Believe in the gods, do your favorite hobbies, buy and use cars, love each other regardless of gender and prejudice - but please don't have to wave this like a flag!

A police officer comes to the store and sees a check-up.
Do you have an audit again? The biggest store, right?
The seller to him:
I’m not saying you have a check-up every week.

We live with a girl (d) in a studio apartment class "conur". Later, I get up early to work - I go to bed while the girl is cooking soup. I’m sleeping badly, periodically clinging to the phone. The girl notices this:
Q: Why are you not sleeping? You go to work early.
Why do you make noise in the bedroom and don’t turn off the lights?
What fucking thing did you sleep in the kitchen?

I have a familiar couple of vegans: my husband doesn't eat meat at all, and my wife only eats meat in guests)))

Friends live in a house near the city cemetery.
Once they were invited by their acquaintances to the other end of the city to a bathroom in a private house. A fairly large company gathered. In the meantime, they asked for help on the farm, to spray wood and so on. In short, the Saturday visit extended to deep darkness. The men, as usual, drank well and decided to pick up wood and stay overnight. The women gathered in the houses. I called a taxi...
Picture with oil: a taxi driver arrives. The night. Shadow, though in the eye, a deaf outskirts, a private house. Near the road stands a healthy man, cutting the seedling in his shoulders, squeezed, with a gasoline strap overweight: "You will bring my wife to the cemetery. Just look at it, no nonsense. I remembered the number, I will check out!"
To pay tribute, the nervous system of the taxi driver was strong - the passenger waited, did not leave immediately.

Oh these news that our people are so frightened by the swine flu...
I was in the subway in the usual tide at the peak hour. Here after another station suffered, even chewing like, some scented spirits. It was squeezed from all sides, so no breathing! Well I sneezed: the people noticeably disbanded)) Before the job arrived so that I even had to hold onto the helmets))

Future ISS crew thrown into snowy taiga to teach survival

Much harder would be to throw them all day in the district clinic.

I stood in line at the pharmacy. Behind my back a young couple (the boys apparently meet for a long time) whispered bitterly about their problems.

I remembered the phrase of a guy who became a wing for me:

We have sex like an Oscar ceremony. Once a year. And I am DiCaprio"

When the grass-cutting machine broke, my girlfriend hinted to me that I should repair it. But why then I always had matters more important, then to repair the socket, then in the car to hide... Always something more important is for me.



Finally, she found a clever way to pressure me and psychologically make me repair the grass-cutting machine.



When I came home one day, I saw that she was sitting in the grass and cutting her with manicure scissors.



Seeing this, I immediately entered the house and returned a minute later. I held a toothbrush in my hand. I gave her a toothbrush and said, “Once you’re done with the lawn, you can put it in the yard.”



The doctors told me I could walk, but I would crush on one leg.

of caution:

I’m almost sure that the one you advise to google is a major clown on a Korean credit pocket. Timor Karginov said, “The bearded face, the ass of the British.” It is unlikely that a normal man will call the word "plate" a three-kilogram crush from synthetics. Because it is a tent to the first spark from the fire. Yes, it is usually put on the grass of the campsite, not somewhere in the forest. My tent for two weighs just 12. Breezent, bottom without rubber, dural coils. It is considered a boy.

A man who for light picnics has a huge backpack with a breeze tent, for the harmony of the image to fuck in three condoms, the second is needed for the case, and suddenly one will break, and the third for the case, and suddenly it is accidentally calculated.

In addition to you, the jumpper, there are still old people, disabled people, just sick or tired people, who have no opportunity to slide with the wind and jump boldly. They have measured everybody.

When I was ten, my parents bought a book called “1001 Questions About THIS.” Lovely such a book in a blue interwoven with golden booklets on the cover. But most of all, I was concerned about what “this” was. And since I loved to read, one day I just sat down for a book, it turned out to be very curious. And by the end of the reading I already knew about pollution, homosexuality, and petting, but the allegory of the mysterious word "This" has never been solved for me.



Probably my mom noticed me with this book, because after a while, on the way to the market, she decided to tell me where the kids came from. I went and listened to the story that “when adults fall in love, they get married” and thought my mother didn’t read the book she bought.

