An honest politician is measured by the time he believes what he says.

God punishes for greed.

Three friends, Michael, Peter and Vasily, went fishing. Before the start, they concluded a contract: whoever catches the largest - buys vodka.
It was good, and very good, only with Michael and Peter. Basil looked at the stationary float, and he was heated by the thought: "Nothing, but I will drink vodka on a hollow!"
In order not to sit down, he made a small pull, and suddenly he was hanging... Yes, so that the bucket in the bow. The snake proved to be strong, and he pulled to the ass a two-kilogram hole, which the hook stuck behind the backplate.
Michael and Peter who watched him did not break out of jealousy. And what they envy, the candidate for the purchase of vodka decided... Michael only stated: "God sees who will offend!“”
What do you mean? Basil was surprised.
I say that greed is also a wickedness... We’ve seen you.
“catch” on a naked hook, without a knot.

Interestingly, those who do not take bribery also have a portrait in the office.
and Putin?
You are giving! Where did they get their office?

Straga: a colleague came to work, he feels that he got sick a little, respectively, smoking with no one on the street does not go, but at lunch like a poor man began to look, arises from the workplace and asks: who to smoke with me? I started to leave...
Answer: And smoking I mean "the last wish?"

The official note:
Hi dear IT department. I am writing to you twice a day. I suspect that you were wildly taken by the accounting department, but we just catastrophically need your help, because it seems in our office has intensified some, unknown to the human consciousness and invisible to the human eye being, which does not allow you to quietly work with the technology! A great request to visit 208 offices to cleanse our workplace from evil forces, to read the prayer over the technique and to bless us for work!
Thanks for earlier!

The computer does not see the scanner

XHH: Listen, don’t you know any way to remove the cat from his sleeping place?)
No, and why not? % of
I usually go to the toilet and close the lid, so a cat sleeps on it. This time it went differently) I took the cat out of the toilet and after doing my dirty stuff went away... I forgot to close the lid... And the cat jumped without knowing anything)
by %)))

While everybody in Russia traditionally goes on, in Peter they go on.

I never beat any of the people. Almost almost.
Recently, it seems to me more and more that if numerous authors whose “smiling stories” end with the sentences “I’m afraid of him/her,” “Marry me (fuck me)!”, “Other breasts/letters/centimeters,” “I’m not just rotting” (horses?)", "leaked to everyone as much as possible", spells about the spelled, but unknown to me skyrim, dumb variations on the subject "Language", around-band jokes about the prints "from Freud", the relationship of the semantic to his teaching do not have, thematic joke, put in a row to the wall under the gunpowder - I would not shoot. I would take a dude and fuck for a long time and with anger! Because they are tired of monotonous fictional "remixes" on once real jokes.
It wasn’t funny, for some reason.

Whenever a childhood film showed the countdown before the bomb exploded, I started counting after the numbers. And never, NEVER, a second count in my head coincided with a movie count!

A little tribe lost his cell phone, the phone was found, called, and the grandmother and nephew went to take him. On the way, she teaches him, “You will say, ‘Hello, give me my phone.’ The child did not remember everything, rarely used words replaced with others, in the end, when the guy who found the phone, opened the door, heard: "Hello, give me your phone. Thanks to God!"

How do you think it is normal to give a man a helicopter for 27 years?
If he loves, then yes. My brother loves radio-controlled machines.
He is 27.
Wow, he’s really a fool.

It would be fun to bring someone from the rest magnets. Just the magnets. "and we brought you magnets."and there really 2 pieces of black magnetized metal

I sit with my husband today, I'm going to make the pastas, well there cakes or roulette. I tell him:
Can I make cakes in shapes?
He looks at me astonished...
I: Well in the cocktails!
The same picture...
I: - Well in this iron whore is bright!!!))
He is... Aaa!Well, I would say it right away.)
How do we live with him?? to

He brought the girl to his school, to the group members to see, all the business. After carefully examining all the female individuals who met her in the corps, she said deeply:
I think physics is breaking the lives of guys with normal orientation.

Poor equipment can cause your M203 to shoot at the most unexpected moment.
Such an event will have a bad impact on your reputation among those who will survive.
U.S. Army magazine,
August 1993

On the construction they walked, they played in the square, they ran on the railway to lay all kinds of flies under the wheels of the train, they walked on the highways throughout the city, they walked on the trees, on the roofs, etc.
The current youth depended on the phrase "played in the square")))

The carelessly pressed enter gives the internet request an almost unfathomable ancient Russian shade :)

This is the first time I have seen a subway train outside the underground tunnel.
"Kapets, built built, buried forgot"

I lie at home, I am sick, my mom comes, asks:
Do you want a hot tea with strawberries?
I want. Where do we get malin?
With honey...
"O_O

A conversation between the author and his wife before bed.
Yyy: You know, I found a meteorite in the forest as a child.
XXX is true? How old were you?
Years 11 to 12. I spent two hours pleasantly walking through the forest, boasting of my find before my parents, almost kissing him, and then my father said it was rabbit shit...
XXX is ha! When you were a child, you knew what a meteorite was, but didn't know what a rabbit shit looked like?
WOW: Well you know, then I was more interested in space than the shit of a rabbit.
We had such a different childhood.