bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №110010
 28.02.2015
It is such a feeling that school teachers exhibit assessments to parents.

[ + 47 - ] Comment quote №110009
 28.02.2015
Let me ask you, have you witnessed a miracle? And the miracle of the invisible, as if quite ordinary for the doer of it? Well, how, say, a random neighbor on the garden bench suddenly rises up in the air to just get the newspaper out of under, and then falls to the place, and start to read it, and then even smoke out of the finger? And at the same time, he is not looking for any witnesses, but as if his miracles are completely natural for any of us, right? No is? Did not see? And I saw. And my shock was so great that even now, a quarter of a century later, I remember everything to the smallest detail.

If you believe the movies, the typical Russian morning begins with the fresh cries of cockroaches, sweet bread smokes from baking tubes and the quiet rise of a golden candlestick over the Orthodox domes. Maybe maybe. I do not argue. But every day in Russian construction begins with an exhausted mat. This morning was, unfortunately, no exception.

The morning’s frost shaken the roar of Nicholas Browkin, a huge and terrible brigadier of cable workers. He breathed into a huge gorilla-like chest, there alchemically turned it into a mat, and erected it outward, targeting the bulldozer's cabin. At the same time, the turbodiesel of the super-powerful Komatsu shamefully silenced; he simply lacked strength.

Waiting for the first wave in the exercise "flash from the left", to the epicenter, on the thin legs, sitting down and stumbling, a recent graduate of the polytech, he is a newly sculpted master of the site, ran. It was me.

It turned out that the bulldozer, this worthy ruler of the steel bar, confused the workplace, and carefully lowered the ground along with the indicators above the cables we laid last week. This meant that now any fool (and just their cultivation is actively engaged in construction) will soon start to drill and dig just in the place of their passage. Murphy’s Laws were stricter to us than the abstinence under the arrow. And that everyone knew that the unmarked cable is replaced at our expense.

Something had to be done to find and tag the cable. But what? My brains were twisted, writing in my brain concerts on this topic. The decision did not appear. Something remembered the special instruments for searching for lines, but in our conditions I could quickly get them, unless only to find the basis of the rainbow, and ask the dwarves there.

Meanwhile, Browkin drove away with his marvelous matches the bulldozer that rattled far beyond the boundaries of the praide and returned in a good mood. For him, this incident was just a useful breathing exercise, such as tai chi. I tried to pretend to be a boss, fixed the sliding bracelet, climbed terribly and asked as strictly as possible, “Well, Bougor, what will we do?” He instantly overwhelmed me, and in his performance I spoke somehow with the whispering voice of the school jabe. And then he burst peacefully: "what to do, what to do... to look for the cable of our..."

Pulling between his beards and his beard a curved "Prim" from a mint pack, he approached a bunch of garbage and squeezed out some aluminum wire. Riddled by the smoke, he broke it into two pieces, and then bended each with the letter "G". He took in each of the fists a piece, and holding them, like toy pistols, began to walk a zigzag, sometimes failing with pudry kirtzacs into an unfreezing swallow. I followed the trail. Nicholas did not turn away from his wires, holding them in parallel. Suddenly they crossed. “Oh,” he pleased, “he seemed to have found it. What are you worth, put the veil!” I obeyed. Browkin continued to walk with the bars, I pulled random sticks, and soon our tracks were drawn on the ground.

I followed the brigadier with a strange sense of joke. This could not be. But the workers pulled up, and began to hit the standard markers instead of my sticks... no one was surprised or scratched. That was normal for them! How is? Is it comfortable to work with a person who easily feels the unconnected cable underground? The worldview was quiet. Diko wanted to leave and think of vanity. Instead, I asked to try it myself.

I took another warm wire, relaxed slightly, as Browkin advised, and grabbed, clinging to the field. The wires fluctuated in the tact of my steps, but remained parallel. Hands are frozen. I understood that there was no hope, but the passionate desire for a miracle only grew.
Suddenly, at one step, they stopped. by Mama. I took two steps back. They have separated. to forward. They crossed. still ahead. separated again. I also found a cable.

It turned out that almost everyone in the brigade could do this. I was taught, and in a week I could even distinguish underground water pipes from cables. Then I made myself a pair of stainless electrodes and wore them in my boots. And the miracle, becoming ordinary, has lost its sharpness of magic.

Then construction was completed. I have gone. A lot has happened since then. There were many different people, cities and even countries. But I will never, never forget myself, such a young and unreasonably joyful, wandering in a dirty cotton, with a drop on my nose, stuck on two unequal glowing wires...

And suddenly they came together.

