Xxx: One day I went on a date with an African. I was fucking curious to talk, he came to Peter from Congo, studying for a lawyer. I never talked to black people before, and naturally, I was very nervous on the first date. Before a bunch, my mom told me all sorts of horrors and so I, for the least case, took a knife with me.He was almost useless to me, the guy was very educated and distracted by the laws (indignantly called me a criminal when I walked on the lawn).Of course, I wanted to impress him somehow, a foreign guest, anyway... Therefore, I found nothing better than in the process of walking through the park to catch a pigeon and show him how to hypnotize him properly. For that date, of course, I surpassed myself, so worried that after the pigeon I could no longer stop.

I dragged this comrade into the store for a shale (I wandered around the park and tried to talk in broken Russian, it strained me even more), then - climbed over the fence of the shale, where I opened the fire and burned the shale (here is the knife and was useful), then I made a small shale of shit and sticks when the rain began, so as to wait, not wet and calmly eat this shale. Then I found a drowsy puppy and showed them how funny they are eating worms... I think I was impressed. The man then even dared to go with me and my friends on a trip with tents.



Yyy: Remember who of you was from Congo?

Xxx: Called a client on a mobile phone, I say, say, unfortunately, not dependent on us, the price for this service has risen by 50%. In response, she whispered in the phone:

by PIDARAS!!Oh Pythagoras!! to

I lost the gift of speech. and she:

“Sorry, Eugene, you cut me down here, somewhat turned around.

Xxx: Shortly, when I was in school, I liked a guy who was a couple of classes older. I built my eyes for a long time, I began to roast the horse, seeing him on the horizon, wearing the best at once. She cuddled as she could.



I don’t know what a miracle, but he invited me to a date. I was crazyly happy and decided not to miss the chance given by fate, and for this date in some way I must fall in love with him, even more. Since I was afraid that I would not be able to somehow interest him in communication or charisma, I decided to bet on mystery. The plan was this: we walk along the road, and when I approach the stanooke, I suddenly sit in the first trolleybus, and, without saying a word, leave it. The next day he’ll come to me and ask why I left, and I’ll answer, yes, I wanted to, and then he’ll understand how mysterious I am and fall in love with me. The perfect plan, ah...



But even this idiotic plan did not go according to the script. First, the trolleybus was not there for a long time and my knight could not convince me to leave the stop. Secondly, when the trolleybus still approached and I got into it, mysteriously not to leave, because the driver did not want to close the door, collecting more passengers. We just looked at each other. He shrugged on me, and I, all that mysterious, from the trolleybus on him. Finally the door closed and I walked away. Well, as far away, at the next stop, she went out and drowned in the opposite direction home.



Neither the next day nor ever again he came to me. I have not fully appreciated my efforts (



15 years after graduation, I worked as a building materials sales manager and this guy came to our office. I immediately recognized him and tried to pretend that it wasn’t me, and I was wildly busy that he would go to other managers. But he sat down to me and asked if I remembered him. We had to talk normally. He said it was the most fucking date in his life, and in general he decided that I left because I wanted to catch up and was very surprised to find out that I had such a plan for him to fall in love with me.

I was a fool, cape.

I’ve always been surprised that old people walk in old jackets and coats and don’t want to buy new ones, even if they have money.

Now I realized that my favorite sweater I bought in 2008 and I will not change it)

Dear Santa, I have been doing good all year. Can I pull someone now?

The results of the medical examination will help your relatives to plan the right gifts for your anniversary.

