A young master becomes an adult professional when he realizes that "working a lot" and "earning a lot" are not always interrelated things.

Uber driver arrives. I see in the profile of the prize "interesting interlocutor" and "know how to support a conversation", I think, well, I will have to build a polite passenger all the way and talk meaninglessly. A car arrives and the driver is deaf. Fuck what people are ironic about.

When the feminists were outraged that the gender division in the bathrooms wasined, the men rejoiced, but when they saw the feminist, they demanded to leave everything as it is.

and cap! Why does the yacht go and not swim?

Because he only swims in the bathroom!

What if you get thrown out of the boat, will you go or swim?

-**** *** *****!

Previous term “the thief” changed to “member”

At the National Art Gallery in Dublin, a married couple with a completely confused view looks at a painting depicting three absolutely naked black men sitting on a bench. The two had black members, and the middle was pink.

Walking nearby, the curator of the gallery realized that it was difficult for them to interpret the meaning of the canvas and, as an art scientist, offered his personal assessment.

He continued for more than half an hour, explaining that this symbolizes the sexual harassment of blacks in a predominantly white patriarchal society. He also added that...

“In fact, some serious critics believe that the pink penis also reflects the cultural and sociological oppression experienced by homosexuals in today’s society.”

After the curator left, an Irishman approached the couple and said:

Do you want to know what the picture really is about?

Do you consider yourself to be a better expert than a gallery curator?

I am the artist who wrote this painting. There are no black people here. Three Irish miners. The man ran home in the middle of the lunch break.

Do you betray me?
What did you get, dear?
You are constantly surrounded by smart and beautiful women.
I don’t need smart and beautiful women, I need you.

Don’t try to understand a woman, she’s doing it badly.

and Casanova.
I’m so old that when I pass by the grandmothers sitting on the bench at the entrance, I always smile and say, “Hello, girls,” and they all say goodbye. The situation is normal, because I live in this house for a long time, and the grandmothers are also constant.
And then one day, as I passed by them, I greeted them again and went on, and suddenly I hear one of them, apparently new and also deaf, asking loudly:
Who is this?
This is the house from the fifth apartment.
The Truth?! to
He greeted all the women and smiled. The poor woman!
All the men are the same, the other man cried out.
At the age of 70, I finally became a man.

Shocking results of the study of the causes of the decline in birth rate in Russia have been published.
It turns out that some villains give the Russians contraceptive salaries.

One day, a friend of work turned into a cheap apartment. He had no money and he took a loan at a wild interest. The apartment was completely destroyed and needed repairs. As we sit on the smoke bar, he approaches and says: help the heating pipes to bring. 6 meters long, no one. Will we help when we need? Come here tomorrow at 2 p.m. Why not at night? So there is a lot of people there during the day, and one guard at night... Don’t go to help, bad comrades.

I’m so old that when I pass by the grandmothers sitting on the bench at the entrance, I always smile and say, “Hello, girls,” and they all say goodbye. The situation is normal, because I live in this house for a long time, and the grandmothers are also constant.

And then one day, as I passed by them, I greeted them again and went on, and suddenly I hear one of them, apparently new and also deaf, asking loudly:

Who is this?

This is the house from the fifth apartment.

The Truth? ! to

He greeted all the women and smiled. The poor woman!

All the men are the same, the other man cried out.

At the age of 70, I finally became a man.

The documents must be signed and sent to the central office. There is a terrible grandmother sitting on the guard.

- This is for you on the second floor in the 23rd cabinet, ask the Alcoholic.

I go to the office and ask the alcoholic.

I am a bartender! This old man can’t remember!

My friend’s father somehow crashed on his 21st Volga in Tashkent to the road on which the court would soon go. All entrances are closed along the road. Here, a police officer flies to him and they begin to scream in the mathucalary, like give gas from here! faster than faster. The father tapped on the floor and chased, and after him the mint goes and chases, go faster! In short, the people were shrinking, waiting for a cortège... here the old Volga is wrapped with all its strength, and then it cried.))) so fast he has never been on the tachkent.

Observing the rapid increase in the number of smoking women, you understand that the word "chicken" in modern life has another meaning.

It was in Kiev in the early 1960s.
There was one family with nine children. Parents — simple plaster very wanted to give birth to the 10th, to get in addition to the order of "Mother-heroine" a large apartment, a car, a lot of benefits and all kinds of other useful things.
But here is the failure - Daddy is out, and the 10th did not work out. They decided to ask for help from someone else. They looked at his construction of the raft, offered him 1000 rubles (money at the time was considerable). He helped quite effectively.
Everyone got what they wanted and seemed to be satisfied. But!! Prorab was wretched and jealous and filed a statement to the court, in which he described the whole truth as it is: he said, the plaster deceived the state, etc.
The courtroom was full of battle, and when the sentence was announced, the people fell under the chairs and began to laugh.
The sentence said:
- in the actions of the accused there is no composition of the crime;
and 1000 rubles. have been recognized as unlawful earnings and must be recovered;
- since the child has admitted that the child is from him, to collect alimony from him until the child reaches the age of 18.

When for the first time in Russia they made a holiday on Christmas Day, the commander before the army told us: “Orthodox Christians go to celebrate, the rest – to the workplaces.” And then it turns out that there are no others...

My parents never bought. My father was well earned, and my mother, and the money somehow disappeared. They didn't save on food, bought things, went to the South every year, so probably. On holidays we have a house of open doors - relatives, acquaintances, acquaintances of acquaintances. My mother sometimes complained:

We spend money on guests and people on business.

For what affair?

I recently purchased Zippo!

They didn’t even see the sea and the pastries.

There are Gypsy!

When Sukharev was far over 50, he and his wife divorced and went to the young woman. Mother of Father says:

You can imagine what a cowboy! What was he lacking?

Maybe he was tired of pasta and wanted to see the sea?

I have 2 employees in the department. Take Dima and Zhenya. They were pretty friendly, they were. Dima went on vacation, and when he came back, I noticed that they became less communicative. Jennie began to avoid smoke.

I asked my wife why. It turned out that someone in the department was constantly wiping the toilet. But it was worth Dime to go on vacation and the toilet became relatively clean. When he returned, the trouble resumed.

Just as the criminals cry out loudest of all: "Hold the thief," the strongest of all in their "patriotism" try to convince the outcast enemies of the people.