bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №121033
 25.11.2015
The Blackout in Crimea
XXX: Are you mad? :) I think there at least a week people will not be able to look at meat :) You can imagine what the challenge is: to eat all the foods in the refrigerator?! to
This is not a challenge, it is a challenge!
Meat Bucket Challenge

[ + 27 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №121032
 25.11.2015
An ambulance officer told me.

A 10-year-old boy was bitten by a donkey. The boy was with his dad on the street. So, when we arrived, we saw on the neck of the boy at the place of the bite hematoma about with the fist! I and the doctor in a stupor: what has bitten him?

and Dad:

I immediately started taking poison.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №121031
 25.11.2015
Residents of the Moscow region, who will answer the question: what hell is the railroad on the MKAD in the extreme left and not in the extreme right?

Alexandra answered... Oh, I’m chatting.
I answered t.k. At the time, he was engaged in research, including in the MCA. In short, asphalt is sensitive to any dynamic loads, weight is just one of them. If you pay attention - often the tracks become noticeably closer to the lighting - because there are more frequent sharp brakes. The left rows of the MKAD are somehow attractive for riders, and the tracks there appear faster. 10 years ago (now I don't know, I've been doing other things for a long time) they tested new "stable" types of asphalt concrete (parts of 1-2 km).
But that’s why there’s no track in the far right – the question is more interesting. Here you want to ask the author of the original quote about the number of measurements carried out (well there, for example, 10km through every 50m for each row) and whether he conducted a study of documentation on previous repairs, or maybe in the right row the dull asphalt is fresh?

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №121030
 25.11.2015
Router 8 will be closed soon...what will we do?
Have you tried pornography?
XXX: No
YYY: Then the FIGN

[ + 31 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №121029
 25.11.2015
Why don’t you watch Game of Thrones? She’s cool, don’t you believe it?
I don’t watch movies longer than three series.
Well then read the books, there will not be ten.
I don’t read books longer than three volumes. War and Peace I had in two books - a deceit broke up.
HH: What is the Nafig? Did you give a swear like Wassermann?
Wow: I just don’t believe that a person who really has something to say can’t express it in a concise and concise way. And if someone doesn’t know what they want, I don’t want to waste my time on them.

[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №121028
 25.11.2015
- he asked "parle vu france"
This means "you speak French"
So I understood.
And what did you answer?
- " you"
Why? why? O_O
- I was confused and thought that if I answer in Russian, he will not understand, and how it will be "no" in French I do not know :-[

[ + 18 - ] Comment quote №121027
 25.11.2015
Xxx: Well, this is "Crimean" and what now?
Now the Carpathians! I said Carpathians.

[ + 27 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №121026
 25.11.2015
The lover did not allow too much, she kept herself for her husband.

[ + 47 - ] Comment quote №121025
 25.11.2015
What is the rarest name in China? and Ivanov! (c) the

Somewhere in the world there was a company, and there was a department in it. The department as a department, quite large, at present times. Managed the department a person responsible, business and essentially not bad. His only point was that he remembered the names of three people on the flyers to the place or not. These people in the department never worked, so their mention was not bothering anyone and was purely educational. The names of these people were, if anyone has already guessed: Ivanov, Petrov and Sidorov.
It looked like that. The boss led a flyer, burned up, began to vigorously move his hand and said:
- Are you asking Ivanov, Petrov, Sidorov or the suppliers?
or :
“If Ivanov, Petrov, Sidorov had worked like this, I would have driven them out to the damn mother!
and more:
"With this attitude to the case, Ivanov, Petrov, Sidorov would have flown out in my three accounts!
And so on...

Everything would be fine, but one day one of the employees left in a decree. In her place was taken a young man with the name Sidorov. After the first flight, he was noticed running around the department in order to find out who Petrov and Ivanov were, with whom he was so unfaithfully compared. The people said to him, “Don’t crack, he has tales like this, he has no claims to you about the work. For another couple of months, Sidorov was nervous and pulled his head into his shoulders on the flyers, then got used to it and stopped.
One of the oldest employees of the department retired. Strangely enough, Ivanov was taken in his place. The boss himself accepted him.
Ivanov was rubbed, when he mentioned a couple of times closely looked at the boss, realized that it was just a figure of speech and stopped flattering.
I would not have written history here if Petrov had not come to the department. He was a man with a military past.
Therefore, when he heard his name for the first time on the flyer, he stood down on the bench humbly and said, "I!“”
The boss cried and stood on him. The people around him experienced the torments of hell, so as not to rise.
The boss rebuked the former military with a glance and offered him to sit down.
The meeting continued until three names were heard again. Here Ivanov, not noticed before in braking, jumped on the stand humbly and said, "I." There was a chain behind him shouting “I!” Military Petrov and nervous Sidorov jumped in. The hood shattered the walls of the negotiation, the people could no longer contain.
The situation was saved by an old friend of the boss, who by this time already understood everything, so waited until there was silence and offered to take a break. During the break, he led the boss under his elbow and stuffed something to him.
On the other flight we gathered already with some dangerous enthusiasm.
Everything went smoothly, three names were not voiced, the matter went to a close. Finally the boss said:
- Here I was told that we had Ivanov, Petrov and Sidorov. Well, what to say, I’ve been waiting for them for 20 years! (Long and loud applause)
P.S To the honour of the boss, it must be said that he did not mention them any more.

