From Yandex News:
Pirates in Somalia attacked a military ship, taking it for a dry cargo
You are Epic File, Epic File.

xxx: We at work in the toilet periodically lie "on the bottom", then scraps, then coins... I think where and how.
Yyy: The coins were thrown there to come back again.
xxx: And scraps - because someone quickly ate secret documents with scraps.

To tomorrow, you hear, tomorrow, my flash was with me!! to
What is a magical word?
FUS RO DAH, fuck it!

The important question is when you ask it and then, fucking, say hello.

xxx: can not interfere with cognac and girls in a ratio of 1 to 1.
Yyy: Type 65 kg girls and 65 liters of cognac?

He: Yesterday we went to "Phantom"
What’s good about this movie?
He: the stunning views of desolate Moscow, when everything is abandoned, falling planes lie down.
She: Well, yes, a man who spent three hours in Moscow to find a exchange, where he is exchanged for hryvnia, and then wanted to throw a neutron bomb on the city - such pictures will bring pleasure.

and Dad! How did your Olympic victory begin?
First, the cigarettes went off.
by Owl4D

The Client:
How is it in the office?
I am :
They cried! The headquarters are all engaged (
The Client:
You’re straight like in the wrong bordell... Bab doesn’t change, but the beds move.

Enemy: In the cafe... You pay for electricity :)
A.Arch to me?
A.Arch: Is it a date?
Enemy: No... This is a walk...
A.Arch: So why am I crying?
Enemy: I do not know. Why are you crying?

The husband wants new headphones, talk to his wife:

You have few headphones. Yes to? :P

Rezo: A real man should have headphones for every occasion of life. And cases are different (for example, 3D gaming with multi-channel sound). :P

Diana: But first of all, a real man should take care that his wife has a shirt, at least three evening dresses and a few costumes, and a few pairs of shirts, and so three or four rings, a couple of bracelets and collars in different styles, a library of classics, not to forget about modernism, a collection of new albums of her favorite performers, well and if a man is not only real, but also natural creative, then the rest he will add :)

Rezo: By the time I acquire all this, I will no longer need headphones, but a hearing aid. :D

Swjarshik: I’m just sitting down and thinking... Don’t give God to build the engine according to my calculations :)
He will begin to kill people:) And will capture the world:) And then captured people will ask and who invented this asynchronous... And such an op look into the corner of the camera and there I am hiding behind the roof :)

and Moscow! I am looking for the girl I saw on Thursday (January 5th) between 17.30 and 18.00 in the subway car on the ring. The world is red.

Light-haired, in a white jacket, in black semi-tone shoes, in blue, slightly patterned jeans with a cut knee, with white headphones and, as I think, with a white bag. You hid your fingers either in long gray-coft sleeves or in gloves with open flanks. You entered the last or pre-last wagon of one of these new trains on the Prospect of the Ring between 17.30 and 18.00 and stood at the opposite door from the exit. I stood in front of you and pretended I didn’t notice you. The idiot! I was indifferent to the Krasnodar, and you went on. Reply to!

I have nothing else to do but to spread this information. Help to advance! If possible, tell everyone.

Women’s friends are only men who are unable to be lovers.

A bad hearing.
It was under Soviet power.
For the children of the staff of the institute where I worked, the New Year’s tree was arranged on the street, in the forest.
The winter in that year was real - frosty, so all adults and children were wrapped in hats and shirts.
And here, everything goes as usual. Santa organizes various competitions. And, in the course of these competitions, he says that now let’s let you, children, solve the puzzles. Children start to puzzle mysteries, Santa repeats them loudly.
It needs to be explained that some effort is required from Santa Claus - to unravel what the child said is quite difficult, because, in addition to the quiet child's voices, Santa Claus is still disturbed by a beard and a hat.
However, the case is very boycotted. Santa has clearly entered the railroad.
Then comes the small boy.
What is your name, boy? Asked by Santa.
The boy barely hears his name. I don't remember what, let me say.
and wowa.
Well, Wolf, tell me your mystery.
The boy is eating something.
Santa Claus, in a loud voice, - "Here is the Wolfock asks - Who is on Mom's feet up?". There is an uncomfortable pause in the air.
The adults start looking. Santa finally realizes that something is wrong. But since it is necessary to turn out somehow, he cautiously, in half a voice, asks the boy: "Well, who is this?“”
A fly, he answered.
Santa Claus, relieved, loudly – “This is, children, a fly!”
And then, again, he turns to the boy, "Why is she at mother?"
The boy, already with a pretty loud voice - "Not on mommy, but over us!"

At the transmission “the smartest” to the question – “carrots, onions, potatoes, lexus, what is extra?” – five-year-old Izya replied “carrots, onions, potatoes.”

I read the news in the social media. The network:

“Drunk idiots, why are you crawling right under my window?

The commentary:
YYY: I am sorry.

News from Rambler:
"... On Sunday the air warms to minus 40..."
It is so hot, bl.

XXX: The grandmother told: in the village, the girls guessed the valleys. One hit a valley in a passing horse and killed her. She was married to the owner of the horse so that she could work for her.

At what temperature does port wine freeze?
Q: Did you leave Portwine somewhere?! to

The buyer enters the shop (P):
Q: Give the Baltic 0, but I have eight rubles.(It is 41 p.
I: Sorry, I cannot
Q: Well then give the Baltic 9 (worth 33p)