bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №77105
 08.02.2013
Q9: Let’s meet you?
I like them younger.

[ + 138 - ] Comment quote №77104
 08.02.2013
Xx_xxxxx: "Dear citizen, we return to you your tax return. In the column 'Dependents' you cannot specify: government, parliament, state and city officials and half a million Chechens"
Written by Xxxxxxxxx, today at 01.08 ↑.

[ + 8 - ] Comment quote №77103
 08.02.2013
From the Annette:
Family Status: Not Married
For children: No
Place of Residence: Complete

It’s all logical, hole.

[ + 46 - ] Comment quote №77102
 08.02.2013
The administrator explains to the programmer what he wants from the incident system:
"Vasya walked the street and felt a pedal from behind - it was an incident. Vasya turned around and saw that it was done by Petya – it was an incident recording. Vasya fucked Pete, and Petya got to the hospital – this is the decision of the incident.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №77101
 08.02.2013
Ratatosk
Hi to you! Children were burned in the fireplace.
"Natural sources of radioactive radiation are minerals such as the monument to Lenin"

[ + 56 - ] Comment quote №77100
 08.02.2013
The article on the email about what the average salary of a Russian at the Olympics in Sochi will be enough. Comment: The Russians pay enough to come to Sochi and go to the vocal class, yes, and not all.

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №77099
 08.02.2013
He borrowed a marital debt from his wife and gave it to his neighbor.

[ + 36 - ] Comment quote №77098
 08.02.2013
The remote control.

At the end of the 1980s, I worked on repairing household appliances. At that time, the profession was quite in demand, especially in remote villages, where the district household did not show the nose. One day he jumped through the road to his hometown, visiting relatives before the holidays. Here I was intercepted by my cousin uncle, he said, go look at the TV, he started joking something, he worked for half an hour, and then only whispered.
“Well, if I just look, I say, or I don’t have any tools with me.
- Yes, you just look, maybe spare parts are needed for repair, or I turn it on, just the "Time" program to watch is enough, and then both. My aunt is running to the neighbors to watch.
I went home to him, I see, the TV is old, light bulb, and the stripes on the screen will slide. I knocked it a couple of times and a picture appeared.
- No problem, contact needs to be lost, in a day I will come and do it. And you so far, if it won’t work, tap his pair, as I did and all.
The day I got somewhere in a month, the park was before the holidays. Everyone wanted to see "Blue Light" or "Light Steam" for the New Year, at that time it was a ritual of some kind. This time I was caught by my uncle’s wife. I started apologizing, but she shrugged my hand.
The TV works, but you go in anyway. My grandfather was so upset that I feared my house would be ruined. The remote control was built—with difficulty pronouncing little-known words, my aunt said.
It intrigued me. Then there were already televisions with a remote control, some housewives refined their televisions themselves, but it was difficult to stick the DU to the old lamp TV even with my engineering education. My uncle, of course, was a crafty man, with fiction, of the breed that has a shilo in one place. Moreover, when he retired, he had a time off, with his ideas he could swing the plane, but I did not notice something in his deep knowledge in radio electronics.
What I saw at his house really stunned me. The unhappy uncle became lazy to get up from the couch every half hour and knock his fist on the box. Therefore he assembled the entire structure. From the couch to the TV through the system of blocks was stretched a strong leash. At one end of the wool, under the ceiling, above the TV hanged an ordinary old valley. The other end of the leash was attached to some leverage, a spinning coil, which was attached to the wall near the couch.
Two days later, my uncle boasted. I knew you would have time and you’t look at me soon. My system works like a clock. In five minutes, the TV will turn off.
A few minutes later, the screens appeared. Uncle pulled the lever and the valley smoothly descended and slightly hit the TV, an image appeared. Uncle dragged the other lever and the valley, as slowly, took the starting position.
- I add a little sand to the valley, or with time to knock more and more!
Okay, I say, turn off your machinery. I’ll be stuck in my backyard while I’m running.
Ten minutes later, the repair was completed. I knocked on the TV a couple of times, checking if there were no unconnected contacts.
- All, understand, grandfather your design, you will not need it anymore!
“Sorry,” my uncle spoke in a sad voice. - And I already came up with a scheme, how to stick the old alarm, so that everything works automatically.
His thoughts were interrupted by his aunt.
Let’s get your puppets! Did you hear what the master said? It is a shame to invite someone here! You, if the refrigerator is broken, you will probably add a rocket to it!
At night I dreamed that an uncle from an old vacuum cleaner "Raket" built some kind of monster, which, splashing scars, was riding around the room and scratching a huge rubber hammer over the TV. And then I thought that maybe in vain has rushed to repair. Sometimes I look a little, in a month or two uncle would surely come up with a cute robot, who would not only knock on the TV, but also tea could make.
It is said that man invented all his inventions solely because of laziness.

