bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 52 - ] Comment quote №59593
 03.02.2012
In the evening, I see at the assembly site the chief of the shop and a couple more people spell over the installation that persistently does not want to assemble properly. Experiencing the craving for puzzles, I take a meter and join the consilium. I find a wrongly made detail because of which, actually speaking, I report the city, the people, realizing what it is about, come up with ways to correct it... and here it comes to me, that is precisely this detail I made...

[ + 42 - ] Comment quote №59592
 03.02.2012
<SCIF> michael_ul: Yesterday night you helped me fill white spots in channel reservation issues
<Randa> SCIF: You have a lot of mistakes in the word "Cash"

[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №59591
 03.02.2012
Voronic: You will agree that now, before you write, everyone immediately thinks... and maybe not fucking? And the penis? I will write about the sakura branches in the ice.
by Oleg Oleg:
He brought me a geisha for breakfast.
Two branches of sakura in the ice
Take that ikebana.
In the cage

[ + 25 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №59590
 03.02.2012
Talk to the waitress:
- Do you have the same roles, but not with the seed, but with the salmon?
“Well... you know... Samba and salmon are the same thing.
- 0_o
Well, just the samba floats in the ocean, and the salmon in Norway.

I wonder how many cups to leave.

[ + 32 - ] [3 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №59589
 03.02.2012
Prelude to a girl. It is time for the preservatives to come on stage. She asks:
is there?
Yes there is.
Which ones?
and simple.
I have black. Let us change?
Honey and Honey))

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №59588
 03.02.2012
Thursday is like Tuesday or Wednesday, only tomorrow is Friday.

[ + 27 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №59587
 03.02.2012
And I usually put it when I drink... and here I just did it, so everyone came to wife, son, asked what do you? ) even the dog approached - and looks so closely in the eyes - does not the type have a whirlwind here? I watched no, everything was fine and close.)

[ + 38 - ] Comment quote №59586
 03.02.2012
The xxx:
In the U.S. visa questionnaire - Are you a member or representative of a terrorist organization? Are you a member of a terrorist organization?

YYYY :
They rely on goodwill terrorists.

[ + 50 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №59585
 03.02.2012
Don’t be sad... Smile more often! and :)
Yyy: And many will smile in response

[ + 62 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №59584
 03.02.2012
Why did you let go of your beard? Do you shave?
I am irritated by the shaving.
XXX: sensitive skin Take the cream.
I am upset by the process itself...

[ + 43 - ] Comment quote №59583
 03.02.2012
I think it’s too early to have children, I’m not ready yet.
It is unfettered 😉

[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №59582
 03.02.2012
XXX: fuck it, the 10th Firefox is out. When the shit is over.

[ + 41 - ] Comment quote №59581
 03.02.2012
It’s hard to blame for being late with someone who brought you money.

[ + 46 - ] [3 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №59580
 03.02.2012
The instructive story sent to me by ask, so then from the first person:

Let’s say, history as a newbie doesn’t need to pull out cars. Maybe someone will learn from other people’s mistakes, both on one side and on the other. I quote them literally, I remember them well.

I drove on the forest trail, in the area of the Zaslavskaya carriers, closer to the Green, from the farm to the store chose, and decided to return to the forest rather than the highway, the snow was strong, it was pleasant in such weather to ride in the forest. I go, calmly, here a man of forty years on the road is jumping out right in front of me, and his hands are mashed.
In a very light jacket and without a hat, until the teeth knock. He says, help me, I can’t get out of the car here, it’s 4 a.m. Where I ask, he points his hand straight to the tree and says – There, 200 meters. I think, my colleague, we have to do it. We begin to manoeuvre between the trees, break through to the crash site, go out on a very picturesque slope, and the edge of the A6 rolls out of under the snow in the pre-last mouth, the snow almost on the cap, and next to the woman runs the same in light clothes and without a hat, all blue already. My jaw fell and I asked, How did you get here? Yes, I often went to this cottage in the summer to rest, so I went in the winter. There is a wreck, I wanted to turn around and get around it, the view from the car from there is very good, one wheel stumbled, started to go out and pushed me there.
It is no longer possible to go out, gasoline is not enough, I heat for 20 minutes and then shower until we freeze at all. I go out to see, and indeed, so snow 20 centimeters, and to the audition you approach immediately almost by the belt. And it turned it there very unsuccessfully, the ass in the trees, only in front can be dragged.

Okay, use the uncle to dive into the snow, cling to the wire. I stood in front of him, I went there, I made a track for myself, the wire was stuck, smoothly stretched and pulled. And the Nippon!! Here I was very surprised, because as usual everything is asked, I just pulled out of the half-pink, even the gas was not very hard. We should have been careful then. I stand on the spot, only the snow fountains in turn out of under the wheels. Okay, I say, get you in your own, also gaze, and let your girlfriend push you on the hood.
You can’t say that my laurel has an aluminum cap, and this fool will remember it. The virgin is swollen, it’s a dude!! Remove the apartment or your car; and, in nature, a romantic x;%:ev. How to go anywhere by %;Friendship, so you are all so romantic. Say the truth - that you have no money for a restaurant and an apartment for a day, and I was dragged into this eB;%;anny forest, I have already pNo;%du frozen. Well, in general, in this key, the monologue gave five minutes. And about car loan and endless generosity, and life priorities.

