bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 69 - ] [10 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №58733
 16.01.2012
The guys. Around a lot of pretty girls, who do not tolerate the spirit of "Summertime", friends with their heads and do not fuck up without a reason. Why don’t you crowd around them with the same proposals you’re shouting about here? Why around them are always self-loving fools, considering a girl something like something that they owe and owe in life?
Or...is that you?

[ + 33 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №58732
 16.01.2012
“Dear, today I went to our son’s room without warning and caught him behind this activity.
Did he watch the Little Pony?
and yes.
So it’s time to talk to him about how quickly children grow up in our time.

[ + 48 - ] Comment quote №58731
 16.01.2012
Roscosmos: "Fobos Ground" will fall in China"
Roscosmos: "Fobos Ground" will fall into the Pacific Ocean
"Fobos Ground" will fall on January 15-16 in the southern Atlantic
"Fobos Ground" will fall between Africa and Madagascar
This evening the remains of the "Fobos" will fall near the coast of Chile
Roscosmos has stopped clarifying the location of the fall "Fobos"

[ + 50 - ] Comment quote №58730
 16.01.2012
XXX: I go to the area. all such steep - red shoes, heels, shorts short...Meet guys. The cleaners.
They see me and there one says: Oh my God! by Hellooo! So very girls...
And his friend: What are you carrying?
First Gopnik: Well, fuck, I wanted to say "pissed grandmother". It did not work, fucking.

[ + 54 - ] Comment quote №58729
 16.01.2012
About China :
About Phobos Ground:
<HenyTRk> if it falls in China, its spare parts paddle will be removed 500 meters before it touches the ground

It will be cleared by you / us, and there will be carefully caught and ticked the same.

[ + 49 - ] Comment quote №58728
 16.01.2012
WOOPY: Community, 6 in the morning. The whole room sleeps. A sudden fire alarm rings out, I wake up, looking at the neighbor lying in front of me. He tells me, “Sleep, it’s not us.” We continue to sleep in the whole room.

[ + 46 - ] Comment quote №58727
 16.01.2012
You are a soldier. You are a murderer. You have your hands in blood.
I have my hands in the potatoes.
I and my rooster, who came to the oval.

[ + 41 - ] Comment quote №58726
 16.01.2012
Axsxadsc Eedgvredsw
Do you have any sandals?

Denis Alexandrovich
No, they went home.
Olga will be coming soon too.

[ + 6 - ] [4 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №58725
 16.01.2012
If we live in the Light only once, is it worth spending our Life on anything other than Love?

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №58724
 16.01.2012
Seeds

I recently returned from Israel. Now this is quite an ordinary trip, especially since the visas were cancelled a couple of years ago. But the airport security service is angry now.
I still have fresh memories of one of my first visits.
Israel in 2003.
So then 2003. I just joined an Israeli company, got a visa and was sent on a business trip to the headquarters.
I was young, inexperienced and naive and, therefore, gladly agreed to the request of Israeli colleagues in Moscow to bring two simple things: cosher sausages and seeds.
The request surprised me a little (how I felt), but I decided that everyone had their cockroaches in their heads.
In Israel, I bought sausages in a store, and my colleague went to the market for seeds, where half a kilo of seeds was poured into a regular paper bag.
Here I am arriving at the airport. My luggage consisted of a bag of things and a backpack with a laptop, where I threw a bag of seeds.
As it turned out later, I did not, by ignorance, send a letter to the airport security service from our company, which was the usual rule for business trips. So I automatically became a suspicious person in their eyes and was immediately directed to check my luggage.
I was taken to a separate stand, and the young man (MH) began to crush my backpack. Finally, he reaches the seed package and the next dialogue follows.
MCH: This is what?
I am: the seeds.
MCH – Why?
I asked to bring.
What can not be bought in Russia?
I am: I can.
Q: So why are you lucky?
I: I asked for it.
I feel that our communication is beginning to get stuck.
And then he asks: Did you buy it yourself?
I am : No.
It was my global mistake. After that, I almost became a criminal.
A package of seeds was taken for 20 minutes for some examination.
After 20 minutes, the young man came back and said the seeds were fine, but they couldn’t be carried in hand luggage, and he asked me to put them in a bag of things.
I am cleaning. He is leaving. I wait to check my bag.
After 10 minutes, the young man returns and reports that his shift is over and the examination will continue by another specialist.
It is 10 minutes (there are 15 minutes until the end of registration).
A girl arrives and starts looking at my bag. A package of seeds.
I am already beginning to realize that I am getting a trance. Then there is the dialogue described above, with precision to fifth. Seeds are taken for examination. Registration is coming to an end.
I realize that today I can no longer fly, I begin to relax.
The girl returns and reports that everything is okay with the seeds, but they cannot be carried in the luggage and I better put them in the backpack. I reasonably noticed that I didn’t care, but her previous colleague had already asked me to remove them from there.
The girl thought. I asked her to throw them into the trash and let me go somewhere. She refused and went out to meet her colleagues.
Registration is over. I, cursing my colleagues, thought where to find a place to sleep so that I could leave tomorrow.
But then my girlfriend returns without the seeds and reports that the seeds are packed in a special safe box that I will receive upon arrival.
To my comment that the registration has ended, and I don't seem to fly today, she replied: - no problems.
Then she took my hand and led me to a special stand where I was registered. She then led me through all the checks and passport checks and brought me straight into the plane.
In Domodedovo, in addition to the bag, I was given a 30x30x30 cardboard box with red inscriptions in Hebrew.
The driver, who met me at the airport, immediately asked what was in the box, for which I was immediately sent three letters.
I never brought anything from Israel to my colleagues.

