I got a new job in December. The first company in a new location. I stand at the bar, pulling the whiskey. At that moment, a guy runs up with an empty beer glass. Without paying attention to anyone, he poured three hundred grams of whiskey into a glass... he looked long at the refrigerator with a collar, after which he poured a whiskey of red wine to the top and ran away...

From the correspondence:
A: Good for you children, our future.
B: It was enough to start playing WOT to understand that I don’t want a future for a country like these kids. Mothers and those with mistakes write.

Lessons of History. The transformation of the capital from Zlato-glava to Zlato-Puzuy promises the provinces a starving death!

Zawesky

The night. and silence. The kitchen.
The refrigerator door opens. From there falls a huge blushed Mouse, on the neck of a garland of sausages, in one leg a piece of cheese, in the other shell, it is heavy and slowly wrapped in the direction of the nork, and in front of the nork is a small mouse loaded with a tiny, long-dried piece of cheese. Approaches to the mouse, who studies it looks at it, pumps his head and says with a breath:
Oh, well, honest word, like the diets...

This time, eternal rivals: female intrigue and male trick, clashed in the usual, nothing-noticeable shop of fabrics.
One wonderful summer morning, my comrade, and at work also a boss named Eldar, went to buy beautiful curtains for the central, fireplace room of his new country house.
Eldar completely tortured the nice saleswoman Natalia, touched on all the shelves all the materialists, remembering the color and texture of his walls, reviewed hundreds of fabrics for the light, listened to the phone of my mom's advice: "so that the curtains were not very transparent, but at the same time not quite deaf."
Natalia stoically endured everything (in the literal and verbal sense, she pulled the rolls out of the pad and back) and behold, not an hour passed, as from hundreds of options, fun curtains were chosen, seven times measured, cut and bought, but Eldar did not rush to leave the store, he wanted to somehow thank such an interpretative and smiling seller, especially since the seller was the beauty of which to look for.
A little standing, cuddled, accumulated greed, finally decided, and invited the girl to the movie, Beauty Natasha did not refuse.
The knight looked at himself selflessly: shorts, broken ceds, a maika, a cap, well, just no recognizable signs of a millionaire, here's where a long male trick began. The fact is that Eldar then was under forty, no children or wife, although the girls followed him with whole zombies taboo always ran, as soon as they saw and heard his tremendous sports car, it is understandable, the wallet on the legs will love everyone, this time our smart decides to be clever to check - can the beautiful Natasha interest not the millionaire Eldar, but the ordinary Tatar Eldar, living with his mother, say, in a single house at the MCA?

On the first evening we went to the cinema, ate ice cream, and for a snack there were Natasha's wires to the house itself (at the subway and route, there are no cars).
On the other day there was some art exhibition, then a culture park, a pigeon feeder and everything in the same unfathomable student spirit, and no taxis, and especially restaurants, because according to a carefully planned legend, Eldar is an ordinary sysadmin with a modest salary.
But Natasha held on and did not claim anything, and they both had fun at the Sokolnikovs.
A month later, Natasha invited Eldar to her to introduce her parents, after two, he already borrowed her money before the salary, and after three, a clever Tatar decided to stop this mess, because Natasha had already passed the check more than completely.
The hand and heart offer did not take place anywhere, but at McDonald’s itself.
When the bride said, “Yes!Eldar finally admitted that of all that he had told Natasha over the past three months, the only truth was that he could no longer live without her and that he really lived with his mother, though in a huge four-story house.

(Four and a half pages of wild resentment, a tumultuous scandal and reconciliation, a lush wedding and a honeymoon on a yacht I will allow myself to miss.)

And only two years later, when her husband was in a playful mood, Natasha finally admitted:
“Eldarczik, don’t be offended, but I was so funny to watch you portray a poor but proud forty-year-old student. I thought – well, when he’ll get tired of walking, he’ll stop rolling a fool, become himself and confess?
And you whispered, whispered, but kept up, good. As a small. To be honest, I bite you on the first day of our meeting, in the store, when you came to me.
How is it? How to bite? Good to tell. You did not bite me. I was then driving from the boys after the soccer player, and was dirty, sweaty and unbarred, like a hanurick.
and yes? And then what is it for you and your mom for the "chrushchevka one", in which the height of the windows is seven and a half meters? We chose your curtains, you forgot?

