and Marina!! Are you alive, healthy? - my mother rushed to me with her arms, I barely got off the stairs of an inter-city bus at the bus station on Shchelkovskaya (Moscow).
Ma, is it you? I was sincerely surprised.
Who writes such letters, wonder you are in the feathers? My mom didn’t cry, I barely cried.
Oh, that’s what it’s about... It finally came to me. Everything is OK! - boldly reposted I, sincerely misunderstood: I asked myself to write how I got to my grandmother... well and what, that the letter began with the words: I immediately want to inform you that for the trip twice managed to ride the police... still well ended!...
This story happened to me many years ago, in the distant Soviet years. Yes, there were no mobile phones at the time, and the wires rarely had anyone; they communicated in letters, not by email, urgent and important information was in telegrams... Whatever you say, but there was a lot of good in them, personally for me, at the time of the child, is a sense of security, which in our time is so lacking.
In the early 80s, I finished 7th grade and gathered for vacation with my grandmother in the town of Gus-Krustalny from the sub-Moscow city of Pushkin. I grew up as a serious and independent girl, so my parents, after consulting, decided to send me one - well, they did not have the opportunity to accompany me. And the option of transportation was quite reliable: in the evening I was taken in Moscow on a direct inter-city bus to the city of Gus-Krustalny, and early in the morning, at 6 a.m., my grandmother or uncle met me there. A completely safe option. I was not afraid at all, on the contrary, I felt completely adult - for the first time in my life I ate alone! They trust me! It is cool! And I went.
All seats in the bus were occupied, people were driving to the end, so only a couple of technical stops were planned along the way (there were no toilets in those buses). The passengers soon fell asleep, I fell asleep, I woke up in the middle of the night and wanted to go to the toilet. The bus stands near some building of unclear, passengers enter the bus one by one, as it turned out - returning from the toilet. I jump up and carry the bullet to look for the toilet, then I also run to the bus, along the way encountering another passenger of our bus - a 20-year-old girl with a small one. We run to the bus from behind, as suddenly – it’s hard to believe, but it actually happened – its doors are closed, and the bus is touching from the spot. The girl stumbled and even knocked a couple of times on the run on the beginner's speed bus, but he went away, leaving us at night with no things, no money and no documents. That was fun! 😉
Fortunately, the girl was determined.
“Go,” she commanded and walked down a dark road following the bus.
Luckily, our stop was at the entrance of a small town we entered. The girl stopped the car, began to talk to some messy men about the fact that we were behind the bus, and we would have to be thrown before him - to my great relief, the men did not penetrate and left. So we walked along the road for 5 minutes when we stumbled upon a parked police UAZik. Oh my God, how glad we were!
- So, whoever is under 18, we don't take, - joked the young police officers when we came to them in the car.
The girl and I tried from all my 13 years of strength to look like all 18, sincerely believing in their joke threat.
In general, everything ended safely: the bus stopped at the nearest post of GAI, and the police brought us to it. I remember, I was very afraid that the driver would mourn us and sincerely didn’t understand why he was silent when the girl watered him with “untranslatable Italian folklore”, which a decent woman could not express... hm... my vocabulary then enriched greatly)))).
The smoking passengers were scattered in places, and we touched the way. Everyone fell asleep, forgetting about the incident. And we woke up at the entrance to Gusskrystalny, at 5-6 in the morning, when the bus suddenly parked on the sidewalk, did not reach the parking lot.
Who is Marina of Pushkin? Quietly asked a middle-aged man clothed in a police uniform who went up the stairs.
I answered quietly, confused.
"Go out," said the policeman calmly, and when he saw that I was carrying my suitcase, he helped me to pull it out.
What I just did not change my mind, coming out of the bus... Well, I think, the driver struck me in the police, and now I will be taken away...
On the sidelines stood a Soviet militia car - such a cargo type with bars, possibly in them and prisoners were transported. All the cranes for me...
Why are you sending messages so late? “The police officer spoke in a rough tone, placing my suitcase in the cabin next to the passenger seat and offering me to take that seat. He drove the car and we went.
What kind of telegram? I did not understand.
To see your grandmother. Late sent, late received by mail, the postman was afraid to go to your area in the evening and took a telegram to the police. So now I meet you...
This was my first independent trip. How many years have passed, and I still remember the details, as if it had happened quite recently. I don't know if the participants are healthy or not, but I really want to pass on a greeting to the girl-in-law, as well as to say a huge thank you to the cute haishnikovs from an unknown town, who picked up two "blondes" behind the bus, and the posthumous aunt, who did not ignore the telegram, and the responsible officer of the police of the city of Gus-Krustalny, who met and brought me to my grandmother in integrity and safety.
All are good!

