I am operating today. Everyone is already sitting there waiting for Palycha (our dearest captain).It flies... - Your mother! Who served in the opera group yesterday? “And what happened? What’s the matter?” I see, Palych ultimately says, “Who was in the opera group yesterday?” Kudryash stands up: “I, comrade captain.” Palych: “Did you take the challenge?“That’s true, comrade captain.” – “Have you taken the dead woman?Then he said, “Well, I’m going to look at him, and I’m going to look at him.”“Kudryash: “Nikolai Pavlovich, well, I took her... in the morge, there was a guard alone, I had to pull her myself.” “Well, there was no seats in the morge...” : “And she is an old lady, I couldn’t even throw her on the floor... Well, I put her on a chair near the guard, and she slips... I tied her with a rope, I put her passport in one hand, in another order to open...” By the moment when Kudryash finished rotting everything, it was rotting. Palych:-"Not only that the guard told her all night anecdotes, so in the morning came the cleaner, also the grandmother by the way... asked your grandmother to raise her legs, the grandmother is silent... the cleaner thought that the grandmother fell asleep and pushed her legs on her shovel, when the cleaner realized that the grandmother died, she immediately lost consciousness and falling stuck the documents, which accurately fell on the cleaner... the sanitarians thought that the cleaner is the deceased, as the documents were lying on her.They loaded her on the slide and took her to the opening, where she was split and laid on the opening table.At this time, the students of the 1st course with the medical school came to attend the opening, the cleaner just round

I’m not saying I’m getting older, but all the sounds I used to make when I had sex, I’m just getting up from the couch.

What type of land transportation do you use? The traffic jams!

Conversation by phone

Yes, the problems are minimized!
She : What?
It is minimized!
She : How?
It is minimized!!! to
She: What are they?? to
They have become less!
She: Aaa

Miracle of Treatment. I went to the dentist, there two young guys - a therapist. Two "stations" respectively. People are sitting in the hallway, all nervous. And here, with the next change of questioners, one of the doctors passes through the office, past the open doors, with some hellish shit in his hands, and fun like this: HALK, HEAL! Half of the line went somewhere right away.

In connection with the responsibilities assigned to the "IT department", it was decided to rename it into the "IT department, etc. and so on"

From the discussion of the new firmware on Android:
XXX The Demons! What did you get in the fixtures?! The phone is not discharged!

<xxx>Hello to you! Remember the movie where Bruce Lee plays Chuck Norris?
<yyy> Well I remember the chat.
<xxx>So I came to dance in the new hall today. They dressed, dressed, and got all out.
<xxx> Good room, new and clean.
<xxx> And I wanted to break up. I remember Bruce Lee running through the wall in that movie. I run, well, at least step three to do the wall, jump, and...
<xxx>I fly into the neighboring room, because the wall is made of plaster.

From the MMORPG chat:

I learned today that I have a big family.
YYY: Did you get out of the room?
YYY: Praised
Xxx : (

ra0ued: Dear brothers and sisters, let me push you now.

Students discuss what to carry on the exam
She said she loves chocolate. Or maybe Ferrero Roche?
Vitalik: Eleanor, she said the car belt is not subject to. Maybe a career.
and Porsche?

Dmitry Gushkov: He’s still cuddling to you, right?
Kiwi is no. He is in love with July.
Dmitry Guskov: and Julia knows about it?
Kiwi: The Horse
Dmitry Guskov: Does it respond to reciprocity?
Kiwi: But he has a wife and a child, and Julia is a lesbian =)
Dmitry Guskov: Damn
Dmitry Guskov: I have no words
Kiwi :D

Evaluate the work of the Russian Post on a five-point scale:
1 – Not bad
2 – well
3 - very good
4 – Surprisingly
5 – Excellent

xxx: Brothers, let me tell you, what kind of wickedness can a neighborhood office be arranged so that they will take off the naher?
YYY: You can go to them and start shaking.
YYY: singing something from Stas Mikhailov's repertoire
Zzzz: Hm... in principle, you can’t shake.

I sit in the FSB building, before me weighs a sign that the use of cellular communication, any means of communication is prohibited. It becomes boring, I decide to use the phone without a burn. I accidentally launch the application YandexNavigator and here the good voice of the girl from the phone reports:" The connection to the satellites is established"... There were many surprised eyes...

A recent conversation with a friend

I: "I dreamed today that we kissed".
He: “Either you didn’t get to sleep before sex, or it wasn’t me.”

Men are such men.

The news:
The criminal authority, the biggest "theft in the law", was murdered.
The best comment:
"Is there anything out of it?"

Thousand where?
I will give you back what you wear.
I asked you where you are now? But about a thousand good that you reminded
Tagged: fucking

From Habr.
I just can’t figure out where the water on Mars has gone.

Yyy: I think the absence of water on Mars can safely be considered as proof of the presence of Jews on Mars.

We are three in the office.
I prefer nicks, a colleague1 cries for apples, a colleague2 for an old man on the windows.
I prefer to walk or use public transportation, a colleague1 dreams of "Gelendvagen", but while riding on "Tiguan", a colleague2 - on the seven.
I have a tablet on Android, a colleague1 has an iPad, a colleague2 has a W8.
I have a computer working with Ubuntu 9.04, my colleague1 - macOS, my colleague2 - W7.
When the boss came to know who was sitting with whom, he asked only one question - "How did you not kill each other only?"