bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №124214
 10.02.2016
Talk about pregnancy provides:
X: Technically, the fetus is a parasite, and pregnancy is a disease.
The parasite and the host cannot belong to the same species. by definition.
Z: A neighbor Aleutina disagrees with you, who on the third day mocked the elevated tones of son Vlkuk: "Again, the parasite, the pair brought!" :)))

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №124213
 10.02.2016
by Alexander Burakov:

I went to a granite wine store. Well, I think I will enjoy paradise enjoyment from the exotic taste, pleasant aroma and light tropical tolerance.
The smell of the washing powder alerted me at once, but I removed it by deciding that the proletarian rude nose, which grew up in the middle of the Perm factory tubes, was not meant to capture the subtle game of fruit shades. The color also did not inspire confidence, but I wrote it down to the fact that the winery chose the most ripe harvest (last year) for wine. Taste put a confident spot in these searches, mercilessly cutting off the career of the beginner Ural sommelier at its very origin. In short, a decil of sugar was added to manganese, bottled with water from underneath the crane, plunged the primrose and squeezed a picture from the Internet printed on a thin bottle on a jet printer. A good thing. In the summer, I will be treating the frogs in the yard.

[ + 65 - ] Comment quote №124212
 10.02.2016
A four-storey house in Berlin collapsed. A Syrian family living on the first floor was killed, a Libyan family living on the second floor was killed, a Somali family living on the third floor was killed, not only a German family living on the fourth floor was killed. The plot in all the news, the tolerants immediately resort, everywhere screams: "Why the Muslims, the blacks, and the whites - not killed?!" One of the firefighters responds in an interview: "Because a German family was at work."

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №124211
 10.02.2016
I walked with a friend through the underground passage. As is often the case, in the transition a guy played guitar. It was cold and I was lazy to get my hands out of my pockets, look for money in my wallet and decided to go by, but the road was flanked by a girl with a hat in her hands. She smiled and danced a little. Here I decided not to let go and give money to the guitarist. And as soon as I threw the money into the hat, the guy saw it, stopped playing and shouted, “Oh shit, I didn’t understand!” The girl quickly turned her hat with my unfortunate money and walked out of the transition. At first I didn’t understand anything, but then it came to me that she had nothing to do with him. Oh, how much she was there before, and how many guitarists have not seen people like me, but there was only one thought in my head... And you are good... very good...

[ + 26 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №124210
 10.02.2016
My husband has a new employee named Samec. If he marries, his wife will also be a male or female.

[ + 22 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №124209
 10.02.2016
Aniramka: fuck my cousin's sister asked to return 12 hryvnia for two used during sexual intercourse condoms :)

Nymun: Interesting, but can you think of even worse?

Ricky Hirikiki: Need money for condoms not after sex, but before it?

Nymun: No, well, of course, I asked the question, so that’s my own fault... But fucking... This must be, hell, a self-confident man...

[ + 14 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №124208
 10.02.2016
x: *box where half the code is in English, half in German*
X – L – Love
x – L – Beliebtheit
and EM
Y: That’s how I understood the permafrost in the dojo.
What about the rest in England?
x: there 50:50
Y: and why?
X: Because someone is gay.
The code is written in English all over the world.
But the Germans are too Aryan for such a shit.
and God)
y is five)

[ + 36 - ] Comment quote №124207
 10.02.2016
The harsh Mariupol border guards are harsh. "...We somehow checked on the service if the hunter is afraid of his naked ass... We found out – he is afraid."

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №124206
 10.02.2016
All requirements for passwords are found on the websites. Somewhere through the fingers. My bank allows a password with a length of 5 characters. Somewhere they watch. The site requires a minimum of 10 characters digital password with at least two head letters and two digits.
Do criminals steal rubbish? Or are customers paying?

[ + 18 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №124205
 10.02.2016
The Birth of a Shark. The egg? What? what? that. The sharks don’t bother anyone. Or is there a lot of sarcasm that I didn’t notice?

