The brother burned:
It has always been interesting...
There are in Russian legends such artifacts as boots of speedboats, a hat of the invisible... etc., so why is there no such a powerful thing as walkie-walkie? Or at least something like that?? to

The idiots! There is no such word "fabul"!
After the preamble follows the ambulance, then the bell!

Why do girls first look at their legs and then at their chest? and :)
Because the feet are always there. and ;)

S is

From the local forum:
Children now smoke, drink, many do nothing so they get into gangs. How to? It was dangerous to walk in the streets. And if a 12-year-old boy strikes you with a knife, he will not even be struck.
The best defense is attack. Organize adult gangs, give a knife to all suspicious minors

I started cooking cheeses in the morning. for the first time.
I am confused, I am hot.
Mom is going to work. I, by kindness of mind, suggest:
Do you want to try my cheeses?
Mother, dressed, with an echoing voice realizes:
Did you know that testing on humans is prohibited in our country?
It gets fast and tired.
PPC...

Only a pen can start life from the beginning.

History is surprising, of course. Dovlatov would make a story out of it, and I will, of course, describe the events.

We celebrate someone’s birthday in a cottage. Cabbage - neither this, the only original detail - in the hall a terrarium with a crocodile.
The beast is busy with his usual business - lying with his fist open, not moving. We walked, we went out into the hall, the floating lay like lying, not even a millimeter moved. Among the guests, talk begins about animal health, and someone even speaks about wax moulds. A few bets are made. One of the gentlemen, a two-meter-high hero, is called to dispel doubts about what the chair and the natural length of the hands are used for. The crocodile also helps solve the problem and clamps the jaw carefully on the powerful male wrist, after which it gets straight into the head to the left and the grip weakens. The guests realize that now the evening has succeeded in all 100 and you can call an ambulance.
The ambulance brings our hero to the clinic, where he learns that with his appearance the account of crocodiles bites in Moscow is finally opened, and is awarded an injection from rabies right into the full and drunk pulse. This would seem like everything, but the doctor insists on hospitalization, yet an exotic animal, little... They bring our poor man into the chamber and he sees his neighbor - a black black of the color of bitter chocolate, whose hand is tightly wrapped. They go out to smoke and meet. Patrick turns out to be a natural pigmee from Zaire, all as usual, Patrice Lumumba, love, marriage, Afro-Russian... Our says the thought that it is strange to be a Russian bitten African crocodile in Russia, when an African, a podi, is struck by our Chertanova seam. No matter what, not a dog. And who? You won’t believe, a man bite in the subway... The doctor said – the worst bite...
This is the irony of fate: at the clock of the night on the cluttered hospital staircase smoke a healthy Russian man bitten in Moscow by a crocodile, and a half-meter-long black man bitten by a man.

A man looks at a 5000 note in the light, not fake.
There appears a healer:
Are you not in the car?
and no.
It is sorry.

Pizzadice is when a sympathetic guy approaches you.
The coffee says:
Are you not busy here?
Congratulations no!
I’ll take the chair then.

From Habr:
Paper card against the railway:
of the plus:
Compactly
You can twist as you want and separate the squares.
You can make notes.
It can be used as a tap in the car.
There is no paper, and the fire needs to be lit.
All emergency services with phone numbers.
Increases without brakes.
Upgrade costs 10 rubles per year. (There will be notify about the update every 10 minutes)
Does not require electricity.
The hoops will not take.
Do not turn to the left where it is forbidden.

From the Minuses:
It does not show where you are.
Don’t turn to the left where it needs to be done.
In the full darkness of light.

On a brick fence near the work of graffiti: "Panki hoy, punk are alive, punk x** lay on you."
This “you” from the big letter touches me to tears.
From Diary

to you:
to you:
I heard a funny story yesterday. Police arrested a 35-year-old man for raping an emo boy. Ask a man in court.
Are you of unconventional orientation? Why did you rape the boy?
The boy???! to

Fucking as fun.

Boy, is it you?

A colleague of dr. As usual, we collected a envelope with money, whoever could, as a gift.
The director congratulates, pushing the speech:
- You only, Misha, spend that money wisely: on drugs and selling women :)
One of the employees:
Sergey Yurievich is! Not even a gram is enough.

C of Habra:

xxx: I am not ashamed of my colleagues with such a list with some exceptions.
YYY: A kind of disgraceful word. The Companions...
Zzzz: What a big deal!

It’s bad when you realize that you’ve burned, only after you’ve shaved.

I was able to make a scientific breakthrough, today I am making my first time trip. If we won the Second World War, and the President of Russia, D.A. Medvedev, I have succeeded.

Wish me good luck.

A: Buy yourself a mac, what are you pretending?
B: Yes, I would buy it, but I’ve told so many people that Maki is shit.

I went with my friends on the main street. Today will be a match between Dynamo (Moskva) and Volga (Nizhny Novgorod). Dynamics go and shout: Dynamo is the champion! (And something in that spirit.)
There is a woman in a wheelchair in which a child sleeps. One of the fans of Dynamo screams to everyone: Silence! The child is sleeping!
After that, this crowd is singing a new slogan: Quietly the child is sleeping! (It is almost whispering)
I am in shock :D

Despite the fact that my father lived in Siberia for 25 years, he could never get rid of the accent.
I sit with my mom in the kitchen. Dad comes in, looks at Mom and says:
The fire!
We are in Ahuya, we think what to first take out of the house, and he continues the phrase:
and potatoes.

Yes, fuck him with everyone, leave "More cats", for God’s sake=) "Mimimimimim", I cry for humiliation =)