One of my acquaintances moved to live in the village and caught a chicken. He himself is a city resident and masters rural life through trials and mistakes. His first ten chickens were brown and carried brown eggs. For me personally, it was a discovery that brown chickens carry brown eggs and white chickens are white. But the story is not about that. I wanted my friend white eggs for variety. For this purpose, 10 white chickens were purchased immediately. But the cock did not accept new chickens. He drove them away from food, mercilessly slayed them, and neither wings. The cock was eaten for dinner. A new chicken was bought, which began to cheerfully cover the whole chickenhouse without a breakdown. Question: Why did the old cock behave like this? My friend said philosophically: I don’t know. Maybe it was racist :)

The humanitarian marry for love, because it is difficult to calculate.

We have many internal organs, but no conscience.

I live in Riga, I work on the railway I have 15 weekends a month and a constant desire to work.

Seven years ago, early on Sunday morning, a old acquaintance called.

“Hello, we’re looking for a man here, we need to go to Italy, bring something, how are you?” I have to tell you that my greed for money competes with my love of freedom. I always find out what to carry.

The girl said, “You just don’t laugh, mouse.”

“The mouse?”

D: “Not at all, cat.”

In short, it turns out, the president of the firm, where my friend works, went on holiday to Italy, on Lake Garda, with the whole family and a pet, a rat by the nickname Dominic. Buying a plane ticket, Dominic got worse at takeoff, and at the time of landing he was a half-body. The rest, like all good things, has the tendency to end and the family council decided: the family returns to Riga by plane, and the rat, like a white man, rides by car.

I, as a decent person, explain that at both ends it is almost four and a half thousand kilometers and it will be more expensive than all the rats in Riga and even the Baltic. I am informed that I can get an advance right now.

He got together, left, and was there the next evening. Meeting a family: Dad, Mom, two daughters and Dominic. Let's get acquainted, I am given a list with a bunch of conditions:

1st Stay for a day, with the owners, so that the rat gets used to trusting me, or she may have a psychological trauma.

2nd Driving along the route with the least altitude variations, or Dominica can be bad (round for three hours).

Three At least every three hours to stop and ventilate the rat.

4 is Overnight on the way so that Dominic is not tired.

Well, the rest in the same spirit: the music is not to turn on loud, not to smoke, not to leave alone, how to care for, to feed.

On all my hints that these are unnecessary expenses, it was said that everything is paid. We take Dominica, we go. I observe all the instructions, I take care of the rat like a small child, I really understand that if anything happens to him, everything will be bad. To pay tribute to the owners, the rats hotels were booked excellent and not cheap at all.

The last day, due to road work in Poland was out of schedule, arrived in Riga about the hour of the night. We were still met by the whole family. They would see the joy of the masters, especially the girls, and I was a little sad to break up with Dominic, used to it, and he turned out to be a guy of his own.

You judge yourself that it is... the rich have their own wonders... or love for the smaller brothers. I got my money and I was pleased.

A cook goes to school and passes a test task.
She is given the task: here you have three kilos of meat and three kilos of bread, make cakes. The cook rotates, rotates, cookes and prepares. The cottage is tasting – delicious.
They give a second task: sometimes there are delays, so here you have a pound of meat and five pounds of bread, make cocktails. The cook rotates, rotates, cookes and prepares. Try it again, it is delicious.
They give a third task: sometimes there are very difficult times, so here you have six kilos of bread, make cakes.
The cook rotates, rotates, cookes and prepares. The commission tries - delicious, it is no different from normal cakes. Managers are enthusiastic, they are accepted for work.
The cook goes out of school and calls his husband: “Dear, I have two good news for you. First, I was hired to work. Second - you can't buy meat, I carry four kilos home.

Xxx: People have Soviet stereotypes about the AUTOVAZ today. A bunch of acquaintances clothes Vesta with whores, although they have never even sat in them, they just say, say, shit. Mol solaris is better, and the vest should cost 300 thousand, not more.

Yyy: I was sitting in the police station, feeling not very much.