Just like 4.
About the dogs.
Half a year ago, he rented his girlfriend, his medalist covet (German Shepherd). The dog had a wonderful time with a lot of cute suckles. I came back a week ago, pleased and excited. Upon arrival, as is known, he removed all the fence, confirming his rights to own property. The room that remained at home, Kesha did not forget and everything went according to the custom.
However, the time spent in a "foreign" family, somewhat changed his habits. Each house has its own style, and the cowboy, as it often happens, learned new tricks.
Our house stands on a forest and is surrounded by a deaf two-meter fence. The fence is assembled from the factory, still Soviet times. Very strong and monumental.
The day, dogs usually spend in their volleyers. At night they are released to free guard and traditionally "cut" circles along the perimeter of the territory.
The next morning, after the “dear guest” arrived, I woke up to the sounds of the dog swing. I looked out the window and saw that the whole room was gathered on a small "fifth" and scandal. He went out on the streets and carried everyone on volley. Kesha left in the yard, suddenly has not yet "marked" everything and will worry.
At lunch I gathered in the woods and went out into the yard and found the dog in the place where I left it (on the morning "five"). Kobe sat, pressing his mouth to the fence and did not pay attention to me.
How do dogs usually spend the day? They either crash in volleyers or bite their favourite bite. The scenario is rarely different. I was surprised by my dog’s unusual behavior. I approached him and looked at the fence. There was a small hole in the factory, apparently from the screw. Everything turned out to be simple, Kesha “invented the TV.” Of course, I didn’t guess it myself, but I struck out the technology when I was on a business trip. The hole in the fence existed, without a little 30 years, but nobody was interested, until now.
Apparently the "television programs" were interesting, unfortunately he did not depart from the "window to the world", a few hours. I did not interfere with watching and left. In the evening, in order to confirm his guess, the German sent to the volley and released the Caucasian. It appeared to be on the “screen”. It became apparent that the "disassembly" in the morning, took place due to non-compliance with the turn to look.
The next morning, the dogs repeated. I had to solve the problem, I don't like to wake up by someone else's will.
There were a few options:
1st Turn off the TV and fill a hole.
2nd Buy each on a separate monitor.
I love my dogs and chose item 2.
He got the drill, picked the thickest drill and wrapped a hole, one at a time, on his brother.
The four sides of the light 28 holes.
The clashes in the morning immediately stopped. When I come home, seven happy brown eyes look at me. A week later, the interests of the band were revealed when viewing "television programs". They prefer “programs” about nature (the north side of the fence, going out to the forest) and “reality show” (the west side, the entrance road and the neighbors). They love collective views, individuals have not yet observed. I’m afraid they’ll learn to switch channels.
After upgrading the fence, received a pleasant bonus. The number of false operations of dog "signalization" has decreased significantly. Li is heard rarely and always in action.
P.S I will think well if I decide to send somebody to the "commission". It is likely that another time, you will have to build a water park, a library or buy a telescope, suddenly the dogs will be interested in the arrangement of the universe.
by Vladimir.
23 December 2022.

The problem is not that we never became masters, but that we ceased to be comrades.

Xxx: And I have a cat – like a parrot, the light is turned off – he goes to bed right away. Such a smart. In the morning, he never wakes up, only comes to bed, lies next to him and whispers loudly. It may be so late in the evening.)



Yyy: Take pills, you have hallucinations. You have no cat.

Xxx: I had a colleague who had betrayed her husband with a regular lover for many years in a row. So she did not spend days in the calendar, but kept a diary and detailed the sexual scenes there, what to do, creative nature, you need to shake out emotions on paper.

If the gun hangs on the wall... of course, the husband found the diary, gently speaking, was angry. But, she hanged him a bucket that it is she writes a female novel - pure water fantasy.

If in Russia everything is mad, it means all the joy of stupidity.

The acquaintance gathered somehow with her new boyfriend in a nightclub, approached this responsibly - a swing, swinging makeup, a dressed shirt with bare shoulders. He came to her in his car, on the way to the club stopped at his house to change clothes and take a shower, was right from work. He asked me to wait 10 minutes in the car. And here she sits, misses, the smartphone leaks. At the top of the woman’s voice:
What kind of sheep do you have in your car?! to
The acquaintance stared and stirred - some fierce grandmother rolls from the balcony, looks directly at her and spells:
I’m talking about you, Blake. Remember, this cowboy is married!! to

A familiar in complete frustration and agitation of bullets jumped out of the car, showing her long slim legs in a short shirt and the best shoes. From the balcony:
So you got rid of it, shit! I'll cut off the skin, makeup will be repaired.

