bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №108490
 23.01.2015
Palich: It was a long time ago. I have a friend. I gave him a Vietcong toy. There is a level where you have to crawl through dark tunnels and beat out the insidious Vietnamese. About the fact that the lamp is turned on by the L button, a friend did not know. Picture with oil! In the deep night his wife sees such horror. Her husband sits behind the compound in the headphones, watches in the square of Malevich and nervously rolls on the chair, swinging with the mouse. Her first thought was: "It’s done! It is time to talk". She approached him, placed her hand on her shoulder... screams were on the whole entrance! My friend postponed the brick inexorably. The most interesting thing is that he this level then so without the lamp and passed. and stubborn.

Fuck, I also learned about the lighthouse only later: ((( Now I think, well, I was:)))

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №108489
 23.01.2015
to the observer:
watched an hour ago, painting with oil:
by Hmao. -32. a raspberries, apparently, in memory of a jacket, with mud numbers. The driver’s door window is completely removed. In the door is seen a hand in a nork coat and with a huge ring. He walked around in a traffic jams without closing the windows.
Campbell in the 90s.
_____
Wow, I saw a cabriolet (open) in the dead traffic in the MKAD in July, who bravely stood under the exhaust pipe of the fur and the heat was unsightly. A man and his girlfriend were driving. Parents with a crusade.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №108488
 23.01.2015
Conversation at work:

XX: And you know that in China the same theme began as in Ukraine "Maidan". And the most interesting thing is that it all started the same way – people came out on the square and shouted the same thing as in Ukraine.

WOW: What is it? "Moscow in the sea"?

and pause. The wild rooster.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №108487
 23.01.2015
A man arrives at our office with whom he had to rest somewhere nearby at sea in the Crimea.
Oh oh oh oh! Hi to! I did not recognize you immediately! The habit is that you are always dressed.
...
Hmm... I explained later to the present already what he meant.

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №108486
 23.01.2015
And the third loves Chekhov and Dawkins. And the organ concert in the cathedral near the restaurant, which happened to emerge in the conversation, was not news for him.
Should I indicate that I hired a third, or is it so obvious?)
That is all I have to do. Grow up people. Good books and pleasure will bring and open all doors to you.
— — — —

Reminded me:
The man long thought which of the three girls in love with him to marry. He decided to give each $5,000 and find out how they would dispose of them.
The first bought expensive clothes, the best cosmetics, went to an elite beauty salon – in general, did everything to look perfect, and said, “I love you very much and I want everyone to know that you have the most beautiful wife in the city.”
The second spent all the money on her potential husband, buying him new costumes, shirts, tools for the car, and said, "You are the most important to me, so I spent all the money on you."
The third put 5,000 dollars in circulation, earned another 5,000 and returned everything to the man: "I love you very much. I did this to make you realize that I am smart and unfathomable.
The man thought — and married the one whose breasts were larger.
— — —
I am for what? I don't know what business you work in, but it is better to promote not the experts of Chekhov and the authority, but those who will better cope with the job in the new place. However, if the work is not important - you can promote pleasant interlocutors. Those with larger breasts.

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №108485
 23.01.2015
Miha
Am...
And you who?
Dasha
Welcome to :)
Miha
Hi to
O_0
Dasha
I want to ask you one question, have a minute?
Miha
Yes, I listen
I do not spy.
Do not disappoint me.

Dasha
I just saw that you are a free man, and then I thought to write.
Tell me, please, did you not receive a letter to the mail about an ivent for unmarried guys?
Miha
What is Ivan?
Dasha
I personally participated in the event.
I would like to recommend it to any free guy!and :)
Look at me on the wall, you will understand.)
Miha
I am sure for you there is a separate boiler in hell.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №108484
 23.01.2015
Did you indicate in your resume that your talent lies in depression?
and yes.
But that is not talent!
You just didn’t see me in the case.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №108483
 23.01.2015
From Habr.
A carrier carrying drugs crashed on the U.S.-Mexico border.

Lerg: And really, how can copters be detected? On the backdrop of the night sky, the task seems unresolved.
OK, it was detected. And then what? Send a drone interceptor? And smugglers will take and will send drones-trucks accompanied by drones-fighters.
vlreshet: Aerial drone battle would look oh like epic.
frig: C forming a joyful cloud of crystalline methamphetamine in the air.

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №108482
 23.01.2015
Transfer of Exam.
Prepod: Why don’t you approach me?
Student: So I don’t have any clues or directions with me.
No brains... no brains!

