Teacher of Psychology:

Imagine an adjective that describes you and begins with the same letter as your name. Let’s start with you, Costello.

and creative.

and well. Why Creative?

I couldn’t think of another word for the letter “k”.

I work in a taxi. The client sat in the car.

and further dialogue.

I: Please cling to me.

K: And what then? In front of Gaia?

I: What does Gai have to do with it? This is for your safety.

Q: Are you a bad driver? I will not go with you!

He got out of the car and cancelled the order.

The daughter was driving in the bus today and heard a conversation between the driver (B) and the passenger (P).

The driver is talking on the phone.

Q: “Driver, do you know that it is forbidden to talk on the phone while driving?”

A: “And I talk to myself, and I just hold the phone in my hand.” Showing a already turned off phone.

P: “Now I’m even more afraid.”

The inner world of a woman is a mystery until she opens her mouth.

Religion is a personal matter? Do you share my beliefs? Do you want to join the discussion? Maybe I will dare.

Say, when a “group of people united by common interests” grumbles exhibitions, breaks into the cinemas during the show, and just disrupts cultural events – is it also a personal matter?

When religion starts to blow children in the heads almost not first class - it is also a personal matter?

When one famous crazy official proposes to ban oral sex as contrary to Christian morality, and other officials proposes to exclude abortion from the OMS, because it is not Christian – is it also a personal matter?

When the state prohibits the display of films and almost officially introduces censorship in the information space, motivating it by the fact that believers can be insulted – is it also a personal matter?

When the State Duma adopts a whole law on the protection of the feelings of believers, thanks to which people are imprisoned for posts on social networks, and sites are blocked by Roskomnadzor – is it also a personal matter?

Like you, I’ve been fooled before you. Because of you and your religion, our state does nothing. Your “feelings” are protected, your organizations are registered and funded, almost no criticism is allowed in your address. Yes, even in some catering establishments do not buy anything meat, because fasting.

It would seem that the whole state works for your convenience. But you do not have enough. You start climbing to the person in bed, in the head, in the sphere of personal interests and crushing your personal views. Say, and atheists do not have their own feelings, which also need to be defended? Can they see, read, hear and think as they want?

So, until religion really becomes a personal affair, and you stop, as you wrote, “climb to us in the soul,” I will joke about sex in the post and discuss the golden clock of the patriarch. Remove the barrel from your own eye first, then look for it in others.

In the restaurant:
Why are your portions so small?
Try eating it first.

This happened in the distant 1992. We got an apartment and decided to put a cage. by Sami. The husband said that to keep the tiles better, it should be done on the walls. I took a tourist hammer and enthusiastically started the business.I could help him with advice and would soon be sent far away, and more specifically to the kitchen to cook lechoes. In general, the work boiled: my husband crushes the walls, I cut the vegetables and here the bell in the door.I after the onion, all in tears, I open the door, and on the threshold my girlfriend-Lubasha.Looked at me and asked what happened?And I told her, say, we divorce, said that first the whole house will be cut off, and then she will leave. Love ran into the toilet, and there, as I said, my husband rubbed the wall with a toporik.With a scream: "Jura, it's wrong," Lubasha hanged on my husband. And the one in misunderstandings, as he says wrongly, does not teach, says, a man and tries to push Lubash away.And Lubash, for the sake of that meter with a hat in height, hangs on him like a clover and screams that it is not possible to do so. The husband is psychotic and grumbling in response, that it will not work out otherwise, that he has a little bit left and you can go to the bathroom... And I think that if I did not laugh, she would have taken the rope from him.

When I worked on the practice at Volma, we had such a novel.

From somewhere he got a camouflage hydrolase suit and slipped through the shallow waters. The bird photographed.

Once he went to the nest of swamp moons, but in the shallow water he got confused in the net.

It is worth noting that instead of his head he had a white swallow with a camera.

He sits quietly on the bottom, cutting the net with a knife. He hears a rush. It turns.

The man on the boat so quietly crawls to him with a glimpse forward.

Roma, in general, weighs a kilogram by 120. But with a thin, subterranean voice he says:

Don’t take the swallow.

The man looked side by side. I saw nothing.

He begins to swim further.

Roma again with a loud voice:

Don’t dare to touch a swallow. The man crossed. He gave me “Veso”.

The camera and Rome flooded.

From the depths of the lakes rises Roma weighing 120 kg. All in algae and in its camouflage form.

The man jumps out of the boat and runs on the shallow water.

A genius feels the truth even when he does not understand it.

A recent story about girls in the universities. This is from the site Techtales. History of 20 years ago. Translation from English.

* is

History is long.

It was 10 minutes after closing. I was about to leave the computer store, where I worked as a part-time seller/tech support from November 15th (now December 20th, 1997). What can you do for money for unnecessary Christmas presents?