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №110008
 28.02.2015
A true Russian patriot must have: children in England, a account in Switzerland, a house in Germany, a villa on the Canary Islands, an apartment in America, a position in Russia.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №110007
 28.02.2015
Announced by:
Please do not knock on the glass.
The programmers are easily frightened and start to cry. and disastrous.
To avoid an incident, enter slowly, singing loudly "Ave Maria"
thank you.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №110006
 28.02.2015
via mi3ch@lj:
Cranes can bring various gifts to people who take care of them - for example, feed them.
This can be a cushion, bushin, jewelry, coin, bottle cover, insert jaw (O_O), feathers, flowers, etc.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №110005
 28.02.2015
11111: how do you the genre of the game - "philosophical puzzle with a first-person view"?
2222: This is my life.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №110004
 28.02.2015
xxx:The high qualification of our staff makes it possible to sell nails only of high quality.
X: What kind of narcissist did this write?
YYY: The drunk dogs have the nails, it’s all right.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №110003
 28.02.2015
xxx: I have a question to you as a system administrator.
Please reboot.

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №110002
 28.02.2015
The Pancake:
*** by
The more I go to the store, the higher the price.
Maybe it’s all because of me? O_O
*** by
Come to work with me, MBZ will grow :)

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №110001
 28.02.2015
We once gave the kids a birthday cake, and it was hard, was it, it turned out, and we put the candles in a piece of bread.
This bread has long been eaten.)
Remember when we had candles in the bread?
With strangers, and so touching.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №110000
 28.02.2015
xxx: By the way, the shit of old experienced programmers is more fundamental.
xxx: If the little one is a little stunned, it is often wiped with a towel and order. And in the old - there are sometimes ancient fossil layers above which many cultural deposits have already appeared. And even higher houses stand, people live.

XXX: You will not break them. It is necessary to organize the evacuation of the population, the command hour and after at least a year of work of an experienced excavator. And what is more interesting is not the fact that after all this engine will be better.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №109999
 28.02.2015
gol> saw a consultation from Eldorado near a cigarette bar,
gol> did not stand
gol> approached and asked if I could suggest him something

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №109998
 28.02.2015
The sheep of 16669:
It is inappropriate to do personal hygiene in public places. Not to shave your nails, not to shave your hair, not to curl your nose! You see aesthetic pleasure does not give bite to your nails, and your own disrespect shocks dozens of people around you.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №109997
 28.02.2015
Remember when we had candles in the bread?
With strangers, and so touching.

Fuck, I can’t share it.
Apartment in 2004, three residents. Two days of pay, almost no money. The third rides around the city, withdrawing debts from acquaintances. One friend has no money, is selling alcohol, offered a box of champagne. They agree.
The evening. For dinner a pot of cooked potatoes. We lay down the plates, we start to eat, and there is someone: and what we eat so, we have champagne.
What after lunch and dinner there was not, but champagne under cooked potatoes only used once in his life.

[ + 31 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №109996
 28.02.2015
Russia will not be attacked by Decepticons!
YYY : Why?
XXX: They are going to be transformed into Zyguli.

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №109995
 27.02.2015
I generally consider the grandmother the best protection of the child from all the ugliness in the internet.
The son in the first grade settled in a round online country, and since printing still slowly asked to help his grandmother.
Grandma did not understand the management sent the word hooligan with two messages and the first was "Hu".
The result of the ban for 2 weeks and a sharply independent child.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №109994
 27.02.2015
To the shit about which pants to put a member:
I’d fool your problems! I don’t have to pull my pants up until t_t (((

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №109993
 27.02.2015
And in my opinion, it would be better for them instead of a washable cloth to make a cloth that can be wiped without risk to health.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №109992
 27.02.2015
to this:

=========

The guy explained to me what a prelude from a man looks like:
Q: Imagine you are very hungry and come to MacDack.
I: Well what?
Q: You buy your favorite hamburger and grind it for 10 minutes.

Well, and explain to him that if he doesn’t periodically chew hamburgers, he’ll eat hamburgers chewed by other people’s hands ;)

= is

Everything is a little easier, even with an analogy. Purchased hamburger really does not make sense to tame - as "bought" love in virgins of unheavy behavior. You will have to prepare your normal food first. Or at least warm up.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №109991
 27.02.2015
The unfolding discussion of the supporters of unforgettable impressions as a gift with the "poor from the deaf boring provinces" became very reminiscent of the anecdote about swallows flying south, and the poor weakness:

Lebbons rest on their way to the south on the lake, to them floats a local gray hole and begins to itch:
Okay, you are going south! There is warm, the cattle are full, and I will winter in the cold-hunger here!
- Fly with us - in the south all places and food is enough!
You are fine, your wings are big, you can fly easily, and I am small, I will get tired quickly, I will fall and die.
- In the stream to fly will be easier for you, we can make stops more often - you will fly normally.
- Oh, you're fine - you are big, nobody will eat you in the basement, and I'm small - somebody tosses me right away!
- We can keep you in the middle of our band - no one will pick up, and we will share the food - all will be okay!
Oh, you are well...
Listen, you go to the ass!

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