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №108481
 23.01.2015
No, I’m definitely an idiot... and my idiotism will kill me someday...
WOW: What is that again?
XHH: Today at work, I sit down, imitating a stormy activity.
Well, as always... and what?
xxxh: I look at the vidos on the tube and eat the bubbles.
The ball...
XHH: Here I am suddenly rattling, and seriously so... Probably half the bubble in my throat has stuck and seriously threatens to kill me...
I cough like hot, tears flow from my eyes, I can't breathe, my face is blue.
Which is 0_O
I have only one thought in my head, that now the comrades of the office will come to my desk, I will take an artificial breath, and they will see, that I am talking about cats, and not working.
HHH: And as it is, I can’t get to the cross...
WOW: WOW
XHH: And imagine a picture of me with a blue rose, cramped on alt + f4, and I can't get!! to
I am ?
They are getting closer and closer!!! to
How did it disappear?
xxx: pressed the reset and ran "suck" into the toilet...
You are sick...
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah

[ + 28 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №108480
 23.01.2015
I am an ancient bike programmer. In my childhood after “Minsk” I had a motorcycle. Almost overseas, "Java" So here they have, at the eve, on the gasoline tank, nickeled plates with the name. = to = to = to = Years have passed, a lot of keyboards have been erased, but when I see the word “JAWA,” I see a red two-wheeled motorcycle with nickeled letters on the tank. It smells of gasoline, hot oil, skin and youth, not that fucking java.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №108479
 23.01.2015
Today I wrote an attestation characteristic to an officer who wants to resign from military service, and suddenly gave birth to a brilliant phrase: “I am indifferent to the principles of social justice in resolving any issues.”

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №108478
 23.01.2015
The mind is simple to measure, but stupidity is constantly stumbling.

[ + 68 - ] Comment quote №108477
 23.01.2015
The story is 100% real.
The night. My companion sleeps with his young wife (both 23 years old) after a hard day at work. Their newborn son is sleeping in the same room. Suddenly at 2 o’clock of the night, a hellish loud knock begins on the ceiling. They knock, they knock and they knock. A 90-year-old woman lives above them. The child is awake, what do I do? Don’t go to your grandmother fighting at night. They decided to wait until tomorrow. Well, they lie back, and they knock anyway. Well, with sorrow half trying to fall asleep under this knock. Here is BAC! A friend jumps up like a crazy man and starts shouting, “Well, this is Morse!!! and SOS.” He listened closely and he was!!! Signal of disaster. Immediately call everyone: ambulance, police, emergency services. They came, they knocked on the door, they didn’t open. The Emergency Service passes through the balcony into the grandmother’s apartment. Her grandmother was an ex-military officer and she was sick. She was lying on the bed and could only reach her stick and began to knock on the floor. I saved my grandmother and it was okay. Now my friend is the hero of his multi-story. I am proud of such a companion!

[ + 42 - ] Comment quote №108476
 23.01.2015
In Chechnya, it’s simple: either you go out to a rally to love the Prophet Muhammad, or you explain why you didn’t come, to Muhammad personally.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №108475
 23.01.2015
Question: How will the cop know that he has shot all the villains?
Answer: The striking music is over.
— — —
This is the case with Bioshock: Infinite.
yyy: and in borderlands 2) could not in such a varied environment to catch figures of fucking, so wet everything that moves until the music ended)
zzz: But here in Skyrim - the opposite: the music began - look for the dragon)
QQQ: Per the main character is followed by the invisible bars and choirs who sing "Dowaki-i-i-i-n tututu turu tu tu tu tuu"? And that the spell of invisibility is in the school of illusion, a fairly plausible theory ;)

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №108474
 23.01.2015
HH: I can’t share it. Shaped something. In the list of medical services accidentally filled the entire cadastral of medical services. The judicate calls and is delicately interested in whether we are sure that in the medical examination it is absolutely necessary to establish the deadline for burial of the corpse. :D
yyy: Hi Noaho ))
xxx: there was still the "installation of the floor on the bones", but compared to the corpse it is a little bit :)

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №108473
 23.01.2015
I sit on the couch so tired, sad. He is dancing again. Here he stands up, approaches, embraces "Kiss, what happened? Well still well. Well. I am with you. ..."
xxx: I raised my head on him at the last words, and he turned away, pulled out his neck, talked to me, and himself in the monitor looks! and!!!! to
YYY: Maybe it wasn’t you, but the combat car?
and xxx ((

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №108472
 23.01.2015
A written book, no matter how brilliant it is, is unlikely to be able to change the everyday lives of people.
That you are in vain, batenka.because of some written books world wars are taking place.and in general the literary joke is the most interesting.clearly my opinion - you need to read different literature (this is due to both classics and cyberpunk)) and not the refresher and Dontsov.

[ + 27 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №108471
 23.01.2015
The expression invented..."fucking cheese"....the chef of the cock pulled me cheese some cosher expensive, say let you lie in the server room, and then it smells very awful...and it lies now in the server room smells, now the whole cabinet smells, I have already wrapped it in 2 double packs, it still smells....you go out of the office, then you go in and say "fucking cheese".

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