The phone ringed. I should have left anyway, but I answered.

Hi, my name is ______, the store is now closed, but if you want to leave together...

I think it’s % closed. I bought this *@#%^! The printer, and it does not work, and I need to immediately print *@#%^!It is an important document!

(It’s definitely in a bad mood, so it’s all *@#%^!$ I cut it off.

What’s wrong with your printer?

He does not print! This is not the case!

Are all wires connected?

c) Yes Yes Yes Yes

Is the printer on?

CL is included!

I guess you followed all the instructions in the instructions, right?

The instructions? I’m not an idiot, I don’t need instructions to connect the printer. In general, what am I talking to you? I want to talk to technical support.

I am a tech support!

Nothing like that!

I am a tech support!

You are a woman!

I, and the woman too.

CL) I want to talk to someone who understands computers.

I understand computers. (I’ve been working with computers and on computers for a long time, not to mention that I’m a software developer outside the store.)

Get off the phone and let me talk to a man.

I should hang the phone.

I) Sir, the store is closed, and there is no other technical support here.

Q. You are a woman.

The conversation clearly went into a deadlock, shoes shake, I want to go home. I turned around and saw Brian (name changed). The cleaner!

I guess you sir! I can call you a man.

I called Brian and persuaded him to help me with this chauvinist.

Hello Sir, my name is Brian, how can I help?

Please note that the chauvinist has stopped.

CL) My printer is not working, Brian.

I) Ask him if he installed the driver attached to the printer.

Have you installed the driver attached to the printer?

There were no drivers attached to the printer.

No drivers were attached to the printer.

I am hmm.

Brian is hmm.

Ask him what type of printer.

What type of printer, sir?

CL I don’t know. And I wonder what model, I want this thing to work (a desperate voice).

Brian) He doesn’t know, he wants the printer to work.

I) Ask his name and the name of the seller who helped him choose the printer.

Sir, what is your name?

CL) Bob Smith (name changed)

and Bob Smith.

I) Okay (I enter the name, check with the database and check what he last bought).

Sir, do you remember the name of the seller who helped you with your purchase?

No sellers helped me. I knew what I needed, and I paid for it in the box. I do not trust the sellers.

No one helped him. He chose the printer.

I am wonderful!

Brian has noticed!

I) Brian, tell him we can’t help him with anything today (I’m looking at the database).

Sir, we can’t help you today. Can I advise you to come in tomorrow?

CL Why?

Brian why?

I) Because its purchase is not a printer... it is a fax. It needs to be connected to the phone. Not to the computer.

Sir Brian...

Near the office building on the doorstep two candidates for vacancy are nervously smoking. One to another:
Did not take?
“I didn’t take... Wow, the pathinoid, the damned vathnik!” Normally, it all went so, and then he asks – and how do I feel about the annexation of Crimea? I honestly said that this is all Putin’s punishment and that Russia will still pay for it. And right away - all, goodbye, you don't fit us. It is normal, yes?! to
– No, wait, you’re confusing something... This shit is a liberal rotten! He asked me about the Crimea... I immediately answered clearly that the Crimea is ours and we need to go to all those who are only whispering about the integrity of our territory!! And yes, I said goodbye, what kind of shit?

At this time, a very satisfied third applicant comes out of the building. The first two to him:
Did not take?
A normal man is like this...
You asked about Crimea?! to
I asked...
Well, what did you say?! to
I said I don’t talk about politics at work.

The dog’s food is over. The dog wants to eat. I had to go to the supermarket...
I stand in line to the box c with a full pedigree cart. The lady from behind asks: Do I have a dog?
I got! “No, I bought it for myself. I sit on a diet. and again. Although, probably, it is not worth it, because the time I was on this diet, I was in the hospital... Although, before that, I had time to lose 25 pounds.
And then, bac, and I am in the resuscitation, with tubes in all the holes and droplets in both hands.”
It is not infectious, infection. He wants to know what a diet is and how to stick to it.
Okay, I asked for myself. “Very simple. The diet is ideal: you need to carry full pockets of food with you, and every time you feel hungry, eat one or two granules. In general, a balanced diet. And now, you are just shining up with health! Just like that dog.”
Oh, the whole turn has been interested, especially the guy who is behind this lady. Hey, that was what I should have expected! I wonder how I got into the resuscitation? What poisoning are you? I sat in the middle of the road and licked eggs, and the bus hit me!”
YES is! Madam is fainting, she clearly needs a psychiatrist for her. Why beating your head at the floor of laughter? But my mood rose... I wanted to hit my leg and put a jet on the box, but I thought that the overturn would be.

In the years of studenthood, I had the honor of studying with an elderly teacher of Russian literature, the name I will not name (I remember, I just will not name), but I hope very much that she is still in good health.