Zzzz: In the police - yes. But if you take off the bracelets and pull out a bottle of champagne from the backdoor, then the car for your money is great!

Xxx: Sometimes you try to talk to a person appealing to logic, bringing generally accepted facts, argue with iron arguments. But this is the main mistake, the opponent is not necessarily like you are stuck with logic and common sense. Therefore, it happens that you waste your energy and time building a causal relationship, and in response you get something in the style of "flies are not crocodiles, because in the north they love sausages." Therefore, being an educated person, respecting my own and the opponent's time, I immediately move on to insults, or this hatred is stupid.

XXX: How did these 30 year old virgins get? Is it so hard to take off the ass of the dot and go out with friends? Oh yeah, the dogs and the other series games have no friends (((

Shut up, my mommy sympathizes.



YYY: I am right now standing on the street.

It is cold here, fucking.

But your plan doesn’t seem to work.

So far no one has given me.

I continue to observe.



XXX: They say there need to talk to someone, but I didn’t check.



YYY: It does not work.

I talked to the gardener.

It is cold.

No one has given it before.

They buried Twitter and broke two Runets.

I work on the acceptance and issuance of orders in the service center for the repair of audio equipment. We work with customers on trust: that is, took the device, looked at it, said the cost of repair, and if the customer agrees - repair, when issuing we demonstrate working capacity, take money, write a receipt with a guarantee. The scheme is quite functional, but for no less than 20 years in six of our workshops (previously there were so many) there were several unpleasant cases: three times the customer refused to pay for the repairs made and left, and recently paid six thousand instead of the agreed eight.
Last week it happened again. He delivered a set of vintage preamplifiers, amplifiers and record losers. The preemptor we repaired him, the loser was prevented, the amplifier was correct. By phone agreed on 5+2 thousand for everything. I came to pick up: I connected everything to him, showed him how it works, he himself checked, says, everything is fine. While I was writing the receipt, he raised the forks from the roofs, picked up the whole structure from the table and was about to leave. I said to him, “What about money?In response to “What kind of money?” and turns to leave, loudly adding, “Well, bring me to court.”
While I thought about what to answer, or rather accepted another fool encountered on the way and thought about the transition to prepayment (it is to write long, the thoughts blurred for a second or two), the thunder of the player who fell on the tiled floor, and behind him and the preamplifier, which the player pulled behind.
I look at the sockets and see that idiot confused the forks, and instead of the player turned off my column, and when he took two steps, the cable stretched and the player fell, pulling out the preamp that was underneath it.
From the damage I was able to notice a broken toner, split into 4-5 pieces of the cover and its broken fixation from the body, and the preamp has a decently woven front left corner and broken glass of the front panel.
He began to scream that it was me specifically, which I quietly pointed to the camera directed just at us, after which he also quietly approached the door, opened it and stood waiting for him, crawling on the floor, to collect his remains and clean up.

The rise in prices has not slowed down.
They decided to slow down Twitter.

I used to work for one such small provider. Night shift of technical support. If there was a malfunction on some node (there was no internet) and electricists a lack of power there (well, for example), then my officials were to call the electricist first to take a gasoline generator and 3. 14 quickly arrived at the scene. If he did not respond (and the time could be 3 o'clock at night), there was a backup contact "double". Okay I call.



Both are unavailable. According to the algorithm, I have to call my boss and describe the problem. is unavailable. Then there is a call to the head of the territorial level. is unavailable. And, according to the same algorithm, the call goes to some boss there.

So, at 3 o’clock at night, I call him on my cell phone and say the following:

“Hi,” says Deftman, a second line service officer. Since you are not sleeping anyway, we have happened here... (further all the situation).



In the morning my sleepy boss came and looked at me for a long time in silence.

I was fired in a week and found something to do. I don’t regret it at all, because I found the best job right away.

I remember Ryu :)

One day I found myself in an unfamiliar company in a cafe. I looked at the prices and tried hard to look like I wasn’t hungry. Then I talked about travel, and I talked about my plans. A couple sitting in front of me, having ordered a meal for a thousand for twelve, suddenly says:

You are rich! We cannot afford such travels.

