They picked up a cat and called it a dog. My husband is now different from "Kuzkin’s mother" and he doesn’t call me (((

The question of dogs. I go home from the stop. The pedestrian transition. The compassion is about to move to the red light. I explain to her that this affair is dangerous, they will move and the eye will not blink and it will end with her dog's straw. She is listening to me so carefully, and when the light is green we are crossing the street. We go home, and on the way I tell her about life, about Sam. We approach the entrance. I tap the home phone, and while the connection is going, I give the dog the command to "sit"!



The dog sits down and I ask her to give a voice. It is silent.

At this moment, the housewife:

Who is there?

I am a dog again.

The voice!

The housewife is delighted:

The Gave!! to



The dog looks at me, stands up and leaves.

The drawings of the unwinning lottery tickets took place today in Moscow.

I don't know if there is such a syndrome or not, but I sometimes have a strong burning from the view of something broken, leaking, curved, and so on. Hands are cleansed to repair! Recently I fixed the drain on the workplace...



I am for what? It’s sad to be a superhero – you have to stay unnoticed. This, on the one hand, is a plus: maybe the shelf is not curved, and this is the decision of the designer. But no one will praise it :(

I went to the supermarket after universe. I took a bottle of quas and a couple of pancakes and naturally went to the express box office. For those who do not know what kind of cash, I explain - it is a cash register, where they serve buyers who have less than five units of goods, but there are always people who ignore this feature. So there is a small line mostly of young (probably up to 30 years old) people and two ladies of the Balzac age with full baskets. Naturally, when the turn comes to them, the cashier polently asks to move to another cashier, because he cannot serve them. At the end of my ear I hear the conversation of these ladies:



Q1: Go, Lena, this stupid goat doesn’t want to serve us because we don’t fit the requirements for this box office.



Q2: The requirements? What are the requirements?



D1: Do you not see it? This is a box for young and beautiful!



After the rest of the evening, one thought did not give me peace: she said it seriously or not.

He returned home to the Urals instead of the usual Aeroflot this time. Such a picture is caught here - a landing is going, a guy, entering, sees his brother in business and jumps over the neighboring chair to him. As it turns out - a ticket in the economy (appropriate airport employee asked to sit over). Boldly and drunken, he tells Koresh how he rested well in his sandals. The champagne offered to drink, the stewardess approaches before the take-off and says - please take your seat, you have an economical ticket. And he dares to say, “and I’m going to bother here?”



So the whole flight and flew with a friend )) And I fucking miles buy some, I waste the extra money...

There are, but they will be few.

There is a nuance

“Zadolbay 19436, you wonder why most of the children are left to the father? I agree, this is injustice! It is after all, mothers complain about "not those feelings", and then throw the father with the mouth and drop it down at sunset.

Those characters (regardless of gender) that fall down at sunset, just children do not claim.
Those who want to raise their children are their opposite.

What does society say about a man seeking to raise children? Good guys, they say. The not seeking? Wow, poor girl, pushed by the butt, right has, did not stumble, boy. What do you say about a woman trying to raise children? and nothing. The not seeking? Oh she, they say. They say nothing good. Such things.

A woman draws to her four-year-old son with the intention of kissing him. The son kicked her off with the words: "Mom, I have no time to kiss. I think!"

It is not always possible to tell a person what you think of him. Sometimes you have to speak in roja, or even in harya.

Good day

Sean – a fun American for the first time in his life came from his New York to Moscow for business.
Sean’s parents are Russians, so he’s scratching like us without an accent and the only thing that gives him is absolute ignorance of Russian mat. Mom and dad did not teach the child, now I have to consult him for free.
Yesterday I ran, my eyes surprised and frightened, my phone waved and said:

Please help me read, I received a strange message.

I take, I read:

“100 rubles, you say? You are rotten! You want money, you want money, you want money! That you have on your crazy forehead...grown up! To your mother, to your... Daddy... your whole family... you, the horse, not 100 rubles!”

Well, and in the same spirit, there are another 300 unpleasant signs.
Sean asked:

I did not understand much here. Is it in Russian? Someone seems to be upset, but what? What did I do wrong?

