We decided to eat at work with a colleague and bought a bowl of caviar and a baton. It was not as expensive as, for example, to order sushi, even very inexpensive for two, but still felt from the side of colleagues-type here fucking, with fat rage) stereotypes) or, probably, just did not serve))

And say the carrots are Korean, is it North Korean or South Korean?
For me it is principle.

The river Vladimirovka, to which the inhabitants of the village of the same name go fishing, today came to their homes.
(Notice from 2009)

A woman quarrels with her husband:
I filed for divorce yesterday. Through public services, but the quest could not go through... Only that saved the marriage.

There is such a horror comedy “Taker and Dale against evil.” There were no maniacs at all, but students on a country trip were so afraid of non-existent maniacs that they were killed on their own because of the inability to adequately think. Apparently, imaginary pedophiles work on the same principle.

Do I think, or are you breathing badly?
– Petrovich... ssuka... give... inhaler.......

"Do not talk to strangers"

The wolf would have survived if he hadn’t talked in the woods with a girl in a red hat.

Last week there was a fire in a shopping center in Tomsk. We worked for 5, the people were evacuated, everything worked out well. Does anyone know about it? Where is this in the media? Who is discussing this on the internet?

If the girls

And among your acquaintances there are also girls who tell you, “Now I’ll tell you a wonderful joke.” At first they laugh fiercely and long, to tears, saying, “Oh, I can’t...” Then they begin to tell, constantly burning laughing, which makes it difficult to understand something. And then they do thoughtfully - a stupid face, remain silent for a while, after which they say, "And then I forgot..."

I have a boss like that.

This is not an anomaly, but new climate technologies. Municipalists no longer need to pour sand on the paths, the sand is now falling out with the snow.

For six months, there was electricity in the house. Sometimes it drops to 180. Smart equipment refused to work, issuing appropriate messages and low voltage. I complained to the management company - we pay for 220 and pay a lot for the Moscow region. We arrived, half a day forged the transformator-like all the norms. A few days later, the smart device turned off again and issued a high-voltage message. It appeared on the 260. They did fucking. I went for a stabilizer.

The First World War also began with a similar provocation - the murder of F. Ferdinand and his wife.

by Ferdinand? And Ferdinand? This is a Latin American soap opera.

Oh my God, my God! They killed Ferdinand!! to

Brch: Colleagues, as a result of the fall of the swing, the base of the Cerebro hashes turned. She is now counting them. This will take some time. I cannot say how much.
The light in the refrigerator disappeared.
Brch: It had to be used to blink the bulbs in the scroll because they didn’t blink.
Brunch: Eat at once.

Have problems with memory? Better forget about it.

There was always a lot of cockroaches on the boats. Heat, a lot of food and water, there is a place to shrink - what else does this insect need? There were so many cockroaches that when you enter the cabin and turn on the light, you can hear a loud noise from the cockroaches' legs running out. Seafarers with cockroaches were not hostile and treated them, rather, as domestic animals. They are not mosquitoes or flies.
One day, the deputy of the small anti-submarine ship of the Northern Fleet went on a well-deserved vacation and unconsciously left a balloon with red nitro paint on the table. After dinner, his neighbor in the cabin, the assailant, lay on his bed and looked into the space. On the canvases, the underwear, the table and all other surfaces, as usual, cockroaches crawled. The assailant looked for a long time at the cockroaches, the forgotten balloon with paint, and then the idea came to him to paint the gray life of the navy. A trap was made from an empty box, several dozen cockroaches were cut, painted in red and released to freedom. Another couple of events - and almost all the cockroaches in the cabin acquired an unusual bright red grease for them. Upon completion of the case, the assailant brought into the cabin his coffin - a miner. The fire colour of the running insects enchanted the harsh miner, and he cried, "I will have them blue!" The next couple of weeks of life on the ship resembled the day of open doors in a dumbom. In every living room, on every combat post, there were cockroach traps, cockroaches were caught and painted in the heraldic colors of their suzeran. The monoculture quickly ended. But here someone from the cockroach owners remembered that he was sick for "Spartak" and his squad acquired the red and white colors of his favorite team. After that immediately appeared “Zenits”, “locomotives” and so on. There were also other non-sports. For example, cockroaches painted under bees, with black and yellow strips. Or the “yellow-blue” cockroaches. Crusaders and so on. The armies grew, the incidence of passions increased. The initiative group developed the rules of interaction between the bosses of the cockroach groups. It was strictly forbidden to paint other people's cockroaches. But they could either be destroyed or captured (but only in their own territory!). Prisoning was especially encouraged. According to the number of captured fighters, the owner of the cabin was given glasses, from which his rating was raised. A competition table was displayed on the boat stand. The initiative group daily counted the number of prisoners and rewarded the frontmen with a condensation. A real hunt for cockroaches began - both on strangers and on homeless ones. There were concentration camps for prisoners in the cabins. If money was required, a group of cockroaches (prisoners or even their own) could be profitably sold to the desired person. It was already overwhelming. The Tarakanya epidemic did not bypass even the captain of the ship. It is not known how long this crazy vaccanaly would last, but one day a brigade commander entered the ship. Drinking tea in the cabin company, he saw a group of diversified cockroaches resembling a fun children's cartoon. Capra was in shock. The West cabin company was strictly interrogated, the crew was built on a large assembly and the combridge spoke an emotional speech full of colorful epithetics and metaphors, the meaning of which was as follows: "The homeland has entrusted you to defend yourself, and you are here with all the hernia!" The ship was declared an orphanage for a week, during which the discipline was tightened, all the premises were glossed out and all the cockroaches were exterminated. Fortunately, this was already easy enough to do, due to their good visibility against the backdrop of dull ships and the increased hunting experience of all crew members.

It seems to me that I don’t live elegantly enough for a citizen of a country that has elected the president of the United States, colonizes the Middle East, and plans to enslave the old lady of Europe.

Here are people who quit smoking as if, but smoking constantly with you for the company every 30 minutes your same cigarettes, because to buy yourself - again will want to smoke. For a long time, I thought about how to hint, so that until we came out in the company of an old friend, a man with a lot of experience, to whom our patient did not miss the opportunity to turn:
Is there a cigarette?
Oh well, keep it up.
And the lighter?
Do I look at you today from smoking only a smoker?

Rules of Safety:

Don’t go into the elevator with a strange child.
Be careful: do not sit with children on the couch or other furniture.
Be careful not to talk to strangers.
If you still had to face a danger, keep your hands in sight and do not make unnecessary movements;

c) Picabu

...
No, my friend, you’ve got a percussion like that... Our chief designer at the facility was late 20 minutes to the meeting because of the fact that he was lost on the clutch (bubble crack), which he himself designed! I have been riding for 2 years. Bike has grown.

#pedophiles and don’t believe #humor

told a friend of the journalist. She worked in the corporate newspaper of the metallurgical plant. And wildly interested in the criminal theme (half newspapers were devoted to the factory, and the other half - to the news of the city). And here she enthusiastically turns to the editor-in-chief and cries:
The Pedophile!! A pedophile was caught. Mint info gave, we urgently put the article on the first strip!!! to
“Child,” the editor breathed, “we’re out on Saturday, right? What day is Saturday?
Eeeemmm...which one?
And on Saturday we have the day of metallurgist!!! And all the fucking newspaper will be dedicated to the day of the metallurgist! This is when there is a pedophile day, then we will put your article on the first page!!! to