bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №157853
 08.04.2022
One day you will find in the pocket of an old jacket a dirty one-time mask. And you will smile nostalgically while repairing the armor.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №157852
 07.04.2022
In the political circus, clowns are not funny, but evil.

[ + 39 - ] Comment quote №157850
 07.04.2022
Sometimes giving someone a second chance is like giving a second bullet to someone who didn’t hit you the first time because he missed it.

[ + 27 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №157849
 06.04.2022
I never thought I would live through those times when the bandit 90s will be remembered as calm and careless times.

[ + 42 - ] Comment quote №157848
 06.04.2022
In the mid-1990s, the training geological practice ended after 2 courses in Crimea. There are no expeditions, there are no specialties for the season. Therefore, after the practice, I was going to go to Transbaykalya myself, walk the mountains and gain geological experience. Of the equipment – a self-sewed waterproof bedroom, boiler and backpack, which I was sewing in the train. To protect against bears, he took care of purchasing pepper cloves at the station in Simferopol. They were written "From Dogs", so I took two (bears bigger than dogs) to guarantee :)
With a transplant in 5 days arrived at the village of Old Chara on Bame. I don't know anyone in the village, I walk in the street. and none. at all. Even dogs don’t chew. There is no light in the houses, only some windows light blue. It’s getting dark, it’s scary a little – where are the people? He discovered an old two-story building with the inscription "Udokan Expedition", on the second floor the window is yellow. Once the expedition, the geologists, their own, and most importantly, thank God, people have found! I go up. Some of the cabinets are empty, no doors, windows are broken, the only island of life is in the office where the light burns. I go in. A large room, in which three men sit, around samples on the tables, maps, some old reports...In short, the working environment. Men look at me, who are you and what do you need? I say that a student who came to self-fighting practice, that I want to get there and there, don't tell me where I can stop for a couple of days while I buy products, etc.? The men have eyes for five kopecks - the student came to practice himself?! At the time, it was like the appearance of an alien. We made tea, we sat down, we talked. Andrei, Gene and another (I do not remember the name). To begin with, I found out why the village was extinct: it turns out, on the television show the series "The rich also cry", so everyone on the TV. I got a little off the heart, or I thought someone got into the zombies. Quite quickly the conversation approached the protection from bears. I don’t have weapons, I say, but I have two pepper bugs! You are tired, student! Show me! I get both. They are 5 centimeters long, in the form of a cylinder. They look funny, of course... The geologists have seen them, they have lost their minds, they are stunned, they show with their fingers and they cannot say anything – say, this is, against the bears?!! The boy is tired! It is not enough to put them in the cottage! I was upset and I took one...
I came to myself, lying on the door in the hallway, outside the office. Andrei walks up and moves quietly. The air is like a fire, the eyes can’t see anything, from the office in general, some whispers are heard. They slipped with Andrew to the sides, at least he brought to the crane with water, somewhat washed his face and skin. It wasn’t much better, but I see something. They entered the room, opened the windows, aired. The rest washed and we sat down. The general feeling: “Your mother, what was it?” No one can understand how from such a tiny spark such a flash effect. “Let the composition look.” I pulled Gene the second guy. The font is small, the lighting is not very... He stretches to the table behind the glasses, clings to his own button with a cloth loop... The door to the office was no longer there, so I flew further and suffered less. Around the table is heard the roar of three bears, who at the same time strike at me, on the bats, on the students in general, on Genoa and just from the excess of pepper in the air... The operation to despoil the territory is repeated. We drink tea. On the tables the documents do not take, everything in pepper dust, the men cheer that for the first time such an unconventional occasion not to work, and to leave home earlier. General conclusion: from bears - elegant protection, the main thing is to get closer and not get done! I sit sad: “Men, but now I have nothing at all, we put all my defense on us.” They looked around: nothing, we’ll come up with something...
So I had blood in the village, detailed information on how to get where I wanted, some foods... As an anti-bearman, Andrei gave me his small-caliber rifle for the season: “Confronted with your guys, this is, of course, nothing, but you can at least shoot!”
I used a little bit, but that’s another story. I have had a great respect for pepper protection since then, which has been repeatedly reinforced in practice. And most importantly – I have longined good relations with the men, and they did not call us otherwise than “pearl brothers”.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №157847
 06.04.2022
In this difficult time, only corruption continues to work like a clock.

[ + 36 - ] Comment quote №157846
 06.04.2022
I remember bringing my three-year-old son to kindergarten for the first time. The teacher meets the child:

I am a teacher, my name is Olga Ivanovna. Her name is Claudia Timofeevna. What is your name?

The son thought for a moment and then said:

by Viktor Nikolaevich.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №157845
 06.04.2022
The husband considered Tanya the guardian of the family's fireplace, until he learned that her fire was wrecked by two others.

