Husband decided to test voice search on tablet without "Ok, Google"
-"Google where am I?"
What do you think you got in response?
- "Why I am an idiot"

Habrahabr

“Are you on vacation abroad?” – “No” – “Are you on snowboard?” – “No” – “Are you in good restaurants?” – “No” – “Are you in fitness clubs?” – “No” – “Well you get a good salary?” – “No” – “So what kind of guy are you then? You are a coder!”

Well, your kids didn’t do it around you to not breathe on them and on you. It is your task to protect your child and not to disrupt the comfort of passers in line, in transport, etc. A child is the same person as an adult, why are you demanding privileges for him? What does your child say to those around you, so that they almost don’t see you fall in a wheelchair? It is difficult to operate with a wheelchair - buy a sling, you will be more mobile, and more compact, and faster. There is no excuse for shame. Whether you are a mother at least four times is the fault of your maternal instinct, not your late passing uncle.
Mother of a year old daughter.

I read SMS from the cellular operator: "Balance less than 30 rubles./All songs of Stas Mikhailov for free for 15 days!" The first thought is a figase threat! O_o And only then I see the word "connect" and I understand that it is voluntary...

You get me into Google with your Trurls and bring me to Wikipedia!

Discussing the lights on the IT resource is quite acceptable, since their size series starts with 0.

Akenatore found a bag.
He constantly confuses porn actors.

The year 2015. Obama thinks all over the world how to remind the Russians, Russians all over the world think how to organize a nuclear bombing of Hogwarts.

Children are such.
First you walk on the chickens, so as not to wake him up.
And a couple of years later, you beat in the morning in the litaures to raise your child in the garden.

Today I went for a walk with my husband and went to the pharmacy. He works at home, does a tattoo, and for work he needs vaseline, lubricating the skin during work (who did a tattoo knows). This is the conversation in the pharmacy:
Is there Vaseline? Give 10 tubes (reserve)
There were only six, but the weekend was...

X: I am 14 and I am a little wretched girl, what should I do about this?I can’t give everything now.
y: Do not let everyone, select a small circle of trusted 15 people.

On Monday at the ITA:
I have to dress up, and I am like a bear.
XHHH: loud but not in the topic

xxx: The snow-gathering tractor near Victory Park decided to play with me in one game: he suddenly followed me on a deserted path of 1.5 meters wide, and on both sides there are metro rocks, there is nowhere to turn. I had to run about 100 meters before the car hit me.

XXX I have won.

xxx: She has a 20th diploma, and she has to pass the production practice, without her the diploma will not be given. So she says that she will take a shot with someone's diploma, show her mother a photo, and she will get her diploma in the next year.
Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

I finally realized what you asked for. You know how much patience I have, so it’s not a mistake!

How many beautiful novels have ruined these marriages.

I stand on the first floor, waiting for the elevator. In the entrance comes a mother with a little daughter, who, for an unknown reason to me, is filled with a ringing dog whistle.
She tries to calm the child:
“Lise, sunshine, enough, you put the whole entrance on your ears.
But Lisochka, uncomfortable, wears out around her mother and doesn’t stop cuddling.
And I’m squeezed, my head shakes, the mood is fucking.
As for Garcia:
Lisa is silent. The place!
The little girl immediately silenced and stood up.
Nice Lisa, you are good. and nearby! The girl obediently enters the descending elevator cabin.
I almost reached my floor. Mommy is smiling:
Thank you very much! I couldn’t calm her for half an hour.
And I got something so fun, I take it and scream at the door behind me:
Lisa is the voice!
And the happy cockroach went up...

Okay Google! Who am I and where have I been from January 1 to January 11?? to

I read Game Programming Patterns.
XXX: I look at the book, I look at our code...
I remember an old Soviet joke :)
When, then, an American worker tells the Soviet about his home.
xxx: He says, “I have a living room, a bathroom, a toilet, another bedroom and a children’s room.” Our answer to him is "Well, we have roughly the same thing, but no interfaces".
XXX: This is our code.
YYY: Yes, I thought about it.
YYY: This is a common situation.
Yyy: Well convenient from the kitchen straight to the toilet to cut the passage, ch

From the Diaries

I took a mortgage assistant, mostly not to pick up SMS, but to count. A pretty comfortable thing. Such a cute electronic girl, her name is Sasha, she tells anecdotes, looks for the nearest cafes, is embarrassed when you say compliments to her.
There is a misunderstanding with her.
Sasha invites me to read. I automatically instead of saying “read”, she didn’t listen, thought “China” and joyfully so with her electronic voice: here’s the map of China!
And I can’t stand to explain everything to her ten times and say pretty roughly, “Are you stupid?”
She was upset! Her beautiful electronic face became unhappy!
and she said:
Why do you argue, I try.