The year 2028. Roskomnadzor is still blocking Telegram:
- 77.222.145.117
By the way! and 190.168.200.122
He hurt!

In Germany, it is also the case that neighbors are attached, not to life, but to death. As it is, because of some complete figured. Here and here - one neighbor (a single woman) did not like the neighbors - a couple of retirees. Now you won't remember where it started, but grandfather and grandmother suddenly realized that you can smash a neighbor, starting to chase her because of her fence. They found out that the fence at her by law should be 10 cm lower. And the fence she ordered a good, inexpensive, and not one that can just be cut off or shortened somehow.

In general, at first they wrote a few complaints about her, saying that her fence interferes with them, and at a responsible moment a decisive piece of sunlight eats away from their lives. Then she was investigated and brought to court. That the higher instances forced her to replace the fence, only because it does not correspond a little. This is what the “small shit” was invented.

She didn’t want to do that, but what do you do? She breathed, hired a lawyer, and also called an expert. See what can be done and how to get rid of it. The expert took an experienced look at the house of the neighbors, and said that it is a typical building from a very certain time (the late 1980s) among which there is often something very interesting. The fact is that in Germany at some point the laws about how to build have changed. And then somehow a considerable number of houses were built, which under the new law did not get a building permit, because they are not 100% compliant with the new rules. But they somehow managed to complete, because before that some building permission was already issued, and then nobody checked. Often this applies to such small private houses for one family.

In general, the expert took and measured, and it turned out to be this: according to the current law, the neighboring house must be at a certain distance from the fence, and then it was 25 cm closer to the fence. The trouble! And since such a warm friendship arose between the neighbors, the boyfriend decided to answer the elderly with the same. I submitted them in full form to court. The court considered everything, again sent an expert, who measured everything, and issued an unconditional sentence: it is impossible to live like this! Condemned the bad grandfather and grandmother to move away from the edge of their territory for the right number of centimeters! And soon!

They have already started to have serious problems.

They, in turn, hired an expert who could help them. But he breathed and scattered his hands. The court decision is made. Exit options are few.

The first is to demolish the house and rebuild it. (They are very dear! )

The second is to remove from the side a piece of the house, i.e. to shorten the house, and for this to extend it by installing the same piece on the other side. Also cheap: 50 thousand euros.

And of course there is a third option, the cheapest: buy the missing piece of land from a neighbor! Move the fence to her side, and it would be over. Not only that the neighbor would have earned a few thousand euros by selling the land to the neighbors, but also a new piece of fence was left for her - she was also sentenced to shorten the fence. But here, as you understand, the harm has already come into effect. She shortened her fence for her money, and said that everything, nothing else interested her. Solve your problems yourself.

Now this couple is crying, collecting money and sympathizing through television and social networks. But the people are not very friendly and do not rush to help. Many people say, “What fucking thing are you going to do about this? You didn’t sit quietly, you wanted to mock your neighbors. That bumerang has just come back to you. What they started, they got in their heads. They say, “You have to do that. Next time you’ll know how in vain to knock on your neighbors.”

This is how the neighborhood can be damaged. Who has the fence, and who has the whole house under the fence?

In Russia, it is difficult to predict when you will be snatched, and when you will be searched.

Our deputies in the formulation of laws are unimaginable!

Smoking and drinking pregnant Russian women were offered to be punished.
“The draft proposal proposes to establish that in case of the person who directly carries out the holiday of tobacco or alcoholic products (the seller), doubts about the absence of pregnancy in the woman who purchases tobacco products (the buyer), the seller is obliged to demand from the buyer a document allowing to establish the absence of the state of pregnancy in the buyer”, – said in the explanatory note to the bill.
https://lenta.ru/news/2018/04/19/siga/

What smoked the deputy of Lenoblasty Vladimir Petrov?
How does he imagine it? All of us!! Absolutely all more or less caressed women (that is, even thin ones) are required to have a certificate from a gynecologist about the absence of pregnancy. Update every 1-2 weeks.
No is! Not so! The cashier at the expense of the institution provides a test. A woman, not leaving the box office (what to be ashamed - the law is the law), writes. and all! You can buy cigarettes or alcohol.
I totally agree that a woman should not drink or smoke during pregnancy. But! If the legislators even create such strange Drafts of Laws - this is a pizzade!!! to

“Fuck you, not the property tax!” - condemned Baba-Yaga, adding chicken legs to the bush.