I think different people define differently what they can and can’t afford.

It was about 94 years ago. My school friend Dimka and I had fun after school by clinging to the trams, driving two or three stops until we were whispered. So, one day, in the evening, a tram driver whispered to us, in general, we ran away and at this moment three adult men approached us, grabbed and pulled in the direction of the Volga universe car (previously such in a fast ride) only this car was grey. Dimka's friend was already engaged in professional big tennis at the time, by some miracle he turned and fled to the hole on Sun Yat Seno Street (Ufa) he was pursued by one of these men but did not catch up. At this point, I was almost caught in the car, I wept and spoke that there is a force even under the car of the murderers. To my happiness, men ran from the tram stop and literally kicked me off (thanks greatly to these uncles) put me in the tram and I left home in panic. Of course, I didn’t say anything to my mother because she insulted me. But that night my friend’s mother called me and told me everything. I still remember my mom crying a long time and I was trembling. Since then, we have not been on the train anymore.

It was in student years. Practice in neurology. We are invited to bring a patient from the resuscitation center to our department (5th floor).

We and the same group - okay, we go for the catwalk, which we are told not to. We are so – well. Let’s go and think like no catch. We go down to the resuscitation, there we are welcomed by a couch with the patient, and next to the doctor stands with a smile on his face:

Take the light version!

And the man with no hands, no legs, and the voice itself), they wrapped him in a slope, and sent him as in a hamac to move to the 5th floor. Everyone liked the eye.

When my wife got into an accident (by her inattention), I, knowing that she was in panic, first asked how she was. Was not hurt. She was not hurt. Explained what to do next. His voice did not raise at all. She said it would be a lesson for her future.

I go home tonight. My wife does not talk to me. I try to find out what happened. After a while he says:

You did very badly. You were the only one who bothered me when I found out I was in a car crash. Neither mom, nor dad, nor grandmother, nor colleagues at work did anyone argue! No one is fighting except you.

Well yes yes yes. It is a pity that neither my mom nor my grandmother or my colleagues did not go back to the repair.

Small men rarely become big bosses. This is a part of the big sludges.

Fifteen years ago, in my past beautiful life, full of terrariums, a young man and I agreed to become bird-eating spiders. Lasiodora parahybana, if anyone is interested. I have a commodity - a boring lush lady with a height of legs of 22 cm, his merchant - a petty virgin, consisting of one leg and swollen from desire pedipalps.
I lived on the last floor of the 5th floor. To me, only on foot. As I remember, it was Saturday. The neighbor’s daughter was getting married. Clearly, all the stairs, starting from the first floor, are decorated with balls, pink ribbons, flowers and empty bottles of champagne. And before entering our floor is a huge stretch "Happiness to you, young people!"
And here’s how much water has leaked, and still the picture in front of my eyes: I open the door – there’s a completely stunned boy, a garden with a bird-eater in his hands. And almost with tears in the voice: "Sorry for God's sake, you're out as prepared, and I didn't even bring the cake! It’s just our first time.”

c) Svetlana Kotelkova

A panda eats an average of 12 hours a day. Man in self-isolation mode eats like a panda. This is called a pandemic.

I thought here that I have a lot of free time, and money somehow not a lot, and threw the ad on Avito. And since I am a crazy specialist of a broad profile, I have chosen the appropriate specialization "Diversity" (in multiple numbers because I am not the only one, there are a couple of colleagues with the same skills). We can perform a wide range of tasks that do not require special skills. Gone and forgot. In a week call:

Are there workers?

I am talking:

Yes, and what should I do?

Take the machine out of the house and load it into the car.

And we just walked around the city with a friend, so we decided, “And that’s not?” We agreed a price and went. There is a small retreat. A friend's car Mazda 6, not new but in the last body, and since we were riding on things not related to work, we were dressed decently.

Coming to the meeting place, the client stands on an old gazelle. I shouted out of the car:

Hi, it is us!

Who are we?

We are loads!

He is a little surprised:

Are you loaders?? to

Well yes, and what?

I just made a mistake with my profession.

The machine was thrown, the money earned.