The acquaintance thought of dragging away from there, but a stranger approached the car, admirably looked at the unhappy woman, then raised his head to the balcony and cried:
Katy, you are a fool!! Our car stands! I showed it to the other end of the yard.

The car was exactly the same model and color. Quietly rubbed under his nose, the man went to her, went and left. Soon there was a friend of my acquaintance. I looked at her more enthusiastically:
What a red rose!

She then danced like the devil, splashing out the accumulated adrenaline. Diko whispered, telling us what she experienced in those terrible seconds. The best cosmetics are natural emotions.

– Mommy, and does Santa put presents under every tree?
“Yes, Abramchik, under every one of them!
“Mommy, why do we put only one tree?

Half a year ago, he rented his girlfriend, his medalist covet (German Shepherd). The dog had a wonderful time with a lot of cute suckles. I came back a week ago, pleased and excited. Upon arrival, as is known, he removed all the fence, confirming his rights to own property. The room that remained at home, Kesha did not forget and everything went according to the custom.

However, the time spent in a "foreign" family, somewhat changed his habits. Each house has its own style, and the cowboy, as it often happens, learned new tricks.

Our house stands on a forest and is surrounded by a deaf two-meter fence. The fence is assembled from the factory, still Soviet times. Very strong and monumental.

The day, dogs usually spend in their volleyers. At night they are released to free guard and traditionally "cut" circles along the perimeter of the territory.

The next morning, after the “dear guest” arrived, I woke up to the sounds of the dog swing. I looked out the window and saw that the whole room was gathered on a small "fifth" and scandal. He went out on the streets and carried everyone on volley. Kesha left in the yard, suddenly has not yet "marked" everything and will worry.

At lunch I gathered in the woods and went out into the yard and found the dog in the place where I left it (on the morning "five"). Kobe sat, pressing his mouth to the fence and did not pay attention to me.

How do dogs usually spend the day? They either crash in volleyers or bite their favourite bite. The scenario is rarely different. I was surprised by my dog’s unusual behavior. I approached him and looked at the fence. There was a small hole in the factory, apparently from the screw. Everything turned out to be simple, Kesha “invented the TV.” Of course, I didn’t guess it myself, but I struck out the technology when I was on a business trip. The hole in the fence existed, without a little 30 years, but nobody was interested, until now.

Apparently the "television programs" were interesting, unfortunately he did not depart from the "window to the world", a few hours. I did not interfere with watching and left. In the evening, in order to confirm his guess, the German sent to the volley and released the Caucasian. It appeared to be on the “screen”. It became apparent that the "disassembly" in the morning, took place due to non-compliance with the turn to look.

The next morning, the dogs repeated. I had to solve the problem, I don't like to wake up by someone else's will.

There were a few options:

1st Turn off the TV and fill a hole.

2nd Buy each on a separate monitor.

I love my dogs and chose item 2.

He got the drill, picked the thickest drill and wrapped a hole, one at a time, on his brother.

The four sides of the light 28 holes.

The clashes in the morning immediately stopped. When I come home, seven happy brown eyes look at me. A week later, the interests of the band were revealed when viewing "television programs". They prefer “programs” about nature (the north side of the fence, going out to the forest) and “reality show” (the west side, the entrance road and the neighbors). They love collective views, individuals have not yet observed. I’m afraid they’ll learn to switch channels.

After upgrading the fence, received a pleasant bonus. The number of false operations of dog "signalization" has decreased significantly. Li is heard rarely and always in action.

P.S I will think well if I decide to send somebody to the "commission". It is likely that another time, you will have to build a water park, a library or buy a telescope, suddenly the dogs will be interested in the arrangement of the universe.