In neighbors, a 5-year-old child last year came up with a world in which "black people" live in the garage in the backyard (after some cartoon or movie). Thus e. They have a whole farm there, a black farm, a black king and a black visir, and a ladder to the center of the earth, from where they extract gold and precious stones. All summer all the neighbors entertained, and he had very creative and connected multi-series stories, it was very interesting to listen to, practically Game of Thrones.



Then he went to school and found new ears in the form of a teacher. In general, a week later the immigration police came to the neighbors to check the garage. The neighbor was forced to unload all the sludge with which the garage was clogged under the curtain. In retaliation, parents set up to drink tea with the child and record in the protocol that "black people" are two-dimensional, i.e. They are not visible in the profile, that they are afraid of water and blades, then that they can be wiped out, like a pencil drawing, etc. The boy was delighted that he was taken so seriously.



We and other neighbors were also interviewed, and we also honestly told the whole series with a stone face. The officer roared without stopping, but honestly recorded everything. I’t be surprised if it became an internal hook in the area.

here here :

Who wants winter with snow? Stop it! The asphalt is a bit dry.

It must be climate.
Don’t worry, he won’t hear you.

The wife says:
“You’re saying ‘I want more sex’ and it’s all in your hands.
I could not listen further.

From a long correspondence when I was fat and hungry:

X: I will do it tomorrow, I will send it out, and from whom did I know? I am not working anymore.
Yyy: from the elderly
xxx: Document file1.doc, Book file1.xls
XXX is clear
Yyy: Thank you very much)
YYY: How can I thank you?
xxx: I am not against 50 rubles on the phone)
YYY: Tell the number
Xxx: +7 9...
YYY: Everything today

He did not lie, he was nobly dissolved.

There is a grandmother living in my house, a woman is not poor by the way, she has money.Here, and for more than a dozen years, she sits in the bus every morning with an empty bag, well on the wheels, and returns to lunch with already full and quite heavy (I know, because she helped to bring to the apartment several times). And here literally about a year ago we learned that she always goes to the synagogue every morning, that it would be foolish to pick up food there and return home with the banks, namely the banks of cosher food.

I read once how biologists photographed a frog in a nest.



They put a tent nearby, let the bird get used to it. I got used to and sat down. But here comes a man into the tent – he doesn’t sit down, he’s afraid. Two people come in and one goes out – the crown is afraid... We have come to the point that six people come in, five people come out – and still he is afraid!



There was no more tent.



The way out was simple: three people enter under the dress, then two people leave the same way. And the crown stopped being afraid: One came in, one came out!! to

In offices often sit those whom mental development does not allow to engage in physical labor.

This is the text of an auto-respondent from one of the schools in Australia. The majority of school teachers voted for this version of the text anonymously. This text is actually recorded and sounds on the auto respondent of this school.

The need for this text arose in connection with the introduction of a new policy, which provides for the responsibility of students and their parents for the absence of students in the lessons and unfulfilled homework. The school and teachers were literally persecuted by parents who demanded to raise their children's grades and transfer them to the next class, despite the fact that their children missed 15-30 school days per semester and did not do enough homework.

Text of the auto respondent:

Hi to you! To help you and connect with the employee you need, we ask you to listen to all the options before making a choice.

To lie about why your child was absent from class, press 1.

To find excuses for your child’s failure to do homework, press 2.

To submit your claims about our work, press 3.

To beat any of our employees, press 4.

To ask why you did not receive the information that was actually included in your newspaper and several leaflets sent to you by mail – PRESS 5.

If you want us to raise your child for you, press 6.

If you want to reach someone and catch a crack or just hit them, press 7.

To request a replacement of a teacher for the third time during this year, press 8.

To submit a complaint about the work of the school bus - Press 9.

To submit a complaint about school lunches, press 0.

If you suddenly realized that this is the real world, your child should approach his or her behavior seriously and responsibly, to work in class and homework, and the fact that your child is not trying and does not make an effort is not the fault of the teacher - please hang the phone and WANT A GOOD DAY!

If you want to hear this message in another language, move to the country where it is spoken.

Thank you for your interest in education!