[ + 37 - ] Comment quote №121024
 25.11.2015
The child grows up, there are children’s things left. I wanted to help a poor family.
I looked at the website what they wanted. We are a poor family.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №121023
 25.11.2015
The problem is what Chinese sellers think and speak in Chinese.
often poorly understand the product, electronically translate terms into English, add "attractive" words ("fashionable sexy USB converter")

[ + 19 - ] Comment quote №121022
 25.11.2015
“Cut off your hair, shave off your beard, start painting and dressing differently, grow your hair, otherwise we will not go anywhere together.”
#######

It would be terrifying if it were addressed to one person.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №121021
 25.11.2015
Anna is
The French Boulevard now has a paid toilet. Everything is getting worse in this country.

Masha
Both are paid? There is another on the second.

Anna is
It’s like you’re living the first day. One paid, the other closed.

[ + 19 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №121020
 25.11.2015
About the sale of Zodobaike 18911:

The most epic I’ve heard:

Take the divorce application, otherwise I will not come back to you.

[ + 25 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №121019
 25.11.2015
Traditional geography taught that the world has four oceans – Pacific, Atlantic, Ice and Indian. But the International Hydrographic Organization united the southern parts of the Atlantic, Indian and Pacific Oceans, creating a fifth addition to the list – the Southern Ocean. How many wonderful discoveries. It prepares an enlightened spirit. You are so confident in your knowledge. But science does not stand still. And not much of what we were taught in school has changed or supplemented. Remember this when you want to argue with someone about what you are so sure of.

In the spring of 2000, the International Hydrographic Organization decided to declare the water space north of the coast of Antarctica to 60° south latitude as a separate ocean - the South. The decision is based on the latest oceanographic data indicating the uniqueness of the waters surrounding Antarctica. In Russian tradition, the South Ocean is a conditional concept. Its approximate boundary is the Antarctic Convergence Zone (the northern boundary of Antarctic surface waters). In other countries, the border is also blurred - the width south of Cape Horn, the border of floating ice, the Antarctic Convention zone.

However, subsequently, the allocation of a separate Southern Ocean was rejected, and at the moment on Earth again officially four oceans.

Traditional geography wins.

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №121018
 25.11.2015
To lay or not to lay marble?
Please help me guys! ? I want to put marble in the kitchen. Has anyone put it down, where? and share!
Yyy: My answer is unambiguous: not to sleep. Forget it!
xxx: I thought there were kind people sitting on the forum, moms. But it wasn’t there (
Yes, it is a good sex. Just knocking the blade down is not worth anything, and so we are pleased.
XXX: How long have you slept it? Is it warm for your feet? Did you put a roll or did you have tiles?
YYY: Again, we didn’t lay it, we put it down. How much can...
XXX Comrades and Comrades!! Whoever has laid the marble on the paddle floor, please reply!!! to

[ + 26 - ] [4 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №121017
 25.11.2015
They were always confused by people waiting for an hour or two before the opening of the hospital, people weighing products in stores in incredible amounts with news (sometimes only rumors) about the failure of something or the rise in prices for something. It always seemed unusual to have a 24-hour duty near the school to enroll a child in school. People, the 21st century in the courtyard, the internet, high technology, theaters work - more calm, more cultural need to be... But the days I come home, and the water in the crane has dried up. Due to the accident, one-third of the city was left without hot and cold water. In the news it was written that in about 12 hours with the repair will be settled. Profile services that it was 3 (three, three, three!!) The day. I am in shock. The city administration about 3 (three) places of duty of car tanks with drinking water. On the Internet they write that drinking water is not available in the stores. Only the gas. Shocked posts that someone has a tank in the apartment under a dishwasher installed for such cases, someone has 5-19 litre bottles carefully stored in sufficient quantities. Here I sit and think about what to do in the toilet, how to put the tank under the dishwasher and about the fact that when I turn to the hospital at 5 a.m., you need to put the strawberries and strawberries.)

[ + 16 - ] Comment quote №121016
 25.11.2015
An ambulance officer told me.
A 10-year-old boy was bitten by a donkey. The boy was with his dad on the street. So, when we arrived, we saw on the neck of the boy at the place of the bite hematoma about with the fist! I and the doctor in a stupor: what has bitten him?
and Dad:
I immediately started taking poison.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №121015
 25.11.2015
Yesterday I watched the 7th series "The Walking Dead". It seems that the writers decided to kill Karl. Do you imagine? Carla is Carl!

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №121014
 25.11.2015
ra_85123: I sit at work, drink tea, read news
ra_85123: on one of the tabs of the eye stuck for the impeccable phrase "As Black and Mittal explain..."
ra_85123: read it again It was about the joint work of Benjamin Black and Tuschar Mittal.

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