Aunt pushed to warm up, because she described very detailed where and what she froze there. How much did not pull even a centimeter moved, but the wheels to the ground digged. The man runs around, and says, well, you're okay, you'll get out, well, what you have for a jeep such that you can't pull the trunk. I tell him that I am a gazan, but it may be better to throw you into Zaslavl or the car there as in concrete does not shake at all. You warm up, bring friends with shovels, even if you dig the bottom, you will see what is there, or it can not be so that I don't take off the lighthouse. He tells me, what would you understand, there under the snow the earth is still loose, here the wheel is gone and probably, pull stronger, it will go out. A normal jeep would have pulled out for a long time, it's your tire is probably bad, it doesn't pull. I will not throw my sting in the woods. Let's pull go, and I'm getting stronger, or it's cold and there's not enough gasoline and I still have to go back and take this idiot to Minsk. And somehow I talked so loudly that I already wanted to help, but I think it's okay, once again I will try to shake hard, not to drop the person, and what is rough, we write to a strong emotional excitement.
Switched to the bottom, pulled the wire and tap in the floor. Seconds three there was nothing, only the earth was not in turn, and from under all the wheels immediately flew. Then abruptly for half a meter somewhere I rushed, a click, and I was just shot in the trees, well iron mouth, a couple of trees broke down and the brakes to knock in time, in front of the large trees.

And the sound from behind is like this: UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU. I didn’t understand right away, and then I shouted, it’s a man. I go out and just cheer...

First, the iron wire broke, more precisely, the strap before the carabine broke, and on the ring in the frame only the carabine hangs, and the wire in the forehead of the audouche, and the forehead all such white became.

Secondly, the auduchus previously stood exactly, and now stood at a angle of 20 degrees with the ass up, although he pulled the mouth, which, on the contrary, went down, and the back of the car as on the support on some corkage stands, which came out of the snow and backed under the rear axle.

Third, the grid and the bumper rose up and forward, and the grid of the captcha slightly bended, what exactly happened there, under the snow is not visible, but most likely when the angle changed the wire pressed the bumper amplifier from the bottom and bended it up, or fuck what thread was lying on the ground and the bumper lay on it.

Fourth, the toughest, the front pillows were fired.

I look at all this, just in shock, and a man with a broken mouth (seemingly a pillow attached) runs along the belt in the snow around the car and the hives.
UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
You will pay me for everything.
to go. He runs so against the clock, helps his hands to grasp in the snow, giving birth in blood, voicing and mating at the same time, complete surrealism in general.

His girlfriend climbs up and says – All, he’s finally fucking; Noulsya, with his beloved car together, went away from here. I make the last attempt to call the man. You owe me the car.
He pulled off the broken carabine, so that he would not blame him for the theft before the crowd, and dropped from there with the girl, threw her to the station. And she started roasting on the road, somehow hysterical, bulky and anyway. And roasted all the way, I even started to fear, but nothing, at the station came out even thank you said, and the hickey went.

And my conscience after six hours finally tortured me that a man was left in the woods. I returned, barely finding a place in the dark. The car stood, it was so snowy specifically, and the man was no longer there. I considered normally what happened there, judging by the back axis of the cork when I dragged and slipped side by side, and I raised it on it. I said, I need to call friends with blades, if he didn't water my car so much that he can't do anything, look and insist on a more detailed study of the reasons for such a dense hanging.

Well I stood up, smoked, painted a smile on the glass and went.

Morality – If something that should move does not move, don’t move it.
Moral two - if the brain is not included, in a flat place you can arrange a lot of hemorrhoids in three seconds.
Moral three – if someone says you have a bad car, don’t have to prove the opposite, you can just send it to you.

[ + 43 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №59579
 03.02.2012
If money is measured in shit, I have a hole.

[ + 53 - ] Comment quote №59578
 03.02.2012
Snap: We played a pair of idiots yesterday. It became boring. They decided to play the pudor, then the sweet pudor, then the leader of the pudor)... and then the pad approached and said "out of the audience, the pudors!".)

[ + 46 - ] Comment quote №59577
 03.02.2012
I knocked on the door tonight.
Who is there?
Do you know what the apocalypse is?
Five minutes later they knock again.
Who is there?
Do you know the elections are soon?
I am crying. Here is the apocalypse.

[ + 55 - ] Comment quote №59576
 03.02.2012
The User:
1 wire is not connected, one end is drawn from the computer, and the other is on the desk!!! I am afraid of what can hit the electricity, what is this shit, to leave a naked wire!!!???? to

The Engineer:
This is a flash extender!

[ + 53 - ] Comment quote №59575
 03.02.2012
Which cake tastes better:
The most delicious cookies are sandwiches with sausages.

[ + 45 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №59574
 03.02.2012
XXX is catharsis. What is it? and :)
YYY: How can I explain it to you?
Imagine coming home late in the evening by bus, in front of you a beautiful girl, you look around with her all the way, but no one decides to meet. In the meantime, your intestine plays symphonies and requires codes.
And here, a almost empty bus is coming to your stop, you go out proudly alone, finally relax, and your sphincter makes the sound as loud as it can.
Suddenly you turn around and see that girl from the bus: she came out after you. Your hair is dumb, your legs are cotton, in your head the awareness of the epic file, and here... you notice that she is in your headphones.
The catharsis! and :)

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