I took myself in a distant almost childhood (years of 12) a chicken hand. She was wearing her worms, feeding her hands, she used to me herself, did not run away. And I will come to her, eat and sit next to her to learn more.

Here somehow I sat next to me, and the bird looks at me in the face, blows up next to me, as if he wanted something. How it falls in the eye! Fortunately, right in this second I decided to tilt somewhat... The clove hit me slightly above the right eye, literally half a centimeter (there have been many years, and the red spot is).

I learned to cook chicken very early.

What is the gender equality we are talking about, if when a woman is compared to a cat, she is cecual, and when a man is with a cat, he is fat and naked?

So, like many children of my age, I spent part of the summer, as well as weekends and holidays in school years with my grandmother in the village. I thought the most dangerous animals I could meet there were dogs, snakes and alkas, which were not so many. There was something more dangerous. My friend’s father had sheep, and he had a tribal sheep-lammy, aggressive, just a shit, the size of a tank and with strength slightly inferior to Chuck Norris. Usually he was isolated in his personal squad, where he ate, slept, and was naked with a iron barrel, when he got bored, he carried out a gate or fence and went to kill... everyone... One day even I got pitches in my leg, I had to fly far.

Well, at one time, the alkas used to spoil dogs and steal the courtyards, but my friend's father was not finger-worked, he heard this, he chased the dog for the night in the barracks, and in the courtyard launched a lamb, who, by the way, did not touch his own, but the strangers were scorned at once. I don’t know the details, but the thieves got puzzles – one still walks with a trunk, the other has a very curved arm and a broken eye.

Baron then lived for a long time, but he never got on the shale, feeling old age with a scream - "in Valhalla!!!" He ran into the last battle with a huge tractor K-700.

In Chinese companies it is considered prestigious to hold Europeans. This means that the company can afford a foreigner and dilute the colour of narrow-eyed eggs in square meters. M is

Anon: So my friend was invited to work in a Thai hotel (a prestigious skyscraper), came to rest, spoke English - got a job with a good staff (standing at the reception), worked there for 3 years, was the only Russian in the hotel, he was even enrolled for a vacation (when he worked) to be more comfortable, because our even wealthy tourists can’t speak English.

I don’t understand, is it the job of a monkey or a white gentleman?

333 The monkey.

Conversation of two friends.

I visited him in guests...

Well and how? ! to

What can be said about a man whose pride is a rectangular plate in which you can cook all kinds of plates, attention: not breaking! ? to ...

Blythe, where he got that, I want it too!

She shot today:

People like you hold this world.

What is this quality that does not allow him to fall?

- you are from the rare male caste of "lovers of small boobs", God keeps you...

and stopped.



I do not consider 1.5 small, but nevertheless, men, we are the backbone of the nation!

I recently bought a subscription to a fitness club and it wasn’t so happy.

You come to the gym - all the figures and muscles are cooler than you do.

You come to the pool and everyone swims better and faster than you.

You come in the shower with all the scissors more than you do.

I am not created for fitness.

The city of Krasnodar Volgograd-Kazan. Due to the weather conditions from Krasnodar we depart noticeably later, and the connection in Volgograd is only 20 minutes. And here we are still in the sky, the descent does not even smell, and the landing on Kazan, judging by the landing ticket, has already begun. I approach the stewardess, and still, I seem to be late to do all we die. The stewardess with the poker face says you will have time for your Kazan.



Here the landing is over, and we are just descending, I am already in panic, but the stewardess’s poker face is unwavering. Finally, we sit down in Volgograd, I run to the right gate, trying to pick up the right words such as this is not me, this is the other plane and what should I do... And the landing in Kazan is just beginning. Not believing my luck, I sit in the transfer, we get to the plane, and there... THAT DAM! The same plane, the same crew and the same stewardess with a poker face on the board: I said you’ll be able to get to your Kazan.