I shrugged my shoulders and, of course, wanted to know the background of the conflict.
And the prehistory was this: Sean had a Moscow SIM card, so that without roaming to receive calls from his parents and here, he tried to put himself on the account of 100 rubles, but somewhere in one figure was wrong and the money went to another place.
With little thought, our hero wrote in this other place a message of the following content:

“Good day. I generously ask forgiveness, but I mistakenly sent 100 rubles to your account. If it is not difficult, please return them back.
Good day to you!”

In general, I explained to Sean the meaning of his incomprehensible words and persistent idiomatic expressions, he gratefully thanked and left.
Half an hour later, he returned completely happy and said:

I sent 100 rubles again to the unfortunate man’s account and wrote him:
"I don't know what happened to you, but apparently something very, very bad, since you are prepared to kill and rape a stranger and his entire family for a miserable hundred rubles.
I send you another 100 rubles, I am sure you need them much more than I do.
Do not forget bad and good day to you!”

And a couple of minutes later, Sean dropped on the phone 200 rubles and SMS:

“I’m sorry, I’ve done it all, I’m very ashamed. In fact, I am not at all.
And you have a good day!“!”

You cannot prove to a free doctor that you are sick, but to a paid doctor that you are healthy.
© Irina Zaletaeva

The poster of the plagiarism of the plactic oakons of the day on the street saw...
There is a great grandmother, whispering in the window and saying, “Don’t go, grandmother, we go!”

This is what I do not understand:

xxx: Fig-se close-ups curled: "Blizzard Entertainment is a company of equal opportunities. Our rule is to hire qualified employees, regardless of their race, skin color, gender, age, religion, origin, citizenship of a particular country, family status, sexual orientation, gender, genetic data.
XXX: What is the difference between gender and gender?
YYY: Gender is from birth, and the second is how you accept yourself.
xxx: I already represent a seven-year-old black transvestite.
And also gay.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
ZZZ: A gay transgender? O_O and how?
xxx: So the phrase about genetic data didn’t confuse you?
Zzz: Oh, one head is good, two is better.

If the two-headed seventy-year-old gay-negro transvestite patches WoW as a god, then even you, three-letters, shouldn’t fuck the rest.

Director at the meeting:
Ladies and gentlemen, let us not be upset! Do what you need to do so that it doesn’t happen!
The same person at another meeting:
Ladies and gentlemen, let’s finally focus. How many days do we have in the year? is right! 365, not counting weekends!

It is funny to hear calls to protect children from the matter. Because children are more mothers than any adult. And only after adulthood comes understanding when to keep the tongue behind the teeth, and when not.

I confirm:
and accuracy:

I’m always watching, in all the movies, G.G. runs somewhere, or even chases a supercriminal, the ladder begins, and... he begins to climb the stairs one by one, quickly and quickly. Oh fucking! When I was rushing to my friends for football as a child, I made one jump! I do not understand!! to

Only there is to brake and turn. I jumped through the fence from the middle of the flight :) Also a flight by one jump

I have roots in my childhood barefoot so caught the scale of the pioneer camp supercriminal :) After two jumps the distance was reduced so much that the third was performed virtually on this evil villain mind, more precisely, on the head containing it :-D

A colleague cries out of the office - the printer is not working!! to
I come. Indeed, the error - the printing mode does not coincide with the format of the paper in the pot.
Collega: I checked everything on the computer, printing on the A3 needs!
I open the box with A4 paper.
Should I put the A3 paper too?? to

...And you know that if you drive on the track and suddenly see some frightened man in a hat and a long coat throwing something wrapped in a bloody shell into a pipe, you can never go back to see what it was?
No, if there is a double consistent, of course, you can’t go back. If it is interrupted, it is possible...

and Ailev:
The house tree is slowly roasted and goes to feed and brush the rabbit's teeth. The rabbit from the tree has complete happiness, there are only well swallowed sticks left, even without small frogs. It also turned out that the rabbit would love to eat Maasdam cheese. Cake with cheese, hm.

Out of the darkness came one golden eos.
I wore purple fingers.
Long sitting Odysseus wise in sorrow.
Thinking about setting up an essay...
by ber.red