[ + 58 - ] Comment quote №58723
 16.01.2012
If you do not want to wait 30 seconds before the free download of the file, click on the link to confirm registration, register by filling in all the fields, enter the characters specified on the screen, log in to your email, wait for the email from our site, in the letter go to the link to confirm registration, log in again with your data to our site, transfer to our account - and thus, in half an hour, for money, download the file instantly!

[ + 36 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №58722
 16.01.2012
Test for your girlfriend: Spend the whole day with her at home, without sex, compass and calf, butter and snacks. If she can entertain you, get married.

Good girls, guys, hang on your mouth - in addition to the functions of reproductive and educational cleaning and kitchen, and preferably a money-earning combination with a mine function, check the potential wife's clown mode. Dew

[ + 54 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №58721
 16.01.2012
Katya: I’m sitting down and listening to the old man and masturbating... We and their lover kissed for the first time at their concert!! Mmm... And mom goes by – "off, off"... I don’t understand anything...
O O O O O O
Lana: I nostalgize, Kat...

[ + 42 - ] Comment quote №58720
 16.01.2012
The C tape:
13.01 10:32 Matvijenko took the chief over the mayor of Vladivostok

15.01 08:58 Tens of thousands of inhabitants of Vladivostok remain without water

Funny coincidence ?

[ + 19 - ] Comment quote №58719
 16.01.2012
XXX is:
Today, they say, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up, and when asked why I jumped up, I replied, "I want dll'ku with mayonnaise." Then I went to sleep further.

[ + 28 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №58718
 16.01.2012
For young guys to note: pushing a girl into intimacy the most ineffective argument of all time is: "Yes, don’t be afraid! I have a little!"

[ + 48 - ] Comment quote №58717
 16.01.2012
Mathematics is the most erotic science in the world. You come home, for example, and you are on the floor, on a millimetre sheet there is a puddle, sexually bending, and with a dumb voice says, "I am a bad function, find on me a point of removable gap."
Bggg
- Integrate my plane into the smooth plane of the floor by module five! Divide me into equal sections in the interval from A to B!
“Ugh, disperse me in the row of Taylor, O my knight of the logarithmic line and of the resfeder!
You are a villain! Immediately restore the perpendicular.
- Yes, come to me, let's do the extraction of tannins from plant raw materials.
– What what?
“Coffee, come and drink.
We are always, we are happy.
- Only you bring organic polymers with a high elasticity index, otherwise I will curl your polynomial on the Pascal triangle.

[ + 44 - ] Comment quote №58716
 16.01.2012
xxx: Translation: Studio (Double voice) (Sergey Didok and Galina Chirkova)
YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY Amateurly
zzz: It’s all right, it’s more like two lovers. However, my voice is more pleasant during the stones.
WWW: I agree, you really have a more pleasant stone.

[ + 52 - ] Comment quote №58715
 16.01.2012
He: What are you doing?

I sit with my girlfriend.

He is sympathetic.)

She says she’s terrible.

He: How are you?

She is: well. How is your business?

[ + 41 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №58714
 16.01.2012
Here, single boys were given a test on the suitability of the girl for family life. I remind you:

Spend the whole day with her at home, without sex, compass and calf, butter and snacks. If she can entertain you, get married".

Here is the correction! What is described above is not a wife, but a professional animator. If you happen to be the director of a company that organizes holidays and corporations - after such a check you can safely take it to the staff. But if you are still trying to arrange your personal life, then the algorithm should be slightly different. and specifically:

Spend the whole day with her at home, without a compass, a calf and a buckle. If she is able to entertain you, as well as provide sex and snacks - then MARRIED!!!! to

A normal woman.

The best quotes and jokes from the bezdna