Wow: There was a reason to broaden your horizons that you didn’t notice.

[ + 30 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №124204
 10.02.2016
We have no problems with freedom of speech. There are problems with freedom after speech.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №124203
 10.02.2016
What do you know about professionals?
I was told by a hairdresser I knew that a master named Said came to cut his scissors. This master wraps in different areas and makes raids to hairdressers. After that, the knives stopped cutting normally.
The hairdresser has nothing to do - takes the sealed scissors and goes to Voronezh (200 km). This is shown to a verified master. He looks at the scissors and says only one phrase:
Oh that said. And the marriage.

[ + 33 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №124202
 10.02.2016
I live on the third floor. A few days in a row I leave the apartment at the same time with the neighbors.
The first day. I go out, neighbors are already sitting in the elevator. They offer to go with them. Thanks, I go down on foot. I wait for a few seconds for the neighbors, holding them at the entrance door.
The second day. The neighbors are waiting for the elevator. Judging by the sound, the elevator is nearby. I leave the house, get into the car and leave before the neighbors leave the house.
The third day. Neighbors do not call the elevator, they go down with me.

[ + 18 - ] Comment quote №124201
 10.02.2016
What is an Indy Studio?
XXX for analphabets
xxx = = =
yyy: This is when three hipsters take a macbook and smog, move the forms into unity and try to raise money on a kickstarter for a game about the worm in space.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №124200
 10.02.2016
A week ago I read the "wine card" and among cocktails highlighted the low price "sex on the beach", on the question why "sex on the beach" costs only 200 rubles, a brilliant answer from the waitress was given: "well, it's not the season!"



P.S "sex on the beach" is a screwdriver with orange and peach juice - for the lovers of... vodka...

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №124199
 10.02.2016
How did they get the self-deniers who consider men to be infants! Wives and mothers regularly emerge, now also the sister Alenushka! Your brother is an adult man, so it is enough to educate him and:
1) Stop performing the function of the general cleaner. Do you maintain cleanliness? The young man.
Prepare for yourself separately. If your brother does not take care of how his wife feeds him, they and their wife will solve the matter BOTH.
3) Wash in turn. Take care of your things, not someone else’s clothes. Judging by the passage of unpaid debts, you have different budgets with your brother. His money is his choice, whether to spend it on his wife’s dress and plushes. Don't satisfy his spending - don't give him your money (in a difficult situation you can provide foods and necessary things, if he is already on the pitch), and you don't need to educate him. If the request of his wife creates him a problem, let him again deal with his wife.

Most likely, the brother does not see the problem precisely because you break your head and throw everything behind his wife to clean up. The inconvenience is only for you.

[ + 37 - ] Comment quote №124198
 10.02.2016
In one deaf forest, a hunter found the thrown loose horns. And he attached them to a tree in a thick bush. So that part of the horns was above this bush visible. And as soon as the hunting season begins, there is always a whirlwind in this area. And in the unfortunate tree with horns already two hundred rifle bullets.

[ + 45 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №124197
 10.02.2016
My husband went on a business trip on Wednesday. I think I don’t want to miss alone, I’ll call my girlfriend, even if we talk without strange ears. I write a message: “My husband is on a business trip. Come to visit.” And... by chance I send it to whom? Right to my husband! An instant call: “Who are you inviting there while I am not there?” He explained everything, as if calming down. In the evening a friend came, we sat talking. Calling the homephone. His friend came for the drill. Mysteriously walked around the apartment, swallowed our pizza and left quietly. Drill has never been taken.”

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №124196
 10.02.2016
At six o’clock my mother left me with my grandfather. She was terribly worried, and when she arrived, she saw me with a wrapped hand. When asked what happened, I replied, “I was bitten by a crazy dog.” A week later she left again. My mom called me every day and arrived three days earlier. He sees me healthy and calming. And I run to her joyfully and woe: “Mommy, and I was hit by the air!” My grandfather didn’t leave me anymore.

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №124195
 10.02.2016
Every mistake proudly considers itself an exception to the rule.

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