bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №135841
 13.11.2016
From Hicks:
What is stronger than “zero probability”? I just meant that in the probability field it turns out that events that lead to the paradox are impossible. Regarding what exactly will happen - it may work on the principle of "minimum energy", how much will change the entropy if it turned out that grandfather is not yours, but how much will change if you have a gun spell, or before entering the time machine you have a heart attack, or on the author of the time machine the brick will fall...
By the way, an interesting thought on this subject, it is possible that the smaller effect will be simply preventing the creation of a time machine. After its creation to solve the paradoxes of the universe will be "expensive", and it may prove that it is possible to travel in time, but because of the fact that people will struggle to make the paradox - it is easier (by entropy) to kill the author of the time machine. As if there were no time machines.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №135840
 12.11.2016
I used to work for Swedes. I learned that work is a job. And I was getting stuck.
evergrib: bíoch, work, in general speaking, is really a joba. In the sense of YOBA. No work – DNuWe
kernel: evergrib is The day?
evergrib: the kernel.

[ + 43 - ] Comment quote №135839
 12.11.2016
Riding on orders, while the partner unloading the goods, I was sitting smoking in the car, where I watched the whole picture. The kiosk to which we brought the goods was directly at the tram stop. Nearby, metpaX in the 50s was a semi-podial institution with the proud name "Stopka", in the common people called the gender.

Here I sit, I smoke, I see how a menta "bob" enters this "restaurant", from there the mint comes out, the driver remains in the car. The sergeant repaired the cartus, and went down to the same stack. A minute after 5 comes out, but no longer alone, but he leads some grandfather, well-suited, grandfather does not resist, goes calmly, gradually.

Here they approach the car, mint opens the "house", trying to get the grandfather there. My grandfather said, “Your grandson, you see, I’m old. Come first, lay out your hand.”

Mint jumps up, does not have time to turn, as the grandfather quite sharply clamps the door (for those who do not know, it does not open from the inside), knocks a fist on the board and with a loud voice says, "STOP!!!"

The driver without a back-thinking begins to drive, the grandfather sits quickly in the upcoming tram and drops down.

Within 15 meters, the bottle brakes, the driver falls out of it, in terrible seizures, it rushes, barely adds to the back door, opens.

I thought that now my grandfather will be a huge wreck... I was wrong, the second mint was broken no less...

[ + 43 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №135838
 12.11.2016
So many posts about aggressive grandmothers have been written, but such things have not happened to me personally until today. I pulled my brown body to open a hospital. In the best traditions of the genre, with temperature, sickness and cough. In the hospital, everything is as usual: "I just ask", "and I already worked" and so on. Five with him, it’s already customary. Next to the clinic there is a food market. Once I went by, I decided to buy some fruit on the way back. I bought two packages, I’m in stock. I still go to the stop in the stalls, putting the bags in the store. I put the packages almost from the edge so that no one would be disturbed. The tram went right in front of the nose, so there is no people around. A grandmother sits on the bench. Close to my bags. Moving seemed somewhat ignorant to me. Here my tram runs, I take the bags in my hands and here on the whole street whisg grandmothers type save help the robbers and all that! He beats me in the hands, whispers. I say that she is apparently confused and I try to pick up things, but the show continues (the people who have accumulated at this time are watching, another couple of aunts are also starting to make a noise. I try to prove that things are mine. Thank God, the man approaches and asks everyone to be silent. She asks my grandmother to name what is in one of the packages. Then he asked me about the second package. I tell you everything in detail. Grandma begins to cry again, but my bags I already confidently take and show the named finishes, hurma, mandarins. Fortunately, the tram arrived quickly. I thanked the man for saying. Until now, I am confused about what I am going about: and if this uncle didn’t approach, how would I behave in such a case?? to

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №135837
 12.11.2016
When I was 5 years old, my mother and I went to my grandmother for a visit. And she had a husband, grandfather Lyon, she married him after the death of her grandfather. We did not visit her very often, so my grandfather and I did not communicate very often until then. But that day everything changed.

