the extract would be ignored.

The robot was of a different opinion. A week later, the extraction was covered with monstrous polyurethane stalactites. We walked and kept silent. The manager wrote a statement with the work.

Then, during the fire protection processing of the products, the robot saw a local cat named Cat. The animal was treated and acquired a second class of fire resistance.

A couple of days after the cat, the robot refused to work, saying that it was poured in bad paints. So we learned that malaries are throwing morils.

At the forum, we were advised to draw circles on the outlet. To my surprise, it helped. The robot painted the chairs, sometimes inspected the outlet, sadly (as everyone seemed) breathed and continued to work.

There was a case when the robot poured almost a speck of paint on the floor and this shortened the extender. This almost killed the crapper.

Finally, he filmed the director hurling at the carpenter’s workplace and kissing a fire-resistant cat alone.

A few years ago, almost immediately after I graduated from the universe, I was suddenly taken to a very unprofile area for me: studying abroad. The volume of work and salary me more than satisfied, so I joyfully plowed skies into the office with a view almost to the Kremlin. It turned out that another young man was selected, and the management decided to leave us for a month's trial period, after which to break up with one of us. It was very interesting, the team was warm, we helped in every way and all that. As a result, I was taken on a full bet: 45k for a girl with no experience, in my opinion, was okay.



A business owner appeared on the horizon. He, as he stunned him in the 90s, did not get into it anymore, so that his relative was in charge of everything. And here, whether from the main place of work he was sprinkled, whether a personal crisis of some sort, but it became boring for the man to just cut off the coupons, and he decided to personally participate in the life of our shop and order. The first thing he called me (that is, a new face for him) for an interview. No problem, I have been working for two months and officially arranged. The boss said, “Interview” means an interview.



It turned out that everything was not so scary, he asked me about my education, what I had already learned here, suddenly switched to poor English and seemed to be satisfied with what I heard. But some last stroke seemed to be missing. Here he finally recalled the crown chip of the aychars and issued: "And who do you see yourself in our company in 5 years? “”



I, permeated by the idea that I am not a girl who talks to me, but a reasonable man, a businessman, gave everything as it is, say, so and so, Yuri Yurich, your company is small, all the top positions are occupied by your relatives, it is obvious that you are not going to clean them anywhere, so I will sit here, I will get experience, and you will look there, and I will open my company in the related industry.



Yuu is glowing. He seemed to like the honest answer so much that he promised me all help. The type, he does not give up, will help with connections, and maybe, and investments. And so far I decided to transfer me to the position of head of the customer department. This is how it goes, ah. And since my functionality now included not only the processing of existing orders, but also the sale of new ones, the company becomes 35k + 10% of sales.



Under this case, Juju reorganized (read fired) a good half of managers and began to battle on a regular basis with all kinds of nonsense: then a meeting for half a day for everyone, including a cleaner and an accountant, then a new site we will order in Skolkovo, then repairs in the office need to be urgently done - but this is all another story. Here it is important that by the end of the first month I sold poorly for 350k, respectively, cheerfully rubbed the pins in anticipation of up to 70k on my hands. But it was not there. It turned out, in the head of YuU worked some trigger and he considered that such a sum for yesterday's student too fat and... began to hide.



Three days in a row, he does not appear at the office, does not answer the calls. His relative (a gender who) divorces with her hands, she says, there were no orders about the salary, white, of course, you get it, but all these your arrangements were passed without me. Eventually, YU announced and said that I was broken up, he offered me either 35 or a percentage. And the fact that this is a tenth less than my initial salary, which did not include any sales - well, you. In general, get, girl, your 35 and not chew.

Hendir took me by the elbow to the side, and says: "YUYU has a difficult period, divorce, wife takes away the apartment, enter the position." I refused to enter. I say, either money, or I leave immediately, and you yourself here with your castrated composition scratch all the orders. I scratched my teeth, I was given money, but from that moment all love between us ended.

Then it went even more interesting. It turned out that such offended and insulted - almost the entire office. Well, I say at dinner, “Brothers, how long? Let’s get your own business blurred, with preference, and you understand...” A total of five responded. Two later, they actually fell. But even such a gang of four people we managed to make our small startup, where we tried to take into account all the mistakes of YU. I will be 6 years old in August. So it turned out that the phrase about my own business in five years came out very prophetic, although I was a little wrong in the terms.

Summer is the shortest of three months.

My sister is a man.

The phone rings. Masha takes the phone. A beautiful man’s voice:
- I can talk to [my mother's name, a little confused]
“It’s me,” Masha says and does right.
The Sberbank employee speaks to you. Are you born there, are you living there? With her husband, such a number, month, year of birth [all absolutely correct]
Masha answered.
"We inform you that the action "Children of War" under the leadership of Sergei Semenovich Sobyanin is currently taking place, within which all those born in such a period are paid - thousands of rubles. Payment is made by charging funds to the payment card. We inform you that the event is one-time. Please take your bank card in your hand and follow my instructions. Call it...
“Thank you very much,” says Masha, “but your colleagues from Sberbank have already called us and paid all the money.

and pause.

How is it? The Sberbank employee said.
They have already paid everything they owe. Called, warned and transferred money.

and pause.

"But I have written here," there is an employee, "that you have not yet been paid.
“No, don’t worry,” Masha persuades, “we’ve got it all.

and pause!

This cannot be! To the inexpressible pleasure of Masha and the parents present at once, a pleasant male voice finally cries out.
“No,” insists Masha, “we have all been translated. within the action. Do you not know that the action "Children of War" is taking place now - it is conducted by Sergey Semenovich Sobyanin - and for this action payments are made for as many as thousands of rubles. Here we were paid.

Here, says Masha, the interlocutor heard in her voice some inappropriate fun, because -
And swear by! An employee of Sberbank requested.
I swear by the bats. - readily answers Masha (ah, it was a beautiful children's recording, the radio show "Pearls" on Prokofiev's music; favorite replica of Masha's joke and quotes, but where is it to know a pleasant male voice)
What bubbles?! to
— Yes, I’m joking like that, — reassured the interlocutor Masha.
- A-a, joke, - lostly extends no longer such a pleasant voice. What else can you say interesting?
“You’re doing a bad thing,” I thought for a second, my sister responds and hangs the phone.

At the time of the USSR for hockey we were calm, but the players were unpredictable. Now the hockey team is unpredictable, but for football we are completely calm.