The easiest way to escape responsibility is on a service car.

On YouTube, comments to videos are sometimes much more interesting than video content. There are interesting stories. One of the comments that I liked was below.
"My grandfather once told me, long ago, in Soviet times, a healthy brown bear came out to the base of geologists. He waited until the entire brigade left the base and went to the wagon of the field kitchen, where the watch was cooked by a strong spirit and body aunt Dusya. She was preparing at the fire at that moment, from her words she didn't even hear him approach from behind, turned only when a loud singing was heard right behind her back. From horror she splashed to the fifth point, in front of her on the back legs and with the folded front was a huge male standing and breathing loudly. She supposedly mentally said goodbye to loved ones, closed her eyes and prepared to die. But the bear for some reason did not attack, but continued to stand with his legs raised. The cook slowly stood up, and began to observe the beast, seeing that he does not show aggression and wants something from her. He began to turn his beak, looking back and forth, clearly nervous and afraid that someone would see them, while continuing to pull his right leg to the woman. And then she saw between her nail fingers an enormous pinch, she was quite mulled and already purified, causing him a painful pain. He apparently tried to pull her teeth out, but in vain. The cook realized that the fingers could not pull her out, it needed some tool. She just spoke to the bear with a reassuring voice and walked to the nearest car of the men. He, showing an incredible intelligence, sat down on his ass and waited. In the box, the female found passages... She told me that when she pulled the slope, her heart was ready to break from fear and hopelessness: the bear waved so that the earth seemed to be shaking, but kept her leg unmoving. The barrel was wet and slippery from blood and pus, but still with great difficulty she managed to grab and pull out the damned tree. The bear nodded with a head the size of a backyard and crumbled into the chest.
Then the men geologists and the former Tajik people on the tracks and tracks around the base calculated that the beast had observed people for several days, choosing to whom to turn for help. He did not disappointingly choose a woman, perfectly understanding that men always had carabines with him.
But this is not the end of the story, and unfortunately it is sad. After some time, apparently as the leg finally healed, the bear began to come to the base, directly to the cooker's wagon. First at night, crazy dogs and not allowing people to sleep, and then during the day. By his miracle, several times were almost shot by frightened men, Aunt Dusya protected and closed with tears almost by herself.
She had to move to another base, six hundred kilometers away. But a month later he came there, and he did not allow anyone to come to her. How he found her at such a distance is a mystery. Then, in connection with the refusal of people to go to the taiga to work, he had to be killed. Aunt Dusya could not withstand, resigned and never worked as a guard in the taiga again.
This is how the wild beast showed his unlimited gratitude and devotion to the man who cost him his life.

A small tree tree is cold in the winter, a tree tree we took from the forest.
It sounds exemplary as:
"The poor fish was wet in the pond, we took the fish - and on the bowl..."

When a person becomes intolerably bored, he begins to commit acts unusual to him - up to work.

She took from the drinking family the blinding beauty of the one-year-old Doberman (no one was engaged in them, could write right in the apartment).
Her husband is on a criminal investigation and returns late. But the dog loves when he comes back and has learned the phrase "Daddy has come."
The evening. The dog walked into my chair and swung up. I’m trying to push – hold on. I pretend to listen and say, “Papa has come!” The dog crashes from the place and runs to the door to meet. I sit in a chair and turn on the TV. The dog, waiting at the door for 3 minutes, returns, sees me in the chair, looks me in the eyes, breathes and lies on the floor. It passes 15 minutes. He sharply raises his head, stirring his ears, then breaks off from place and runs to the door with a loud whisper. I go to the door with the thoughts “who the hell brought so late,” I open – NONE! I go back to the chair – the dog is lying in it, swirling with a claw... No scene.

I can’t see you as a vegetable. I disconnect you from the artificial life-supporting apparatus. I love you. I forgive.
Give the smartphone back, shit!