Mom and grandmother spoke in the room with grandmother, and we stayed alone with Uncle Lone. We sit down, find a common language, and then he says to me, “Do you want me to show you the magic? “.. As a child, I was curious and naive, so I immediately shouted, say, of course, grandfather Lyon. And here he takes. He pulls out of his mouth a fist!

And she was straight like real, in my opinion, even inserted teeth in her.

I have never experienced such horror before. At first, I just rose to the couch, and after a second I ran into the hall and wept that the grandfather of Lyon had cut off his teeth.

So many years have passed, and I remember this incident as if it was yesterday.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №135836
 12.11.2016
<xxx> We are looking for a mosaic tiles. The translation provides:
"Ceramical square mosaic kitchen tiles tiles bathroom walls tiled pool shower backdrop porcelain tiles
11 square feet/party"
<yyy> in my mouth 11 square feet!

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №135835
 12.11.2016
How I married. I went to one of my acquaintances (just an unterrestrial beauty, a white-shiny chamomile)
He said, “Now I’ll catch you in the bag and you’ll shine in it,” and she replied, “Do you want me to be yours?” He abandoned everything and married.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №135834
 12.11.2016
<mr.Stroncium> Deadpool has exceptional regenerative abilities, and therefore he is always happy to share organs with those who need a transplant. But he sacrifices, of course, not his organs - they are affected by cancer.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №135833
 12.11.2016
The Student Companion. Write a bullet.

The fucking...
Stop to mate. Here is a lady.
What kind of lady? There is a fourth valley.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №135832
 12.11.2016
Orange: I learned that Trump starred in the episode role "One at Home 2".
Now he can star in the lead role in the movie “One in the White House.” The plot can not even be changed - Trump is locked in the B.D. and prepares traps for crazy bandits. ^ ^ ^

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №135831
 12.11.2016
Old age is approaching, but women are not.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №135830
 12.11.2016
He is more specific and less hamivite of his master.
Is Hamivite a verb or an adjective?
The vitamin complex.

[ + 32 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №135829
 12.11.2016
Do you smoke or drink?
YYY: You are offended
XXX: The NIFG hasn’t cleared up at all

[ + 37 - ] Comment quote №135828
 12.11.2016
If someone is sitting in the first row of the lecture room (well, it’s not always me), then raising the pen that fell on the floor can be problematic. Often, in order not to disrupt the lecture process, a nearby lecturer can help the student and raise the falling subject. Nothing unusual.
But not only a pencil can fall. The socks fell today.
Prepod surprisedly raised the curved piece, apparently at first not realizing what exactly he holds in his hand, and for some reason joyfully said:
The socks!
“Dobby is free,” I heard from somewhere.
The fairy that wore her socks was fiercely red from shame, la.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №135827
 12.11.2016
With this approach:

Who and when was it interesting? Interesting is what is easy for you and difficult for others!

There would be no scientists or engineers. When it is simple (poffig, what it is otherwise) it is boring already on the third day. One self-satisfaction is that it is difficult for others, and you are such a genius, motivation not to support. If you don't understand how it is - it's interesting because of the complexity, then you just have a lazy brain, so you don't have to project it on everyone.

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №135826
 12.11.2016
Who and when was it interesting? Interesting is what is easy for you and difficult for others!

many
I think the more difficult the task, the more interesting it is to solve (on the job, if anything).

[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №135825
 12.11.2016
Natasha: Explain to me how a saboteur differs from a terrorist?
SQUIRY: Same as gay from Pidaras. Both ebuzz in the ass, but the other does it in the public.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №135824
 12.11.2016
Gastrobytes are, obviously, those who work for food, all logically.

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №135823
 12.11.2016
The real feeling is that I divorced them and didn’t change jobs

[ + 19 - ] Comment quote №135822
 12.11.2016
Every car has a black box, every officer has white boots.

The best quotes and jokes from the bezdna