Once upon a time, the couple talked about the marriage relationship of the heroes of a novel. The teacher suddenly thought and said:

“You know, and I have a wonderful relationship with my husband. We have been married for over thirty years. I have been teaching Russian literature for 25 consecutive years, he is a candidate of mathematical sciences. We walk a lot, we spend a lot of time together. We do not talk at all! It is beautiful.”

A bad authority deceives its own people, a good one deceives another.

A strange guy travels through the theatre.

According to Boris Levinson:

In 1962, the Mayakovsky Moscow Theatre, where I worked at the time, was on tour in Leningrad. At that time, the so-called “Caribbean crisis” occurred. Everyone was afraid that a nuclear war with the United States was about to begin.

That night we played Hamlet. On the stage is Polonius. It was played by Lev Naumovich Sverdlin, a popular artist of the USSR. Suddenly, a man in an ordinary jacket appears on the stage, he has a piece of paper in his hands, and he resolutely moves toward the ramp. Everything in the room was frozen. What should happen to make this happen during the show? Only the war.

The man approaches the front scene and says in the terrible silence of the hall:
The comrades! I was not paid for this job at the theater. Asked to renew the decorations, I did everything, I have a contract, and money is not paid.
There was literally hysteria in the room. Hockey with somebody’s hats.

The curtains, like all the performances performed by Ohlopkov, were not in the show. Sverdlin ran toward this man, twisted his hand and pushed him behind the scenes. He was caught by the assistant director.

For a long time I could not calm the room and continue the show. Somehow they started. And here is the scene of Polonius with Claudius, and Polonius has words about Hamlet:

I often see him here, he walks through the galleries.

Another explosion in the hall. It was hard to finish the show.

To be honest, if at one time I could only imagine that under my life the sharp Vladik Tretyak, the long-legged Svetka Zhurowa, the cranky Slavka Fetišov, the eternally dark Sakha Karelin and the iron-wrapping iron-wrapping Lech Voevod would become great state figures and would make laws for me, I would not be so enthusiastic about their physical achievements.

My elderly friend has a wife. She is also a woman of a very respectable age, but at the same time a passionate fan! When she’s watching football or basketball, she’s kidding so loud that neighbors come and ask her husband what he and his wife are doing that she’s so matte?? to

Naturally, he comes to her room and says:

Zina is calm. Shame in front of people.

What she answers:

Stay back! I am a philosopher! My name is right!! to

Of all the deadly sins, despair is the saddest. Adultery is the most fun.

I am always for silence. I am one of those people who think that breaking the silence in a public place is disgusting. I have always believed that in a public place (café, restaurant, train station or in a plane) you should behave in a way that does not cause inconvenience to people nearby. Unfortunately, not everyone shares my point of view.

I drive in an electric car (with seats), the whole car is sold, there are no free seats. A mother with a child appears. Child of 6 years.

Young man, you took our place.

No, this is my ticket.

There is a place at the window.

No, here is my place No. 21 on the scheme next to the window.

- I and the child, miss us to the window, he wants to look out the window.

I hate such situations because I know they will never give up if I ask. A couple of times my wife and I were asked to give us a seat next to people sitting alone, we never gave up.*** by

Okay, I give up my seat, I wait another 10 minutes until they disassemble things, while helping to put heavy things on the upper shelf. We are going. After 15 minutes.

Young man, please sit back, the window is blowing.

Sorry what? You chose the place yourself.

Do you know that a child can get rid of it?

Can I read the book calmly? You have moved me. If the child is suffocating, sit there.

Psihanul eventually moved. He got a shirt from above, placed them a piece of the window. My aunt has been considering the design for a long time, apparently she didn’t know how to do it.

The child had to have fun outside the window. My mother gave him a plan and it started. Children's cartoons about lucky, chunga-changa and so on. Without the headphones.

Do you give you headphones? (I offer my own)

No thanks, he is okay.

It disturbs the sound on the plan.

Well, what I will do is a child, what I can do.

- Give him expensive headphones in which he can watch cartoons at least all the way.

Here a song of fixics sang in the whole voice. I am psychic.

He got the tablet, opened the yandex and entered "PORNO". At the request appeared some awful Japanese cartoon, where in the orgy participated, two girls, a robot and a man in a clown mask.

The child was distracted, realizing that my story was more interesting.

Turn off now!

Why is?

You are not allowed to put porn on the train.

It’s not porn and I don’t even play music. Either you turn off the damn sound and I turn off the cartoon, or we keep watching mine.

Do you give me your headphones?

No is!

The rest of the road we walked in silence. And most importantly, I hate people who view politeness and education as weakness.

The government is the kind of people who take our money, leave some for themselves, and create problems for the rest.