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №157844
 05.04.2022
Most of all, you are hated by people who say they value your opinion.

[ + 42 - ] Comment quote №157843
 05.04.2022
In the kindergarten, children were handed out paper pieces of frog figures and asked to paint. In the evening, when I came to take my son, the teacher came out to me and directly tragically told me that I would have to deal with him, or he doesn’t even know that the frog is green. And she showed Timich's painted figure - black, with red dots. During this conversation, the son quietly stood next to him, then couldn't stand, "Mommy, this is a red-abdominal jellyfish, how can it be green?“”

[ + 35 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №157842
 05.04.2022
As far as I can remember, there are difficult times in this country.
When will the simple times come?! to

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №157841
 04.04.2022
xxx: I was once invited to the company, and they were hit to tears under the "Texas Massacre by Gasoline". Since then I have noticed how different people are.



Yyy: The company was probably all of Peter’s.



xxx: Yes😂 but it wasn’t the Peter’s mainstream yet.

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №157840
 04.04.2022
I watched with my son Kolay (6 years old) the film "Karate-patsan". Cole always calls the main character a girl - he is confused by Jaden Smith's long hairstyle.

I: I also have long hair, but you recognize a man in me.

I recognize you on your cheeks and beard.

I: Well, if I’m joking, then you don’t admit?

I’ll admit to the other hair. in the hands. And in the nose.

Thank you son.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №157839
 04.04.2022
When I was 15, I had friends who were four years older than me. And as a boy I was grown up, a sportsman – nothing different from them (in terms of appearance).

As - then once we went to visit girls, and I got a couple of girls of their years. So we rest, we drink wine, I tell stories differently - and the girl will fit, and the edak, and the straw in her eye should be looked at and the shirt repaired...

In short, we went to accompany the ladies.

I, leading the lady to the cottage, stand, say goodbye, and she asks me: what is the biggest car you know?

I’m wow, Belaz, 40 tons, wheels from home!

This is the brake of this white! and left...

When I told my friends about this, I didn’t understand what happened.

[ + 31 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №157838
 04.04.2022
xxx: What does a tattoo on your penis mean in the form of a dot? What, juro, wait, the member will stand up and the point will turn into a detailed map of the Tver region



Yyy: Fubla, why do you show your member to Yura?



XXX is bro. Bro is fucking.



YYY : STOP Do you really think it is better?

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №157837
 04.04.2022
It is not enough to hit everything, you do not have to catch your finger yet.

[ + 39 - ] Comment quote №157836
 04.04.2022
happened today. First action: time - half an hour before lunch, the place of action - the smoker, the actors - me and my boss. The manager is interested:
Are you going to lunch today?
A small clarification: the boss is not in the car, I am always in the car, but I rarely go to lunch.
I don’t know, probably. I wanted to take my dog to the vaccine for lunch. What did you want?
- Yes, I need to go to the barber, so I thought, if you go - maybe you will catch me, otherwise you need to call a taxi.
"Now I will call the nursery and if there is a vaccine, then I will go, and I will take you away.
Second action: the time is five minutes before lunch, the place of action is the office of my department, the actors are me, my boss and all the employees of the department. I call the veterinarian and say to the veterinarian:
Do you have a vaccine? (The Department is listening)
What interests you?
- I am interested in imported, combined, which must include rabies vaccine (the department hears).
Well, it’s a pity that I’m killing my dog twice, and so all the vaccines once.
Yes to eat.
Can I come in now? The Department Hears.
Yes come here.
I hang the phone and say to the boss:
- All, I agreed, there is a vaccine, we went - I will take you...
For the second five in the department is set a grave silence, then a wild laugh, everyone lies.

[ + 28 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №157835
 04.04.2022
I understand correctly that our prices are bound to the dollar only when it rises, and when it falls, they are no longer bound?

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №157834
 04.04.2022
When I was studying in the universe, the teacher asked us this question: "What do you need for happiness?" He began to question. The girls answered who “a lot of money”, who “a rich husband”, “healthy children”, “a good car” and so on. (When the turn came to me, I replied - "I don't need anything, I'm so happy," which caused a considerable surprise to the audience). Then the priest asked the following question: "What is happiness different from pleasure?" Everyone has thought here. “The correct answer is pleasure what do you do? Right they get. Thus e. When you get something, you get pleasure, not happiness. Because if you take away what you got, you automatically become unhappy? And happiness is not only to take, but also to give, to live in harmony with the world, it is a relationship to the world around you.

Gold words for me.

[ + 26 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №157833
 03.04.2022
(Thoughts in the world) - a place on the redite for ridiculous, philosophical ideas, finding fun and interesting in the ordinary. Best of the Year



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The best quotes and jokes from the bezdna