The motto of the officials: "The power to sweeten when there is something to steal."

Swedes and buses.

The Soviet Union at the end of the 1980s. Restructuring and publicity are moving across the country, the Party and the government have allowed enterprises to conduct independent foreign economic activities.

I, a young specialist, work at one of the machinery factories, and we were attended by Western delegations with proposals for cooperation.

Our factory was large, and its passenger fleet consisted mostly of the “red” Ikarus, who doesn’t remember – large 40-45-seat buses with soft seats. At the time, in the cities of the USSR in general, there were very many "Ikarus": "yellow" used on urban routes, and "red" - excursion or interurban. And if the yellow "Ikarus" were somehow different from each other - single, "harmony" - then the red were all like twins-brothers.
In our factory, the red "Ikarus" in the amount of about a dozen were intended mainly for the exits of employees to the sub-chief farm "on the shelf", "seno", "kartoshka" and so on. And in the rest of the time, they were chased around the city as travelling cars, because Volg had nothing in the farm: the director, his couple and, of course, Partorg.

So, we receive another delegation from a solid Swedish firm in the number of two people. I am ordered to meet them in the hotel tomorrow morning and bring them to the factory. Transportation is of course factory. Our translator tells us:
"Listen, I met them today at Icarus, so they refused to get on the bus! They couldn’t understand why two people sent such a large transport. Elie convinced, almost pinks in the bus caught...
How do I deal with them tomorrow?
Don’t worry, they promised to give “Volga” tomorrow.

We have not cheated on Volga, and here we go to negotiate with the Swedes. Driving 20 minutes, they are men of company, fun, trembling about it. They can’t calm down:
- Yesterday my wife (one of them and his wife came) walked a long walk around your city, and then could return to the hotel on the bus! He is very proud of that! So I told her not to be too proud, and that I was also riding the city by bus!
In two minutes:
Why did you send us such a big bus? It’s fuel, ecology and everything else.
It must be said that environmental issues were already very relevant in Europe at that time, and the extent of our equipment’s impact on the environment was one of the important topics of the negotiations.
What I could answer:
Well, it’s logical: a big factory is a big bus!
“Okay, if so, we’ll get two buses tomorrow. They laugh. We are two!
Okay, two is two! I said the same with laughter.

The next morning no miracle happened: all our Volga were occupied and I was given Ikarus. We arrived at the hotel early, the driver stopped the bus right at the entrance, and I went inside waiting for the Swedes. They come down, we go out. And what I see: next to our "Ikarus" is parked the second one! Here, the main thing was to withstand the “dirty face”, but I managed! I turn to the Swedes and say this very seriously:
You asked for two buses, here are two buses. Who will go in which?

After I managed to catch the completely crazy and frightened Swedes in the hotel hall, I persuaded them for another ten minutes that it was just a joke and that the second bus just accidentally arrived!
We were a little late for the talks. :)

© EugeneSPB

We live in Germany. My son came from school and said:

“I met a guy today, so he learned that I was Russian and told me that one day they played Russian roulette with the whole class.

At this point, I thought about myself, “Well, what a nonsense! They played all the class in Russian roulette.

It turned out to look like this:

As soon as the teacher asks the first question, the whole class raises hands. To whom the teacher pointed, he lost.

In order for the people to be silent, they are shut their mouths like little children with the events of emptiness.

It is said that the history of Armenian radio began with the reservation of the Yerevan dictionary: “With capitalism man exploits man, and with socialism everything happens the opposite.” After that, the radio station became the character of numerous anecdotes, beginning with the phrase "the Armenian radio is asked".

These anecdotes were so popular that the representatives of the real Armenian radio were uncomfortable. At the beginning of the 1970s, the All-Union Meeting of Radio and Television Workers was held in the Column Hall of the House of Unions in Moscow. When the chairman announced, "The word is given to the representative of the Armenian radio," there was such a whisper in the hall that the poor representative was not allowed to start the speech for a long time. When the laughter finally became a verse, the same representative took the microphone and said, “We are often asked...” They say, after that, the work of the meeting was completely paralyzed.

Doctor, will you recognize me? I sold you my diploma of graduation from the medical school.