The Olympic fire in Sochi will be lit by Alina Kabaeva. What did you do for your girlfriend?

A very subtle trick is when an unbeliever tells an unbeliever that he is fucking like a god.

Demanded a friend to make a sleeve "under the shirt" (the shop will not conduct), she does not like her until a small quarrel. I come, everything on the table is a chin-chin. Almost almost.
What is this?
Did you ask for a silk?
I asked.
Under the shirt?
Under the shirt.
Stay away :-)
The silk was carefully covered with a doll hat, above the cellophane.

Where to buy the pill from paranoia?
Y: I know the place, but I don’t trust them

Purchased in the supermarket for the weight of varennes.Now those that you get from the refrigerator.
Mom: I tried these salads, and something I didn’t like. There are artificial potatoes, like these.
I: Mom, they are, in fact, with the crocodile...

To this "When the spouses have to divorce, share everything honestly, from the point of view of the wife - "true men leave with one suitcase"" and they divorce because the husband "unfulfilled thing";

If a person can tell with an accuracy of at least 1000 rubles how much money he now has in his wallet, he is as poor as a church mouse.

maya.j: the mail of Russia knows no equals!
Upviqq: Yes, the mail is the same everywhere. I heard an American joke:
- Recently advertised the delivery service, do you remember the name? You order something and send at any time within a month or even a year. It seemed like a surprise - I forgot the baggage.
Are you talking about USPS?
USPS – The United States Postal Service.

This is:

Regarding the coverage of the Olympics in Western media: a day ago on the PBS television channel in the U.S. a guest said that on the site of the Olympic village in Sochi was carried out genocide of the Khazarian people, that is. "The opening of the Olympics will actually be held on the bones of the Hakas people".

And the fact that the entire Homeriga is built on the bones of the ideals - nothing terrible, they can!
= is

That is, the fact that the Hakas live in Siberia and to Sochi have about the same attitude as any Chukchi, did not confuse you at all?))

Information and media portal:
The virus of hepatitis "A" infected 15 inhabitants of Lipetsk region from a holy source

Just in these people Orthodoxy proceeds with a complication in the form of hepatitis "A".

Asgerd 20:45:05
I went to pay for inets.
The family unloads the car
A small pot stands in the luggage compartment, waiting for it to be given there.
in the hand of a dog.
and a small dog.
The fucking hanging. In the air! silence
It moves, it swims.
20 centimeters to the earth.
But the dog didn’t even see it until the dad told him to let the dog go.
Why am I
It is nice to be a small dog.

Ride by 20:45:32
by DDDDDDD

I got married :(
Congratulations to you :(
The man is a man :(
The love of love :(
What are all smiley sad? and :(
The solidarity of men :(

Computer games are when you run, jump, ride, control with a weapon that requires both hands, perform the most difficult tricks... and at the same time eat peelings.

Hello to you, yyyy!

You are registered with the Academy of Winners. For some time, our partners may not get a login and password for entering the personal office.Without these data it is impossible to start training and building a business. Did you get these data? Please reply within 1-2 days.

With respect,
by Gizar.
Team WinnersAcademyTeam

Yyy: You can see, Gizar. I registered in your chatroulette by mistake. To see what another hernia my hyperactive girlfriend is involved in. As a psychologist, and in general, a person with an intellect above 20, I want to immediately warn you against trying to persuade me. and short. In the next letter from you, I want to see the link "reject newsletter". I am extremely loyal to your business. You see, I even give you a chance not to be sent to spam. Even though, confess, I hope someone will find you and kill you.
I really hate, without respect, yyy.

News in the publication VK:
In the hypermarket IKEA was found a machine that killed four people.
I knew they could make a machine from their furniture.

Time about 12 nights. I went to a store where they sold alcohol. In front of me, a 25-year-old man quietly asks the saleswoman:
M: Girl, can I have a beer?
Q: Do you have documents?
A man trained in the movement gets a police certificate (or like there) and shows it to the girl. After a second, a confusion appears on the man's face and he slowly clears the documents.
Q: Well, you have 18, I see, but unfortunately, after 10, we don’t sell.
The curtain.