[ + 49 - ] Comment quote №77097
 08.02.2013
- I don't know about others, and I would gladly pay - "tax on luxury."
So you pay him. Not for its luxury.

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №77096
 08.02.2013
News from New York:
Two 20-year-old students from Africa who went under the ice in Central Park yesterday danced “Opa, Gangnam Style” in the middle of a snowy lake.

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №77095
 08.02.2013
Dreams are fulfilled! Here is this:

by JD:
I have to put the stomach off.
KST is:
What? Do you also wear socks? and ;)
by JD:
Fig is there! Yesterday, Anka was crushed on a mine in the car, and her head doesn’t slip between my mouth and the wheel... :(

When you grow up and buy your car, you will know that the seat is moving away. So go teach lessons. Although, if you assume that the truth is written and everything is done as it should, and the head does not pass - then yes, drive the stomach.

[ + 65 - ] Comment quote №77094
 08.02.2013
The wife pleases the elderly child (21 years old baby) a scandal. "You have to do it! You did not! I called you, I asked you!" And so on. I connect - "What fucking thing did you not do, what did your mother ask for?". She replied, “I don’t call you!” and “I don’t call you!” The question to the wife - "You called?". The answer - Yes, I was going to, but I did not call the worker, but what to call - he is always busy, and the cell phone did not - he may not take it! But it must be done!" I’m "Habituate son, that’s their logic". And the wife’s last phrase – "Don’t make me extreme."

Z is. I’ve been together for 23 years and I’m not used to it.

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №77093
 08.02.2013
In Russia, even the snow thought - it is time to roll!

[ + 33 - ] [3 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №77092
 08.02.2013
I liked the phrase from a post-apocalypse novel:
"When the soldiers weighed the last menta, living in the city became really safe."

[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №77091
 08.02.2013
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH Will you talk to me?
WOW: No
HH: What are you doing?
I am preparing a gift
Q: Do you want to congratulate me?
Wow, I’ll give you a box of soft signs, or I see you have a shortage of them.

[ + 52 - ] Comment quote №77090
 08.02.2013
Think about what a cheap shit, not a football stadium Sweden built, if it costs 1.5 times cheaper than a trampoline in Sochi.

[ + 39 - ] Comment quote №77089
 08.02.2013
Looking at the behavior of the suspects of the latest loud cases of theft of state money on an unthinkable scale, which, by inertia, continue to steal, you begin to think that even if they are taken to the hanging, they will wrap the wallet of the slayer.

[ + 56 - ] Comment quote №77088
 08.02.2013
On the anniversary of the breakthrough of the blockade on television was a program about the war. One veteran, an old man, just said a wonderful phrase.

I often think how many guys died, my friends, co-workers, and I am alive. Maybe it has something to do with God, the devil knows it.

[ + 38 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №77087
 07.02.2013
Exler saw a fairy tale:

Ask the child who he loves.
A dog, answered the child.
Parents start to hint hard and ask who else.
Another dog, the child answers.
The parents hint.
Another white cat, the child replies.
The parents hint.
Woody and Baza, the child replies.
The parents hint.
“Looking on TV,” the child replied.
The parents hint.
- Still shooting birds in the iPad, - replies the child.
The parents hint.
“Drink water without bubbles,” the child replies.
The parents hint.
“Even Alina,” the child replies.
The parents hint. The child breathes hard and says:
I still love my parents.

Indeed, they will not be left behind.

[ + 31 - ] [3 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №77086
 07.02.2013
I'm like my father's character, but not his growth.
If I had chosen!
HH: I was thinking about that. Here, they say, when souls are reborn, they fill out the questionnaire.
choose the country, city, parents, level of difficulty of life, talents and appearance, and then
All their lives are pumped, dying and checking out the results in the heavenly tournament table.
WOW: Oh, and I end up in heaven or hell.
If there are bonuses left, they can be exchanged for new spheres of life and fill in a new questionnaire for rebirth.

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